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Loaning money to friends


BuffJim
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Last week my wife got a text from a close friend who said that she desperately needed $750 to pay a car insurance bill or she’d lose her job as an Uber driver. She has ‘lent’ her emergency money before and never got paid back. Then the next day she said she needed $4800 or she’d be evicted. Again BC said no and she also told her friend she couldn’t ask me. This put a lot of stress on BC, because Becky had been one of her best friends for years. But Becky has fallen into hard times with bad financial decisions including stopping paying rent during Covid. 
Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. 
We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. 

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Yeah that’s hard.  The thing with people like that is the more you give the more they ask.

My brother used to hit me up for cash often.  It pissed me off that it was never his fault he needed the money and if I didn’t lend (give) him money then I was the asshole. 

I cut him off many years ago and told him to get his affairs sorted and quit giving me/others, namely our mom, crap for not giving him money.  

He’s been better the past 20 years or so.

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Lending money to friends never seems to end well.  I agree with your gift plan.  If I give you money, I do it as a gift-- not expecting repayment.  I'm not a bank.  Multiple times is a pattern and I am not supporting it-- especially given she did not return the last money that she "borrowed"

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My wife has loaned money to friends over the years, but it was always to friends who had jobs but hit a roadblock where expenses were greater than income.  Eventually, sometimes a year or more later, the money was paid back.  It was never an amount that we couldn't easily live without.

I generally just give money rather than loan money, but that would be to family members at various points in their lives.  If I have it, I'm not so tied to it that I can't part with it.

Her friend sounds like there is a spiral going on, and maybe she needs financial counseling way before financial support.  Can BC help her with getting some sort of financial education instead?

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17 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

Yeah that’s hard.  The thing with people like that is the more you give the more they ask.

My brother used to hit me up for cash often.  It pissed me off that it was never his fault he needed the money and if I didn’t lend (give) him money then I was the asshole. 

I cut him off many years ago and told him to get his affairs sorted and quit giving me/others, namely our mom, crap for not giving him money.  

He’s been better the past 20 years or so.

That's ok.  After I cut my stepbrother off I haven't heard from him in years.  Someone in my family saw him in the store recently so we know he's still alive but that's all.

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10 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

My wife has loaned money to friends over the years, but it was always to friends who had jobs but hit a roadblock where expenses were greater than income.  Eventually, sometimes a year or more later, the money was paid back.  It was never an amount that we couldn't easily live without.

I generally just give money rather than loan money, but that would be to family members at various points in their lives.  If I have it, I'm not so tied to it that I can't part with it.

Her friend sounds like there is a spiral going on, and maybe she needs financial counseling way before financial support.  Can BC help her with getting some sort of financial education instead?

Hard to teach a 60 year old dog new tricks. She quit her well paying job 10 years ago and liked to buy expensive things. She has two dogs with medical needs, and she can’t afford the luxury apartment she has. She’s estranged from family. She lost ‘custody’ of her husband after he had a catastrophic accident and she tried to get the nurses to pull the plug. His family found out and  now a judge has control of his affairs. She also had a major accident the week of our wedding where she was hit by a car and is now on disability. But when she started getting settlement money she would buy expensive jewelry and furniture instead of living expenses. She’s very bitter, but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago. 

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11 hours ago, BuffJim said:

but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago

 

On the surface it seems to me the person your wife was friends with decades ago is not the same person who's asking your wife for money.

However, I add that your wife is the best judge of that and that what appears on the surface is not always the true nature of things.

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I've only had one friend ever ask me for a loan.  It was a good friend who was in the process of a divorce and needed some short term money to cover some down payments and other costs related to starting over from the split.  She was a hard worker and  very responsible, and I was glad I could help when she needed it.  I was fine if she never repaid me, but she did.  If I weren't willing to consider it a gift, I'd be wary of giving anyone money. 

Sounds like BC is a very loyal friend and this must be hard for her. Her brain tells her this isn't wise, but it can be hard to quiet the heart sometimes.

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12 hours ago, BuffJim said:

Hard to teach a 60 year old dog new tricks. She quit her well paying job 10 years ago and liked to buy expensive things. She has two dogs with medical needs, and she can’t afford the luxury apartment she has. She’s estranged from family. She lost ‘custody’ of her husband after he had a catastrophic accident and she tried to get the nurses to pull the plug. His family found out and  now a judge has control of his affairs. She also had a major accident the week of our wedding where she was hit by a car and is now on disability. But when she started getting settlement money she would buy expensive jewelry and furniture instead of living expenses. She’s very bitter, but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago. 

BC should give her moral support where it feels right and helpful from her heart.

No money loans and just a gift as recently provided for  Christmas or birthday. There's also some invitations for dinner...

I've never loaned money to a friend. I have, to family..it's been paid back and liveable loan...except one sis forgot for part of her medical ed. tuition, which she has given back to me willingly, in multiple ways in last 20+ yrs. She's not like ChristL's brother before he shaped up.  To my mother, it  is a straight gift which I know money is always carefully used.

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12 hours ago, BuffJim said:

Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. 

Hmmm...  measly $4800.   Then it should be no problem for BC's friend to dig out of the hole she made for herself.

12 hours ago, BuffJim said:

We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. 

That's where I'd stop.    I'd bet (knowing WoBG for 40+ years) that if WoBG's GF would ask for $4800, WoBG would say NO in a few seconds.  And that's after them knowing each other since HS.

I would give my daughter $4800, but never a friend.   I guess I have about 1 year before Ebenezer Scrooge's ghosts come to haunt me. 

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15 hours ago, ChrisL said:

When I cut my brother off he leaned on the 4 kids being expensive excuse. I told him your right, probably a bad idea to buy 4 dirt bikes, a fancy trailer & two expensive cars then…

It was the tough love financial counseling…

I had a deadbeat tenant one time that bought his six year old kid a dirt bike and said he couldn’t pay the rent.

I had a hard time convincing myself it was ok to spend over $5,000 on a bicycle when I had no debts and money in the bank.

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On 12/29/2021 at 10:23 AM, BuffJim said:

Last week my wife got a text from a close friend who said that she desperately needed $750 to pay a car insurance bill or she’d lose her job as an Uber driver. She has ‘lent’ her emergency money before and never got paid back. Then the next day she said she needed $4800 or she’d be evicted. Again BC said no and she also told her friend she couldn’t ask me. This put a lot of stress on BC, because Becky had been one of her best friends for years. But Becky has fallen into hard times with bad financial decisions including stopping paying rent during Covid. 
Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. 
We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. 

A "measly" $4800.  Does she think everyone who is financially comfortably has lots of excess money to "lend" and not expect to be paid back?

I've given money away to relatives who needed help, but never lent money.

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2 hours ago, MickinMD said:

A "measly" $4800.  Does she think everyone who is financially comfortably has lots of excess money to "lend" and not expect to be paid back?

I've given money away to relatives who needed help, but never lent money.

Her brother is millionaire rich, but they’re not on speaking terms. BuffCarla thinks she should humble herself and try to get help from him. 
 

There’s also an internet fiancé, and they may be both trying to scam money from each other. 

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14 minutes ago, BuffJim said:

Her brother is millionaire rich, but they’re not on speaking terms. BuffCarla thinks she should humble herself and try to get help from him. 
 

There’s also an internet fiancé, and they may be both trying to scam money from each other. 

BC thinks much for her friend. Does she have a skill or something that's good? Hope BC encourages it. 

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