Understanding Engineers.

[Digital_photog ★]

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

And Finally
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

[Kirby]

Can't all frogs talk?

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

1 hour ago, Digital_photog said:

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students...

...

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

I resemble this.

And by 'this' I should specify in particular that the reference means paragraphs #1 through #8, inclusive, plus the entire appended ninth paragraph (titled "And Finally") which in reality should be titled "Understanding Engineers #9" to be consistent with paragraphs #1 through #8 (inclusive) as that particular numbering scheme had already been established. 

Which, then, brings us to the paragraph titles (excepting the ninth paragraph) of "Understanding Engineers".  This by itself is a producer of mirth, as 98.271% of all people surveyed by the American Society of Professional Engineers stated this was an impossibility.  The balance thought it foolish even to place the two words adjacent to each other.

Which, then, brings us to the merits of the survey, based upon its sample size and formatting of the questions posed to the participants....

[maddmaxx ★]

10 hours ago, Kirby said:

Can't all frogs talk?

Are you kidding.  You can't even get a proper kiss from most frogs.

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

19 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

You can't even get a proper kiss from most frogs.

Too much tongue?

[2Far ★]

Those musta been RPI engineers trying to figure out the height of the flag pole, cuz a CU engineer would paced off 20' from the flag pole, opened up his Level app, measured the angle to the top of the pole, and used SOH CAH TOA to quickly calculate the height.

[2Far ★]

A pessimist sees a glass half empty.

An optimist sees a glass half full.

An engineer see a glass exactly twice the capacity it needs to be.

[BuffJim]

12 minutes ago, 2Far said:

Those musta been RPI engineers trying to figure out the height of the flag pole, cuz a CU engineer would paced off 20' from the flag pole, opened up his Level app, measured the angle to the top of the pole, and used SOH CAH TOA to quickly calculate the height.

Am I the only one who got the Clarkson University reference?  I was thinking Colorado University, but then I figured how smart could Colorado engineers be. Also I saw who posted it and figured it had to be Clarkson.

Good jokes DP.

[2Far ★]

2 minutes ago, BuffJim said:

Am I the only one who got the Clarkson University reference?  I was thinking Colorado University, but then I figured how smart could Colorado engineers be. Also I saw who posted it and figured it had to be Clarkson.

Good jokes DP.

It was actually CCT when I was there.

[Indy]

#7 isn't correct, that would be a marketing person who would think it needs more features if it's not broken.  Good Engineers hate when their designs break, I've lost count long ago of the amount of meetings I've been in where management is complaining about us running up cost trying to make it perfect because marketing added a bunch of freaking features that aren't needed. 

[2Far ★]

3 minutes ago, Indy said:

#7 isn't correct, that would be a marketing person who would think it needs more features if it's not broken.  Good Engineers hate when their designs break, I've lost count long ago of the amount of meetings I've been in where management is complaining about us running up cost trying to make it perfect because marketing added a bunch of freaking features that aren't needed. 

Quadruple redundancy is just overkill, IMHO.

[Indy]

Just now, 2Far said:

Quadruple redundancy is just overkill, IMHO.

No such thing as overkill, everyone wants products that out live their great grandkids, even if they technology is only really good for a couple years.

[maddmaxx ★]

55 minutes ago, 2Far said:

Those musta been RPI engineers trying to figure out the height of the flag pole, cuz a CU engineer would paced off 20' from the flag pole, opened up his Level app, measured the angle to the top of the pole, and used SOH CAH TOA to quickly calculate the height.

I contend that if RPI engineers were involved, so were hockey sticks.

[Digital_photog ★]

3 hours ago, Indy said:

added a bunch of freaking features that aren't needed. 

They added fuses and circuit breakers when pennies would have been cheaper?

[2Far ★]

1 minute ago, Digital_photog said:

They added fuses and circuit breakers when pennies would have been cheaper?

Bolts will allow moe current. 

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

4 hours ago, 2Far said:

Those musta been RPI engineers trying to figure out the height of the flag pole, cuz a CU engineer would paced off 20' from the flag pole, opened up his Level app, measured the angle to the top of the pole, and used SOH CAH TOA to quickly calculate the height.

A Union engineer would have:

1 - measured the length of the flagpole's shadow

2 - measured the height of a nearby fence post or bollard

3 - measured the length of the shadow created by that post or bollard

4 - and then used the ratio of the shadow measurements and the height of the post or bollard to calculate the height of the pole.

[2Far ★]

3 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

A Union engineer would have:

1 - measured the length of the flagpole's shadow

2 - measured the height of a nearby fence post or bollard

3 - measured the length of the shadow created by that post or bollard

4 - and then used the ratio of the shadow measurements and the height of the post or bollard to calculate the height of the pole.

That's because he's too cheap to have a smart phone.

[Digital_photog ★]

3 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

A Union engineer would have:

1 - measured the length of the flagpole's shadow

2 - measured the height of a nearby fence post or bollard

3 - measured the length of the shadow created by that post or bollard

4 - and then used the ratio of the shadow measurements and the height of the post or bollard to calculate the height of the pole.

You forgot to include the change of sun angle from the time it took to do this..... or are union engineers just that inaccurate?

 

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

4 minutes ago, Digital_photog said:

You forgot to include the change of sun angle from the time it took to do this..... or are union engineers just that inaccurate?

 

Those were, of course, the abridged instructions.  Driving down to the details of the full instruction set, one would first mark the end point of one shadow with a chalk or with a small wire stabbed in the ground and then immediately mark the end point of the other shadow, thus virtually removing inaccuracies incurred by movement of the shadows.  Once marked the sun can move all it wants and the Union engineer can take the measurements at his leisure.

The full instructions also include a polite request of the young lady to borrow her tape measure to perform the task, a polite thank you upon its return to her, and of course getting her phone number as well.

10 minutes ago, 2Far said:

That's because he's too cheap to have a smart phone.

The Union engineer knows this method works at locations where security regulations prohibit the use of smart phones on site, and so comes prepared with techniques to get the results while the graduates of other schools stand around the base of the flagpole, looking at its top.

[2Far ★]

7 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

The Union engineer knows this method works at locations where security regulations prohibit the use of smart phones on site, and so comes prepared with techniques to get the results while the graduates of other schools stand around the base of the flagpole, looking at its top.

Well, when the Union engineer gets out of prison, he can get a smart phone.

[Digital_photog ★]

8 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

small wire stabbed in the ground and then immediately mark the end point of the other shadow, thus virtually removing inaccuracies incurred by movement of the shadows

Union engineers don't move that fast.  It would require at least 3 union engineers.  2 to place the wires and the third to make sure they did it at the same time.