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Airehead

I am not ok

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...but I will be after I write this.  Another angel got their junior sized wings today.  Enough is enough.  I'm out of words of comfort.  I am out of wisdom.  I haven't any strength left to lend to others.  I know it sounds petty, but enough is enough.  And I am clearly aware that it actually easier from my shoes than other people's.

Thanks I feel better.  I'll be fine by morning.  I'll also be first in line to see the grief counselor, Dr. Matt.  Well unless someone else needs him more.

 

Hug your babies because it matters.

 

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...I know you probably know this, but from my own perspective I got to a point where I had enough of death.  Fortunately for me, retirement was within sight.  But I think that eventually you get to a point where you can either harden yourself against it........which I imagine you can't do in your job.....or it just starts to damage you after a while.

 

Sorry, I guess that's probably not helpful.  Anyway, i never really got used to it, and I was hard pressed to understand my colleagues who seemed better equipped.:(

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Wish for Gina's sake it was another kid other than her own 2 sons. Her son who has had a very hard time with kidney failure is back in the hospital again. 29 year old kid who wants to give up and let go already. Gina's been there every night for the last week. He's been there many times in the last few years but she told me the other day he won't live much longer. His lungs keep filling with fluid due to his heart failure. Enlarged heart is putting pressure on his lungs now as well. Not good. I feel for Gina :(

He's the little meat head of the group (28 years ago)

With Gina about 2 years ago before he started dialysis

Few months ago, He is very pale, no color and very weak. Lost about 40 lbs in the last year. His brother the darker one has big cheeks from complications other than his kidney failure as well. Gland problems cause his jaws to enlarge, pallet of his mouth dropped and spread his teeth so he will not smile in pictures. He's been on dialysis for 17 years now.

 

Sad to think Gina will outlive both of her sons by several many years.

 

 

 

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It is sad that we all go thru periods of difficulty.  It can be hard to remember that they are tempered by episodes of joy and happiness.  I hope you find those episodes soon and remember that we are all in this together.  Hugs.

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9 hours ago, Airehead said:

...but I will be after I write this.  Another angel got their junior sized wings today.  Enough is enough.  I'm out of words of comfort.  I am out of wisdom.  I haven't any strength left to lend to others.  I know it sounds petty, but enough is enough.  And I am clearly aware that it actually easier from my shoes than other people's.

Thanks I feel better.  I'll be fine by morning.  I'll also be first in line to see the grief counselor, Dr. Matt.  Well unless someone else needs him more.

 

Hug your babies because it matters.

 

So sorry for your loss. :(

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Old#7 said it very well.  So sorry that you have to deal with this again, Aire, and I know you may not feel like you're giving strength to anyone, but I'm so glad the parents have such a caring person on their side.  I can't imagine how much harder it would be for them if they had to deal with some bureaucrat who didn't care.  But I'm sure it takes a toll on you.  I hope you can find some strength in knowing that you have a positive impact.

Beanz, it's a real testament to Gina's spirit that she can be so upbeat in the middle of such serious struggles.  I'm glad she has you.

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43 minutes ago, Kirby said:

 

Beanz, it's a real testament to Gina's spirit that she can be so upbeat in the middle of such serious struggles.  I'm glad she has you.

Gina does handle it well. Much better than I could if it were my daughters. Just so sad. last night she got home about 11 pm. Sat on the bed and tried to smile with tears in he eyes. She talked about her granddaughter for a while as she was crying at her Dad's bedside wondering why her Daddy has to be sick. I sat an listened for a while then started strumming my guitar lightly. Next thing I know she was trying to sing songs with me. I know I ain't the greatest player but I can distract her from the grief at times. :unsure:

 

Poor Momma and Baby. Last week dance recital.

 

0Liz.jpg

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Thanks everyone.  I gave a lecture this morning on animal assisted therapy to a group of state employees-- I'll write a post about that later.  Then I gave my state of schools address.  Home eating some food and then off to the calling hours.  They are at the family home. 

Yes, I am better or at least stronger or more determined to help those who need me.

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 Yes, I am better or at least stronger or more determined to help those who need me. help those who need me.

 

I'm glad you feel better, and thank you for doing what you do. I'm sure that you make a huge difference to the people that you help through what must  be the most horrific experience they have ever had.      

You're an angel wearing running shoes instead of wings.

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