Is it still “cheating” with no intercourse?

[ChrisL]

This was a discussion on the morning news today and centered around the J Lo & Alex Rodriguez drama.  

All of the women on the show agreed if you are having a close  relationship via phone, text & video with another person (in this case a woman) not your wife or GF it’s cheating.  

The guy reporter qualified his opinion by saying it’s a problem but it’s not cheating. Cheating involves intercourse with another not your wife or GF.

What says you, can one cheat without intercourse?

[Some Old Guy]

What about getting to first base, etc?  Where do you draw the line?

[ChrisL]

7 minutes ago, Clark said:

What about getting to first base, etc?  Where do you draw the line?

The discussion today was no physical contact. Strictly video, phone & text.  

[Airehead]

If it isn't disclosed it is cheating.

[MickinMD ★]

Bill Clinton honestly said, "I did not have intercourse with that girl."

I think any interaction that involves sexual stimulation - even just making out - is cheating.

[Randomguy]

41 minutes ago, Clark said:

What about getting to first base, etc?  Where do you draw the line?

First base is a declaration of bad intentions.  Anything more, well, you don't fall dick first into someone by accident.  Bad voodoo, all of it.

[Airehead]

deception is cheating

[ChrisL]

4 minutes ago, Airehead said:

deception is cheating

This is consistent with the opinions shared by the female reporters today.  

They had a viewer poll and two of the three women were visibly bothered that more viewers didn’t share their viewpoint on cheating.   About 40% said it wasn’t cheating. 

[shootingstar]

33 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

This is consistent with the opinions shared by the female reporters today.  

They had a viewer poll and two of the three women were visibly bothered that more viewers didn’t share their viewpoint on cheating.   About 40% said it wasn’t cheating. 

It's sad that some people don't understand that one's partner is not just your lover, but can be your best friend.   Therefore, the inability to tell one's partner about even a heart-felt conversation with another person, says something about diminished expectations and fear of being rejected.

  

 

[Dottleshead ★]

Much ado about nothing.  And fuck Alex Rodriguez.  He's a POS.

[groupw]

Getting beyond the obvious physical aspects, doing the same things with 2 different people can be cheating with 1 and not another. I have had models in our house in various states of undress while we shoot. WoW knows what my motives are for the shot and doesn't worrry about it. We have a mutual friend our age. Very attractive. Sometimes she messages both WoW and I. Sometimes she messages just me. Not quite sure why she does that, but WoW is OK with it because I am upfront with her. There is another woman who will message me. Even though I let WoW know what's up, she still doesn't like me communicating with her so I don't. It's a one-way street and WoW is in the loop. Each case is different. Sometimes the cheating is there sometimes it isn't even if it is only 1-sided. 

[maddmaxx ★]

1 hour ago, ChrisL said:

This is consistent with the opinions shared by the female reporters today.  

They had a viewer poll and two of the three women were visibly bothered that more viewers didn’t share their viewpoint on cheating.   About 40% said it wasn’t cheating. 

Perhaps that explains the US's divorce rate.

[Further]

Jimmy Carter felt guilty for lusting in his heart...

[shootingstar]

2 hours ago, maddmaxx said:

Perhaps that explains the US's divorce rate.

Probably ...alot.  Sure sex, can drive /keep a partnership. But if there isn't also frequent positive communication, reciprocal support and warmth that embraces all sides of person, things just limp along and may sadly, fall apart.

[Scrapr ★]

3 hours ago, Dottles said:

Much ado about nothing.  And fuck Alex Rodriguez.  He's a POS.

You're still bitter about him ditching the M's?

[Dottleshead ★]

21 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

You're still bitter about him ditching the M's?

No, he reminds me of my best friend growing up.  The guy is basically a schmooze -- fake and plastic.  Just like his wife's ass.

[Scrapr ★]

1 minute ago, Dottles said:

No, he reminds me of my best friend growing up.  The guy is basically a schmooze -- fake and plastic.  Just like his wife's ass.

they deserve ea other. It's a match made in heaven heck

[Zealot]

So, by that definition, women who spend time with and share intimate issues / secrets with their ‘besties’ or other girl friends, that they do not share with their husbands, are cheating.  Yet, I’m certain each woman on the show you watched who stated that a ‘close relationship’ with a guy (no sex) is cheating would not agree with what I just stated.

 

[ChrisL]

9 minutes ago, Zealot said:

So, by that definition, women who spend time with and share intimate issues / secrets with their ‘besties’ or other girl friends, that they do not share with their husbands, are cheating.  Yet, I’m certain each woman on the show you watched who stated that a ‘close relationship’ with a guy (no sex) is cheating would not agree with what I just stated.

 

I think it has to do more with @Airehead’s point of deception but I also think intent or maybe content has to come into play. 

If a female has a close work relationship with a male, vents to him about things, maybe her own husband yet has zero intention of engaging in a personal relationship outside of work and doesn’t tell her husband about this person, is it cheating?  Flip genders in the above situation & does it change your perception of cheating?

I completely agree that sexting or flirting crosses the line into cheating but  @Zealot makes a valid point too.

[Kzoo]

Short answer - yes 

long answer- yes

[Zealot]

I honestly think ‘intent’ is the key. If you engage in a relationship outside your marital relationship with the intent of possible sexual encounters (lust), then as Christ said, you’ve already committed adultery in your heart. 

From a societal legal or humanistic stand point, ‘adultery’ is sex with someone outside your marriage. ‘Cheating’ involves the adultery or the lead up to it, unless you have the consent of your spouse. Which brings us back to intent. 

 

My $.02.  

[maddmaxx ★]

5 hours ago, Kzoo said:

Short answer - yes 

long answer- yes

Then there is the medium answer.

[Prophet Zacharia]

4 hours ago, maddmaxx said:

Then there is the medium answer.

 

 

[Square Wheels]

Let's say I lust after someone, maybe Jenna Elfman, or Jennifer Lawarence?  Is that cheating?  I'll never meet either, and if I did, I'd never act.  My wife knows and calls them my girlfriend if they are in a movie (almost never) we watch.

[Prophet Zacharia]

31 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

Let's say I lust after someone

Celebrity crushes aren’t cheating. Having private, personal conversations are.

[Square Wheels]

2 minutes ago, Prophet Zacharia said:

Celebrity crushes aren’t cheating. Having private, personal conversations are.

Yeah, I don't do that.

[Tizeye]

15 hours ago, groupw said:

Getting beyond the obvious physical aspects, doing the same things with 2 different people can be cheating with 1 and not another. There is another woman who will message me. Even though I let WoW know what's up, she still doesn't like me communicating with her so I don't. It's a one-way street and WoW is in the loop. Each case is different. Sometimes the cheating is there sometimes it isn't even if it is only 1-sided. 

THIS!

Technically, if any of the ladies on this forum texted me it could be considered cheating. In a way, it could be considered quite sexist as only applies to women. I had similar situation where single female teammate and I would socialize during lunch break, watching out diet and walking around the pond. While she was single, she was dumped by her lawyer former husband and had major issues of other coworkers and their marital affairs, and with the purely platonic co-worker relationship was confident I wasn't running some game trying to get into her panties. Wife objected so we stopped...but then again, wife doesn't have a positive relationship with any of her female co-workers and the scapegoat causing her to change jobs. Ran into her again in the library just before closed for COVID where we caught up on old times...but after 20 years, she is still single despite being quite attractive and professionally successful. 

[LoneWolf]

One can definitely have what is called "an emotional affair".  No sex, but intimacy you'd normally reserve for any person you're monogamously dating or married to.

Now, can one have a friendship, even a close one, with a member of the opposite sex that's platonic and not an emotional affair? Absolutely. It would not only lack that intimacy, but would also involve complete and total transparency with your actual dating/married partner, and they would need to be okay with it.

Bottom line? If it feels romantic, and your relationship with said non-partner someone feels romantic to them too? If you feel like you need to hide it from your partner, and can't be transparent about it? It's an emotional affair.

[BuffJim]

What if you cheat in your spouses dreams. Maybe not real cheating, but she still gets mad. 

[Zealot]

4 hours ago, Square Wheels said:

Let's say I lust after someone, maybe Jenna Elfman, or Jennifer Lawarence?  Is that cheating?  I'll never meet either, and if I did, I'd never act.  My wife knows and calls them my girlfriend if they are in a movie (almost never) we watch.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

The idea is that what we entertain in our hearts and minds is what we will eventually allow, given the opportunity, in our life. And will often work to create the opportunity. 

Seeing someone on TV and thinking that they are attractive isn’t wrong. Seeing someone in our real lives and finding them attractive isn’t wrong either. But entertaining thoughts of a sexual relationship with them is what we will/can allow ourselves to become.  And then we start justifying. It’s how temptation works.