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What percentage of one's dialogue would you have to agree with in order to be friends?


Wilbur
Go to solution Solved by JerrySTL,

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1 minute ago, maddmaxx said:

That is not something I would assign a percentage to, but rather the content of some of that dialogue.  My friends can say lots of things I disagree with or they can utter one sentence that ends that friendship.  It's all relative.

This is more my style.  

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9 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

heathen.  You didn't quote 42.

78 plus 42 is 120; you can’t get more real than that!

in sirrious response to the question it depends on the people involved. If my friend only wants to hear their thoughts repeated in my voice. I can’t do that. If I make a statement or opinion and they immediately counter why I’m wrong, without taking into account that my expression is based on my life experiences, education, and personal interpretation. I can’t do that either.

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I have a friend that we are complete polar opposites when it comes to politics. We actually laugh and joke about about being opposites when it comes to politics. 

Just because he doesn't have the same views as me doesn't mean that I wish death on him. 

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17 hours ago, Old No. 7 said:

78 plus 42 is 120; you can’t get more real than that!

in sirrious response to the question it depends on the people involved. If my friend only wants to hear their thoughts repeated in my voice. I can’t do that. If I make a statement or opinion and they immediately counter why I’m wrong, without taking into account that my expression is based on my life experiences, education, and personal interpretation. I can’t do that either.

I like this answer, and augment with my take.

I have said here several times before that I have friends with all manner of fucked up beliefs.  Leads to good conversations, and to me, the most important thing is hearing the 'why' component of everything.  The 'whys' are most important because without the well-thought-out whys, you are just a straight-up fool repeating nonsense. 

If you can't defend your position in speaking and writing logically and explain how you arrived at those views, then your opinions are just unorganized fluff and aren't worthy of respect, especially if it is all just parroting and spouting off constantly.  If you can't admit the bad with the good or obvious contradictions about your beliefs and admit to any logical gaps and clear biases, then you haven't examined those beliefs enough to be valid.  You must be able to laugh about them and be able to view them from the perspective of someone who doesn't think the same way, too. 

Thinking is necessary, generally, in order to be good friends, as I like curious people who have originality and thoughtful consideration as part of their core makeup.

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17 hours ago, Wilbur said:

Many do.  A coworker made reference to it the other day and I found it odd that he would equate friendship to commonality of thought but his reasons sounded plausible.  

It seems like this is a fairly recent thing. We have lost the ability to simply disagree and leave it at that. I read something recently that said this is common in eastern cultures. They referred to it as a shame and honor system. If there is disagreement it’s not just your belief or idea is bad, but you are a bad person for having it. Not sure if that is accurate or not but does seem to be where some are headed.

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11 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I like this answer, and augment with my take.

I have said here several times before that I have friends with all manner of fucked up beliefs.  Leads to good conversations, and to me, the most important thing is hearing the 'why' component of everything.  The 'whys' are most important because without the well-thought-out whys, you are just a straight-up fool repeating nonsense. 

If you can't defend your position in speaking and writing logically and explain how you arrived at those views, then your opinions are just unorganized fluff and aren't worthy of respect, especially if it is all just parroting and spouting off constantly.  If you can't admit the bad with the good or obvious contradictions about your beliefs and admit to any logical gaps and clear biases, then you haven't examined those beliefs enough to be valid.  You must be able to laugh about them and be able to view them from the perspective of someone who doesn't think the same way, too. 

Thinking is necessary, generally, in order to be good friends, as I like curious people who have originality and thoughtful consideration as part of their core makeup.

Very close and long standing friends are there in our lives to support one another. To me, that's why they are long-standing and close friends. They accept the flaws that they see in us, (they may not know all of them) but keep the friendship because the person has some good traits and also share some things in common, including  learning/doing something together. They can include: shared experiences in life and some core values.  Those values also include mutual respect and shared relationship of some equity. There is mutual positive reciprocity, support. Otherwise the friendship is one-sided and unhealthy.

A good friend allows us  grow and willingly is beside us to listen, should we need their ear, etc. A very close/best friend allows us to be/become ourselves at every stage in life.   While one may debate and have opposite views, it's not like that with my friends that I've known last 40-11 yrs. One cannot sustain a healthy friendship for long if it creates stress. I don't waste time arguing like I do here in the forum compared to my face-to-face friends. It doesn't mean we agree on everything, it's just not central to our friendship what we individually might have  on  strong big ticket opinion we have on certain issues.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't even argue strongly in real life except occasionally with a family member or so.  I occasionally have differing opinion with others in my job, on matters where it's suitable for my job role to express a different opinion that is work-related. It is a role that requires analysis and solutions which may contradict with some colleagues. But then colleagues don't expect everyone to think the same. (I hope. Something happened today, where I teetered close to crossing the line with my boss..in front a bunch of people.)

So when I come to this forum, I admit it is something different for me. I didn't even read this thread until now. 

 

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