Home plans are done and a sexism gripe

[Dirtyhip]

 got them at 10:30 last night.

We pick up the prints today.  I have done all the contacting, payment and have done most of the communication.  He sent the invoice to us.  On all the stuff my husband's name is printed first (invoice, prints, etc.).

Tax docs come with the man's name listed first.  Our insurance company has it is in his name too.  When I call and tell them my name, they can't find it until I say my husband's name.  

I am not a second class citizen.  It's not an alphabetical thing.  My name would be first.

When I have mentioned this practice to my husband, he thinks it's funny.  He said "Well, I am the MAN, and you are the WOman."  "Women need to know their place."   I know he is purposely yanking my chain here, but 

[Ralphie ★]

You would like my daughter #2.

 

[Dirtyhip]

2 minutes ago, Philander Seabury said:

You would like my daughter #2.

 

From what I have heard about her, yes

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

Sorry that it’s still like that. I was hoping that by know we’d be over gender, race, ethnic differences. People in general tend to suck. There are good people out there, but we have to live among the sucky ones too.

[maddmaxx ★]

Listen to your husband's reasoning.  He's the man of the house.

[Ralphie ★]

I guess my wife could give you tips, because somehow she wound up as primary on the joint checking account. 

[maddmaxx ★]

1 minute ago, Philander Seabury said:

I guess my wife could give you tips, because somehow she wound up as primary on the joint checking account. 

Same here.

[maddmaxx ★]

8 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

Same here.

I don't mean your wife ended up as the primary on my checking account.  

[ChrisL]

I never noticed it and honestly don’t see the mail...  As my wife handles all of that stuff I would think her name is first?   I wonder how it would work in a same sex marriage? 

[BR46]

7 minutes ago, Philander Seabury said:

I guess my wife could give you tips, because somehow she wound up as primary on the joint checking account. 

I'm not allowed to tuch the checking account. 

She probably afraid that I'm going to buy a motorcycle without her permission.....

Ok it only happened once... ...ok 3 times but that's all. 

[jsharr ★]

I sure wish K would have posted this.  It would carry some weight then.

[jsharr ★]

Oh, and tell K congrats on the house plans for us! 

[groupw]

My MIL still identifies herself as Mrs xxx xxx even though FIL has been gone for 27 years. My mom did that until about 10 years ago. She was Dad's primary caregiver and came to realize she needed her own identity after Dad's inevitible passing. 

We have a couple in our cycling group. Nice people as long as we don't talk politics. But they have a near neurotic tendency to identify her as belonging to him. If we have a new rider, we go around the group introducing ourselves. Even if they are on opposite sides of the circle, when it get to her, he will introduce both of them. 

I keep hoping it has passed, but there are too many who hang on to it. My daughter, the photographer, shares stories frequently of guys trying to tell her how to take a photo. They can't fathom a woman under 30 having that quality of gear without someone else buying it for her. They think she is in over her head. @DirtyhipYou would like my girls!

[team scooter]

The last time we purchased a new car, my name was on top. The time before that Mrs was on top. Before that, I was on top, etc, etc....

[Reverend_Maynard]

Maybe it's sorted by title.  Mr would come before Mrs.

[maddmaxx ★]

10 minutes ago, team scooter said:

The last time we purchased a new car, my name was on top. The time before that Mrs was on top. Before that, I was on top, etc, etc....

Taking turns on top makes for a happy marriage.

[petitepedal ★]

Not all that long ago women could not have a mortgage or a credit card without a man....a resident went to get cash out of their joint checking account and the bank insisted on her husband's approval..in the 60's.

[Parr8hed]

Bless your heart Sweetie.

[jsharr ★]

3 minutes ago, Parr8hed said:

Bless your heart Sweetie.

mark solved.

[Dirtyhip]

You fuckers.  haha

[Randomguy]

3 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

You fuckers.  haha

They are monsters, right?

[jsharr ★]

4 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

You fuckers.  haha

Hey @Parr8hed

[Parr8hed]

Just now, jsharr said:

Hey @Parr8hed

[jsharr ★]

4 minutes ago, Parr8hed said:

[Longjohn ★]

Haven’t you ever read “ Robot’s Rules of Order”? The man’s name always goes first.

[Kirby]

You should become a figure skating fan.  The woman is always listed first when identifying the members of a pair or dance team.   

[Airehead]

1 hour ago, Parr8hed said:

Bless your heart Sweetie.

Oh just wait until I tell Mrs Parr8

[Dirtyhip]

Well, I feel a bit better. We did a signing this morning to sell some land and my name was first. Interesting.

[Ralphie ★]

2 hours ago, maddmaxx said:

I don't mean your wife ended up as the primary on my checking account.  

That would be Nutzo!

 

[Kzoo]

3 hours ago, Philander Seabury said:

You would like my daughter #2.

 

Just don't ever, ever ride in a vehicle she's driving.  Never.

 

[shootingstar]

It  depends on the marriage.

I'm certain my sister is the primary owner of their house. The title is probably under her name....she bought the house first....and then met her now husband about 1.5 yrs. later.

She probably paid off the bulk of the mortgage because she has a much higher salary than he.

[shootingstar]

My sister still uses her maiden name when she is working as Doctor xxxxx.  She was a doctor MD before she married..about 3 yrs. later.

[Dirtyhip]

4 hours ago, shootingstar said:

It  depends on the marriage.

I'm certain my sister is the primary owner of their house. The title is probably under her name....she bought the house first....and then met her now husband about 1.5 yrs. later.

She probably paid off the bulk of the mortgage because she has a much higher salary than he.

 what depends on the marriage? I don’t think you understood this thread or what I am talking about.

[shootingstar]

32 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

 what depends on the marriage? I don’t think you understood this thread or what I am talking about.

I think I do...the sexism is for sure, assumptions by outsiders or of course, hangovers in the legal system. Then the wife's legal status on what she arranges to own vs. her status within a marriage.  And what she can legally own vs. other attitudes in society what she is entitled to.

I'm just giving examples of alternate situations how other married women deal with various situations.

For instance I know a lawyer couple where each have their own bank account.  It's not that strange....a joint account. Then separate 2nd account for oneself. 

Then there's the whole situation...of expectations of society: which person relocates with their spouse by leaving their job/sacrificing their career.  It tends to be assumed...the woman.  But nowadays, no.

 

[Dirtyhip]

11 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

I think I do...the sexism is for sure, assumptions by outsiders or of course, hangovers in the legal system. Then the wife's legal status on what she arranges to own vs. her status within a marriage.  And what she can legally own vs. other attitudes in society what she is entitled to.

I'm just giving examples of alternate situations how other married women deal with various situations.

For instance I know a lawyer couple where each have their own bank account.  It's not that strange....a joint account. Then separate 2nd account for oneself. 

Then there's the whole situation...of expectations of society: which person relocates with their spouse by leaving their job/sacrificing their career.  It tends to be assumed...the woman.  But nowadays, no.

 

This thread is about companies that list the man's name first almost as standard and my hubby teasing me about it, because I was like "GRRRR?"

 

[Square Wheels]

Life is too short.  My wife's name is often listed before mine on joint stuff.  She didn't take my name when we married.  Fine with me.

[shootingstar]

10 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

Life is too short.  My wife's name is often listed before mine on joint stuff.  She didn't take my name when we married.  Fine with me.

Maybe it's like just being courteous:  "Ladies first.."   

[ChrisL]

5 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

Life is too short.  My wife's name is often listed before mine on joint stuff.  She didn't take my name when we married.  Fine with me.

 I honestly didn’t care if my wife took my name.  Since she thought it would be best if the kids and her had the same name she changed it after our daughter was born. 

[Randomguy]

1 hour ago, Square Wheels said:

Life is too short.  My wife's name is often listed before mine on joint stuff.  She didn't take my name when we married.  Fine with me.

I told the ex to take my name or keep hers, but no hyphenation!   I think that is the last time she actually listened to anything I said.

She kept her last name, and RO has mine.

[MickinMD ★]

It's hard to change things in a Mrs. Husband's-Last-Name world, but hopefully continued tech improvements will make it easier to incompetent workers to find names not listed first.

Here's some improvement to, maybe, reduce the anger:  Tomorrow's Washington at Cleveland NFL game will be the FIRST with an official FEMALE COACH on EACH sideline AND a FEMALE official on the field.

[Square Wheels]

19 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I told the ex to take my name or keep hers, but no hyphenation!   I think that is the last time she actually listened to anything I said.

She kept her last name, and RO has mine.

My ex took my name and kept it, along with almost everything else.  The kids have my name.  The ex didn't change back after the divorce, really odd as we hate each other.  Wife 2.0 didn't want same name as ex.  Me, I want whatever my wife wants to be happy.

[MoseySusan]

On 9/25/2020 at 8:30 AM, groupw said:

My MIL still identifies herself as Mrs xxx xxx

That’s how my grandma wrote her name, too. The treasurer at her church thought her name was Paula because she addressed all her offering envelopes Mrs. Paul A Martinez. Her name was Rose.