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Dear thief


Square Wheels

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So, at the gym I go to I've had stuff stolen out of my locker at least three times now.  I have a small locker that I rent and keep toiletries, sneakers and other small items in.  It is always locked.  The tall lockers are only for use when you are in the gym.  I transfer the lock to the tall locker since it has my car key, phone, wallet, and besides, who would steal toiletries, right?

Wrong.  At least three times now.  It seemed to be happening while I was either exercising or showering.  Pretty brazen.  So I bought an additional lock so both lockers would always be locked.  Since I know I will forget or lose the key and I would also forget a preset number, I bought one that I can set my own combination.  It looks like this: 

Model No. 1509DLOV

SIlly (lazy) me, I would only turn one or two of the numbers so it would be easier to get to my stuff - I meant that to be easier for me.  Anyhow, I show up to my locked locker this morning to find several items stolen from my locker again.  The financial loss is trivial, but the violation is infuriating.  Most of the people who go to the gym are employees of the the area hospitals, and the majority of members are physicians.

I have a strong suspicion of who it is.  He's a grumpy, frumpy little old bastard who grumbles about everything while walking around.  I've overheard him swearing at his razor, toothbrush, soap...

I was thinking of leaving a note on the outside of my locker, this is where you all come in and edit this for me.

 

 

Dear Thief,

I hope you have been enjoying the products you have acquired from my locker.  I really enjoy shopping for the both of us.  It's convenient that you enjoy the same products that I do, I know you like them because you've "borrowed" them several times now.  

This last acquisition will hopefully be your last, as luck would have it I stashed my GoPro in my sneaker to be activated upon detection of movement - nifty little devices these are.  I now know who you are.

I'd like to dissolve our relationship at this time and would ask that you please stop breaking into my locked locker.  I have changed my combination yet again.  Should you agree this is the best course of action, I will not pursue this matter any further.  If I find more items missing, while I will not be able to prove that instance was you, I have saved the prior video and will turn that over to club management and the police.

Best regards,
Your former personal shopper.

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If I read this note,  I'd move up to stealing your car just because I could. I'd then leave you another note lambasting your note and asking for a better selection of toiletries.  

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more service. 

​^^^^ This.

 

 

That note is a pansy's note. I'd actually try to catch him. Use the GoPro streamed to a computer or something. Or maybe you can hide around the corner and watch it one time. Catch the fucker and beat the tar out of him.

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If I read this note,  I'd move up to stealing your car just because I could. I'd then leave you another note lambasting your note and asking for a better selection of toiletries.  

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more service. 

​...I got my truck swiped by some kids who stole the keys out of my gym locker at the Y once when I was swimming there.  Not making this up. :mellow:

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If I read this note,  I'd move up to stealing your car just because I could. I'd then leave you another note lambasting your note and asking for a better selection of toiletries.  

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more service. 

​As much as it pains me to admit it, His Cheeseness is right.  You are asking for trouble.  And as funny as they are, the passive agressive things will only make it worse, the guy will target you and piss in your shampoo and such.

I would invest is very good locks for both lockers and I would inform the management.

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This seems relevant:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/boston/1944495-ideas-deter-theft-lockers-gyms.html

Or, you could just measure the inside of the locker, and don't forget to measure the inside dimensions of the locker door opening.

Then buy a metal box that will fit in the locker, one with a locking hasp on it, and put your stuff in that.

Of course, the thief could then steal all your stuff and the box, but it's a bit harder to walk out of the locker room with a metal box than it is with just a bottle of shampoo.

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​...I got my truck swiped by some kids who stole the keys out of my gym locker at the Y once when I was swimming there.  Not making this up. :mellow:

I didn't know it was you. I apologize. Give me your street address so I can apologize with pen and quill. Nevermind, I can get it.     ;)

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Can you pay a hooker with herpes $20 to stick your lock in her box for a while, then put it on your locker as usual?  You should think about using gloves when transporting your infected lock.

Or you could just find some of this stuff:  http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Cap-Hot-Sauce-Ferociously/dp/B0000DG4NJ and put it on the lock, and wait for the thief to rub his eyes.   I had a friend put some on the keyboard of someone that was bullying and denigrating him at work, he said it worked wonderfully.

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Btw, in 1999 I forgot a lock at a gym I belonged to in Charlotte.  I inquired with masterlock if I could get 5 locks with the identical combination so that I would never have to remember a different lock combination again. They said that it wasn't a problem, and I got them in two weeks.  I still have two of them.

 

You should do that.

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Get two of these.

http://www.amazon.com/Wordlock-PL-002-RD-5-Dial-Combination-Padlock/dp/B000U5IXX6

No key to lose, no numbers to forget.

set your combo to jshar

​It's the same problem I have now.  I think the little creep will look over my shoulder without me knowing, or I'll get lazy and leave it partially scrambled and he'll guess it again.  There have been many times when I have found the numbers turned.

I will give in and get a keyed lock, he can win if that makes him happy.

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​It's the same problem I have now.  I think the little creep will look over my shoulder without me knowing, or I'll get lazy and leave it partially scrambled and he'll guess it again.  There have been many times when I have found the numbers turned.

I will give in and get a keyed lock, he can win if that makes him happy.

​Wth hell is wrong with my masterlock method???  It is elegant, no key needed, and you never have to remember another combination once you learn the first.

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​Wth hell is wrong with my masterlock method???  It is elegant, no key needed, and you never have to remember another combination once you learn the first.

​OK, just for you I did a modified Master lock plan.  I got two reguylar combination locks with the same code.  I didn't want to carry a key and I can't be that stupid I can't remember the code.

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I think you should hide behind a garbage can in the locker room.  Whenever anyone comes in to open their locker, jump out and shout "HA!  I've caught you".  Sure you'll be wrong most of the time when it's just people innocently going to their lockers, but think how satisfying it will be the time you're finally right!! 

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