The Book of Lazy-Ass Joe, Chapter Seven, Verse 43

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

Haven't posted much LAJ news, but I haven't heard anything. Until today. He sent Mrs. Parsnip an email today, Things don't seem to be working out between LAJ and Julie in Orlando. If you aren't up to date, here's the abridged version. LAJ and Julie met online somehow. He lived in Fairfield, OH and she lived in Orlando, FL. They chatted, dated, met, and she elected to move his sorry-ass to her place. She  has had enough of his lazy-ass ways. He can't stay in Florida, the wait for state-assisted living is about four years. He wants his sister to help him move back to OH. She is on the phone with her sister, Janet-the-Martyr (JtM), right now discussing options. Mrs Parsnip is thinking of getting a pod sent to Julie's house for his crap. and have that delivered to OH. When he gets an address we can drop the pod there. To be continued...

[smudge ★]

Ohhh LAJ. You never cease to amaze me.

[UglyBob]

I fear this book will not end well. Awaiting the next chapter...

[2Far ★]

TBH, I’m kinda surprised he’s still alive. 

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

15 minutes ago, UglyBob said:

I fear this book will not end well. Awaiting the next chapter...

Next chapter?!?!. I’m waiting on the final chapter!

[JerrySTL ★]

27 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

Mrs Parsnip is thinking of getting a pod sent to Julie's house for his crap. and have that delivered to OH. When he gets an address we can drop the pod there.

What is the monthly cost of a pod? It could be years before he finds a (semi)-permanent place.

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

He’s paying for it. Mrs Parsnip is joint on his account. 

[Airehead]

34 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

Haven't posted much LAJ news, but I haven't heard anything. Until today. He sent Mrs. Parsnip an email today, Things don't seem to be working out between LAJ and Julie in Orlando. If you aren't up to date, here's the abridged version. LAJ and Julie met online somehow. He lived in Fairfield, OH and she lived in Orlando, FL. They chatted, dated, met, and she elected to move his sorry-ass to her place. She  has had enough of his lazy-ass ways. He can't stay in Florida, the wait for state-assisted living is about four years. He wants his sister to help him move back to OH. She is on the phone with her sister, Janet-the-Martyr (JtM), right now discussing options. Mrs Parsnip is thinking of getting a pod sent to Julie's house for his crap. and have that delivered to OH. When he gets an address we can drop the pod there. To be continued...

I am not surprised to hear this. 

[jsharr ★]

Sorry y’all are still dealing with this

[KrAzY]

Sorry to hear the saga just continues. Personally I would tell him to only bring the essential items, leave the rest behind.. if it does not fit in a shopping cart, then it is not needed. 

[shootingstar]

WHo is LAJ in relation to your family, Parsnip?

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

12 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

WHo is LAJ in relation to your family, Parsnip?

Do you recall your family member post? LAJ is the oldest brother of Mrs Parsnip. He’s never worked an honest day in his life. It’s never his fault, someone else is to blame. 

[shootingstar]

55 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

Do you recall your family member post? LAJ is the oldest brother of Mrs Parsnip. He’s never worked an honest day in his life. It’s never his fault, someone else is to blame. 

Oh, I see. That's a tough situation.

I do see certain developments with youngest nephew in a family which could easily become seriously challenging. I am abit helpless as an observing aunt from afar and especially for my sister, the mother who is the primary breadwinner and trying hard.

Niece, his sister, is ok so far. But both are still only teens.  It's just certain developmental trends I didn't see in other older nieces and nephews from other 2 different families.

There is no perfect family at all. And even if it feels pretty good for everyone now, something may develop several yrs. down the road which makes it especially challenging for  other family members. 

[TrentonMakes]

While I think we all like to read it, I'm sorry this saga continues for you. 

I'm glad Dumplin' had the good sense to pull herself away. 

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

36 minutes ago, TrentonMakes said:

While I think we all like to read it, I'm sorry this saga continues for you. 

I'm glad Dumplin' had the good sense to pull herself away. 

Flashback: we kicked RtJ out but guided him to buy a place versus renting. In 2016 he bought a condo on a golf course on a short sale. He paid $86k vs $120k. His mortgage is down to $56k and the value of his condo is up to $190k. We’re still the dicks who kicked him out. 

[Ralphie ★]

2 hours ago, TrentonMakes said:

While I think we all like to read it, I'm sorry this saga continues for you. 

I'm glad Dumplin' had the good sense to pull herself away. 

But I miss the name!

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

I used this to dredge this post out for an update.

Last week, Mrs Parsnip got a call from her brother, LAJ. He was calling from the horspittle. Apparently, he fell down while he and Julie were outside somewhere. He fell on his butt so no major organs or bones were impacted. But he couldn't stand up again and Julie couldn't help him get up again so they called 911. The EMT's, per their training, took his vitals and said, "you're going to the horspittle." His blood sugar was up to 500 something. BP was too high, etc. etc. Did I tell you earlier that he doesn't manage his diabeetus well? Like ignore the fact that he is diabetic with chronic kidney disease? Well, he was calling to update his sister with his latest, why do these bad things keep happening to me tune. I'm gonna write a Lazy-ass Joe blues song in the key of E one day. Anyway, he's been in the hospital for close to a week and he's getting operated on today (Monday) for blockages in both legs. Mrs Parsnip asked him what if the doctors wont let you fly back to OH? She is starting to plan how she's going to transport him from Orlando to Cincinnati if he can't fly. She even mentioned renting an RV so he'd have a place to lie down. I suggested renting a U-Haul cargo van and buying a used mattress for $20. I'll keep you posted as the saga continues.

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

11 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

He fell on his butt so no major organs or bones were impacted.

No brain damage?

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

Just now, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

No brain damage?

Not when you’re the scarecrow.

[donkpow]

Sell all the stuff. No Pod. Take the bus. Rent a small place. 

[Razors Edge ★]

50 minutes ago, donkpow said:

Sell all the stuff. No Pod. Take the bus. Rent a small place. 

Never thought of having a roommate?

I think you and LAJ would make a great Odd Couple or even Laurel-Hardy sort of pair.

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

23 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

Never thought of having a roommate?

I think you and LAJ would make a great Odd Couple or even Laurel-Hardy sort of pair.

You are dead to me. 

[Kirby]

I would think Julie would be invested in getting him back to Ohio and out of Florida, let her worry about it.

[Razors Edge ★]

13 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

You are dead to me. 

Donk's in Ohio. He's a good influence. You could pay Donk some rent/hush money, and LAJ would be out of your hair!

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

4 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

Donk's in Ohio. He's a good influence. You could pay Donk some rent/hush money, and LAJ would be out of your hair!

You’re back in good Parsnip graces.

[Razors Edge ★]

1 minute ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

You’re back in good Parsnip graces.

For a few extra bucks, Donk can permanently "fix" the problem 

[donkpow]

1 hour ago, Razors Edge said:

For a few extra bucks, Donk can permanently "fix" the problem 

I was thinking the same thing. Installment plan things don't always show the margin that a one and done deal does.

[smudge ★]

I like the U-Haul idea

[Kzoo]

3 hours ago, Razors Edge said:

For a few extra bucks, Donk can permanently "fix" the problem 

I have it on good authority (who an I kidding) that Donk knows people.  He might (or might not) even have his own people.

 

[12string]

5 hours ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

I used this to dredge this post out for an update.

Last week, Mrs Parsnip got a call from her brother, LAJ. He was calling from the horspittle. Apparently, he fell down while he and Julie were outside somewhere. He fell on his butt so no major organs or bones were impacted. But he couldn't stand up again and Julie couldn't help him get up again so they called 911. The EMT's, per their training, took his vitals and said, "you're going to the horspittle." His blood sugar was up to 500 something. BP was too high, etc. etc. Did I tell you earlier that he doesn't manage his diabeetus well? Like ignore the fact that he is diabetic with chronic kidney disease? Well, he was calling to update his sister with his latest, why do these bad things keep happening to me tune. I'm gonna write a Lazy-ass Joe blues song in the key of E one day. Anyway, he's been in the hospital for close to a week and he's getting operated on today (Monday) for blockages in both legs. Mrs Parsnip asked him what if the doctors wont let you fly back to OH? She is starting to plan how she's going to transport him from Orlando to Cincinnati if he can't fly. She even mentioned renting an RV so he'd have a place to lie down. I suggested renting a U-Haul cargo van and buying a used mattress for $20. I'll keep you posted as the saga continues.

I feel bad that the only part of all that I can help you with is to suggest using a minor key for this song. 

[donkpow]

 

[Airehead]

23 hours ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

I used this to dredge this post out for an update.

Last week, Mrs Parsnip got a call from her brother, LAJ. He was calling from the horspittle. Apparently, he fell down while he and Julie were outside somewhere. He fell on his butt so no major organs or bones were impacted. But he couldn't stand up again and Julie couldn't help him get up again so they called 911. The EMT's, per their training, took his vitals and said, "you're going to the horspittle." His blood sugar was up to 500 something. BP was too high, etc. etc. Did I tell you earlier that he doesn't manage his diabeetus well? Like ignore the fact that he is diabetic with chronic kidney disease? Well, he was calling to update his sister with his latest, why do these bad things keep happening to me tune. I'm gonna write a Lazy-ass Joe blues song in the key of E one day. Anyway, he's been in the hospital for close to a week and he's getting operated on today (Monday) for blockages in both legs. Mrs Parsnip asked him what if the doctors wont let you fly back to OH? She is starting to plan how she's going to transport him from Orlando to Cincinnati if he can't fly. She even mentioned renting an RV so he'd have a place to lie down. I suggested renting a U-Haul cargo van and buying a used mattress for $20. I'll keep you posted as the saga continues.

Sad but you tell it in a funny wAy. 

[MickinMD ★]

On 3/4/2023 at 1:09 PM, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

Haven't posted much LAJ news, but I haven't heard anything. Until today. He sent Mrs. Parsnip an email today, Things don't seem to be working out between LAJ and Julie in Orlando. If you aren't up to date, here's the abridged version. LAJ and Julie met online somehow. He lived in Fairfield, OH and she lived in Orlando, FL. They chatted, dated, met, and she elected to move his sorry-ass to her place. She  has had enough of his lazy-ass ways. He can't stay in Florida, the wait for state-assisted living is about four years. He wants his sister to help him move back to OH. She is on the phone with her sister, Janet-the-Martyr (JtM), right now discussing options. Mrs Parsnip is thinking of getting a pod sent to Julie's house for his crap. and have that delivered to OH. When he gets an address we can drop the pod there. To be continued...

He reminds me of a cousin, Richard, a few months younger than me who has been lazy as long as I can remember.

When we were in high school in a lower-middle class area in the 60's, few had much money for fun, but our high school's Varsity Club went to see college basketball games, Orioles games, etc. and there was a large set of blue blazers with school-insignias on them that we thought made them look like Naval Academy Midshipmen all lined up in blue.

I said Richard, "Let's go out for the track team and work hard to get varsity letters so we can join the Varsity Club."

Richard replied, "They call that team 'Coach Snyder's Marines' because of how hard they have to practice.  I'm not doing that."

I went out for the team, was required to show up 1 hour before school each morning and run 4 miles then bust my butt in after school practice and meets.  We won the State Championship and I got my letter and was initiated into the Varsity Club.  We went to the Naval Academy to see the first ever basketball game between Navy and the new Air Force Academy, sitting proudly in our blue blazers, and lots of other events.

A couple years later, it was the late Winter of 1969, and Richard and I were hitting a lot of businesses trying to line up summer jobs.

We went to the Bethlehem Steel Shipyard in Baltimore, where my dad used to work and Richard's father still worked.

I went into the interviewer's office, one of us at a time, and he opened the Venetian blinds, revealing men 30-50 feet up on scaffolding spray-painting a ship's smokestack.

"Can you climb?" he asked.

I was scared to death at the thought, but I wanted a summer job that paid $3.10/hr when the min. wage was $1.25.

"Sure!" I answered, not sure I was being honest. "It will take a little bit for me to get used to that height, but I've been climbing trees, hanging from 20 ft. high branches and jumping to the ground and playing in tree forts.  I could do that!"

The interviewer asked my last name and was I related to the man who I told him was my uncle and then said he remembered my father in a very positive way.

After the interviews, Richard and I walked to my car and said, "I think we're in here!  We've got nepotism working for us!"

Richard shook his head, "No," and replied, "Didn't he ask you if you could climb?  I told him I couldn't do that.  What did you say?"

I said, "I lied and told him I could get used to doing it - and I will if I need to.  I want that job!"

I got the job and it turned out that the 7 of us high-school grad. - early college age who did all had relatives working there!

I ended up as an assistant in the Superintendent's Office and the only climbing I ever had to do was climb the swaying steps of the gangways leading from the dock to the ship's deck.

I was making $3.10/hr there for 40 hrs/wk and $2.00/hr working at a fast-food place 20 hs/wk during that summer.I made over $6000 in 1969, $49,000 in today's dollars.  Two years later I got a job doing chemistry research on campus at UMBC and I was set!

Richard didn't have a job that summer.

Richard went on to faking (I think) a permanent foot problem and somehow getting on early Social Security.  His father bought him one of the houses that Baltimore City was selling for $1 if you agreed to put $10K into it to restore it.  He eventually went into debt, due to drug use, and blew that too.