BuffJim Posted December 29, 2021 Share #1 Posted December 29, 2021 Last week my wife got a text from a close friend who said that she desperately needed $750 to pay a car insurance bill or she’d lose her job as an Uber driver. She has ‘lent’ her emergency money before and never got paid back. Then the next day she said she needed $4800 or she’d be evicted. Again BC said no and she also told her friend she couldn’t ask me. This put a lot of stress on BC, because Becky had been one of her best friends for years. But Becky has fallen into hard times with bad financial decisions including stopping paying rent during Covid. Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkpow Posted December 29, 2021 Share #2 Posted December 29, 2021 https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/blog/what-shakespeare-teaches-us-about-money 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted December 29, 2021 Share #3 Posted December 29, 2021 Yeah that’s hard. The thing with people like that is the more you give the more they ask. My brother used to hit me up for cash often. It pissed me off that it was never his fault he needed the money and if I didn’t lend (give) him money then I was the asshole. I cut him off many years ago and told him to get his affairs sorted and quit giving me/others, namely our mom, crap for not giving him money. He’s been better the past 20 years or so. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted December 29, 2021 Share #4 Posted December 29, 2021 Lending money to friends never seems to end well. I agree with your gift plan. If I give you money, I do it as a gift-- not expecting repayment. I'm not a bank. Multiple times is a pattern and I am not supporting it-- especially given she did not return the last money that she "borrowed" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razors Edge ★ Posted December 29, 2021 Share #5 Posted December 29, 2021 My wife has loaned money to friends over the years, but it was always to friends who had jobs but hit a roadblock where expenses were greater than income. Eventually, sometimes a year or more later, the money was paid back. It was never an amount that we couldn't easily live without. I generally just give money rather than loan money, but that would be to family members at various points in their lives. If I have it, I'm not so tied to it that I can't part with it. Her friend sounds like there is a spiral going on, and maybe she needs financial counseling way before financial support. Can BC help her with getting some sort of financial education instead? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted December 29, 2021 Share #6 Posted December 29, 2021 17 minutes ago, ChrisL said: Yeah that’s hard. The thing with people like that is the more you give the more they ask. My brother used to hit me up for cash often. It pissed me off that it was never his fault he needed the money and if I didn’t lend (give) him money then I was the asshole. I cut him off many years ago and told him to get his affairs sorted and quit giving me/others, namely our mom, crap for not giving him money. He’s been better the past 20 years or so. That's ok. After I cut my stepbrother off I haven't heard from him in years. Someone in my family saw him in the store recently so we know he's still alive but that's all. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ChrisL Posted December 29, 2021 Popular Post Share #7 Posted December 29, 2021 12 minutes ago, Razors Edge said: My wife has loaned money to friends over the years, but it was always to friends who had jobs but hit a roadblock where expenses were greater than income. Eventually, sometimes a year or more later, the money was paid back. It was never an amount that we couldn't easily live without. I generally just give money rather than loan money, but that would be to family members at various points in their lives. If I have it, I'm not so tied to it that I can't part with it. Her friend sounds like there is a spiral going on, and maybe she needs financial counseling way before financial support. Can BC help her with getting some sort of financial education instead? When I cut my brother off he leaned on the 4 kids being expensive excuse. I told him your right, probably a bad idea to buy 4 dirt bikes, a fancy trailer & two expensive cars then… It was the tough love financial counseling… 4 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted December 29, 2021 Author Share #8 Posted December 29, 2021 10 minutes ago, Razors Edge said: My wife has loaned money to friends over the years, but it was always to friends who had jobs but hit a roadblock where expenses were greater than income. Eventually, sometimes a year or more later, the money was paid back. It was never an amount that we couldn't easily live without. I generally just give money rather than loan money, but that would be to family members at various points in their lives. If I have it, I'm not so tied to it that I can't part with it. Her friend sounds like there is a spiral going on, and maybe she needs financial counseling way before financial support. Can BC help her with getting some sort of financial education instead? Hard to teach a 60 year old dog new tricks. She quit her well paying job 10 years ago and liked to buy expensive things. She has two dogs with medical needs, and she can’t afford the luxury apartment she has. She’s estranged from family. She lost ‘custody’ of her husband after he had a catastrophic accident and she tried to get the nurses to pull the plug. His family found out and now a judge has control of his affairs. She also had a major accident the week of our wedding where she was hit by a car and is now on disability. But when she started getting settlement money she would buy expensive jewelry and furniture instead of living expenses. She’s very bitter, but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaddeus Kosciuszko Posted December 30, 2021 Share #9 Posted December 30, 2021 11 hours ago, BuffJim said: but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago On the surface it seems to me the person your wife was friends with decades ago is not the same person who's asking your wife for money. However, I add that your wife is the best judge of that and that what appears on the surface is not always the true nature of things. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted December 30, 2021 Share #10 Posted December 30, 2021 I've only had one friend ever ask me for a loan. It was a good friend who was in the process of a divorce and needed some short term money to cover some down payments and other costs related to starting over from the split. She was a hard worker and very responsible, and I was glad I could help when she needed it. I was fine if she never repaid me, but she did. If I weren't willing to consider it a gift, I'd be wary of giving anyone money. Sounds like BC is a very loyal friend and this must be hard for her. Her brain tells her this isn't wise, but it can be hard to quiet the heart sometimes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #11 Posted December 30, 2021 I still evaluate requests for money because people do from time to time, end up in bad situations that were just not resolvable nor their fault. So, I don't always give a solid no, but if I do, it is with good reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jsharr ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Popular Post Share #12 Posted December 30, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wilbur said: I still evaluate requests for money because people do from time to time, end up in bad situations that were just not resolvable nor their fault. So, I don't always give a solid no, but if I do, it is with good reason. “Fuck Off Jsharr!” felt like a hard No to me, just so you know 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Wilbur ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Popular Post Share #13 Posted December 30, 2021 Just now, jsharr said: “Fuck Off Jsharr!” felt like a hard No to me, just so you know That is a lie! I never said "jsharr". 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted December 30, 2021 Share #14 Posted December 30, 2021 12 hours ago, BuffJim said: Hard to teach a 60 year old dog new tricks. She quit her well paying job 10 years ago and liked to buy expensive things. She has two dogs with medical needs, and she can’t afford the luxury apartment she has. She’s estranged from family. She lost ‘custody’ of her husband after he had a catastrophic accident and she tried to get the nurses to pull the plug. His family found out and now a judge has control of his affairs. She also had a major accident the week of our wedding where she was hit by a car and is now on disability. But when she started getting settlement money she would buy expensive jewelry and furniture instead of living expenses. She’s very bitter, but my wife has loyalty because they were such good friends decades ago. BC should give her moral support where it feels right and helpful from her heart. No money loans and just a gift as recently provided for Christmas or birthday. There's also some invitations for dinner... I've never loaned money to a friend. I have, to family..it's been paid back and liveable loan...except one sis forgot for part of her medical ed. tuition, which she has given back to me willingly, in multiple ways in last 20+ yrs. She's not like ChristL's brother before he shaped up. To my mother, it is a straight gift which I know money is always carefully used. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikeguy Posted December 30, 2021 Share #15 Posted December 30, 2021 12 hours ago, BuffJim said: Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. Hmmm... measly $4800. Then it should be no problem for BC's friend to dig out of the hole she made for herself. 12 hours ago, BuffJim said: We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. That's where I'd stop. I'd bet (knowing WoBG for 40+ years) that if WoBG's GF would ask for $4800, WoBG would say NO in a few seconds. And that's after them knowing each other since HS. I would give my daughter $4800, but never a friend. I guess I have about 1 year before Ebenezer Scrooge's ghosts come to haunt me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #16 Posted December 30, 2021 15 hours ago, ChrisL said: When I cut my brother off he leaned on the 4 kids being expensive excuse. I told him your right, probably a bad idea to buy 4 dirt bikes, a fancy trailer & two expensive cars then… It was the tough love financial counseling… I had a deadbeat tenant one time that bought his six year old kid a dirt bike and said he couldn’t pay the rent. I had a hard time convincing myself it was ok to spend over $5,000 on a bicycle when I had no debts and money in the bank. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razors Edge ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #17 Posted December 30, 2021 4 hours ago, Longjohn said: I had a hard time convincing myself it was ok to spend over $5,000 on a bicycle when I had no debts and money in the bank. It has become hard to overcome frugality, but I am getting better at it! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted December 30, 2021 Share #18 Posted December 30, 2021 23 hours ago, ChrisL said: The thing with people like that is the more you give the more they ask. I dunno, I have borrowed from friends in the past and paid them back. I have also lent money to friends that have paid it back. Not $4800, though, that is an extreme ask. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #19 Posted December 30, 2021 12 hours ago, Wilbur said: That is a lie! I never said "jsharr". You are probably right. Oh and Nominated @Kzoo? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #20 Posted December 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Randomguy said: I dunno, I have borrowed from friends in the past and paid them back. I have also lent money to friends that have paid it back. Not $4800, though, that is an extreme ask. It is not like she asked for $20,000! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #21 Posted December 30, 2021 On 12/29/2021 at 9:23 AM, BuffJim said: Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. I got your measley $27 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted December 30, 2021 Share #22 Posted December 30, 2021 On 12/29/2021 at 10:23 AM, BuffJim said: Last week my wife got a text from a close friend who said that she desperately needed $750 to pay a car insurance bill or she’d lose her job as an Uber driver. She has ‘lent’ her emergency money before and never got paid back. Then the next day she said she needed $4800 or she’d be evicted. Again BC said no and she also told her friend she couldn’t ask me. This put a lot of stress on BC, because Becky had been one of her best friends for years. But Becky has fallen into hard times with bad financial decisions including stopping paying rent during Covid. Then her friend complained that none of her friends would lend her a measly $4800. It’s not like she was asking for $20,000. We sent her $150 in a gift cards with her Christmas card. A "measly" $4800. Does she think everyone who is financially comfortably has lots of excess money to "lend" and not expect to be paid back? I've given money away to relatives who needed help, but never lent money. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted December 30, 2021 Author Share #23 Posted December 30, 2021 2 hours ago, MickinMD said: A "measly" $4800. Does she think everyone who is financially comfortably has lots of excess money to "lend" and not expect to be paid back? I've given money away to relatives who needed help, but never lent money. Her brother is millionaire rich, but they’re not on speaking terms. BuffCarla thinks she should humble herself and try to get help from him. There’s also an internet fiancé, and they may be both trying to scam money from each other. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted December 30, 2021 Share #24 Posted December 30, 2021 14 minutes ago, BuffJim said: Her brother is millionaire rich, but they’re not on speaking terms. BuffCarla thinks she should humble herself and try to get help from him. There’s also an internet fiancé, and they may be both trying to scam money from each other. BC thinks much for her friend. Does she have a skill or something that's good? Hope BC encourages it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share #25 Posted December 31, 2021 1 hour ago, shootingstar said: BC thinks much for her friend. Does she have a skill or something that's good? Hope BC encourages it. Not much. I think she was an administrative assistant. Good at buying luxury items. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted December 31, 2021 Share #26 Posted December 31, 2021 36 minutes ago, BuffJim said: Not much. I think she was an administrative assistant. Good at buying luxury items. Hmm sounds like someone I know… Dues BC’s friend live in VA? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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