Experience with adoption?

[ChrisL]

Not so much from the parent POV but from the kids POV?

My cousin adopted 3 siblings and the youngest, who they adopted at 4 were abused by drug addicted parents & put into protective custody.  They all three ended up growing up with awesome parents in a loving & stable family.

But the youngest had somehow connected with his biological father and his father has convinced him to move to OR & live with him.  Their son just turned 18 so my cousin really can’t stop him and is really devastated that his son is leaving.

I try to look at it from his sons perspective in that maybe he wants to connect with his biological father. Maybe he’ll see the grass isn’t greener but it seems he was searching for his birth parents so he must be feeling a need to connect. 

Just curious if anyone @Longjohn or anyone else has any 1st hand insights on this.  

[Longjohn ★]

My kids never had any interest in finding their biological parents until they were much older. We made it easy for them. Pennsylvania had a loophole in the birth records law. Our adoption group informed us about it and we applied for pre-amended birth certificates on all three boys with the biological parents names on them. When each of boys turned 18 we gave them to them. Two of our sons have met their moms. Ben has met his dad. Daniel has talked to his mom on the phone.I don’t see anything wrong with that.

[shootingstar]

1 hour ago, ChrisL said:

Not so much from the parent POV but from the kids POV?

My cousin adopted 3 siblings and the youngest, who they adopted at 4 were abused by drug addicted parents & put into protective custody.  They all three ended up growing up with awesome parents in a loving & stable family.

But the youngest had somehow connected with his biological father and his father has convinced him to move to OR & live with him.  Their son just turned 18 so my cousin really can’t stop him and is really devastated that his son is leaving.

I try to look at it from his sons perspective in that maybe he wants to connect with his biological father. Maybe he’ll see the grass isn’t greener but it seems he was searching for his birth parents so he must be feeling a need to connect. 

Just curious if anyone @Longjohn or anyone else has any 1st hand insights on this.  

Adopted son has a big long journey ahead of him. Wonder if biological father is very different now in his lifestyle and habits vs. back long ago.

Your cousin must be sad/worried.  While occasionally meeting/chatting is one thing vs. living with the person is another thing.

[ChrisL]

I think it’s normal for an adopted child to want to connect or meet their parents but what I find unusual (or maybe it’s not) is he’s leaving his adopted parent to live with his biological dad. 
 

 

[Longjohn ★]

My middle son married a girl with three daughters. Two of them would visit their dads for the summer. John adopted the third girl, her dad had no interest in her. The oldest girl decided she wanted to go live with her dad. Her mom and John were too strict. She was back in a couple months and has been ever since. I think she is twenty now.

[Kirby]

I had relatives that were adopted and even though the adoptive parents seemed great, I think it's natural to be curious.  Adolescence is hard for almost everyone, adopted or not, and it's natural for kids to try to find "their place".  Even if you love the adopted parents, many kids still want to think that their birth parents didn't abandon them.  I'm sure it's hard for your cousin and natural to feel like your being rejected somehow, but I think it's more about the kid trying to deal with their own emotions than a rejection of the adopted parents.