So, I thought you’d like to be informed.

[MoseySusan]

mr. and I celebrated 28 years together this past Saturday. But, I almost took out a lease on an apartment last week Monday, I was so done with being called mentally ill in various ways. But, that argument faded and then passed. It’s complicated. We’re going forward with kitchen remodel plans. Living year 29 together. 

[maddmaxx ★]

1 minute ago, roadsue said:

mr. and I celebrated 28 years together this past Saturday. But, I almost took out a lease on an apartment last week Monday, I was so done with being called mentally ill in various ways. But, that argument faded and then passed. It’s complicated. We’re going forward with kitchen remodel plans. Living year 29 together. 

Stuff happens.  I've been married since 1973 to the same woman.  Not every day is perfect.

[bikeman564™]

happy anniversary

[Randomguy]

You seem mentally sound to all of us, and I am sure it is just a passing thing!

[Dottleshead ★]

I'd like to go on record and say I'm not mentally sound.

[MoseySusan]

5 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

You seem mentally sound to all of us, and I am sure it is just a passing thing!

It’s the same struggle, different day. #1 pisses off mr., I refuse to get involved, mr. calls me the mental illness de jour. Three days later, they sort it out. 

[Randomguy]

3 minutes ago, roadsue said:

It’s the same struggle, different day. #1 pisses off mr., I refuse to get involved, mr. calls me the mental illness de jour. Three days later, they sort it out. 

Hmm, can you gift him the diagnostic handbook for mental illnesses and make him prove his point?  You could also use it to point out ways that he is crazy, too.

Alternately, kick him in the nads when he says shit like that.

[Ralphie ★]

14 minutes ago, Dottles said:

I'd like to go on record and say I'm not mentally sound.

I agree.  That would be presumptuous to say that. 

[Kirby]

Congratulations! 

[ChrisL]

31 minutes ago, roadsue said:

It’s the same struggle, different day. #1 pisses off mr., I refuse to get involved, mr. calls me the mental illness de jour. Three days later, they sort it out. 

Sounds similar with WOChrisL and our son.  She gets mad at him and then goes into hyper drive. Son tunes her out until he can’t take it and then he goes supersonic.  ChrisL steps back & let’s them sort it out, I ain’t getting in the middle of it.

Most if the time my wife has a valid gripe, it’s the approach that sets it whole debacle in motion...

[MoseySusan]

1 minute ago, ChrisL said:

It’s the approach

You know it. 

[MoseySusan]

33 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Hmm, can you gift him the diagnostic handbook for mental illnesses and make him prove his point?  You could also use it to point out ways that he is crazy, too.

Alternately, kick him in the nads when he says shit like that.

I’m not going anywhere near the name calling, except a firm “fuck you.” Not very gracious of me. 
 

[Randomguy]

1 minute ago, roadsue said:

I’m not going anywhere near it. 

The nads or the book?

[BuffJim]

Kitchen remodels have sent many divorce attorneys kids to college. Good luck. 

[Scrapr ★]

56 minutes ago, roadsue said:

It’s the same struggle, different day. #1 pisses off mr., I refuse to get involved, mr. calls me the mental illness de jour. Three days later, they sort it out. 

ohh, I thought you may have corrected his grammar. Red pens leave a mark

Happy Anniversary....and many more

[MoseySusan]

6 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

ohh, I thought you may have corrected his grammar. Red pens leave a mark

Happy Anniversary....and many more

 

I only correct grammar on invitation.

[Ralphie ★]

4 minutes ago, roadsue said:

 

I only correct grammar on invitation.

Your very good aboot that! 

[Dottleshead ★]

I want to know more about mental Sue. I think I might like that side of her.

[Airehead]

Happy Anniversary.  Life is interesting. 

[MoseySusan]

12 hours ago, Airehead said:

Happy Anniversary.  Life is interesting. 

It sure is. 

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

14 hours ago, roadsue said:

We’re going forward with kitchen remodel plans

.....are you sure you want to tempt fate again? 

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

13 hours ago, Randomguy said:

You seem mentally sound to all of us

Oh, like that's a valid benchmark.....

[Dirtyhip]

Our marriage seems very blissful to people around us.  That being said, there were some tense moments when we worked on this house. It was very hard, and that time was some of the biggest fights we ever had.

[Ralphie ★]

25 minutes ago, F_in Ray Of Sunshine said:

.....are you sure you want to tempt fate again? 

I always just say no to home renovations!  Serenity now!

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

2 hours ago, Philander Seabury said:

I always just say no to home renovations!

Meh. It's no problem. She steps back and lets me do it. I say bad words in multiple languages and have been known to throw things (and make the dog puke), but she just rides it out like battening down for a hurricane.

[Dottleshead ★]

2 hours ago, Dirtyhip said:

Our marriage seems very blissful to people around us.  That being said, there were some tense moments when we worked on this house. It was very hard, and that time was some of the biggest fights we ever had.

Living with someone is hard.  Or easy.  It's just part of the human condition. My marriage is blissful too but this last year has been stressful and we're taking steps to try and eliminate the stress by making some life changing moves in the middle of a pandemic and unstable economy.  Hey, we're swinging for the fences.

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, Dottles said:

Living with someone is hard.  Or easy.  It's just part of the human condition. My marriage is blissful too but this last year has been stressful and we're taking steps to try and eliminate the stress by making some life changing moves in the middle of a pandemic and unstable economy.  Hey, we're swinging for the fences.

You’re swingers? Who knew

[Razors Edge ★]

17 hours ago, roadsue said:

I was so done with being called mentally ill in various ways.

It's very interesting to listen to some of the things you say "automatically" - almost as default conversation filler.  I know I often go to "crazy", "nuts", "insane", or other derivations of mentally ill.  Very rarely are they meant as truth.  Often some are in jest, some are in amazement, or some are just filler when no real thought is being put into a reply.  But my wife is now sensitive to that sort of language (partly due to her mother who developed some form of dementia for a year or two prior to dying), and she will call me out - sometimes angrily (and justified) - when she detects me using those words in conversation with her. 

An example: She says: "I just did an exercise class for an hour but I'm gonna also try this intense class out now."  I say "Man, you're crazy!" (a total "filler" response). She responds (with some edge in her voice) "I am NOT crazy."  And she is correct   But I hide the knives anyway

But, yes, all words have meaning. Some words have "special" meanings. And words should be carefully considered especially with folks you love.

[Dottleshead ★]

1 minute ago, Zackny said:

You’re swingers? Who knew

I wonder if fences in this case means scoring with @jsharr?  @JsharrsDisgruntledAunt?  Nah.

[Dottleshead ★]

2 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

It's very interesting to listen to some of the things you say "automatically" - almost as default conversation filler.  I know I often go to "crazy", "nuts", "insane", or other derivations of mentally ill.  Very rarely are they meant as truth.  Often some are in jest, some are in amazement, or some are just filler when no real thought is being put into a reply.  But my wife is now sensitive to that sort of language (partly due to her mother who developed some form of dementia for a year or two prior to dying), and she will call me out - sometimes angrily (and justified) - when she detects me using those words in conversation with her. 

An example: She says: "I just did an exercise class for an hour but I'm gonna also try this intense class out now."  I say "Man, you're crazy!" (a total "filler" response). She responds (with some edge in her voice) "I am NOT crazy."  And she is correct   But I hide the knives anyway

But, yes, all words have meaning. Some words have "special" meanings. And words should be carefully considered especially with folks you love.

Oh just admit it.  You think you're intellectually superior.  Meh.  The truth will set you free!

[Dirtyhip]

13 minutes ago, Dottles said:

Living with someone is hard.  Or easy.  It's just part of the human condition. My marriage is blissful too but this last year has been stressful and we're taking steps to try and eliminate the stress by making some life changing moves in the middle of a pandemic and unstable economy.  Hey, we're swinging for the fences.

Living in an 18 ft trailer full time is gonna be interesting.   We have been through a lot.  

Hopefully, it will be seamless, and we can start early enough to just move in, after we sell.  Not sure that is going to work though.  Building a home is a slow process.

[Razors Edge ★]

4 minutes ago, Dottles said:

Oh just admit it.  You think you're intellectually superior.  Meh.  The truth will set you free!

Let me add that one of the easiest ways to prove intellectual inferiority or immaturity is to use words like "dumb", "stupid", or "idiot" with regularity.  Not in the "Kzoo is a dolt" Cafe jest mode, but in the real sense where a person can't actually come up with a good argument so they just go straight to the dumb/stupid/idiotic route.  That says way more about the speaker than the "target", most if it unflattering.

[Dottleshead ★]

1 minute ago, Dirtyhip said:

Living in an 18 ft trailer full time is gonna be interesting.   We have been through a lot.  

Hopefully, it will be seamless, and we can start early enough to just move in, after we sell.  Not sure that is going to work though.  Building a home is a slow process.

Yeah.  You have a lot on your plate.  Sometimes just take a forced break.  I love my wife and I know she loves me -- but things can get heavy or stressful or irritating or just too much sometimes -- and the only thing required is/was some space.  

[Dottleshead ★]

Just now, Razors Edge said:

Not in the "Kzoo is a dolt" Cafe jest mode, but in the real sense where a person can't actually come up with a good argument

OMG.  I LOL'ed.

[Kzoo]

12 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

"Kzoo is a dolt" Cafe jest mode,

OK now I'm offended.

#triggered

[Dirtyhip]

16 minutes ago, Dottles said:

Yeah.  You have a lot on your plate. 

Not really.  Just gonna pay someone to have a home built. Everything else is quit peachy.  

[donkpow]

Our lives are complex and challenge us for better understanding. Be grateful you all are up to the challenge. Except for Kzoo, he's a dolt.

[Kzoo]

1 hour ago, donkpow said:

"Our lives are complex and challenge us for better understanding."

Just a few more years of practice and Inspiration Bot will be quoting you.

#pithy

 

[MoseySusan]

5 hours ago, Dirtyhip said:

Living in an 18 ft trailer full time is gonna be interesting.   We have been through a lot.  

Hopefully, it will be seamless, and we can start early enough to just move in, after we sell.  Not sure that is going to work though.  Building a home is a slow process.

Friends from college lived in a trailer while building a log cabin house in the mountains near Flagstaff. They had never been so close to divorce even after surviving their early years of marriage in a house with no running water. She said big picture goals kept them going. 
 

mr. and I have already been through home remodel. It’s the adulthood of our children that causes the most strife. 

[Randomguy]

1 minute ago, roadsue said:

 It’s the adulthood of our children that causes the most strife. 

Why?   They are adult, what is there to argue about? 

I thought everybody was cool and brought great and different things to the table.  Please tell Mr. and #1 and #2 I said hello.

 

[MoseySusan]

5 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Why?   They are adult, what is there to argue about? 

I thought everybody was cool and brought great and different things to the table.  Please tell Mr. and #1 and #2 I said hello.

 

I will. 
mr. gets this notion that as “the dad” he should have status as the primary influence in his children’s lives. His knickers get twisted at the suggestion that #1 listens to other people. Last Sunday, mr. lost it when I said the union president helped #1 to deal with a situation at work. According to “the dad,” that situation wouldn’t have been a thing if #1 had just done what he said in the first place, and my codependent personality interferes with #1 really listening to the dad, the source of all wisdom for living right. 
 

Yes. I’m still stinging from the argument. 

[Randomguy]

16 minutes ago, roadsue said:

should have

This will get anyone into trouble, as the world seldom does what someone thinks it should do.  Expectations are always going to be problematic, you will have to ask him why the world should follow his plot and script.  Maybe not, though, it might spark another argument.

[ChrisL]

25 minutes ago, roadsue said:

I will. 
mr. gets this notion that as “the dad” he should have status as the primary influence in his children’s lives. His knickers get twisted at the suggestion that #1 listens to other people. Last Sunday, mr. lost it when I said the union president helped #1 to deal with a situation at work. According to “the dad,” that situation wouldn’t have been a thing if #1 had just done what he said in the first place, and my codependent personality interferes with #1 really listening to the dad, the source of all wisdom for living right. 
 

Yes. I’m still stinging from the argument. 

Man you women sure hold a grudge! (ducks head & runs away!) 

I actually hold the exact opposite view of your husband. If you want my advice I’ll give it but I really prefer you figure shit out on your own.  My dad passed when I was young and my mom was an emotional wreck through my teen years. I had to figure shit out on my own ever since I was 14,,,  

My wife tends to give the unwanted advice. 

 

[MoseySusan]

33 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

you will have to ask him why the world should follow his plot and script

Right? 

[Page Turner]

...I wasn't going to sign in, but when I saw that your ol' man was calling you crazy, I felt this needed to be posted.

 

[Page Turner]

3 hours ago, Randomguy said:

This will get anyone into trouble, as the world seldom does what someone thinks it should do.  Expectations are always going to be problematic, you will have to ask him why the world should follow his plot and script.  Maybe not, though, it might spark another argument.

...nttawwt.

[Page Turner]

4 hours ago, Randomguy said:

This will get anyone into trouble, as the world seldom does what someone thinks it should do.  Expectations are always going to be problematic, you will have to ask him why the world should follow his plot and script.  Maybe not, though, it might spark another argument.

...cripes, where do you get off giving advice on marriage and arguments and expectations ?  You've only been divorced once, for the love of god. 

If anyone should be in here giving advice on this, it's the guy who is on his third marriage.  Here's my advice: if you are arguing mostly about your adult kids, at least you don't have to stay together for the sake of the children.  

[Page Turner]

10 hours ago, Kzoo said:

OK now I'm offended.

#triggered

...day before yesterday I realized that nothing triggers me any more. 

 

My trigger neural complex has been so overloaded since 2016, that something burned out in the synapse pathways.

I figured I'd put this in here, because the topic is "So, I thought you'd like to be informed."

[Dottleshead ★]

1 hour ago, Page Turner said:

...day before yesterday I realized that nothing triggers me any more. 

But the astute audience really wants to know if anything fingers you anymore.

[MoseySusan]

9 hours ago, Page Turner said:

have to stay together for the sake of the children

#2 son needs us both. Or maybe I cannot imagine daily life without him. He would probably adjust to divorced parents after the routines were in place.