Further Posted July 31, 2016 Share #1 Posted July 31, 2016 She wasn't able to hold corn on the cob tonight, I cut it off the cob, and she ate it with a spoon. She gets confused easily and forgets a lot. She used to remember birthdays and phone numbers like they were burned into her memory, now she can't remember what day it is. She hasn't been out of the house in weeks. Keeps talking about going to the city to shop but I don't think she can. A couple weeks ago one of her Drs. told her that at this point they are just trying to keep her comfortable. She has begun to talk about suicide. I can't argue against it. If I were in her shape I'd have given up years ago. I don't know how to handle this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheep_herder ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #2 Posted July 31, 2016 Sorry to hear this about your wife. We'll keep you both in our thoughts and prayers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted July 31, 2016 Share #3 Posted July 31, 2016 I hate hearing this Further. Hugs for both of you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted July 31, 2016 Share #4 Posted July 31, 2016 I'm so sorry to hear this and wish there was something I could do to help. But know you and all who love her are in my prayers and thoughts. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuzieQ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #5 Posted July 31, 2016 Further I'm so sorry - what a difficult thing to go through! Doubt I would know what to do either - maybe seek advice from a therapist as to how to deal with it. I know you must be suffering so much and are already doing everthing you can for her. My heart goes out to both of you! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted July 31, 2016 Share #6 Posted July 31, 2016 ...sorry man. Nothing I can say. On suicide, I know from my prior encounter with prolonged, debilitating illness that for many of us it's in the realm of what we might choose to do. It's a difficult thing to contemplate, the end of someone who's been as natural a part of your life as breathing for so long. Are you hooked up with hospice at all ? Those guys can be a big help, but you have to be choosy about who you pick...go for the non-profits, because there are some hospice agencies that are for profit now, if you can believe that. Her physicians ought to have some experience and referral information. I found all this out when my mom was dying. This country is fucked on end of life situations right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #7 Posted July 31, 2016 My wife works in a hospice. I'll see if she has any recommendations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealot Posted July 31, 2016 Share #8 Posted July 31, 2016 Further, I an so sorry to read this. My thoughts and prayers for you and she as you travel through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share #9 Posted July 31, 2016 My wife could live for years, it's not a hospice situation. Everyday her ability slips a little. Her pain picks up a little. We have all had muscle spasms, too much exertion not enough fluid and you get cramps. She gets them none stop, drinks all she can and is still dehydrated. Blood chemistry is all screwed up. She wants something to live for and keeps making plans for vacations, shopping trips, visiting the relatives, but can't do any of them. The Drs. have started sending nurses to the house to take blood and give shots because she never shows up for appointments. I don't fight, or push her any more. I try to keep her happy, give her what she wants. She wants smores for dinner I'll give em to her. She gets pissed at me for drinking. It's a problem. I thank you all for your support. I'm truly at a loss. I try to keep going like there is no problem, but there is. Typing this is a help. Makes it a little more real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #10 Posted July 31, 2016 29 minutes ago, Further said: My wife could live for years, it's not a hospice situation. Everyday her ability slips a little. Her pain picks up a little. We have all had muscle spasms, too much exertion not enough fluid and you get cramps. She gets them none stop, drinks all she can and is still dehydrated. Blood chemistry is all screwed up. She wants something to live for and keeps making plans for vacations, shopping trips, visiting the relatives, but can't do any of them. The Drs. have started sending nurses to the house to take blood and give shots because she never shows up for appointments. I don't fight, or push her any more. I try to keep her happy, give her what she wants. She wants smores for dinner I'll give em to her. She gets pissed at me for drinking. It's a problem. I thank you all for your support. I'm truly at a loss. I try to keep going like there is no problem, but there is. Typing this is a help. Makes it a little more real. These are the trying times to be human. Keep fighting the good fight Further. It's really all you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 31, 2016 Share #11 Posted July 31, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post maddmaxx ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Popular Post Share #12 Posted July 31, 2016 Keep talking about it. We're here to listen. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 31, 2016 Share #13 Posted July 31, 2016 I am so sorry. It is wonderful that she has you. Stay strong, Man. We are all with you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #14 Posted July 31, 2016 Sorry to hear about your situation Further. We are pulling for you, thoughts and prayers for some comfort. It is never easy but knowing that others support you can help. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #15 Posted July 31, 2016 Keeping you both in my prayers and sending hugs. It is truly a "One Day at A Time" situation. Love her and hang on for the ride. and share here if our comments thought & prayers can help..we can keep that up. Living is hard,and sometimes dying is harder. Wishing you peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #16 Posted July 31, 2016 I'm sorry to hear this. I'll pray for you both. My brother is in similar situation and it is really hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted July 31, 2016 Share #17 Posted July 31, 2016 Further, where do you live? This sounds very similar to the situation with my mom. We found a few good resources to help my dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team scooter Posted July 31, 2016 Share #18 Posted July 31, 2016 I hate hearing this and I have no words. Sending prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onbike1939 Posted July 31, 2016 Share #19 Posted July 31, 2016 I'm sorry that you are in a bad place at the moment. I really hope that you have someone near so that you can talk about it as it's more than one person's head can handle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smudge ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #20 Posted July 31, 2016 We learn to deal with difficult situations in life by discussing them with out spouse and leaning on our spouse for strength. Since you cannot do that, please be sure to reach out to us for support and love. You know there is plenty here for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted July 31, 2016 Share #21 Posted July 31, 2016 Keep on trucking Further. Sorry you have to experience this. We're here to root for you. Praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted July 31, 2016 Share #22 Posted July 31, 2016 So sorry to hear this. It's hard to see someone go through this. Sending positive thoughts and prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #23 Posted July 31, 2016 Very sorry to hear this Further. Best to you and Mrs Further. Difficult times for you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted July 31, 2016 Share #24 Posted July 31, 2016 This hurts to read, my wife is so important to me. First, take care of yourself. You've mentioned before that you feel you need to get your drinking under control. I think you're making a bad situation worse by drinking. Please take care of yourself first. As for your wife, I know mine would not want to live like that either. When the time is right, she'd want me to help her end her life gracefully. I'm not sure I'd have the strength to do it, but I would try. Virtual hugs to my virtual friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted July 31, 2016 Share #25 Posted July 31, 2016 Is this a case where they know what's wrong and there just isn't any good treatment and it's sure to progress until death? Or, is it a situation where they can't figure out what's wrong? Somewhere in between? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #26 Posted July 31, 2016 Sorry, Further. All I can say is hang in there, and we are here for you 24/7. And maybe also, it sounds like she needs to get out of the house for some psychological and physical sunshine. If she is incapable of walking, can't you push her on a wheelchair or something? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealot Posted July 31, 2016 Share #27 Posted July 31, 2016 23 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: Is this a case where they know what's wrong and there just isn't any good treatment and it's sure to progress until death? Or, is it a situation where they can't figure out what's wrong? Somewhere in between? And to add to that question, how long has this been going on? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentonMakes Posted July 31, 2016 Share #28 Posted July 31, 2016 So, so sorry to read this. We are here for you; will keep hoping for some improvement for you both. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlecan ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #29 Posted July 31, 2016 5 hours ago, maddmaxx said: Keep talking about it. We're here to listen. This. Sometimes, I just don't have the words, and this is one of those times. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrAzY Posted July 31, 2016 Share #30 Posted July 31, 2016 Sorry to hear about this... Times with the ones we love get harder as time goes on... Make every day as memorable as you can. If you need to talk, hit me up with a PM... I have felt with dementia for year with my grandmother, and now my parents are becoming the same way. I am a good listener if you need someone! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share #31 Posted July 31, 2016 Her arthritis started in her late twenty's early thirty's. We've been to several specialist's. Spent a whole day at the Cleveland Clinic about 25 years ago, saw 6 or 8 specialist's and tried some new drugs. Her knees were locking up about that time, a surgeon was pushing knee replacement, but several other Drs. pointed out that with the way her bone were deteriorating, what would happen if the bone the artificial joint was attached to failed. So we passed on that. Her knees have not bent in well over 20 years, her hands are misshapen and the fingers don't bend anymore. Her blood chemistry is out of whack, low iron, high white cell count, high platelet count, and very anemic. She has had iron shots a couple times, it helps for a while, but doesn't last. About 5 years ago she had several tumors removed from her throat. They were benign but there were 11 of them, the surgeon left a couple in there because they were wrapped around the big artery in your neck. She now has a chronic sore throat, and has to be very careful about swallowing, food gets stuck and while she hasn't chocked it's very scary, and uncomfortable. So chances are the tumors are back. The newest development is constant muscle cramping. She stumbled a month or so ago, pulled a muscle in her butt. It hasn't healed, and goes into spasm several times a day, and pulls from her waist to her ankle. She's a wreck, I don't know how she keeps going. But as long as she keeps trying, I'll keep helping. But I'm scared of what's coming next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted July 31, 2016 Share #32 Posted July 31, 2016 Sending you hugs...hang on 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted August 1, 2016 Share #33 Posted August 1, 2016 Sorry to hear this Further. Praying for you and your wife. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Grass Posted August 1, 2016 Share #34 Posted August 1, 2016 Life is not fair. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlecan ★ Posted August 1, 2016 Share #35 Posted August 1, 2016 4 hours ago, Further said: But as long as she keeps trying, I'll keep helping Stay strong. Hope that doesn't sound trite. You need all the strength you can muster. Our thoughts are with you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted August 1, 2016 Share #36 Posted August 1, 2016 Wish we lived closer to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted August 1, 2016 Share #37 Posted August 1, 2016 Wow so sorry to hear of what you two are going through. Prayers and vibes coming your way man, hang in there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted August 1, 2016 Share #38 Posted August 1, 2016 Further, my heart breaks for you. Both my parents are still with us and doing pretty well, but Dad is beggining to slip. I was by my wife's side as we lost her father to lung cancer and her mother to dementia. Like you, she tried to keep it all in and together and did a pretty amazing job and I am sure that I will never be able to fully appreciate everything that she went through, felt, thought or experienced. The slow descent into darkness with her mother was much worse to me than the quicker exit her father got. I encourage you to find someone you can talk to directly to unburden yourself. I understand the desire to numb the pain with alcohol, but in the long run, this is probably not the best choice. Talk to your health care provider and find out about grief counselling. Reach out to your life long friends. Keep pouring out your feelings onto the pages here. Get on your bike and hammer out your feelings on your pedals, or just go for a slow cruise and let them slip away. Maybe find a group that you can meet with weekly for support and counseling. I know when things were at their worst, I really was thankful for the group counseling I was going to where I could just talk about my hurts and ask for prayer and I could do the same for others. It is a two way street and sometimes by serving others, we can get outside ourselves a bit. Know that you and your wife will be in my prayers and that all you have to do is ask if I can do more than that. Peace and strength to you brother. Jeff 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nate Posted August 1, 2016 Share #39 Posted August 1, 2016 that's really a lot of suffering. Its good that you can be there to help her, that's what love really is all about so stay strong. you don't have to do it all alone 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Grass Posted August 1, 2016 Share #40 Posted August 1, 2016 2 hours ago, jsharr said: It is a two way street and sometimes by serving others, we can get outside ourselves a bit. This, for me, has been the key to inner-peace and contentment in life. You are a wise man jsharr. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrapr ★ Posted August 1, 2016 Share #41 Posted August 1, 2016 Further I just don't know what to say. So I am "liking" replies. That is the best I can do. You are stronger than you believe. Your love shows through in the hard times way more than the fun happy times 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 1, 2016 Share #42 Posted August 1, 2016 This is a complicated situation. I'm not sure I have any advice to give, as this is extremely personal. I believe I would offer my support in whatever direction she wanted to take it. Good luck to you both, and know that we are all pulling for you to have the best possible outcome. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlecan ★ Posted August 1, 2016 Share #43 Posted August 1, 2016 25 minutes ago, Scrapr said: I just don't know what to say. So I am "liking" replies. +1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pokey Posted August 1, 2016 Share #44 Posted August 1, 2016 I'm saddened to hear what you and the wife are facing. You're both in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share #45 Posted August 1, 2016 Thank You All 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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