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Deal breaker


Longjohn

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I keep finding women that are really interesting and check off all/most of the boxes of what I’m looking for but they live an hour or more away. There are very few women on the dating site that are local and the ones that are don’t interest me or are not really on the site anymore but their profile still is. There is one lady in Mercer who I’ve chatted with a little bit before Nancy. I never set up a time to meet her because she is a smoker. Fifty years ago I dated smokers and it didn’t bother me. Do you think I should meet her for lunch just because she is close and find out what she is all about? 
 

I really like the lady I just went cycling with and will probably be putting thousands of miles on my car again but If I am ever going to meet this local person it should be before I get committed to this cyclist/kayaker.

As I typed this I pretty much talked myself out of meeting the smoker but maybe just have her as a friend?

My son’s father in law lost his wife to cancer eight years ago and just last year married a lady he met online who lived in Cleveland. They talked for months before they met face to face. She sold her house in Cleveland and moved to Pa.

  

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2 minutes ago, Airehead said:

I think a person who is a smoker probably has many other lifestyle differences than you. 

I think so too. I got a notice this morning that she was checking out my profile again. I messaged her on the site and asked her how she is doing. It brought up our conversation from March. She was a care giver for a 102 year old lady that lives in Mercer. I wonder if that lady is still kicking? She hasn’t responded yet.

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4 minutes ago, Further said:

I work with a few smokers, can’t take the odor 

I think I’m doomed to doing a lot of driving but like I told Karen, I think she is worth it. There is still enough summer left that we can do the kind of things we enjoy together and get to know each other better. We have already talked about doing a multi-day bike adventure.

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I don't consider an hour a long drive, so I guess it depends how much longer than an hour it is.   Also, if Karen is interested, she'll likely be happy meeting you part way, so if there is a restaurant or activity somewhere between you, you can also plan to meet at the location to save some driving.

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25 minutes ago, Kirby said:

I don't consider an hour a long drive, so I guess it depends how much longer than an hour it is

My commute to the office is an hour with very little traffic. Ninety minutes going home. You could do that for some snuggles. Meet halfway. She drives to see you now and then. Cuts down on your mileage.

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If I was in the dating scene again, smoking would be one of the major deal breakers. On the other hand, "smoking hot'" would not be.

WoJSTL was a smoker when we first dated and got married. I thought it strange as she was a nurse and knew all about lung cancer, but many medical people smoked back then. But she quit within a year of our marriage. I'd just quit smoking a few years before, so I was more tolerant then.

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59 minutes ago, Kirby said:

I don't consider an hour a long drive, so I guess it depends how much longer than an hour it is.   Also, if Karen is interested, she'll likely be happy meeting you part way, so if there is a restaurant or activity somewhere between you, you can also plan to meet at the location to save some driving.

Kirby is wise. That is how I meet my Maryland brother most of the time, in Delaware. 

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16 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

I would never date a smoker, too stinky.  And it isn't just her, it will be her car, clothes, furniture, curtains, everything.  

You will be happier if you don't do that to yourself.

How about a pot or cigar or, even worse, a pipe smoker?

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2 hours ago, 2Far said:

That would be a 100% deal breaker for me.

It probably would for me too. As you age , the chances of a catastrophic illness attributable to smoking goes up. You wouldn’t want to marry someone just to spend the rest of their life watching them suffer a smoking related illness. I get the in sickness and in health part, but still. 

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On 8/16/2022 at 9:14 AM, Longjohn said:

I keep finding women that are really interesting and check off all/most of the boxes of what I’m looking for but they live an hour or more away. There are very few women on the dating site that are local and the ones that are don’t interest me or are not really on the site anymore but their profile still is. There is one lady in Mercer who I’ve chatted with a little bit before Nancy. I never set up a time to meet her because she is a smoker. Fifty years ago I dated smokers and it didn’t bother me. Do you think I should meet her for lunch just because she is close and find out what she is all about? 
 

I really like the lady I just went cycling with and will probably be putting thousands of miles on my car again but If I am ever going to meet this local person it should be before I get committed to this cyclist/kayaker.

As I typed this I pretty much talked myself out of meeting the smoker but maybe just have her as a friend?

My son’s father in law lost his wife to cancer eight years ago and just last year married a lady he met online who lived in Cleveland. They talked for months before they met face to face. She sold her house in Cleveland and moved to Pa.

  

For me, the smoking would stop things from leading to anything serious.

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On 8/16/2022 at 11:30 AM, Randomguy said:

I would never date a smoker, too stinky.  And it isn't just her, it will be her car, clothes, furniture, curtains, everything.  

You will be happier if you don't do that to yourself.

It becomes more bothersome each decade in life.  My first condo after I bought,  I had to really wash the walls...the smoke stuck to it as a layer. Gross.

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On 8/16/2022 at 7:59 AM, Kirby said:

I don't consider an hour a long drive, so I guess it depends how much longer than an hour it is.   Also, if Karen is interested, she'll likely be happy meeting you part way, so if there is a restaurant or activity somewhere between you, you can also plan to meet at the location to save some driving.

Well, in a big city of several million people, some people drive-commute for 1 hr. ...- 1 way! True for Toronto and Vancouver, depending where their home is located.

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29 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

It becomes more bothersome each decade in life.  My first condo after I bought,  I had to really wash the walls...the smoke stuck to it as a layer. Gross.

My only recent experience with buying a used car was interesting. I definitely should have seen the warning light of a heavily perfumed car. Shirley enough, slowly the underlying smoke smell came through loud and clear. Then it smelled like smoke for a couple of years until it FINALLY faded away.  Sort of soured me on used cars. 

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On 8/16/2022 at 1:44 PM, 2Far said:

That would be a 100% deal breaker for me.

Me too. Smoking is a huge compatibility issue. When I met my first wife, we were both smokers, but I had quit by the time we were married. She continued to smoke for anothe 5 years or so before she finally quit.

When I was out looking the second time around, non smoker was very near the top of my criteria.

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1 hour ago, Philander Seabury said:

My only recent experience with buying a used car was interesting. I definitely should have seen the warning light of a heavily perfumed car. Shirley enough, slowly the underlying smoke smell came through loud and clear. Then it smelled like smoke for a couple of years until it FINALLY faded away.  Sort of soured me on used cars. 

Ugh.

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