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So, would this creep you out as much as it does me?


MoseySusan
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Last year on the 4th of July I was hot and tired riding back home again when a fella began to ride alongside me, and we struck up a conversation.  I invited him to ride with my weekend group of friends, and he joined us a few times after that.  He seemed like a friendly guy who was just looking for some company to ride with.  He's not fast and he freaks out about going up hills, even though he has a sweet Trek road bike. 

 

This year on the 4th of July, he sends me a text message to ask whether I'd be riding. He also said it's the one year anniversary of when we met.  I told him I wasn't riding.  

 

He showed up on the group ride this morning with the same brand and model of bike I ride, but his Bianchi Via Nirone 7 is "women's specific" meaning it's size 50 and has a sticker that says "Dama".  He says he couldn't resist because of the sale price and that he rode it this morning so he could be like me.  He flats out and doesn't even know how to change out a tube.  One of the guys in my weekend group fixed the flat for him.

 

Then he says he went to the job fair my school district was holding last week to see what was available, applied for two jobs at my school and talked to my principal.  

 

My riding buddies were already creeped out when they saw his new bike that looks exactly like mine (except smaller) even though he already has an awesome road bike.  When I told them about the anniversary remark and that he applied to work at my school, all eyebrows went up.

 

Anyway, like I said, he freaks out about hills, so he turned around during this morning's ride when the climbing got real.  I'm hoping he just realizes that we're not soul mates and elects to find a different group to ride with.  

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Right.  I have a neutral feeling about it right now.  I rode ahead of the group in the mountains this morning, and so I didn't know he'd turned around until the others arrived at the breakfast place and told me.  I didn't text him to see whether he'd made it back to town safely, which would have been the polite thing to do.  

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Right.  I have a neutral feeling about it right now.  I rode ahead of the group in the mountains this morning, and so I didn't know he'd turned around until the others arrived at the breakfast place and told me.  I didn't text him to see whether he'd made it back to town safely, which would have been the polite thing to do.  

It may have been the polite thing to do, but in this case I don't think you should have.  I would be a little creeped out!

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As Auric Goldfinger so eloquently put: "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."

That's how I see it, too.  English teacher types just call it "the Rule of Three".  The text message on July 4 by itself is just being friendly.  The bicycle similarity by itself is N +1 and who wouldn't buy a cool road bike, especially if it fits and you could just unglue the decal.  The "applied for a job at your school" part by itself is just economics and trying to make ends meet.

 

Put the three together, and I'm done being friendly.  

 

 

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It may have been the polite thing to do, but in this case I don't think you should have.  I would be a little creeped out!

That's how I see it, too.  If being friendly and polite has wormed and twisted its way into some kind of infatuation, then I'm not feeding it anymore.  I hate being a bitch like that.   :(

 

EDIT: I'll add that every time I've ever talked to him, I mention mr. and my sons over and over.  There's no mistaking that I have a life with close and significant people.

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Run away, Babe.  Try your best to avoid him at all costs.  He is your fan and he is a creepy one.

 

If it were me, if he didn't step off with this behavior,  I'd send some male strong arm to explain to him that you are not interested in his friendship.  I'm not talking about violence, just a reminder.  

 

Unfortunately, some men don't understand boundaries.

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Last year on the 4th of July I was hot and tired riding back home again when a fella began to ride alongside me, and we struck up a conversation.  I invited him to ride with my weekend group of friends, and he joined us a few times after that.  He seemed like a friendly guy who was just looking for some company to ride with.  He's not fast and he freaks out about going up hills, even though he has a sweet Trek road bike. 

 

This year on the 4th of July, he sends me a text message to ask whether I'd be riding. He also said it's the one year anniversary of when we met.  I told him I wasn't riding.  

 

He showed up on the group ride this morning with the same brand and model of bike I ride, but his Bianchi Via Nirone 7 is "women's specific" meaning it's size 50 and has a sticker that says "Dama".  He says he couldn't resist because of the sale price and that he rode it this morning so he could be like me.  He flats out and doesn't even know how to change out a tube.  One of the guys in my weekend group fixed the flat for him.

 

Then he says he went to the job fair my school district was holding last week to see what was available, applied for two jobs at my school and talked to my principal.  

 

Any one of those things by itself isn't a big deal, but put them all together and it goes way beyond creepy. It might be a good idea to pass on any further rides with this group until this guy leaves.

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Careful. 

 

It always the innocent sounding nice guys whom wish to fashion a suit of leather from your tanned hide.

 

 

Does he have any passing resemblance to this charming creature?

 

Edgein.jpg

Good lord, goldendesign...where in the world did you dig this guy up? Don't buy any lamps from his garage sale.

 

Roadsue...that guy is beyond creepy. I agree with Destination on this...avoid the rides where creepy shows up until he looses interest in riding. He isn't right in the head.

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One of my riding buddies said that he's probably just a lonely guy who lacks social skills.  I'm going with that interpretation instead of "isn't right in the head."  I'd like to think some silent treatment and dropping him in the foothills will send the message that we don't hang together.

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Last year on the 4th of July... 

 

This year on the 4th of July, he sends me a text message...  

 

 so he could be like me...

 

Then he says he went to the job fair my school district was holding last week to see what was available, applied for two jobs at my school and talked to my principal.  

 

 

 

Warning signs enough...

 

especially if you did not tell him at what school you worked.

 

Because that could mean that he went through the trouble to find out enough information about you to determine where you worked in order to apply for a job there. 

 

To me, that would be the most troubling of anything you've related.

 

I would suggest going to the HR office and mentioning that this person told you he applied for jobs at your school.  Then perhaps mention that you observed behavior in this person that you believe would make him unsuitable for working with or near children, but in the same sentence state that you realize the HR Department has a process they must use for assessing candidates. 

 

Trust your instincts.  If they tell you something's not right about this person's behavior then you do not need 'proof', you do not need to give him the benefit of doubt, and you do not need to be 'nice' toward him in any sense of the word.

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"I would suggest going to the HR office and mentioning that this person told you he applied for jobs at your school.  Then perhaps mention that you observed behavior in this person that you believe would make him unsuitable for working with or near children, but in the same sentence state that you realize the HR Department has a process they must use for assessing candidates."

 

I was wondering about whether I need to approach my principal, but you make a very valid point about working with children.  I know the head of HR; we've worked together on a few district/union projects.  I'll send her an e-mail. 

 

 

 

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If I may offer another suggestion, I would have a conversation with the head of HR instead of sending an email.  First it leaves no document trail that a person could discover under the filing of a freedom of information act request or some other means.  If it fell into the wrong hands this person might only intensify his behavior, only malevolently, if he thought you caused his employment rejection.  That may be a bit too cynical, but this person seems to have a long-term memory for events and people.

 

Second a phone conversation would allow the head of HR to hear the concern in your voice about this person's behavior, and allow you to use inflections and tone to better explain your feelings.  I'm sure you could write a clear and effective email that would do pretty much the same, but I think a conversation might make a larger impression.

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