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Everyone deserves better...


Randomguy
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...but especially Cheese.  This joker didn't know Hank at all, and has nothing but a Jesus informercial.  So much that could be said, he mentions one thing about pets at the start and then it is all Jesus all the time.

Absolutely horrible.  Talk about and celebrate Cheese's life, not by some jackhole that couldn't be bothered to know a thing about him and is just mailing it in and just stringing rote phrases together.  

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22 minutes ago, Page Turner said:

...this is always an issue with funeral services.  Nobody thinks he's gonna die, so nobody plans it out and picks the speaker/reverend/whatever.

Funerals are pretty much done up by the funeral director people at the place you end up.  Everyone involved in the family is still in a state of shock.

This was egregious, though. 

Seriously, This idiot didn't have a conversation about Cheese before doing this?  A little about him having a life and a personality and family and friends was just too much to ask for?  I feel like Cheese's casket was just a prop for the pastor to have verbal diarrhea for a few minutes, just random bible crap and nothing about the person the service is being held for.  I am more than a little furious as to how little thought the pastor put into this. 

This was the worst service I have ever seen, and not fitting at all for someone so loved.

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4 minutes ago, jsharrwick said:

I want one of ya'll to come and read some of my worst posts outloud at mine.  Toss around an inflatable delicious bass and then do parodies of the sermon the preacher delivers.

Done.  At what point do we pee on your grave?  :) 

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One good thing about a Quaker funeral is no one says a durn thing unless the spirit moves them. No officiant. Just an elder asked to let visitors know what to expect and tell everyone when it is time to leave. 
 

At my mom’s someone talked about how his life was changed by my mother being a mother to him. Another person talked about when she volunteered in the 7th grade math lab and let in twice as many kids as allowed. There must have been others but I remember these. 

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1 minute ago, MoseySusan said:

The Jesus message is standard at Mass of Christian Burial. Along with a number of eulogies, usually one, but it could be more. I agree with you, though, that this pastor could have been more aware of Hank as a person. 

He really wasn't even aware of him at all.  I get that a Christian pastor is going to advertise a little for his home team, but literally tying nothing in to Hank or his family or friends or coworkers who showed up was shitty.  Everyone was there for Cheese, not a crappy incoherent infomercial about Jesus.  

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I was too young at 23 when my mom died..and although our parish priest knew her and me..it was "canned" preaching ...I don't  think personal eulogies were a big thing at that time...funeral practices have become more personalized over the years. I have done a basic outline..but plan to revisit it..for my services.

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1 minute ago, Airehead said:

One good thing about a Quaker funeral is no one says a durn thing unless the spirit moves them. No officiant. Just an elder asked to let visitors know what to expect and tell everyone when it is time to leave. 
 

At my mom’s someone talked about how his life was changed by my mother being a mother to him. Another person talked about when she volunteered in the 7th grade math lab and let in twice as many kids as allowed. There must have been others but I remember these. 

I guess we had a Quaker funeral for my father.  Everyone spoke, the kids let symbolic balloons go and we had dinner and drinks.

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4 minutes ago, petitepedal said:

I was too young at 23 when my mom died..and although our parish priest knew her and me..it was "canned" preaching ...I don't  think personal eulogies were a big thing at that time...funeral practices have become more personalized over the years. I have done a basic outline..but plan to revisit it..for my services.

I also think that to many the tradition of the formal mass is comforting.  The performance of rituals that tie generations together. 

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21 minutes ago, Kirby said:

 I just hope it was helpful for Mom Cheese and Terri.  I always think the main purpose of the ceremony is family, and perhaps the pastor is meaningful to them or the message is one that resonates with them.

I hope so, but I suspect that they were in shock and were just barely processing things.   I think they would be upset for the same reasons I am if they were actively taking it in and looking for relevance of the words to Hank's life.  There is probably relief from the service being over, and of being able to start on the closure of it all, but the pastor played no real role in it other than just fulfilling a contractual obligation to say something. 

If in a similar situation when I die, I would hope somebody here would have the decency to stand up and tell some douchebag pastor like this who didn't know me to sit down and stfu and take over from him; anybody here would do a better job than we all witnessed today.

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2 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

If in a similar situation when I die, I would hope somebody here would have the decency to stand up and tell some douchebag pastor like this who didn't know me to sit down and stfu and take over from them; anybody here would do a better job than we all witnessed today.

Ok. I got you, friend. 

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55 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

This was egregious, though. 

Seriously, This idiot didn't have a conversation about Cheese before doing this?  A little about him having a life and a personality and family and friends was just too much to ask for?  I feel like Cheese's casket was just a prop for the pastor to have verbal diarrhea for a few minutes, just random bible crap and nothing about the person the service is being held for.  I am more than a little furious as to how little thought the pastor put into this. 

This was the worst service I have ever seen, and not fitting at all for someone so loved.

...the worst funeral service I have ever attended was the one for my old man, who died unexpectedly on Christmas Eve , 1966. I think I was maybe 17 years old, and my mother and I were both basket cases for a while there. Don't put too much energy into this, or if you want to vent, figure out what you want done if you die unexpectedly (which was the case here), and younger than planned (also the case here).

 

In the case of my old man, it was a Catholic service in a big old empty church, with a priest who knew none of us other than to say hello on Sunday morning. And the burial and graveside service was at Arlington national Cemetery. Which turned out to be a blessing, because they have a pretty standard service they do there to pass the minutes. Then they hand you the flag, and everyone wanders off to get drunk somewhere.

 

All I can remember of it was wanting it to be over.  By the time the day of the services arrived, I had already had more than enough of what my life had now become, and I was fortunate that I only had to hang around for another year or two until I could venture off to see the world on an all expenses paid trip, gift of the DOD. :)

 

 

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30 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

 

If in a similar situation when I die, I would hope somebody here would have the decency to stand up and tell some douchebag pastor like this who didn't know me to sit down and stfu and take over from him; anybody here would do a better job than we all witnessed today.

...if you want, I will dress up in drag and sing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina" at your services.  I don't make that offer to just anyone.:flirtyeyess:

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2 hours ago, Randomguy said:

...but especially Cheese.  This joker didn't know Hank at all, and has nothing but a Jesus informercial.  So much that could be said, he mentions one thing about pets at the start and then it is all Jesus all the time.

Absolutely horrible.  Talk about and celebrate Cheese's life, not by some jackhole that couldn't be bothered to know a thing about him and is just mailing it in and just stringing rote phrases together.  

...see, if you were not so emotionally distraught, you would have picked up that Bible verse from the homily, "Jesus wept", and run with it.  But I forgive you, you are upset.

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46 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

I hope so, but I suspect that they were in shock and were just barely processing things.   I think they would be upset for the same reasons I am if they were actively taking it in and looking for relevance of the words to Hank's life.  There is probably relief from the service being over, and of being able to start on the closure of it all, but the pastor played no real role in it other than just fulfilling a contractual obligation to say something. 

If in a similar situation when I die, I would hope somebody here would have the decency to stand up and tell some douchebag pastor like this who didn't know me to sit down and stfu and take over from him; anybody here would do a better job than we all witnessed today.

For my sister's funeral, which most of the arrangements were done by her hubby, there was a minister, though neither my sister or hubby were churchgoers at all. I'm sure the  minister was a great woman. I just don't remember what she said.  I had drafted the euology with my siblings, but didn't deliver it. Someone else did. We were all in shock, because no one expected her death.

I went to a friend's mother's funeral when friend lost her mother. My friend was in her mid-20's (same age as I). Her mother died ..hit as a pedestrian by car.  A neighbour  gave the euology. I learned nothing about the mother.

Now,...I  know that at that time in life, friend and her younger siblings in addition to shock, might have not  known ...how to express best characteristics of their mother, especially for teens still in rebellion stage. 

However I swore to myself after that funeral, I would try to understand each of my parents better, so that we know their best strengths now, not when they're dead. That I would learn more about each of them as individuals and their history.

Some people just aren't good with crafting a memory speech or haven't resolved their relationship with the person who died.

I also believe for some people it takes a long time to understand certain family members, outside of their family role, as parent or sibling.  It's taken us a long time, to realize that my mother (who is still alive) actually has a sharp technical mind naturally. (She has Gr. 10  high school education). It's learning to see my mother beyond just 'mother'. She is more than that.  If life was different, she might have become like one of her daughters...in STEM discipline. For many  years, I couldn't understand why she chose same colour palette for sewing clothing...and I realized she just isn't artistically inclined...as my father. 

 

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10 minutes ago, Rattlecan said:

I have delivered eulogies for a couple of uncles and my dad. I had no prepared speeches in any of those cases, just some bullet points on a small card to be sure I touched on everything I meat to, and just went and winged it. I just went up there and made like I was just talking to friends, which I was. I am completely comfortable doing that. 

That's great. I can wing other types of public speaking, but not a euology.  It can help a family, if there's someone already in the family who naturally enjoys writing and speechifying ...even during times of grief....because that's how the person naturally "releases"...a need to help by expressing in words for the best and worst of times.

I gave a copy of father's euology to his grandchildren.

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