Popular Post Dottleshead ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Popular Post Share #1 Posted May 23, 2021 I think of the surprise and shock of your loss. Longjohn steals the empathy around here but that doesn't mean we don't have any for you. Really hope you are doing ok. 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post shootingstar Posted May 23, 2021 Popular Post Share #2 Posted May 23, 2021 Super thoughtful of you Dottles. I wish so much that dearie and I had been able to spend even first few yrs. of my retirement as originally planned, with him in person. We were planning many activities and trips together. Covid for past year has made this far more complicated. It is tremendous to lose a loved one when they were health-wise, fine. Right now, dealing with lawyers, his children, etc. And then there will be the process of unravelling my stuff from dearie's, which includes ensuring I unbundle my Internet, MS 365 account from his group bundled accounts, etc. All these big and little things. Part of me is angry at lawyers how deliberately adversarial (to be lawyer-like, to show money's worth as a lawyer) they are which can damage whatever amicable family relations there may be. Haven't even had a virtual celebration of his life. It's been a month and now developments moving into asset division stage, I have little faith whatever I say the (adult) children even care to know anymore about other areas of their father's life. Their lawyer has tainted their attitude toward me, now. I guess at some point I'll regain my normal sleeping patterns. I try to eat healthy, do some biking which this year is requiring more conscious motivation to push myself onto a bike. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted May 23, 2021 Share #3 Posted May 23, 2021 I was thinking about you this weekend. So unfortunate that there is no peace in the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Share #4 Posted May 23, 2021 You mean even Canadian lawyers are not nice and are a pita? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Share #5 Posted May 23, 2021 This should be a warning to all, to get your loose, end-of-life details cleaned up. Especially where family members and their lawyers will cause problems. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted May 23, 2021 Share #6 Posted May 23, 2021 33 minutes ago, Wilbur said: This should be a warning to all, to get your loose, end-of-life details cleaned up. Especially where family members and their lawyers will cause problems. No doubt, given the nature of your job, you probably have prepared Wilbur. Part of the healing process in grief is full positive acknowledgement of a person's life. His children are in denial with help of their lawyer. Their parents divorced....30yrs. It's just pathetic.... I can't help his adult children who haven't gotten past their parents' divorce. If it means, that I am left with wonderful memories and long-term positive times with dearie (plus tons of photos, considerable photographic evidence of happy times on my blog and even his blog) without a family celebration of life ceremony, then that's fine for my own peace of mind. In the midst of bureaucratic processes, struggles and uber focus on money, assets, it's so easy to forget the person of love central to this. The good thing all my family members and closest friends have spent time with dearie multiple times, during multiple visits or heard lots about him over the years because there were no secrets. So on my side, I have enormous support and validation how long, real and close he and I were together. I don't want to waste much time pleasing his adult children....when there is another generation of nieces and nephews for me to support and where my care and support would be more easily appreciated without any agenda in particular. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Share #7 Posted May 23, 2021 10 minutes ago, shootingstar said: No doubt, given the nature of your job, you probably have prepared Wilbur. Part of the healing process in grief is full positive acknowledgement of a person's life. His children are in denial with help of their lawyer. Their parents divorced....30yrs. It's just pathetic.... I can't help his adult children who haven't gotten past their parents' divorce. If it means, that I am left with wonderful memories and long-term positive times with dearie (plus tons of photos, considerable photographic evidence of happy times on my blog and even his blog) without a family celebration of life ceremony, then that's fine for my own peace of mind. In the midst of bureaucratic processes, struggles and uber focus on money, assets, it's so easy to forget the person of love central to this. The good thing all my family members and closest friends have spent time with dearie multiple times, during multiple visits or heard lots about him over the years because there were no secrets. So on my side, I have enormous support and validation how long, real and close he and I were together. I don't want to waste much time pleasing his adult children....when there is another generation of nieces and nephews for me to support and where my care and support would be more easily appreciated without any agenda in particular. All sound reasoning shooting star. Sorry you are having to deal with it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted May 23, 2021 Share #8 Posted May 23, 2021 I'm so sorry you're going through this, shootingstar. It's already do hard to lose someone you love without adding on other pressures and potential conflicts. I'm glad you have your family and nieces and nephews. It's all still so recent and shocking , you'll need time to process everything. Be kind to yourself and don't think you need to rush anything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Author Share #9 Posted May 23, 2021 6 hours ago, shootingstar said: I try to eat healthy, do some biking which this year is requiring more conscious motivation to push myself onto a bike. We all go through this from time to time w/ longer breaks in between bike patterns than we'd like to admit. Biking for you may never be the same and maybe, just maybe, you take a year or longer off from it because it reminds you of dearie. Totally normal. But I have complete faith in you that you'll rebound -- when you're ready. If you never lose a beat -- outstanding. But just remember to give yourself a break. Sorry to hear about asset division. That shit -- and it's shit -- although necessary shit -- is a pain in the ass. Yes, I did in fact, go to college just so I could articulate that last sentence. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted May 23, 2021 Author Share #10 Posted May 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Wilbur said: This should be a warning to all, to get your loose, end-of-life details cleaned up. Especially where family members and their lawyers will cause problems. If my wife had not worked in elderly care, I probably would have blown this like so many do. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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