Jump to content

when you hit a wall with your family...


juciluci
 Share

Recommended Posts

 and the frustration just pushes you into the well..

 

 i lost my strength to  even try with them.

 

 

 

 yes, easy to say.. just don't! because that is where i am heading.

 i  can't even express myself on fb anymore  grrrr too many ears...     ;)

 

 

 

 

p.s.  the day started with a great idea for a bike a  triathlete friend posted..

  i would certainly get this for my new grand daughter wherever she gets born.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites



I like the trike!

 

So wth are you trying to say?  Btw, I need a picture of you in a bikini.

 i am saying that  i finally realize, and it took a lot of hurtful words,  actions over the years by friends, and family.. well i guess they are non friends ,    that  i really have no say... no input,   nothing  i will ever do will  add to,or bring about change to  a relationship i have with those .. non friends and family.... unless  it involves money.          when i had it,  they were always there...  

 as for the bikini pics, i am sorry, they are on my lumina that i freaking dropped  two weeks ago.. i can't get it to close up, its aluminum and it dented near the lens.. seems fine otherwise... so sorry no bikini shots.     maybe you can  get a shoe camera and  go shopping with the wife in a bikini store..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow.  Not that I can offer any solid advice, but my philosophy is I am my first priority.  If I'm not stable, healthy, and able to cope with my problems, then I am no good to anyone else.  Basic animal survival mode.  I can't solve everyone's problems.  It hurts, but it isn't fatal to me.  And yes, I have been into the PBR, but that's the way I really think.  I will not apologize in the morning.  :dontknow:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 i am guess there are no real answers other than isolating myself from everything.. and we all know how hard that is.. i came back right :) 

 thank you for all the words and knowledge of what you do...  i did finally get rid of a few people who attached themselves to me after the coma.. guess they were waiting for the big windfall... losing  one of them hurt a lot... the others, not so much.   

 its the closest to me  my children.. that are totally crushing my heart... and  i know what i have done over the years has always been for them... now that they are starting their own families they seemed to get meaner... i  have no idea why... maybe it really is me after all? and i am blind to it.    i lay here this morning watching the sky change from dark to light.. no stars only the glow of the skydome and i thought  how beautiful ... no stars no trees, but a simple change of the day can create such beauty all over the world...        

 

  a sign i need to change too? nah... just another day... but   i   will cloak myself in  things that make me semi happy....  as being with my children always made me happiest, i can't   so i  will do what  gets close. 

 

 thank you again for letting me vent  and lending your ears to my angst.  xo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So sorry Juci...I wish I had answers.  I know in my relationship with my sister, I limited my contact...still do..I learned that we are never going to be close.  I do not have children so I probably am not the best one to offer advice...but you know saying no...especially financially since things are harder for you financially is a very important thing...I mean at some point and time...you probably  became the first national bank for them...and the problem solver...so they only come to you with problems.  Hey as much as it hurts limit the money and even the time...and maybe things will change a bit. There is nothing wrong in taking care of yourself when necessary...and letting others go to manage on their own..

Hugs girl...I wish you peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So sorry Juci...I wish I had answers.  I know in my relationship with my sister, I limited my contact...still do..I learned that we are never going to be close.  I do not have children so I probably am not the best one to offer advice...but you know saying no...especially financially since things are harder for you financially is a very important thing...I mean at some point and time...you probably  became the first national bank for them...and the problem solver...so they only come to you with problems.  Hey as much as it hurts limit the money and even the time...and maybe things will change a bit. There is nothing wrong in taking care of yourself when necessary...and letting others go to manage on their own..

Hugs girl...I wish you peace.

 thank you Petite... i am sorry your sis and you are not closer... its hard when we have no parents to lean on to, also... it can feel very alone.  my sister calls me when things are bad, i have a series of phone call message  with her crying ...... for over two years her husband of 17 yrs has been acting really strange,  now this guy... i would have left him my bike, i liked him better than a brother.. he was the only one who helped me when i was sick with menangitis..   and  when in the coma,  they were there everyday....  but of course all i heard for years from my sister was how much parking cost them during my coma.. sheesh.... she forgot that when she came to toronto, i put her up, i  got her a job,  i  let her share my office for her own business... never paid rent, nothing...   when i found her an apartment..  and she went back to school for nursing.. i paid for it...   while still trying to raise two babies, pay a morgage and  pay for a business..... eventually she found her hubby..  got a job in a hospital and after i  was  ousted out of my home because of the gun to my head,... i had no where to live....  my brother lived  about 2 kms from the home i lived in.... my sister lived about 20 km..... i ended up in my car living in it  after my money ran out.. no one helped me.    the woman down the hall from my office used to make me soup and feed me.............. strangers became family.     even when i lived   near everyone, no one came for dinner... but expected me to bring dinner if i went to their home... even my in laws used me as a servent on holidays when they hosted parties..... i am such a wuss..

 so when i  decided to go out on my own, learn  rowing, cycling, running... i got stronger mentally....    i travelled 200 km a week to see my kids and begged for them weekends,  from the time they were 14-17 i grew emotionally and stepped out of my  wuss shell.... i made some friends, but kept them at a distance... i still do this because i found after... i  could not trust  anyone.     trust is a big issue for me after all this............   of course when i got cancer, had the operation that ended putting me in the coma...  i   had to take care of me...   they literally saw me in the hospital but took me home and left me....    i could not even sit up well?     tg i was mentally strong and pushed myself  everyday to move more... even when  i was trapped in my condo my neck so swollen with sepsis.. my fingers turning black... i would lean over the sink in my bathroom and  open my neck hole and let it drain out..  gross i know but it was sinks full of  junk... i could only make it to the hospital by taxi and mental fortitude.     i did this, because i had children... i had lost my mom and dad the year before.. and i had no husband...   obviously no real family....  no friends  tho one customer came by to see me in the hospital i do not remember at all... he only worked for my customer such a nice young man...      since then i leaned on my virtual friends.. you guys... and  a few others, fb became an outlet.. and i  worked as hard as i could.... falling and hurting myself  set me back a lot.   enough to make me reach out to family and find  they are not here for me.. and the bf... well lets just not talk about that. too much pain.

 

 on dec 2, i have to go to  a nieces  wedding, its huge, its in  domincan republic.. been saving for two yrs to go... am only going because its my brother in  bc,  his daughter, and  last june his wife  who is funny as hell...  had stage 4 cancer, double masectomy and made the whole ordeal like some funny sitcom.. even tho she worried on the inside  about her daughters and the upcoming wedding...  i  had been saving but   only decided when i found out about her cancer  to go and bought the tickets.        

 recently i asked  my   family that is going... all the brothers and  cousins..... what time their plane left etc... found out i  am the only family member leaving on  my plane..

 i was so happy.... and all i could thing of was that movie.....    snakes on the plane.... there won't be  any on mine  :)

 

 should be an interesting week... tg i look hot now and can find some cute domincans to salsa with :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JL, my heart breaks for you in this. I understand the isolation. Truly. I've had pretty much zero contact with my family in over 7 years now. None of them even came to my son's wedding last month.

Like you mentioned, I figure it must be me. But I can't make anyone want to have a relationship with me. So, I quit trying.

Anyway, you are loved by many of us who aren't in you immediate family.

I wish you peace this day. I pray your children figure it out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I so understand :(   Yup...it is hard and it is hard to trust others...and yeah sometimes we are very much alone.  You have put up wit a lot for a long time.  TAKE CARE OF YOU..obviously they don't worry about you...I guess I look at the pain and the lack of interest or help or even just plain friendship on their part and say goodbye.  Seriously, if you had a friend treat you like that...would you stay friends? 

 

More hugs going your way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just so you know, you aren't alone.  Hell, my sister couldn't even bother to come to mom's funeral a few years back.  I haven't spoken to her since the funeral for my other sister except once.....she called asking for money.  I didn't have any since I had just finished this house and the bank account was tapped dry.  Haven't heard from her since.  I'm also not going out of my way to try to contact her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Z, you are my soul friend... don't have to explain anything around you....  i hope your son was not upset with them not coming.. Congratulations on the wedding! :)   i had a friend like that up until 12 months ago.. he was my best friend, it hurt when he passed   isaac was the reason i took up reiki... to help him.. obviously it only made him live and suffer longer..   never had to say anything or even see him to know things, weird hunh..   thought i found someone as a partner like that but i was wrong.. again lol     AND of  course  i was told i am wrong, was actually told he picked the right woman when he bypassed me because i was too slow on the draw.. i was being respectful of his situation.. oh well... being nice does not count  in the long run   lol  

 

 petite,  my kids are pros at making me feel the guilt.. wether i do something or not i am guilty.. and they told me so. now i just listen on the phone and say yes, yes, i don't even bother to make plans... because i know they will be broken.... i absolutely loved thanksgiving, my favourite holiday..... a few years back everyone was invited... many said yes... no one came.....  i  had planned for a month... and no one came.....    so i made plates up and it was a slow go , but i got a lot of  street ppl fed...  i saved the pumpkin pie for me.. my guilty pleasure that year.    i never said anything to anyone...  they never said anything to me.... last weekend was thanksgiving... i was home for 4 days.. no one called.. my son was supposed to meet up with me,  but worked then went to his aunts because"  she makes good turkey"      now i find they are planning a shower for  his  gf...  i had one in the works... but was told no,     its for the wilsons...  i am not a wilson  anymore.        family sucks.

 

 i did have a friend like that......... i kept them  until it hurt so much i just walked away without looking back as i was leaving...    that was hard. but better in the end.

 

 

 modo, its  not funny  that we all seem to have family that needs us when they want things  but when we need  they are... in absentia.. not coming to   your moms funeral would have to have a good reason... i know some people can't handle it but its your mom!     please don't give your sister any money... it she called for it, you had none, and you haven't heard since... she didn't need it for anything important enough to  break down and ask again.       you should post some pictures of your home:) that would be nice  i love renovating! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi JL. No, you don't have to ever explain to me, but you are always welcome to talk to me and I am always here to listen if you need me. I am glad you see me as you do. -hugz-

But you know what, being nice does mean something in the long run. I love the person you are. Please don't change that. Too many people who don't care in rhe world.

My son told me last night that he wasn't upset that my family didn't go to the wedding.

I hope one day you and I can share a cup of coffee.

Peace this day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry Juci...you can come here in November for the American Thanksgiving.

 

I learned way back when not to plan on my sister for anything..like the time she didn't pick me up from the airport (our mother was still alive then) or the Christmas Eve we were gonna spend together..but she changed her mind...called me at noon to say " I've changed my mind I'm going to ___(friends) house..you are welcome to come, but I know you don't like them."  This was noon on Christmas Eve she cancelled. I spent a miserable and cold Christmas alone...and decided then I might be alone for a holiday...but I was going to plan the experience and it would be mine.  I did a few holidays with friends..but it felt awkward ...being the only non family member at a family gathering.  So I do my own thing...I do cook a turkey (although every year I say not this year) for Thanksgiving..and I invite friends over..sometimes I will actually have 1 to 3 guests...Black Friday is my decoration day.  I had cousins that use to invite me over once and awhile..but they got very preachy and judgmental when I was un-employed..and more so when I went to take care of my aunt...after that I just avoided them.

 

I appreciate my friends...and plan activities on holidays for myself...and well...it works and although I am alone...I am at peace and not angry or frustrated by family members who don't give damn.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...