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Shootingstar how are you holding up?


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33 minutes ago, Wilbur said:

This should be a warning to all, to get your loose, end-of-life details cleaned up.  Especially where family members and their lawyers will cause problems.  

No doubt, given the nature of your job, you probably have prepared Wilbur.  

Part of the healing process in grief is full positive acknowledgement of a person's life.  His children are in denial with help of their lawyer.  Their parents divorced....30yrs.  It's just pathetic....  I can't help his adult children who haven't gotten past their parents' divorce. 

If it means, that I am left with wonderful memories and long-term positive times with dearie (plus tons of photos, considerable photographic evidence of happy times on my blog and even his blog) without a family celebration of life ceremony, then that's fine for my own peace of mind.  In the midst of bureaucratic processes, struggles and uber focus on money, assets, it's so easy to forget the person of love central to this.

The good thing all my family members and closest friends have spent time with dearie multiple times, during multiple visits or heard lots about him over the years because there were no secrets. So on my side, I have enormous support and validation how long, real and close he and I were together.

I don't want to waste much time pleasing his adult children....when there is another generation of nieces and nephews for me to support and where my care and support would be more easily appreciated  without any agenda in particular.

 

 

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10 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

No doubt, given the nature of your job, you probably have prepared Wilbur.  

Part of the healing process in grief is full positive acknowledgement of a person's life.  His children are in denial with help of their lawyer.  Their parents divorced....30yrs.  It's just pathetic....  I can't help his adult children who haven't gotten past their parents' divorce. 

If it means, that I am left with wonderful memories and long-term positive times with dearie (plus tons of photos, considerable photographic evidence of happy times on my blog and even his blog) without a family celebration of life ceremony, then that's fine for my own peace of mind.  In the midst of bureaucratic processes, struggles and uber focus on money, assets, it's so easy to forget the person of love central to this.

The good thing all my family members and closest friends have spent time with dearie multiple times, during multiple visits or heard lots about him over the years because there were no secrets. So on my side, I have enormous support and validation how long, real and close he and I were together.

I don't want to waste much time pleasing his adult children....when there is another generation of nieces and nephews for me to support and where my care and support would be more easily appreciated  without any agenda in particular.

 

 

All sound reasoning shooting star.  Sorry you are having to deal with it. 

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I'm so sorry you're going through this, shootingstar.  It's already do hard to lose someone you love without adding on other pressures  and potential conflicts.  I'm glad you have your family and nieces and nephews. It's all still so recent and shocking , you'll need time to process everything.  Be kind to yourself and don't think you need to rush anything.

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6 hours ago, shootingstar said:

I try to eat healthy, do some biking which this year is requiring more conscious motivation to push myself onto a bike.

We all go through this from time to time w/ longer breaks in between bike patterns than we'd like to admit.  Biking for you may never be the same and maybe, just maybe, you take a year or longer off from it because it reminds you of dearie.  Totally normal.  But I have complete faith in you that you'll rebound -- when you're ready.  If you never lose a beat -- outstanding.  But just remember to give yourself a break.

Sorry to hear about asset division.  That shit -- and it's shit -- although necessary shit -- is a pain in the ass.

 

Yes, I did in fact, go to college just so I could articulate that last sentence.

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3 hours ago, Wilbur said:

This should be a warning to all, to get your loose, end-of-life details cleaned up.  Especially where family members and their lawyers will cause problems.  

If my wife had not worked in elderly care, I probably would have blown this like so many do.

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