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i went back to the old hood to support my father


Dottles
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So one of the father's next door neighbors called a town meeting and invited my father to come.  My sisters, niece and nephew currently live with my dad and apparently they've been doing illegal activity for quite some time now.  Basically they're a bunch of drug addicts and all of them keep all strange hours of the night with strange people and scumbag degenerates.  I don't have hard proof but I basically know my sister is wheeling and dealing drugs -- hell the whole neighborhood does -- and my poor 85 year old father is basically a victim living in fear and/or denial.  Anyway, I got there late and spoke to the group as well as the local sheriff.  I basically told him everything I knew.  He then proceeded to tell me how to fill out a Vulnerable Adult Order so that my dad can evict and/or get a restraining order against his nephew. He's the workhorse in all this and he's being directed by one of my sisters -- if not both.  It seems the neighborhood has had enough of the late night losers coming and going into the night.  It was pretty awesome actually.  There were like 40 people there, and if that didn't serve notice to my dad, I don't know what will.  People are fed up and it was great because an external agent (the neighbors) basically bonked him on the head. I have been telling him for 3 years to kick them all out -- at least my nephew but he wouldn't listen or was afraid too.  Sadly I went to go talk to my dad after the meeting but it was obvious he was into his booze -- so I let it be.  Basically my former home is now a toxic cloud and from what I can tell, they are moving stolen goods and dealing meth and gawd only knows what else.  This thing isn't over... not by a long shot.  You have to cut the head of the snake off but this is a start.  

One of my sister's is special needs and the other (the bad one) shows up to assist with her and (sometimes) my dad so he's going to have trouble getting rid of them.  At least they know now that the neighborhood is onto them and they're not going to be fucking around.  A direct link was also established between the police and the hood.  I have several 'interested' peers ensuring that I take Dad down to the station and follow through.  Bottom line is my dad is starting to tail off and I know the only thing he wants is to be in peace his last days and stare out over the lake.  

Dad has been in great shape and pretty much wants to be independent.  I've offered solutions and he has declined them but I think maybe this will be a new beginning.  I've tried really hard to separate myself from the chaos but now I feel duty that he lives free and not in fear.  I've already lost my mom some 10 years ago so I think this is the most important thing I can do -- even though I hate to go back into that environment and rake the muck.

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Good luck dots.  You can do the best you can do but it's often impossible to be an external force in what is ultimately an internal problem.

My stepbrother is the only surviving member of my family and I haven't spoken to him or seen him in a number of years.  He lives about 3/4 mile away so you can picture how that goes.

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Man, sounds like a tough situation, but you are doing the right thing.  Thank you for doing the right thing and being there for your dad, even though it could be hard on your sisters and other relatives.  Many would not do what you are doing.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  If I can do anything beyond that, let me know.

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How much to the police need to arrest the nephew and the sister?  If they're into all you say, it seems it would be easier to 'move' them into the local jail than go through the process to get them evicted.

If your dad really wants them out, then he should agree to let the police set up a hidden camera in the house where they are selling drugs and stolen goods.  From the sounds of things the police would have all they need in a couple of days.

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Thanks you guys.  I don't know why I shared it but it's been an emotional ride for me this week.  Ever since I woke up Monday morning to the news that there was going to be a neighborhood meeting and the neighbor explaining to me that someone had stolen a laptop and credit cards and then proceeded to run up a couple thousand dollars.  They reached out to me because they know I'm the only one that can help and I've spent my whole life trying to separate myself from that chaos.  I wanted to leave it all and let them all deal with it (maybe this is the right answer) but I can't thinking about my dad and every time I see him, he's looking more and more frail.  Truth is I'd be down there far, far more to visit him if it wasn't for the siblings and grandchildren that live there.  I like my dad.

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1 minute ago, dotman17 said:

Thanks you guys.  I don't know why I shared it but it's been an emotional ride for me this week.  Ever since I woke up Monday morning to the news that there was going to be a neighborhood meeting and the neighbor explaining to me that someone had stolen a laptop and credit cards and then proceeded to run up a couple thousand dollars.  They reached out to me because they know I'm the only one that can help and I've spent my whole life trying to separate myself from that chaos.  I wanted to leave it all and let them all deal with it (maybe this is the right answer) but I can't thinking about my dad and every time I see him, he's looking more and more frail.  Truth is I'd be down there far, far more to visit him if it wasn't for the siblings and grandchildren that live there.  I like my dad.

Couldn't your dad just agree to let the cops search the house without a warrant?  That would get things done pretty quickly, right?

It sounds like a horrible situation, keep us updated when you can!

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5 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

How much to the police need to arrest the nephew and the sister?  If they're into all you say, it seems it would be easier to 'move' them into the local jail than go through the process to get them evicted.

If your dad really wants them out, then he should agree to let the police set up a hidden camera in the house where they are selling drugs and stolen goods.  From the sounds of things the police would have all they need in a couple of days.

There's a video tape at a Target store where the stolen credit cards were used and the sheriff showed interest in checking it out.  Until the meeting, they didn't seem too keen on doing it.  But the turnout was awesome so I think many of us are hoping they can get hard core evidence and throw some people in jail.  In fact, that'd be a win-win-win situation for all.

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3 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Couldn't your dad just agree to let the cops search the house without a warrant?  That would get things done pretty quickly, right?

This is actually a good option to consider.  But if I know them, this is how they are doing business.  They've set up their main operations in a storage rental unit.  But if the police have interest, I'll tell my dad to let them.  Keep in mind, my dad has been in denial and the last time there was a cop over at his house, as was explained by the officer, he kicked him out.  The cop basically said it was a veteran of the force that could be an asshole and that even he didn't like working with him.  So there are stories within stories that make all this stuff go round and round.

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6 hours ago, Airehead said:

I'm sorry this is part of your life. Please, if your sister has special needs, complete a vulnerable persons petitions her behalf as well.  Does she have a service coordinator?  

No.  The only person in that house with any kind coverage is my father. And apart from my sister, none of them have any legit income coming in nor any insurance.

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3 hours ago, Wilbur said:

Wait.. wut?  You are the normal kid?  

 

 

 

:)  

Good for you Dottie.  You have to look after those who can't.

I'm the bore.  Interesting path along the way  -- which is where I get my play -- but I came out the normal kid.  Now I'm just old and post on a forum with older people.  

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13 hours ago, dotman17 said:

I'm the bore.  Interesting path along the way  -- which is where I get my play -- but I came out the normal kid.  Now I'm just old and post on a forum with older people.  

Now that's true....but nevertheless you do have other good qualities. :)

It does sound like you're in a very bad situation and you have my best wishes for a good solution.

 

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21 hours ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

How much to the police need to arrest the nephew and the sister?  If they're into all you say, it seems it would be easier to 'move' them into the local jail than go through the process to get them evicted.

If your dad really wants them out, then he should agree to let the police set up a hidden camera in the house where they are selling drugs and stolen goods.  From the sounds of things the police would have all they need in a couple of days.

That was my first thought too.

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21 hours ago, dotman17 said:

Thanks you guys.  I don't know why I shared it but it's been an emotional ride for me this week.  Ever since I woke up Monday morning to the news that there was going to be a neighborhood meeting and the neighbor explaining to me that someone had stolen a laptop and credit cards and then proceeded to run up a couple thousand dollars.  They reached out to me because they know I'm the only one that can help and I've spent my whole life trying to separate myself from that chaos.  I wanted to leave it all and let them all deal with it (maybe this is the right answer) but I can't thinking about my dad and every time I see him, he's looking more and more frail.  Truth is I'd be down there far, far more to visit him if it wasn't for the siblings and grandchildren that live there.  I like my dad.

Your dad certainly should not have to be dealing with things like that at this stage of his life.

Good for you for getting in the fight.

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On 7/14/2016 at 9:34 AM, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

How much to the police need to arrest the nephew and the sister?  If they're into all you say, it seems it would be easier to 'move' them into the local jail than go through the process to get them evicted.

If your dad really wants them out, then he should agree to let the police set up a hidden camera in the house where they are selling drugs and stolen goods.  From the sounds of things the police would have all they need in a couple of days.

 

3 hours ago, Rattlecan said:

That was my first thought too.

 

 

of the deal, and I'm not an expert, is I believe if they find any drug making paraphernalia, the state can confiscate the estate.  Clearly this would be different in that he didn't know it was going on (if indeed it was) but things could get messy.

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On 7/14/2016 at 6:11 AM, dotman17 said:

I know the only thing he wants is to be in peace his last days and stare out over the lake.

It's such a shame that this is being taken away from him. Shame on people who would take advantage of any 85-year old man, much less a relative.

Dotman, I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this but kudos to you for your participation and I hope last night's event was helpful to all involved.

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5 minutes ago, dotman17 said:

 

 

 

of the deal, and I'm not an expert, is I believe if they find any drug making paraphernalia, is the state can confiscate the estate.  Clearly this would be different in that he didn't know it was going on (if indeed it was) but things could get messy.

 Like you said, your dad owns the place, so he would be responsible. if there was evidence of distribution, that could be a real problem

 

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Well the latest in this saga is I'm taking the day off Monday so that my dad can fill out some restraining orders and eviction notices to my nephew and his step cousin.  The first is a 27 year old wasteoid who's never worked a real job in his life.  The second POS that I've never met recently got out of prison a few months ago.  So my dad seems to be settled that getting rid of those two POSs will improve things greatly.  And he's right.  I guess we'll find out how involved my siblings are.

But I also managed to get both my sisters to agree to go to the neighborhood meeting.  I can't make them go, of course, but they seem adamant about it.  I'll let them face the music.  I've been forthcoming about the information about what I know about them with the neighbors.  I've managed to get them both to attend.  I've got my father to agree to go down (by his and the neighborhood's desire) and evict him at the courthouse. 

It's a neighborhood thing now and I'm not part of it.  And if my father doesn't ask for help, there's not much I can do.

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So I go to our state's website and you've gotta be a fucking attorney to fill out these restraining orders.  Not really but if you want any chance or want to have the best chance of succeeding and want it to stick, you'll get one.  So... lucky me... I now get to spend tomorrow (or my wife) gathering information from insurance companies (my employer offers some legal advice), maybe gathering and trying to meet up with an attorney, etc.... etc... etc... Good news is my father seems adamant about doing it and so far sounds like he is willing to pay for the cost.  I think the main reason he hasn't is because of the PITA paperwork required.  So it turns out I'm going to work tomorrow and maybe taking the day off Tuesday or so to help him.

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^^ Total PIA, but well worth the effort. Be ruthless. Seriously. Put the bar as high as you can, cause once the nephew and sister see what you're doing, they'll get all nice and want "to talk about it"

Be a total asshole.

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Oh, I just got a call from one of the sisters.  They're getting squirmy.  She wanted to know what was going on and why wasn't I coming down today -- after I swore I was.  I told her I changed my mind and that I had to do some things today.  It's pathetic.

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