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I vibed an aqaintence about riding again

Dirtyhip

By Dirtyhip
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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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She complains about me.  No matter what I say she takes it as an insult to her riding.  Another rider and I were talking about a segment on Strava.  I said "It won't matter today."  I was speaking about it being just a practice run and figuring out the route.  You really have to race segments alone, and not try for anything during a social ride.  Chit chat and stop/starts kill a segment time.  She seemed to have taken it as ... it won't matter, because we are riding slow because of her.

 

I can't win.  No matter what I say, I anger this person.  

Last time, it was because I wanted to ride alone and segment hunt for an hour before we met to ride together.  She asked me to ride, I told her I could meet at X time, because I wanted to segment hunt for a while in the early morning.  I would meet her as a finish to my ride that day.

 

Does that make me so terrible?  She has said that "I vibe her with my competitiveness"  This is not my intention.  I think she takes everything I say as a slight to her riding skills.  

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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Guys are so much easier to be friends with.  They are direct with you.  No games.

 

She is actually very swift.  She was right with us on the hills this last chic ride.  Her courage with the techy downs will come with more riding.  She is very strong and I try to tell her that all the time.  I want girls to ride strong and get faster.  That way I have more riders to push me as well. 

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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easy there Lance... :P

 

Hey, bicycling is personal. People take it personally

 

nobody is forcing you to ride those Internet challenges. What you are saying is the same thing you are saying when you are on a cell phone the whole time when you are visiting somebody: They're not as important to you as these other people

 

Sometimes there are more important things in life than taking time out of some stranger on the Internet

 

if she really is your friend, then ride with her. If you choose to ride with her, don't make her feel like she is holding you back. Be gracious and give some of your valuable time to being a good friend

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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easy there Lance... :P

 

Hey, bicycling is personal. People take it personally

 

nobody is forcing you to ride those Internet challenges. What you are saying is the same thing you are saying when you are on a cell phone the whole time when you are visiting somebody: They're not as important to you as these other people

 

Sometimes there are more important things in life than taking time out of some stranger on the Internet

 

if she really is your friend, then ride with her. If you choose to ride with her, don't make her feel like she is holding you back. Be gracious and give some of your valuable time to being a good friend

 

If I only cared about the times, I wouldn't ride with anyone, but faster people.  That isn't the case.  I want everyone to progress.  

 

You missed the point.  I DIDN'T care about the time.  I was trying to help someone else figure out the route, so she could ride it fast the nest day alone.  This third person heard what she wanted about the conversation  It seems that no one is allowed to even talk about the Strava subject in her presence.

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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You missed the point.  I DIDN'T care about the time.  I was trying to help someone else figure out the route, so she could ride it fast the nest day alone.  This third person heard what she wanted about the conversation.

 

 

Ms Pot...meet Mr Kettle

 

Hippy, we hear you chest pounding all the time

 

read some of what I said about bicycling being personal and how people take it personally and then  the part about don't make her feel like she is holding you back

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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I have no clue as to what this means...   :(

 

I use one of  those language translation sites. Translate it by pasting what she said in the text area, then select California Hippy to English as your translation and click the button

 

that phrase roughly translates to "She feels bullied by my egotism"

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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Ms Pot...meet Mr Kettle

 

Hippy, we hear you chest pounding all the time

 

read some of what I said about bicycling being personal and how people take it personally and then  the part about don't make her feel like she is holding you back

 

So, I have to feel guilty now about talking about my riding reaching level levels on the SW site?  I have felt better than I have in years and I am using that momentum to push the limits and I feel good about it.  Sorry, I shared about winning the beer last month.   I thought this was a cycling site.

 

You were not there and know nothing about my demeanor when I am at the all girls ride.  I try to help, give encouragement and we all try to push our skills.  All I said was that the time didn't matter that day.  It didn't.  I do not care about records on a social ride day.  

 

Funny, cause only one person has complained.  

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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I use one of  those language translation sites. Translate it by pasting what she said in the text area, then select California Hippy to English as your translation and click the button

 

that phrase roughly translates to "She feels bullied by my egotism"

 

You are wrong.  She has a confidence thing about riding.  She hates that we talk about Strava or segments at all.  

 

I have not bullied anyone. 

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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so we're supposed to bash this lady for being insecure when its clear that she's feeling bullied by a stronger rider?

 

what do you want? us to tell you that you're wonderful and its all someone else's fault?

 

I know you live on the left coast, but we gave you a little more credit than that

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jsharr Maillot Jaune

jsharr

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My thoughts, you realize that she is a social rider and you are more competitive.  Find time to discuss this with her.  Let her know it is about challenging yourself, your goals, your fitness, your aspirations, etc.

 

Let her know why you ride and then explain to her that you also enjoy her company, social rides, etc.

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Road Runner Flahute

Road Runner

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My thoughts, you realize that she is a social rider and you are more competitive.  Find time to discuss this with her.  Let her know it is about challenging yourself, your goals, your fitness, your aspirations, etc.

 

Let her know why you ride and then explain to her that you also enjoy her company, social rides, etc.

Or you could just tell to fuck off.  

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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My thoughts, you realize that she is a social rider and you are more competitive.  Find time to discuss this with her.  Let her know it is about challenging yourself, your goals, your fitness, your aspirations, etc.

 

Let her know why you ride and then explain to her that you also enjoy her company, social rides, etc.

 

Good idea.  I did try that when she was angry that I said I would ride with her after I did some solo time a couple weeks back.  

 

The only time I really get to ride at tempo is my alone time or with men.  Riding with men is great.  I have to be on it.

 

Another friend wants me to race with her at an upcoming event soon.  I plan on training for that and entering.  

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jsharr Maillot Jaune

jsharr

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Good idea.  I did try that when she was angry that I said I would ride with her after I did some solo time a couple weeks back.  

 

The only time I really get to ride at tempo is my alone time or with men.  Riding with men is great.  I have to be on it.

 

Another friend wants me to race with her at an upcoming event soon.  I plan on training for that and entering.  

So how about you not preface it with the solo segment hunting stuff.

 

How about sure, I can meet you at 10 am at the corner of Hudson and Vine or whatever?

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TrentonMakes Domestique

TrentonMakes

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Her insecurities are not your problem.  She needs to find a way to deal with them without harshing you.

 

This is the way I read it too.  DH, we all know you are very competitive and that's great, but it sounds to me like you turn it off for things like this.  For your friend to feel slighted because you're riding with her after you ride for yourself, seems petty to me.  Like jsharr said, I'd think a quiet discussion about it, off the bikes, could help.

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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So how about you not preface it with the solo segment hunting stuff.

 

How about sure, I can meet you at 10 am at the corner of Hudson and Vine or whatever?

 

Yeah, never again will I mention it.  I may just be silent Sally. Ask where they want to ride and just follow along in the pack. 

 

If I start to gap, some people get mad. If I ride behind them, they feel pressured.  I can't win this game.

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Former member Baroudeur

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I like it for seeing if I am slacking or not.  If I am setting PRs, I am riding faster. I am goal oriented.

me too, but the people I ride with rarely ride a particular area hard because they know it's a Strava segment.

 

If you really want to see how fast you are, buy a one day license and pin on some numbers.

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Kzoo Flahute

Kzoo

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Yeah, never again will I mention it.  I may just be silent Sally. Ask where they want to ride and just follow along in the pack. 

 

If I start to gap, some people get mad. If I ride behind them, they feel pressured.  I can't win this game.

 

The exact reason I don't ride with WoKzoo.  She is not totally comfortable in traffic so if I ride beside her she gets upset.  If I ride behind her, she feels I'm pushing her (I can gauge her speed and match it).  If I ride in front of her I might gap her on a hill of something and she feels I'm not riding with her.  I quit riding with her.  She is a runner.  She gets on the bike about twice a year but never with me again.

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az_cyclist Domestique

az_cyclist

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me too, but the people I ride with rarely ride a particular area hard because they know it's a Strava segment.

 

If you really want to see how fast you are, buy a one day license and pin on some numbers.

 

I only know 1 Strava segment (well, 2 now since last week's "would you ride the TdF thread).  I only purposely tried for a KOM on 1 segment 2 weeks ago.  I like Strava to see rides my friends are doing, but that is it.

 

Social rides can have a tricky dynamic, potentially much more than an aggressive club ride.  On most aggressive club rides everybody pretty much understands it will be a hammer-fest.  On a more social club ride you can get people that want to ride faster, slower, less miles, etc...

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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I say if you are going to ride with a weaker rider, then you don't go rubbing their noses in the fact that they are a weaker rider

 

I can't think of anybody who would enjoy that

 

One of the things I learned racing was that the really fast guys were always very gracious and very helpful. I knew that I couldn't stay in the same county with them unless they let me, but they never acted like that on the bike or off of it

 

its the bike club riders that are more prone to acting like jackasses

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Former member Baroudeur

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I only know 1 Strava segment (well, 2 now since last week's "would you ride the TdF thread).  I only purposely tried for a KOM on 1 segment 2 weeks ago.  I like Strava to see rides my friends are doing, but that is it.

I pay attention to a few areas I know that are segments, but they are all climbs.  Sprinting from one street to the next, and racing down a tiny little hill is just stupid. 

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Dirtyhip Flahute

Dirtyhip

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I say if you are going to ride with a weaker rider, then you don't go rubbing their noses in the fact that they are a weaker rider

 

I can't think of anybody who would enjoy that

 

 

I never did that, but you are going to attack me either way, Nate.  You were not there and you don't listen or read very well.  

 

Note: only one rider has a problem with me.  Everyone else enjoys riding bikes with me.

 

I see an easy solution.

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Nate Domestique

Nate

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I send out the invites to a girl ride.  Maybe the guest list will change to avoid this ongoing drama.  Then, I can be chastised for being "elitist, exclusionary and bitchy"  YAY!

 

 ooooh! that will be fun!

 

definitely post when you don't invite this poor girl to ride with you so we can chastise you properly! :)

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