juciluci

that would be about 9 years 7.5 months ago. yep.. very painful. I plan on being around a lot more... I really discovered that when you find good people....... don't walk away because of few, or inability to cope... friends help with the coping do have a very busy year ahead... getting back into cycling after a knee replacement/ further knee injuries with my spinal cord.. but I have a great trainer.. I plan on laughing til I cant.

hahahhahahah I totally forgot about this line................ omg my head is breaking. lololol

I stopped trying to log in... even asking for help... that was years ago............. nice to see another familiar name.. welcome.

love you RG........... my visit ti nyc was one of my highlights of my life I adore you........... and will always. xo no breaks just naps lol seem to need a a lot since I got here wth? lol yes BC bought a one way ticket on Christmas day............ says a lot about how I was feeling. yeah a freaky dude, no stalking, the law a bit, terrible hairstyle.... better opportunities... not sure bc has any lol and I have never liked rice pudding.. tho I did have a dream about Thai and rice pudding yesterday.. how did you know?

thank you Indy.... when I think lovingly of cycling and the people I have been fortunate to meet, even if not irl, I am so happy to have you on this short list also... so many changes.. so many losses theses past years.. to tell you the truth... I am pretty scared at my bold move and my family is in total shock.. lol

I never saw the reaction.... I loved Hacker..

I kinda thought you were montana glad you are still doing what you do, and loving it.... not sure about this adventure it involves the heart... and lets just say my heart has been locked up for the last 10 years.. ty tho

I object to Canada being on that list...

I remember her

you were my secret santa................ when we drew names you sent me two awesome books.

I was thinking about you a lot recently............. you till near balls falls? I just arrived in BC on Saturday night and am in culture shock lol getting closer to you! xo

what if you tell him juciluci only came back to see him..... I miss some people a lot, Hacker is on the very top of my short list.

hello my friend.......... life has been interesting the last few years... I just moved to BC on Saturday.......... still deciding if I can do this.. certainly is a change from Ontario and living in 147 yr old century how are you ? been so long I bet everyone has changed their names a few times.. I wont be going far

it became personally difficult to be around people I once cared for there.

I was reading a lot about bikes, trying to figure out what I wanted and went on BF to learn, then I stumbled on the party room that was LF..... so so long ago.

monday night, around 7 pm, i got a phone call i did not expect.. my x, was found dead in his home by our son.. who just happened to stop by after a rough day at work, looking to hash it over with his best buddy my son is devastated.. our daughter just arrived from new brunswick at 1 am.. and is trying to not be a zombie( her words) this man had 2/3ds of my life.. and he was not always a bad man... only when he drank... but he was a good friend to our children these past 8 yrs when they needed him, he was there we talked often and helped the twins together often.. i forgave all the damage from years ago.. this is what is right... but its a shock... i spent all night with the coroner and police and my son, then went home and contacted my bank manager for advice and my brother who is an advisor.... i was armed with information for the twins to help them, if there was a will or not...... i knew because we were seperated but we were still friends all this time... what he wanted, it was a discussion we had after my coma i pay all their life insurance, plus he had some through his work.. i am a beneficiery on his employers pension and insurance as he told me he trusted me to take care of the twins... we were not married and he trusted me... the moment i got there i saw my son overwhelmed with grief and alcohol.... his way of dealing with trying to revive his father who had been dead in a tub of water for a few days.. in his way of protecting his family he pushed us away... i understand this...... so much like his father.. and waited for time to pass all day so we could do what is right.. an autopsy is being done, and there was alcohol in his blood... they are looking at whether it was accidental or suicide.. bob was 58. his birthday this month. asked for my help i am willing and happy to help them, putting aside my feelings so i can get them through this, i listened as my son described me to bobs employer as " the divorced wife" over and over... as his wife whispered.. your mom....... your mom those words, that conditioning is from his dad, his aunts, the other side of the family....... forgetting how we were all just together for our grand daughters first birthday.. there is no way to change how they look at me, even tho i am called to be there time and again when needed... and i am always there for them today i was told they do not trust anyone .... and i am on a list that places me below the family cat.. who is now looking for a new home. if there was ever a way to crush me, finish me... it is to not let me say goodbye and give him a decent burial... and let my family side say goodbye. the aunts have decided on a burn and urn... cheap, efficient.. and they could get it done fast... the twins i am assuming in their pain are meeting tomorrow at a family meeting at their home to finished arrangements.... i am not invited by the aunts... i am not family after all these years, and struggle to be there for the twins being told they needed me when i was struggling after the coma to live.. love.. be alive they don't need me after all...... they never did.... its so hard to realize this... while i feel so bad for bobs death, and the struggles he had... i realize how foolish i was to believe that i was forgiven for leaving 14 yrs ago ( was actually taken away by police after the shooting for my safety, i did not leave on my own)..... that he won... again, even in death, through the wicked sisters.. who just want what he hald, and all i wanted was to make his memory one they would remember fondly, i do not understand at all.. i feel lost i do not know how to move forward.

oh and poutine of course, my son made tons of good treats my daughter in law made two great cakes... i made the cupcakes! she is still pretty tiny all the other children are 3months to 3 weeks younger and weight 10 lbs heavier...

my daughter is in new brunswick and she finally asked for a bicycle for her birthday she has sucky knees and she wants to run her one dog who needs it, figured the bike would be her best way to do it......... she is still trying to have babies, while her twin brother didn't have to try lol i am lucky Dylan has turned out to be a big joy for many people on both sides of the family... the video was of her running around carrying her hanger of clothes in the store, its pretty funny as she is talking away to her other grandmother while running with clothes.. wish i could post personal videos i have a few good ones.. she doesn't really cry even when she falls down... she is pretty happy and can freakin understand everything that you say to her i swear she does...:), will keep stopping by i miss you guys, just the last year has been a bit hard to take and i do not like dumping on friends... for susieQ one of.. my favourites from her birthday feeding daddy sharing with one of the other 5 !! babies there... feeling like phew, is it over yet? look i have keys... what? is there something on my face and her looking at me in Bermuda.. at her christening.. love.

tried again, sorry... here is a pic from the day too bad because she is pretty funny.... and her bday pic, she greeted me at the door like this.. my daughter made the tutu.. my daughter in law made her bday girl onsie..

I did.. my grand daughter, Dylan started to walk, kind of at 10 months, this is just before turning one, and her nana from bermuda taped her shopping at Carters( that is her talking in the video )... lol she is very very fast i hope i get to buy her her first bike.. dang won't open

that you might be in that lonely 1%? for the second time in 10 yrs i have had these exact words said to me by a dr..... with a don't worry, chuckle... the eery feeling of deja vu hit me as i was stuck in an elevator between floors in the hospital on way to the second dr.. and one of the people stuck with me said, this never happens to these elevators... i am standing there with leads hanging off me.. thinking... geez lady.. you should not have got on this elevator with me ...lol just curious, as i am not the luckiest person in my world, and i should be happy with those words..... - heart operation, as soon as i get back - currently out of the country.

we used to make the usual batch , and then make a peanut butter dark chocolate later for on top of it..... they lasted about 7 minutes after being set down at the table lol really good.

I am grateful for finally having a bed i can lie on with minimal pain... while in Bermuda.. stayed at an apartment had one bed, one couch.. both you could not make a dent in if you tried.. add 97% humidity and my body is killing me... but i am more grateful to be sharing this time with my sweet grand daughter, who got christened on the 21st here... she was perfect, only cried when the reverend woke her up pouring water on her head how rude! lol here is my dillyboo( Dylan elizabeth fox) now just 7 months old and i am sure she is trying to walk o m g

i cook sweet potatoes in my crock pot.. and i like pie also.

well its been quite a flurry of celebs here for TIFF ( Toronto international film festival) and as usual the streets are packed, and i get to see a lot of interesting incidents because i live half a block away from pretty much 90% of what is going on... i walk out to go to the pharmacy.. and wave at robert duval, or cross the street and see morgan freeman standing outside the theatre signing autographs... its a fun time.. so mike tyson is here for his movie coming out.. and after seeing him at the tiff lighthouse then seeing him talking to our nearly famous mayor rob ford.. i watch the morning news the next day and see this interview... live... and i really do not blame mikey at all.... i like cp24, but the guy flubbed it good. totally cracked me up that they did not stop it right there......... and mike looked like he was going to take a bite out of the host. not mikeys fault but oh what a great interview warning :LANGUAGE.. turn down your sound if kids are around. http://youtu.be/RdEY7DSIC1g