LoneWolf

Sadly, stress can cause, or exacerbate much. Shingles is a great example of something often linked to stress (in addition to the chicken pox). Been there, done that. And caregiving is a huge drain both physically and mentally. I hope very much that you have friends and family in your life to lean on, and who step up and give you support. Those are the greatest resources in my life, and I'm so thankful for them.

Sometimes I'm perhaps clumsy in my descriptions. I'd describe myself as a "blue collar Christian" or a "coarse Christian". I have an incredibly bawdy sense of humor, among other things. There is much that belies the faith I do have, as someone who feels like he has one foot stuck toes-deep in the heavenly realms, and the rest fully anchored to the sinful, earthly side. I'm a grain of sand on a vast seashore. And in that realization, perhaps what I'm saying is, if a grain of sand can be used by Christ to teach a rock, or a tree, perhaps there's hope for all of us, my friend. In Christ.

For people like me, who didn't know what hypokinesis or ejection fraction are: Hypokinesia: https://iliveok.com/health/hypokinesia-heart_129710i15949.html Ejection Fraction: https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/heart-failure/diagnosing-heart-failure/ejection-fraction-heart-failure-measurement

If a sinner like me can teach you something, there's still a little hope for us yet.

Kirsten's (WoLW's) memorial was Sunday. It was beautiful and sunny out (had outside on the school grounds she taught at). It was beautiful and poignant. It was sad and yet joyful at the same time. Hundreds came. We sang. My pastor gave a wonderful, thoughtful message. The whole thing would have warmed the cockles of her heart; it certainly did mine. Some of us have seen miracles. But I have to think that if we see miracles every day, we'd become inured to them, kind of like having our favorite dish day after day after day. I realize that having my wife was like standing next to a miracle. Sometimes you get used to it, and it takes others to remind you periodically just how miraculous something is. And I saw hundreds of tiny miracles yesterday, in what she evoked in other people, both near and far, young, and full grown, now with jobs, maybe kids, incorporating who she was in their daily lives. Touched by who she was, and continuing to be so. I'll remember it forever, and it sustains me. I'm moving on. A few inches here, a few there, over time. I have friends. I have family. I have animals, who give both love and laughter. I don't know what the future holds; but I know I've been blessed, and I'm thankful for it. May God be praised.

To see what condition y'alls condition was in.

I try not to think of the butterfly effect. There's a relationship I tried my darndest to make work in my twenties, someone I'd have willingly died for without a moment's thought. But it takes two to make a relationship. I didn't understand until years later that she didn't understand what love was, and without that, she couldn't hold up her end. I wish both that she could have understood this to tell me, but also that I wasn't so blind as not to see it; it took years of my life and maybe my path would be different. But there's nothing I can do about it. I think of my parents, who love me and wanted to do right by me, but growing up and in my teens, didn't always know what would have been right for me. I wasn't encouraged to go after my dreams. I wasn't helped in figuring them out either. But that's come and gone, and there's no use crying over spilled milk or thinking about what might have been. Better to look at myself now and realize that with God's grace, I managed to figure out a career for myself that, although it had a number of highly toxic steps along the way, eventually landed me in a good place. I do wish I caught that Ronald Acuna, Jr. foul ball I missed by three feet six weeks ago. Now that's worth being annoyed over. Stupid mask fogged my glasses.

"Opposites attract."

Lesions, I believe. Anyway, I hope not legions (for we are many). LJ, I'm sorry to hear about all that has gone on. Esther, and now this. But I believe in you. One thing I found out for myself: If you're not finding great reasons to get up some mornings, remember that being able to get up, stick your finger in the Devil's eye, and say "I'm still alive and kicking, you SOB" is worth something. My prayers be with you. For strength when needed, but for peace, which I have found most of us need far more than strength.

OTC sleep aids often don't work. The active ingredients are ones that don't require super-strict government regulations. The holistic ones are usually just melatonin; others have some mild drowsy stuff like Benadryl. And note that for a few people in this world, Benadryl does the complete opposite of drowsy and sends them bouncing off the walls. I tried melatonin; it was worthless for me. Ambien does the trick, but I don't need it as much as I used to. Once a week absolute tops, usually Sunday night when the weekend's ending. As for Benadryl and bee stings, it's not uncommon. It's a fairly safe antihistamine (primary effect); the drowsy effect often helps calm as well.

The needle doesn't bother me, but supposedly I have pretty high pain tolerance. My dad used to, when he was younger. That, and shots/blood draws don't bother me either, likely coming from having docs and nurses in the family. I had an implant done a year and a half ago. Local anaesthetic for the removal (op1), drilling the hole in my jaw and placing the screw (op2), and then re-doing the screw (normal) along with putting the implant(crown?) in place. That wasn't bad. I think I used one hydrocodone, or maybe one for op1 and one for op2. I had my last two wisdom teeth removed a year ago. Again, local (unlike the first time). Again, one hydrocodone. What I am hoping is that I can outlive having to see a periodontist for receding gums. Not likely, but I can hope.

Didn't the Germans play with it for some of their rocket programs in the 40s? I know there were some rather nasty accidents; I remember reading. (Checks) Yep, the Messerschmit 163 Komet. Might have looked at it in the V2 rocket program too.

My prayers are with you all.

I have my ups and my downs. A lot of ups, but there are definitely moments. This week has been a little more down. This Sunday is a memorial for WoLW at her school. I wanted it, I asked my mother if she could get the ball rolling. I'm glad she has, but I'm a little disappointed that there hasn't really any contact with me regarding it. She said she likely communicated that she was acting on my behalf, so maybe that's it. I hope it won't be 90F like they say it will, as it's outdoors, and my body doesn't handle temperatures above 85 all that well. I do hope that it gives my MiL some much-needed closure; WoLW was very much someone who looked after her, a job that has now fallen to her sister -and that loss is hard on my MiL. I also know it's not about me -it's meant to be about her, for her. My sister and BiL and their nieces will be "home" from overseas for about two and a half months this week. It's bittersweet for me in some ways. I love my nieces and I'm very glad they'll be here. My sister had expressed the desire to be there for me at the beginning of this, but soon after, some family things and a typhoon (which sent them gathering aid for people of the area they once lived in) put an axe to that. I get it, but I'd have gotten it more if I'd been dropped a note. I'm okay with not being second, fifth, or tenth fiddle in the lives of others; but I'd rather go it alone than be an afterthought. I started this week with a full head of steam, but it feels like it dropped off quickly. I'm thankful for the three furballs of the Horde keeping me company. Yet sometimes, I'm lonely -and yet I don't feel like I'd be a great piece for someone else's puzzle any time soon. But as a movie I recently saw said "With loneliness comes freedom". And while I have an hour of sadness or tears here or there, I'm not sure it's entirely wrong, if I'm brave enough to grasp for that freedom.

Happy Birthday Smudge! I hope we will get to see each other again some time.

For all of those looking for equal opportunity (far be it from me to not provide for them):

I was Pfizer-vaccinated (second dose) by the last week of February. With that said, I still plan to mask indoors in places where masses congregate. Grocery stores. Eateries when not at the table. Etc. Not for myself; for the comfort of others, so they feel at ease. There's no way they know if I'm vaccinated or not. Why not just be compassionate?

No, I just think a GTI engine swap is needed.

Cancer, does indeed suck. I'm very sorry.

Petite and I drank together once. We will have to do it again. (though not at this immediate moment, I have the hiccups)

4.2 miles on the treadmill, plus the basic dumbell workout I started adding this week.

One can't completely guarantee anything. However, good practice is like escaping a bear. In most cases, you don't have to be the fastest, you just need to not be among the slowest. It's possible to also research your password service, find out their policy on handling security breaches, and their history. If you don't wish to use an online service, a free, Open-Source program like KeePass will do the job on your local computer, but I'd strongly recommend having a backup so you have more than one copy of your encrypted password database. I've done this in the past, but I need wider access to my passwords. I use LastPass myself, with two-factor authentication. Note also that password services generally have methods of encrypting what you save with ciphers that are difficult to break. Assuming you make a good password and use two-factor, it should be a fairly secure solution. Good companies are transparent. https://www.lastpass.com/security/what-if-lastpass-gets-hacked

Well, to start with, the article is likely outdated. An eight-character password, with all its permutations (letters, numbers, capitals, special characters) can now be cracked by a system running multiple high-end graphics cards (which are incredibly skilled at this kind of computation) in under 24 hours. That's a brute-force crack, running the gamut of options. What matters most is length. For that reason, a passphrase is better than a password. Example that I use regularly: tobeornottobethatisthequestion While this is all dictionary words, the length makes it significantly more difficult. Now say I modify it further: ToBeOrNotToBeThatIsTheQuestion Harder yet. Now, let's say I use what we in the old days called, L33tSp3@k, just adding numbers. T0B30rN0tT0b3ThatIsTh3Qu3sti0n Still harder. Now, say I add symbols in: T0B30rN0tT0b3Th@t!sTh3Qu3st!0n Now it's a passphrase (so easier to remember) but composed of words, each word capitalized, converted to non-words with character substitution. Additional tips: 1. Get a password safe service, like LastPass, 1Password, or another one. Use a complex passphrase for it. Store all of your passwords there so you only have to remember one hard password. These services have cellphone apps, web browser plugins, etc. so you can use them on a tablet, smartphone, or computer. 2. On important sites (banking, financial, credit cards, medical, any billing sites or sites you've saved a credit card to, and your password safe) use two-factor authentication whenever possible, using a free smartphone app like Authy. This means you use not just a password, but a randomly generated code provided by the app to log in. This makes it extremely difficult; a password thief would have to clone your phone's SIM to replicate you. 3. Don't use the same password for every site. If you do, one site hacked means all your sites are. Any hacking group who gets the password will start testing it with your e-mail on the most common sites out there (Amazon, large banks, etc.), or if they don't, they may sell your credentials to someone who will. This is where your password vault service comes in handy; they can even randomly generate gibberish passwords for you. 4. Ensure your password service information and records are kept somewhere safe, but accessible to someone in your family you trust, so that if you should be hit by a bus or incapacitated, there is someone who can get access. Much like having a will, this will save your family from unexpected pain or hardship. 5. Password-protect your phone. It may be a hassle, but if someone were to steal your phone, they probably have half of your life just there for the taking. 6. Never provide your password or other personal information to someone who calls over the phone or e-mails claiming your accounts have been compromised. If that's true, you should be able to hang up on them, call your bank from their site's contact information, and confirm it -financial institutions and others like them will never ask for your private information over the phone.

Saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't convey. I will pray for you and your family.

Kalamazoo. I had a gal there once.