AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Share #1 Posted February 11, 2015 I am pulling a Brian Williams today. I am calling into work sick. Since this will be stretching the truth could you guide me in this endeavor? Must be sincere and sound believable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted February 11, 2015 Share #2 Posted February 11, 2015 Tell them your cervix hurts. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #3 Posted February 11, 2015 Just make sure there is no Internet record of it. But if you insist, you hurt your fingers conversing with your forum puppets. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #4 Posted February 11, 2015 You lower yourself to actually reply in one of my threads and this is what I get? :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #5 Posted February 11, 2015 Ruby says hi, Cheese! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #6 Posted February 11, 2015 Ruby says hi, Cheese! I love Ruby. I would steal her from you if given the slightest opportunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #7 Posted February 11, 2015 I love Ruby. I would steal her from you if given the slightest opportunity. Unpossible. You are a sworn occifer of the law! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerrySTL ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #8 Posted February 11, 2015 Tell them an RPG round went through your car while you were escaping a flood. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #9 Posted February 11, 2015 Tell them an RPG round went through your car while you were escaping a flood. Yeah! Go for the gusto! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted February 11, 2015 Share #10 Posted February 11, 2015 Why wasn't my post liked? It was thoughtful and somewhat original. I'm hurt, I'm leaving now and might die in a fiery ball of flames on the way home. You'll have to live with that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted February 11, 2015 Share #11 Posted February 11, 2015 Are you still sick? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #12 Posted February 11, 2015 Why wasn't my post liked? It was thoughtful and somewhat original. I'm hurt, I'm leaving now and might die in a fiery ball of flames on the way home. You'll have to live with that. Darn it. I hate it when you're actually funny. The flames was top rate. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #13 Posted February 11, 2015 Are you still sick? I really am. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted February 11, 2015 Share #14 Posted February 11, 2015 Tell them your cervix hurts. I don't want anyone to know but I actually LOL at this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #15 Posted February 11, 2015 It is almost time for me to place the call. I am nervous. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted February 11, 2015 Share #16 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want anyone to know but I actually LOL at this. Her cervix hurts and you laughed? WTF is wrong with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted February 11, 2015 Share #17 Posted February 11, 2015 You should go into work and sneeze on all the coworkers you don't like. Or claim you think you have the measles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #18 Posted February 11, 2015 I would say that you were floating in the Dead Sea, using a Katrina victim as a floatie, when ISIS attacked you with an RPG. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted February 11, 2015 Share #19 Posted February 11, 2015 Her cervix hurts and you laughed? WTF is wrong with you? Total lack of empathy. I though you knew me better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #20 Posted February 11, 2015 Or just tell them the truth, that you did some intravenous drugs with a shared needle while having unprotected sex with your Haitian boyfirend and that you are feeling a bit under the weather, but that your coughs are very productive and that the phlegm is not that bloody today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted February 11, 2015 Share #21 Posted February 11, 2015 Or just tell them the truth, that you did some intravenous drugs with a shared needle while having unprotected sex with your Haitian boyfirend and that you are feeling a bit under the weather, but that your coughs are very productive and that the phlegm is not that bloody today. That won't get him out of a days work here. The only legitimate excuse is a death in the family and it must be your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #22 Posted February 11, 2015 The deed is done. I was kidding about the fibbing part as I really am under the weather and actually have Dr. clearance. I just don't like calling in sick even though I really hate my job at times. Calling in makes you feel unworthy. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted February 11, 2015 Share #23 Posted February 11, 2015 The deed is done. I was kidding about the fibbing part as I really am under the weather and actually have Dr. clearance. I just don't like calling in sick even though I really hate my job at times. Calling in makes you feel unworthy. What do you do for a living, btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #24 Posted February 11, 2015 What do you do for a living, btw? I am a homeless wino who writes poetry on the side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted February 11, 2015 Share #25 Posted February 11, 2015 I am a homeless wino who writes poetry on the side I thought you had a home, what gives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #26 Posted February 11, 2015 I thought you had a home, what gives? I do. All is very well here in Greenville. I was just hoping you'd start one of those funding thingies for me so I could retire and concentrate on my poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Far ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #27 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want anyone to know but I actually LOL at this. I thought the city council fired you a while back?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #28 Posted February 11, 2015 Or just tell them the truth, that you did some intravenous drugs with a shared needle while having unprotected sex with your Haitian boyfirend and that you are feeling a bit under the weather, but that your coughs are very productive and that the phlegm is not that bloody today. POTD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share #29 Posted February 11, 2015 I thought the city council fired you a while back?? Kzoo was fired too? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #30 Posted February 11, 2015 POTD! Stick that in your corn cob pipe and smoke it, Kzoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted February 11, 2015 Share #31 Posted February 11, 2015 Stick that in your corn cob pipe and smoke it, Kzoo! You can't mark your own post as POTD. I don't care what mod rights you have. Thee are rules! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted February 11, 2015 Share #32 Posted February 11, 2015 I am a homeless wino who writes poetry on the side Ah, Hallmark then. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted February 12, 2015 Share #33 Posted February 12, 2015 Are you still sick? I really am. The deed is done. I was kidding about the fibbing part as I really am under the weather and actually have Dr. clearance. I just don't like calling in sick even though I really hate my job at times. Calling in makes you feel unworthy. ...last night was the first one I've slept over an hour for the last ten days. I've been swilling Robitussin like it was MD 20/20. I finally got out to mow the lawn today, and have been fertilizing it with farmer blow snot for a couple of hours, which feels great. If I still worked, they would have sent me home as potentially epidemic and a danger to self and others. My doctor's office just called to schedule an annual physical (apparently it's billable, so attractive to them), but when I mentioned I was sick with "what's going around here", she hung up on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share #34 Posted February 12, 2015 ^ Glad you're better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted February 12, 2015 Share #35 Posted February 12, 2015 . ...thanks. You know this stuff is unlikely to kill you, but everyone has that final illness, you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #36 Posted February 12, 2015 Or just tell them the truth, that you did some intravenous drugs with a shared needle while having unprotected sex with your Haitian boyfirend and that you are feeling a bit under the weather, but that your coughs are very productive and that the phlegm is not that bloody today. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #37 Posted February 12, 2015 I worked over twenty years without missing a day. I mellowed out over time. I am calling off work on Saturday because I have a date with my wife to a Valentines dinner, I also have a jump in the lake earlier in the day that I could probably still do and make it to work but I don'[t want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share #38 Posted February 12, 2015 I worked over twenty years without missing a day. I do feel bad but I got fixated with building the French and Indian War memorial and really just didn't have it in me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #39 Posted February 12, 2015 You guys are nuts. I didn't go im yesterday because I didn't feel like it. That's good enough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted February 12, 2015 Share #40 Posted February 12, 2015 Tell them your cervix hurts.i was thinking pinkeye. It's good for a couple days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted February 12, 2015 Share #41 Posted February 12, 2015 You guys are nuts. I didn't go im yesterday because I didn't feel like it. That's good enough for me.If that's good enough for the boss... I love my job, and know that every day I work gives me a chance to increase my monthly bonus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #42 Posted February 12, 2015 If that's good enough for the boss... I love my job, and know that every day I work gives me a chance to increase my monthly bonus. I love my job too. Seriously -- although I think my boss is a dick -- but who doesn't? I mean he's not a she and I'm not banging her.... but the point is I don't subscribe to the utilitarianism doctrine. If I ever am on a deathbed, I'm not going to look back and say, "Gee, I wish I worked more". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #43 Posted February 12, 2015 i was thinking pinkeye. It's good for a couple days. I figured you just did not go in whenever you wanted to and when they asked why you were out you denied it and said you were in all day and that Brady could confirm it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #44 Posted February 12, 2015 Anybody see Bellicheat on Letterman last night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted February 12, 2015 Share #45 Posted February 12, 2015 I love my job too. Seriously -- although I think my boss is a dick -- but who doesn't? . ...I do not think your boss is a dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #46 Posted February 12, 2015 He has his shining, glistening, repetitive moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted February 12, 2015 Share #47 Posted February 12, 2015 . ...I do not think your boss is a dick. I guarantee you that dotties dick bosses him around more than you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted February 12, 2015 Share #48 Posted February 12, 2015 I love my job too. Seriously -- although I think my boss is a dick -- but who doesn't? I mean he's not a she and I'm not banging her.... but the point is I don't subscribe to the utilitarianism doctrine. If I ever am on a deathbed, I'm not going to look back and say, "Gee, I wish I worked more".that last part is accurate, but my boss and his wife are great friends. We often go cycling together, and BBQ afterward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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