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Did parents/grandparents offer info or they had to be asked?


shootingstar

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I'm not saying that we all have some cool stories drawn from back dungeons of life. But did you have to ask your parents/grandparents?  Instead of them offering some info. voluntarily?  Over the years, we've had to ask parents. With loss of father, now it gets harder.

 

Elizabeth Keating’s article in The Atlantic, The Questions We Don’t Ask Our Families But Should, she starts out by making the very true observation that

Many people don’t know very much about their older relatives. But if we don’t ask, we risk never knowing our own history.

You might think you already know your family’s stories pretty well—between childhood memories and reunions and holiday gatherings, you may have spent hours with your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles soaking up family lore. But do you really know as much as you think?

In my research [as a linguistic anthropologist], I have been astonished to find that so many other people also know little of the lives of their parents and grandparents, despite the fact that they lived through some pretty interesting decades. Even my students, some of whom majored in history and excelled at it, were largely in the dark about their own family history. Our elders may share some familiar anecdotes over and over again, but still, many of us have no broader sense of the world they lived in, and especially what it was like before we came along. The people I interviewed knew so little about their grandparents’ or parents’ early lives, such as how they were raised and what they experienced as young people. Few could remember any personal stories about when their grandparents or parents were children. Whole ways of life were passing away unknown. A kind of genealogical amnesia was eating holes in these family histories as permanently as moths eat holes in the sweaters lovingly knitted by our ancestors.

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35 minutes ago, Bikeguy said:

We had to ask.

Now that I think about it...    We are the grandparents now.   I have to be asked too.

At right time, maybe with 1 person around, offer a short story/snippet. Sure, sometimes the young aren't listening or faking boredom at times.  

During my last trip in Toronto with family after not seeing them for 3 years, I did exchange some stories. I told a small story to 21 yr. niece...who has shown an interest in knitting/crocheting (she is studyin mechanical engineering @university) that PoPo (Chinese term  for maternal grandmother) knitted a fantastic creme yellow sweater with a knitted ruffle collar and pin-hole diamond pattern knitted throughout. I told her the sweater lasted 20 years through handwashing. That I wore it ..and later her mother/my sister wore it.  

She had never heard of the story and listened to everything I said. I wanted her to know there was someone she knew in family, who was gifted in this craft already and had the skill.

That's all.

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Both.  My parents wanted us to know our cultural history and enjoyed telling stories of growing up in Indonesia.  We enjoyed hearing the stories and engaged them with questions.

When my mom got older one of my sisters started a video history, having her answer family history questions while on video.  She did numerous sessions over a 3-4 year period.  This sister then started interviewing others from her generation, nearly all have passed now.

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My paternal Grandfather was a gifted story teller, so would often tell us about our family history and now well known family stories on my Dad's side.

Mt Maternal Grandfather died before M&D ever met, and my materbak Grandmother was first language French so the stories were not always so forthcoming 

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They had to be asked. My parents weren’t a good source of information either. We didn’t know much family history until we were adults and that was due to genealogical searches. Dad’s mom was a MacDougall. Scots are usually blunt in sharing opinions. She married an Irishman and his family felt she would be more likable if she wasn’t so direct. When he died in his 40’s from a stroke, they basically cut off contact. Mom’s dad also died in his 40’s (heart attack). Dad’s older brother also died in his 40’s from lung cancer. I learned that men don’t live long in my family. 

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My mother is somewhat reserved, my dad was a lot less so.  I tend to be more like him.  I tend to tell my kids a lot.  One of my daughters craves the family information, the other, not so much.

I may write a book about my career for them because it has been an extraordinary road.  I probably won’t publish it though.  So maybe just memoirs.

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Some combination of both.  Also, as I mentioned, two of my uncles shared memoirs (whether by book or by audio recording) which was a nice way of sharing stories from their childhood.  Plus we spent most summers at the same house my Mom and her family spent summers, and that would often trigger tales from their childhood.  But even after we thought we knew most of the stories, we'd still be surprised sometimes (like with stories of guys my mom dated before she met my Dad in high school).

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9 hours ago, Airehead said:

We had to ask. 

For some stuff. For others, it was a lot of just listening when the adults got together.  My dad had two older brothers, so you could listen to them talk about their stories when we were at family gatherings.  My mom and dad had lots of childhood friends who remain(ed) in their lives, so those stories would also be shared throughout gatherings.  Lots of info there.  But, I think they also held back the hard stuff and there are plenty of gaps that they don't fill and brush off & avoid talking about. :dontknow:

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I never met any grandparents. And my biological father left at my birth. So the only stories I got came from my mother. I was a very inquisitive child. So I asked lots of questions. 

So when so I began my genealogy study, I started out with a handful of stories and honestly, they were pretty accurate based on what I’ve been able to uncover.

By the time I was deep into it (and looking fit some very specific information) pretty much anyone who would have been able to assist me had passed away. But there were a couple people (friends of the family who knew my mom back in early years) I did contact who had some answers. 

As a grandparent now, I will share what information I have. But my grandchildren are not at a place where it’s something they are interested in. So basically I’m chronicling what I uncover for posterity. 

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16 hours ago, Zealot said:

I never met any grandparents. And my biological father left at my birth. So the only stories I got came from my mother. I was a very inquisitive child. So I asked lots of questions. 

So when so I began my genealogy study, I started out with a handful of stories and honestly, they were pretty accurate based on what I’ve been able to uncover.

By the time I was deep into it (and looking fit some very specific information) pretty much anyone who would have been able to assist me had passed away. But there were a couple people (friends of the family who knew my mom back in early years) I did contact who had some answers. 

As a grandparent now, I will share what information I have. But my grandchildren are not at a place where it’s something they are interested in. So basically I’m chronicling what I uncover for posterity. 

We never knew any of our 4 grandparents. That is the case for many immigrant parents who fled war/revolution and when air travel was still very expensive. Sometimes the mother country has changed so much, it would bring back more pain, than joy because their loved ones died after my parents immigrated.

We just know stories told by father when he was alive and now, whatever we can understand from mother. Keep in mind, our Chinese fluency/comprehension has deteoritated a great deal. We can't even explain probate to her. 

Out of all the cousins who have immigrated in the past 35 years to CAnada, only 2 cousins have become fluent in English as well already Chinese. I would ask her about my father's line.  There are more stories awaiting behind wings to be revealed.

All the nieces and nephews have seen my blog.

A personal story :  5 Kids in One-Bedroom Apartment- Unearthing Space and Its Impact – Cycle Write Blog (wordpress.com)

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My paternal grandfather died when I was 16. My maternal grandmother died when I was 14. Maternal grandfather was a man of few words. He would drop a nugget here and there. Usually it was when we rode with him and he would point out something of our family history. One time he pointed out a house in the country and send he and grandma lived there shortly after marriage when he was a ranch hand. I pointed it out to my mom a few years ago and she knew nothing about it, but knew where he worked then and said that made sense. 
My dad didn’t talk much about his childhood. His parents divorced when he was 3 and he lived with his dad and brother in a Wyoming oil town. Had to be rough. I found a few letters from grandpa’s lawyer that shared some information. He would share stories for high school onward. 
Mom loves to share what she knows. I once driver her to the funeral of a cousin. 5 hours each way and an overnight at a motel. She talked almost nonstop from the time we left until we were about 45 minutes from home when she suddenly was done. It was great, but I was exhausted!

My great aunt visited when she was 92. I picked her brain for stories. She was happy to share what it was like for them. 
We are finding more information about that side of the family in fits and starts. Some information was a dead end for years until my brother received an email with a photo of our Great Great Grandfather. That helped answer some questions but created more. 
 

 

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My parents and grandparents as well as my aunts and uncles knew very little besides the finances and mechanics involved in graduating from high school and getting a job.

They had all been through the Great Depression and had limited experiences with anything else.

I was very fortunate to have a high school football coach who taught me about commuting to and working my way through college - our guidance counselor was worthless - and an undergrad chemistry advisor - I worked my way through my Junior and Senior years of college doing chemistry research paid by his grants - who taught me about the value of a grad school degree in chemistry.

My mother was excellent at managing the little money she made and practicing comparison shopping and delay of gratification until the price is right.  She was also excellent at doing tax returns.  Those were all valuable lessons.

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2 hours ago, MickinMD said:

My parents and grandparents as well as my aunts and uncles knew very little besides the finances and mechanics involved in graduating from high school and getting a job.

They had all been through the Great Depression and had limited experiences with anything else.

I was very fortunate to have a high school football coach who taught me about commuting to and working my way through college - our guidance counselor was worthless - and an undergrad chemistry advisor - I worked my way through my Junior and Senior years of college doing chemistry research paid by his grants - who taught me about the value of a grad school degree in chemistry.

My mother was excellent at managing the little money she made and practicing comparison shopping and delay of gratification until the price is right.  She was also excellent at doing tax returns.  Those were all valuable lessons.

There's different ways of looking at this Mick.  My parents only had high school education but there are some interesting stories of life in China in 1930's-1950's.  The Communists took over in late 1940's.  Intermixed with this before Communists took stronghold, the Japanese were invading China, including the region where my parents each lived with their families.  There were killings, torture, etc.

There are stories of also of early married life in Canada after immigration. Each parent had experiences that none of us will ever experience....each person lying to the border authorities get into HK, the colonial free zone in 1950's (up to early 1990's). My parents' lives were incredibly tough...  I think as children we lived through it and what we witnessed probably has given each of us powerful incentive to become better educated to land better paying jobs that weren't so physically taxing, save money or at least use it responsibly. 

Some of my stories are different than alot of folks here: as teenager only 11-12 yrs. old doing  translation for mother via doctor's office, when dealing with sick child and my father was living and working, in another a town during week days, because we didn't have a car yet.  I was tired being the responsible eldest child in a poor family and babysitting younger sibs.  I knew my friends didn't have the same type of responsibilties. Certainly not acting as English translator on adult, serious matters for mother.

I consider my adult life, cycling whenever I need to/wish....as almost like an adult childhood.

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