JerrySTL ★ Posted August 9, 2020 Share #1 Posted August 9, 2020 Mom called this morning saying that my father-in-law needs to go to a nursing home and needs our help. We dropped everything; packed; and start the 330 mile drive. Mom calls and basically changes her mind when we are 30 miles away. I am not amused. Chuck has needed to be in a nursing home for over a year now. They are afraid that it will cost too much money. They have enough money to last them until they are 100 years old. He has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I plan on discussing this with her. 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Scrapr ★ Posted August 9, 2020 Popular Post Share #2 Posted August 9, 2020 sometimes the child needs to be the parent. Is he in danger? Falling? underweight? Medications? Might check out Assisted Living options. Dad said he was going out feet first. Mom saw the apartment & found out she didn't have to cook anymore. Mom won that one. Sooner is better than a minute late good luck 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerrySTL ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share #3 Posted August 10, 2020 3 hours ago, Scrapr said: sometimes the child needs to be the parent. Is he in danger? Falling? underweight? Medications? Might check out Assisted Living options. Dad said he was going out feet first. Mom saw the apartment & found out she didn't have to cook anymore. Mom won that one. Sooner is better than a minute late good luck Way past assisted living. Suggested that years ago. Falling. Loosing weight. Meds. Even has a catheter. I'll be having a hard discussion with Mom tomorrow. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikeguy Posted August 10, 2020 Share #4 Posted August 10, 2020 Just a few thoughts…. Maybe I’m reading way too much into this, but if you’re are the closest help for your parents / in-laws possibly what our friends did may help. (or not, this is just suggestion) My friend’s wife had a father who needed to go to a nursing home. The mother is also starting to need help from time to time. They decided a nursing home 10 minutes away is a lot better than a nursing home 2 hours away. My friends (with the mother) found a nursing home close to where my friends live. Then they helped their mother buy a small home about ½ a mile from their home (she wanted her own home), and it’s about 3 miles from the nursing home. That solved a lot of problems for them. Then the virus hit… That brings up another consideration. The nursing homes in our county are still locked down, no visitors. That sucks for both parents (and my friends), but the FIL needed to be in a nursing home. Moving to a nursing home and possibly not being able to visit will make this even more difficult. Be strong… and good luck… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #5 Posted August 10, 2020 Getting very led sucks. Spent another weekend with my parents. Mom was in hospital twice. Dads memory and strength failing. Need to get them to a higher level of care soon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #6 Posted August 10, 2020 8 hours ago, jsharr said: Getting very led sucks. Spent another weekend with my parents. Mom was in hospital twice. Dads memory and strength failing. Need to get them to a higher level of care soon. very old above in first sentence, not very led. sorry tired eyes and fingers last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikeguy Posted August 10, 2020 Share #7 Posted August 10, 2020 1 minute ago, jsharr said: very old above in first sentence, not very led. sorry getting old does suck. Fixed it for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razors Edge ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #8 Posted August 10, 2020 All this seems to be a process we all here have dealt with, are dealing with, and/or will be dealing with, and as far as I can tell, it isn't easy. Then, not too much later, we'll all be the center of that same cycle with others worried about where and what and how to deal with it all for our advancing age. Only thing I can add is that folks here "get it" and are hoping for the best and willing to listen when it gets tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #9 Posted August 10, 2020 14 hours ago, JerrySTL said: Mom called this morning saying that my father-in-law needs to go to a nursing home and needs our help. We dropped everything; packed; and start the 330 mile drive. Mom calls and basically changes her mind when we are 30 miles away. I am not amused. Chuck has needed to be in a nursing home for over a year now. They are afraid that it will cost too much money. They have enough money to last them until they are 100 years old. He has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I plan on discussing this with her. I would have lost it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerrySTL ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share #10 Posted August 10, 2020 He's at the hospital now. We had to clean him up as he's had a few 'accidents' and Mom couldn't clean him up. I told Mom that he IS going to a nursing home and probably will not leave there. I reminded her that we suggested they look for a place last year so that they could find something that they would like. Now they will have to take what is available. Fun times. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #11 Posted August 10, 2020 2 hours ago, JerrySTL said: He's at the hospital now. We had to clean him up as he's had a few 'accidents' and Mom couldn't clean him up. I told Mom that he IS going to a nursing home and probably will not leave there. I reminded her that we suggested they look for a place last year so that they could find something that they would like. Now they will have to take what is available. Fun times. I feel your pain and frustration. The saga with my old man continues. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #12 Posted August 10, 2020 @sheep_herder please don't judge me to harshly. It's been incredibly draining dealing with my father. It would seem we have a few people going through this. It's because we love them and care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheep_herder ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #13 Posted August 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, Dottles said: @sheep_herder please don't judge me to harshly. It's been incredibly draining dealing with my father. It would seem we have a few people going through this. It's because we love them and care. I only responded to "I would have lost it." Just because I am older does not mean that I've not gone through similar situations with relatives. We all handle these situations in our own way. However, losing it is normally not the most productive answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted August 10, 2020 Share #14 Posted August 10, 2020 1 minute ago, sheep_herder said: I only responded to "I would have lost it." Just because I am older does not mean that I've not gone through similar situations with relatives. We all handle these situations in our own way. However, losing it is normally not the most productive answer. Oh i speak of an internal dialogue only. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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