Square Wheels Posted January 16, 2021 Share #1 Posted January 16, 2021 I have many regrets and demons. I read Replay a while ago, life changing. If given the chance for a life redo, I wonder if I would? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #2 Posted January 16, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #3 Posted January 16, 2021 My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend more time with my parents their last year of life. I visited them and I was their for their final hours but I should have done more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted January 16, 2021 Share #4 Posted January 16, 2021 I regret feeling compassion. It’s been a recurring scene that I express care for someone and then get ridiculed for it. Maybe it’s embracing Christianity I regret. Because the people who put me down the most are Christian. 6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 16, 2021 Share #5 Posted January 16, 2021 36 minutes ago, roadsue said: I regret feeling compassion. It’s been a recurring scene that I express care for someone and then get ridiculed for it. Maybe it’s embracing Christianity I regret. Because the people who put me down the most are Christian. It must be something fundamental they disagree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share #6 Posted January 16, 2021 29 minutes ago, roadsue said: I regret feeling compassion. It’s been a recurring scene that I express care for someone and then get ridiculed for it. Maybe it’s embracing Christianity I regret. Because the people who put me down the most are Christian. Don't let them stop you from being kind. They are likely in pain and lashing out. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealot Posted January 16, 2021 Share #7 Posted January 16, 2021 32 minutes ago, roadsue said: I regret feeling compassion. It’s been a recurring scene that I express care for someone and then get ridiculed for it. Maybe it’s embracing Christianity I regret. Because the people who put me down the most are Christian. Never regret being compassionate, @roadsue. It is a most honorable trait and worth more than great riches. I’ve never regretted embracing Christ. I’ve learned over the course of life that people can be harsh and unforgiving, no matter what they believe or embrace. But God has never failed me and I could never leave Him now. My biggest regrets revolve around not doing more for the kingdom. There are so many hurting people in this world. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted January 16, 2021 Share #8 Posted January 16, 2021 I have said this before, but knowing what I know now, there are literally thousands of situations I would love to do over. People who say they wouldn’t change a thing along the way are idiots, plain and simple, just completely contemptible. There are a few big regrets and lots of smaller regrets. I guess the more evolved would use those data points as calibration, and the unaware just shrug and say can’t change the past, I guess I am perfect and where I should be”. An unexamined life is truly not worth living. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share #9 Posted January 16, 2021 Just now, Randomguy said: I have said this before, but knowing what I know now, there are literally thousands of situations I would love to do over. People who say they wouldn’t change a thing along the way are idiots, plain and simple, just completely contemptible. There are a few big regrets and lots of smaller regrets. I guess the more evolved would use those data points as calibration, and the unaware just shrug and say can’t change the past, I guess I am perfect and where I should be”. An unexamined life is truly not worth living. You still haven't read Replay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted January 16, 2021 Share #10 Posted January 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Square Wheels said: You still haven't read Replay. I haven’t heard of it before. It wouldn’t change what I wrote, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Square Wheels Posted January 16, 2021 Author Popular Post Share #11 Posted January 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, Randomguy said: I haven’t heard of it before. It wouldn’t change what I wrote, though. Every time you spout off about being willing to change everything, I suggest you reconsider and read that book. I've suggested it at least five times to you. You never pay attention to what I say, I should be your girlfriend. 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted January 16, 2021 Share #12 Posted January 16, 2021 9 minutes ago, Square Wheels said: Every time you spout off about being willing to change everything, I suggest you reconsider and read that book. I've suggested it at least five times to you. You never pay attention to what I say, I should be your girlfriend. First, I wouldn’t change everything, I would change a bunch, though. Bunches of bunches. Second, having past regrets might help with current decision-making, “am I gonna have regrets about this?” It has certainly refined thinking, although far from perfecting it. I am guessing that the book has a lot of presupposition that shoehorns you into certain other thought patterns. I am sure it is interesting, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #13 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Square Wheels said: I have many regrets and demons. I read Replay a while ago, life changing. If given the chance for a life redo, I wonder if I would? One often thinks of "what if". However, would you be who you are today if you had? Do you want to be someone else without really knowing how that might have turned out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikeguy Posted January 16, 2021 Share #14 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Square Wheels said: If given the chance for a life redo... No.... once is enough. I'd just f' it up in a different way if I got a redo. Just now, maddmaxx said: One often thinks of "what if". However, would you be who you are today if you had? this^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share #15 Posted January 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, Randomguy said: First, I wouldn’t change everything, I would change a bunch, though. Bunches of bunches. Second, having past regrets might help with current decision-making, “am I gonna have regrets about this?” It has certainly refined thinking, although far from perfecting it. I am guessing that the book has a lot of presupposition that shoehorns you into certain other thought patterns. I am sure it is interesting, though. Give it a read. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe it will change the way you think. Ask @dennis or @Thaddeus Kosciuszko, they're booky type folks, I bet one of them read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted January 16, 2021 Share #16 Posted January 16, 2021 I guess I really don’t think or dwell on it so I’m struggling to think of anything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #17 Posted January 16, 2021 No regerts! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #18 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Longjohn said: My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend more time with my parents their last year of life. I visited them and I was their for their final hours but I should have done more. Were they local? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #19 Posted January 16, 2021 25 minutes ago, Bikeguy said: No.... once is enough. I'd just f' it up in a different way if I got a redo. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 16, 2021 Share #20 Posted January 16, 2021 I regret that I didn't spend enough time talking to my sister. And I was clueless to pick up on certain cues that she was deeply depressed for a long time. She is the one who died by suicide. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #21 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Longjohn said: My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend more time with my parents their last year of life. I visited them and I was their for their final hours but I should have done more. I have some of that with my Dad. His death by pneumonia caught me by surprise. It probably shouldn't have. I can't remember how long he had it but it wasn't long, and poof, he was gone. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted January 16, 2021 Share #22 Posted January 16, 2021 16 minutes ago, shootingstar said: I regret that I didn't spend enough time talking to my sister. And I was clueless to pick up on certain cues that she was deeply depressed for a long time. She is the one who died by suicide. That’s a tough load to carry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerrySTL ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #23 Posted January 16, 2021 Not any real regrets. I'm very happy where I'm at now and somewhat astounded that I made it this far. If I could go back and change something, I might be in a totally wrong place now. Obviously I watch too much Doctor Who and other time travel shows. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #24 Posted January 16, 2021 49 minutes ago, Square Wheels said: Give it a read. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe it will change the way you think. Ask @dennis or @Thaddeus Kosciuszko, they're booky type folks, I bet one of them read it. I’ll give it a read when I’m done with school; May 3. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MoseySusan Posted January 16, 2021 Popular Post Share #25 Posted January 16, 2021 47 minutes ago, maddmaxx said: One often thinks of "what if". However, would you be who you are today if you had? Do you want to be someone else without really knowing how that might have turned out. I believe that we are uniquely prepared for our life’s work. The inverse is we get the work we are prepared for. Just yesterday I was helping a colleague new to bicycling understand why she needs to drop into low gear and spin. The conversation turned toward “the hills in life,” and I believe it is true that bicycling hills has uniquely prepared me for settling in and turning the pedals when the work gets steep. 4 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #26 Posted January 16, 2021 1 minute ago, JerrySTL said: Not any real regrets. I'm very happy where I'm at now and somewhat astounded that I made it this far. If I could go back and change something, I might be in a totally wrong place now. Obviously I watch too much Doctor Who and other time travel shows. I am basically happy with my worklife. I have a few regerts with not being tough enough with my builders and not knowledgeable or motivated enough to make them do things right. They were basically shitheads who preyed on first time homebuyers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #27 Posted January 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, roadsue said: I believe that we are uniquely prepared for our life’s work. The inverse is we get the work we are prepared for. Just yesterday I was helping a colleague new to bicycling understand why she needs to drop into low gear and spin. The conversation turned toward “the hills in life,” and I believe it is true that bicycling hills has uniquely prepared me for settling in and turning the pedals when the work gets steep. Shit, just keeping air in taars is a metaphor for the toughness of life. Best get you some Gatorskins. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted January 16, 2021 Share #28 Posted January 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Philander Seabury said: Shit, just keeping air in taars is a metaphor for the toughness of life. Right?! And the veil drops when you learn about winter air. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted January 16, 2021 Share #29 Posted January 16, 2021 I think we all change as we age, some more than others. I've changed enough, and lived long enough to be able to look back and see several distinctly different personalities, some I remember fondly, others I regret ever having known, let alone being. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 16, 2021 Share #30 Posted January 16, 2021 45 minutes ago, roadsue said: That’s a tough load to carry. I learned of her suicide just as I was packing to move prairie city (and therefore dearie would stay in Vancouver) after accepting job in prairie city. I delayed job start by 2 wks. because needed time to recover from shock. It was a hard time in life. Only one good friend in prairie city knows. I've never told anyone at work....and don't plan to. Grief never goes away completely. It comes in unexpected times and each year it fades more. She left 2 adult children who are now, each married...whom I've mentioned occasionally on this forum. I feel sorry for nephew because his baby son died a few months ago from brain cancer tumour. So.. double grief. I can only live well and keep up by contacting niece and nephew. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #31 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Philander Seabury said: Were they local? Yes, about a half hour away. Where I worked had mandatory overtime and it didn’t leave much time for visiting. I had three boys at home that I couldn’t ignore. It wasn’t that I didn’t visit, but I regret not visiting more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some Old Guy Posted January 16, 2021 Share #32 Posted January 16, 2021 I have lots of regrets. But I am not going to add one more to the list by discussing them with you people. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #33 Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Taylor said: I have lots of regrets. But I am not going to add one more to the list by discussing them with you people. Good answer. (When you are in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted January 16, 2021 Share #34 Posted January 16, 2021 I guess I regret being a contemptible idiot, who leads an unexamined life. There are times i wonder what life would be life if I'd gotten married or had kids, but any choice comes with its own set of pluses and minuses. I think whatever choices I'd made in life, I'd end up with a life with a lot of good things, some genuine sadness, and lots of little things to make a day good or bad with random effect. I don't imagine there's some alternative path that would be so much better than where i am now. There is a show on Amazon Prime called Being Erica - I've seen the first part of a season but my sister has watched most of it. The premise is that a woman in her late 20's who life didn't turn out like she expected is given the chance to live certain key days over again. I've liked the episodes I've watched so far 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Thaddeus Kosciuszko Posted January 16, 2021 Popular Post Share #35 Posted January 16, 2021 I have few regrets. I must also say I have my share of experiences I'd prefer not to have had and certainly my share of less than happy memories. But as others have noted, they make us who we are and provide us the base from which we step forward into today and into tomorrow. Without those experiences we'd be adrift. Looking back there are times I did the best I could, and likely just as many times I didn't. I don't think that makes me a bad person, it just confirms I'm an imperfect one. I prefer to take what people typically consider 'regrets', poor experiences, and unsavory memories and learn what I can from them. Admittedly sometimes I don't learn very much, but often I glean enough to at least avoid repeating the same mistake or enough to act differently in a similar situation. While it never changes the past, it does at times - I think - help me change (improve?) my day today and my future. It comes down to, I guess, where I want to spend my energy. Do I spend it gnashing my teeth at myself over something I did 40-whatever years ago that, with all I know today, I see as incredibly stupid, insensitive, or even mean? No, I prefer to put that energy into first thinking about how to invert my behavior so if I find myself there again I can make the attempt to be wiser, more thoughtful, and more kind. And to summon the necessary will and self-composure not to just attempt, but to do. It doesn't mean I'll succeed but then again that's all part of being imperfect. Part of putting regrets to rest or at least making something useful out of them is realizing that if the person I am today were to go back in time to that particular incident, I would behave differently and create an outcome free of regret. Isn't that worth considering as good in itself, that I've learned enough so today I could turn a situation around from a negative to a positive? That's enough to help me set aside regrets, and enough to remind me how far I've yet to go in shaping my character into what I want it to be. To be content, a person needs to live his life according to his beliefs. Character is one of the means a person expresses his beliefs, by way of his behavior. It's a constant and uncomfortable effort, this character thing, but in the end there's no one else to do it but me. The better I do, the fewer regrets I'll have. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 16, 2021 Share #36 Posted January 16, 2021 Ok, I regert regret mis-spelling regrets above. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groupw Posted January 16, 2021 Share #37 Posted January 16, 2021 A life without regrets is a life not lived. But in the end, I have a marriage that is mostly pretty good. I have kids who are wonderful adults. I can easily see where a different decision at varous points in life would have had adverse consequences. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinneR ★ Posted January 17, 2021 Share #38 Posted January 17, 2021 12 hours ago, Square Wheels said: Give it a read. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe it will change the way you think. Ask @dennis or @Thaddeus Kosciuszko, they're booky type folks, I bet one of them read it. I'm not familiar with it. Is it by Ken Grimwood? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted January 17, 2021 Share #39 Posted January 17, 2021 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zephyr Posted January 17, 2021 Popular Post Share #40 Posted January 17, 2021 12 hours ago, Randomguy said: People who say they wouldn’t change a thing along the way are idiots, That is because you are living your life. For me..., I have a great wife of 30 years that we actually didnt mind the whole covid lockdown thing because we like being together so much. I have 3 great kids who are secure in adulthood with little drama and all are passionate about their work fields and seem happy and balanced in the lives they are living. I would be too afraid to change anything and risk screwing up what my family is now 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share #41 Posted January 17, 2021 10 minutes ago, dennis said: I'm not familiar with it. Is it by Ken Grimwood? Yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinneR ★ Posted January 17, 2021 Share #42 Posted January 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, Square Wheels said: Yes Holy irony Replay is the account of 43-year-old radio journalist Jeff Winston, who dies of a heart attack in 1988 and awakens back in 1963 in his 18-year-old body as a student at Atlanta's Emory University. Ken Grimwood was working on a sequel to Replay when he died from a heart attack in 2003 at the age of 59 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 17, 2021 Share #43 Posted January 17, 2021 3 hours ago, dennis said: I'm not familiar with it. Is it by Ken Grimwood? Dang hoopla only has the darn Audiobook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted January 17, 2021 Share #44 Posted January 17, 2021 I should have had a V-8. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealot Posted January 17, 2021 Share #45 Posted January 17, 2021 1 hour ago, BuffJim said: I should have had a V-8. I just did! 😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted January 17, 2021 Share #46 Posted January 17, 2021 23 hours ago, Square Wheels said: Give it a read. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe it will change the way you think. Ask @dennis or @Thaddeus Kosciuszko, they're booky type folks, I bet one of them read it. Based on your recommendation, I looked on Amazon to order the book. Amazon tells me I ordered it some time ago, probably the first time you mentioned it here. So I went to look in the spare bedroom where there are piles of books I intend to read some day when I retire, only to realize that the only way to see if it's there is to undo all the piles, and that seems problematic. So I'll probably get around to reading it some day, when I get to it in the big pile-o'books. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tizeye Posted January 17, 2021 Share #47 Posted January 17, 2021 My lottery ticket didn't come through! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted January 17, 2021 Share #48 Posted January 17, 2021 I have many minor regrets. But I'm pleased, on the whole, with how much I accomplished in life, considering the early obstacles of poverty and growing up in an environment with misguided attitudes where many adults said, "Why are you going to college? Are you too lazy to go to work?" - despite the fact I had been working fast-food for 30-48 hours/week during my last semester of high school to save up to commute to college. One of my gifted-and-talented high school students told me something that still pleases me to think about, "Most people go through life striving to reach a plateau and then slide along it. You've had a life of 'experiences' where you reach a plateau, want to experience more of life and then go through the challenges of getting to a new plateau so you can soak-in that experience." I have a far-right political cousin who has used my story as an example of someone who has pulled himself up by his own bootstraps. That's not quite true: I have NO regrets and much gratefulness for the help I got at key points along the way. I have tried to pass-on those favors to others I encounter who are trying to improve and who need some help. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2021 Share #49 Posted January 17, 2021 I don’t hold onto the pas, the one thing i wish i had done was take better care of myself in my teens and twenties. It’s not the years I’m feeling, it’s the miles🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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