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And so it ends

LoneWolf

By LoneWolf
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LoneWolf Baroudeur

LoneWolf

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Kirsten, WoHB (now LoneWolf) passed away this morning at 5:45AM.

Last night, in a matter of two hours, a brigade of teachers from her Christian school organized, and assembled a candlelight hymn-singing vigil outside her hospice room window in the 45 degree weather. They brought a smile to her face, and a wave to them, and an attempt to sing along, and their prayers brought comfort.

As I said to them, at first I asked "Lord, why are you taking her away when she's such a good person who has done so much and has much more she could do?" Then I realized --I was looking through a telescope but backward. I was attempting to look at the future, when all I was doing was making her past accomplishments look small. I turned around the telescope and looked through it properly.

I saw a teacher who had been her student last night, who is teaching at her school and loves her dearly.

I saw a staff that loved her so much for who she was, they would march through Hell for her if they thought it was the right thing to do.

I saw Facebook messages from adults who said "Your wife taught me 5/10/15 years ago; she was my favorite, and here's why..."

I got another one from a former student, now a teacher in Florida who said my wife is a role model for how she teaches and works with students today.

I got ones from parents of students, past and present, who as they always have, wanted me to know what a blessing Kirsten had been for them.

It gave me hope for the future, knowing the thousands of lives she really touched. And while I've changed my nick, and will grieve again, right now I realize just how much needed hope for this broken world all of that gave me.

LoneWolf

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Airehead Flahute

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Reading your words is a testament to the person Kirsten was and the gifts she gave to many. It also speaks volumes of the love you two shared-  an amazing gift. Grieve today but also cherish the memories of a beautiful love story. Wishing you peace during difficult times.  I don’t have any words of wisdom but William Penn echoes in my head. My recollection of his quote—They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies nor can spirits ever be divided that love and live in the same divine principle of their love and friendship. Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas   They live in one another still. 

May your memories bring you great comfort.

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Randomguy Flahute

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1 hour ago, petitepedal said:

OMG..I sit here in tears for your sorrow. She is at peace and not struggling with the pain.

There is no way to say that any better.  I am sorry that it happened so fast, although living in increasing pain and suffering is not preferable.  As Petite said, she is at peace and I am happy so many people let you both know the impact she had on them; those she inspired will continue to inspire others and make the world a better place.  You were lucky to find each other and have the time you had, and you sound like you have a good perspective about things despite how hard this must be for you right now.

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LoneWolf Baroudeur

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2 hours ago, shootingstar said:

I'm so sorry for your loss..so fast, it seems. 

 

Her oncologist said he has seen adenocarcinoma this aggressive occasionally, but as aggressive as pancreatic cancer is, there's usually more time.

We went from symptoms to now in seven weeks. It hardly seems real.

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Scrapr Domestique

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29 minutes ago, LoneWolf said:

Her oncologist said he has seen adenocarcinoma this aggressive occasionally, but as aggressive as pancreatic cancer is, there's usually more time.

We went from symptoms to now in seven weeks. It hardly seems real.

This whole darn world doesn't seem fair. The good ones are gone too soon & the rest of us are here to pick up the pieces. I am so very sorry for you & your family. I am sure your school family will surround you with love. 

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Zealot Domestique

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@LoneWolf,  I had no idea.  I am so sorry to read this.  😢 😢 😞 I cannot imagine your pain.

Please accept my deepest condolences and heartfelt prayers.  And I believe this with all that is in me - you will be reunited with her. No doubt in my mind.

I wish you the peace that comes with knowing this and with remembering all you two shared in your life here.

Damn, my friend. My heart breaks for you now.

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LoneWolf Baroudeur

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On 10/24/2020 at 9:26 PM, Zealot said:

@LoneWolf,  I had no idea.  I am so sorry to read this.  😢 😢 😞 I cannot imagine your pain.

Please accept my deepest condolences and heartfelt prayers.  And I believe this with all that is in me - you will be reunited with her. No doubt in my mind.

I wish you the peace that comes with knowing this and with remembering all you two shared in your life here.

Damn, my friend. My heart breaks for you now.

It went so fast, that most of my neighborhood still doesn't know she was sick, unless they saw the day several students filled our side-lawn with 100' of hearts and well-wishes. I would not expect you to know. Seven weeks, from symptoms to end. Sometimes it's hard to even imagine it happened, until I see her body without breath in my mind's eye, how I held her hand still warm. Hospice called my mother and I, but she couldn't wait -we missed her death by ten minutes. She had so much life prior to late August, that seeing her lifeless in my mind is like cognitive dissonance.

My grief is assuaged by the statements that continue to pour in. 

She made friends with a Christian music artist two decades ago who lost her husband tragically; that artist saw her death listed and shared it, wishing her condolences on Facebook, and expressing her heartfelt understanding of her loss to me.

A girl who went through cancer in her class and survived made her own testimonial of my wife's dedicated support to her, years later, and what it meant.

A mother wrote how her son doodled in his margins and any other teacher could have scolded him, but that my wife encouraged him in his drawing which turned raw talent into something amazing.

My wife has a clear legacy of service to children, to parents, to colleagues, to nearly everyone she touched. And to God. I know she is healed and in Heaven, having been told "Well done, good and faithful servant".  And despite my sadness (which unlike much of my life, is not depression; I know the difference), I am given joy, and hope, and strength again and again by all of these powerful, caring voices, a testimony to what she really accomplished and never fully realized the extent of until the final weeks of her life -a lifetime of generosity, community, and faithfulness that I knew existed, but could never fully imagine the magnitude of.

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Kirby Flahute

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I am so sorry to hear this new  I am crying here, in part for your loss, but more due to your moving tribute.  Good teachers can have such an impact on their students, and the best ones really do change lives for the better. It is clear she was loved by many people who will continue to remember and honor her.   I am glad she is not in pain, and I hope your memories will help bring you comfort.I

I know we are limited in what we can do , especially since we're not physically nearby, but we are here if you want to talk.

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Dottleshead Flahute

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On 10/24/2020 at 6:25 AM, LoneWolf said:

Kirsten, WoHB (now LoneWolf) passed away this morning at 5:45AM.

Last night, in a matter of two hours, a brigade of teachers from her Christian school organized, and assembled a candlelight hymn-singing vigil outside her hospice room window in the 45 degree weather. They brought a smile to her face, and a wave to them, and an attempt to sing along, and their prayers brought comfort.

As I said to them, at first I asked "Lord, why are you taking her away when she's such a good person who has done so much and has much more she could do?" Then I realized --I was looking through a telescope but backward. I was attempting to look at the future, when all I was doing was making her past accomplishments look small. I turned around the telescope and looked through it properly.

I saw a teacher who had been her student last night, who is teaching at her school and loves her dearly.

I saw a staff that loved her so much for who she was, they would march through Hell for her if they thought it was the right thing to do.

I saw Facebook messages from adults who said "Your wife taught me 5/10/15 years ago; she was my favorite, and here's why..."

I got another one from a former student, now a teacher in Florida who said my wife is a role model for how she teaches and works with students today.

I got ones from parents of students, past and present, who as they always have, wanted me to know what a blessing Kirsten had been for them.

It gave me hope for the future, knowing the thousands of lives she really touched. And while I've changed my nick, and will grieve again, right now I realize just how much needed hope for this broken world all of that gave me.

LoneWolf

tat.thumb.jpg.9fe6b1d0bb31ac5ee75eb0fade5d0659.jpg

Amazing recap.  I'm sorry for your loss but you are doing right by honoring her in the best way. God speed to all of you dealing with this hard time.

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Zealot Domestique

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14 hours ago, LoneWolf said:

It went so fast, that most of my neighborhood still doesn't know she was sick, unless they saw the day several students filled our side-lawn with 100' of hearts and well-wishes. I would not expect you to know. Seven weeks, from symptoms to end. Sometimes it's hard to even imagine it happened, until I see her body without breath in my mind's eye, how I held her hand still warm. Hospice called my mother and I, but she couldn't wait -we missed her death by ten minutes. She had so much life prior to late August, that seeing her lifeless in my mind is like cognitive dissonance.

My grief is assuaged by the statements that continue to pour in. 

She made friends with a Christian music artist two decades ago who lost her husband tragically; that artist saw her death listed and shared it, wishing her condolences on Facebook, and expressing her heartfelt understanding of her loss to me.

A girl who went through cancer in her class and survived made her own testimonial of my wife's dedicated support to her, years later, and what it meant.

A mother wrote how her son doodled in his margins and any other teacher could have scolded him, but that my wife encouraged him in his drawing which turned raw talent into something amazing.

My wife has a clear legacy of service to children, to parents, to colleagues, to nearly everyone she touched. And to God. I know she is healed and in Heaven, having been told "Well done, good and faithful servant".  And despite my sadness (which unlike much of my life, is not depression; I know the difference), I am given joy, and hope, and strength again and again by all of these powerful, caring voices, a testimony to what she really accomplished and never fully realized the extent of until the final weeks of her life -a lifetime of generosity, community, and faithfulness that I knew existed, but could never fully imagine the magnitude of.

Brother, my heart is breaking for you. I feel the weight of your words and the beauty in her life well lived. I honestly wish I could have known her. And I wish I could offer you more than simply words in this time of grief and remembrance. 

Sometimes, am being completely open here, I express to God how I feel like the ‘curse’ is simply too much to bear; too great of a burden for the living. 

But I am always reminded then that the payment has been made in full and that this is only temporal. And the beauty of humanity is in that though our physical lives here may indeed be short in span, we love and live and breathe with passion and fervor. And the beauty we create will echo through eternity.  

Her life, entwined with your own, made an impact that will be felt by generations to come. I feel the beauty across these pixels; across time, LW.

As Kirby mentioned, it is difficult being separated by space. But if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.  If you need to talk, I’ll pm you my phone #.

Peace be found amidst the heartache, my friend.   😞 🌹 

 

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Bikeguy Domestique

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13 hours ago, LoneWolf said:

It went so fast, that most of my neighborhood still doesn't know she was sick, unless they saw the day several students filled our side-lawn with 100' of hearts and well-wishes. I would not expect you to know. Seven weeks, from symptoms to end.

We moved into our new home last year.  In the spring our next door neighbors moved out.  WoBG and I met the wife of the new neighbor a few times in June and July.  Just about every day we drove to our old home to clean and/or repair the home.  

One day in early November of 2019 we finally were done with the old home.  We go next door and introduce our self the our new neighbor.  WoBG asked "Where's Cathy I haven't seen her in a while."  Macro just gets all emotional and can't talk for a while.   Then he tells us Cathy passed a while ago from pancreatic cancer.  That was horrible to hear.  Worse..  Marco explained the day we visited was Cathy's birthday.  What a way to meet your neighbor for the first time.  :unhappy:  I can still feel his pain typing this.  I can't imagine how you feel...  Prayers sent... 

Cancer sucks...   

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