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Kids Today....


ChrisL
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I get it that I'm just griping about my own parenting but we had a funny encounter this weekend with my 23 YO daughter and her fiance.  So my sister takes them out to lunch Saturday and afterwards calls me to tell me that she had the financial responsibility talk with them and going over their financial future.   The importance of not getting in credit debt, saving for a house, waiting to have kids etc....   My sister was all, you won't be paying much for her anymore.... Uh OK we'll see.

Later that afternoon we get a text, "have you gone shopping yet?".  No why... "I need shampoo and conditioner."  My wife is thinking, oh the talk did a lot of good so she texts back "I thought you had the financial plan talk today?".  "We did, I need to save for a house now!".   Sheesh...  Then on Sunday same daughter rolls her ankle walking down the stairs at her Fiance's.  He brings her in the house, she's all jacked up and in pain.  Me: Uh why did you come here, go to the walk in if you are that bad off?  You have an insurance card, you have money for the copay.... Where's mom? Upstairs why?  I need mom to come with me....   Ah sheot here we go...  So mommy takes her little girl to the walk in and of course covers the copay.  

When I was her age I was no longer a financial burden on my mom, had been on my own for 5 years and was a cop.  My wife was married to me and had our daughter at 23...  This one... I can't freaking sever the cord.  Where did I go wrong... 

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It never ends, they're always your kids. When our 30 year old son started talking about adopting a hard case rescue dog, let's call the dog Finn. ;) My wife asked if he was flipping out of his mind. He and his wife already have another dog and a young daughter. And they were either always working or traveling. He had no time to train and take care of another dog.

He said, no offense mom, but I'm 30 years old and I dont need your consent to do anything.

Guess who got stuck watching their dogs (including hard case Finn) this weekend while they were relaxing at a resort? :rolleyes:

 

 

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23 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

I get it that I'm just griping about my own parenting but we had a funny encounter this weekend with my 23 YO daughter and her fiance.  So my sister takes them out to lunch Saturday and afterwards calls me to tell me that she had the financial responsibility talk with them and going over their financial future.   The importance of not getting in credit debt, saving for a house, waiting to have kids etc....   My sister was all, you won't be paying much for her anymore.... Uh OK we'll see.

Later that afternoon we get a text, "have you gone shopping yet?".  No why... "I need shampoo and conditioner."  My wife is thinking, oh the talk did a lot of good so she texts back "I thought you had the financial plan talk today?".  "We did, I need to save for a house now!".   Sheesh...  Then on Sunday same daughter rolls her ankle walking down the stairs at her Fiance's.  He brings her in the house, she's all jacked up and in pain.  Me: Uh why did you come here, go to the walk in if you are that bad off?  You have an insurance card, you have money for the copay.... Where's mom? Upstairs why?  I need mom to come with me....   Ah sheot here we go...  So mommy takes her little girl to the walk in and of course covers the copay.  

When I was her age I was no longer a financial burden on my mom, had been on my own for 5 years and was a cop.  My wife was married to me and had our daughter at 23...  This one... I can't freaking sever the cord.  Where did I go wrong... 

when I was 19 I was living on my own and I worked a 60 week across 3 jobs with a broken ankle. I had no money for a doctor, so I wrapped it up and stuffed it in a combat boot, laced it up tight and went to my shift at the diner at 5am. by mid morning it hurt so much it was numb and I was good for the rest of the day

and 23 isn't a kid

23 is an adult that should be taking care of a kid of their own

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My 22 year old is a full time college student and still on the dole. I help her with tuition (75%), a car, auto insurance, cell phone and health insurance. All other expenses including room and board, gas, clothes and spending money are hers. She gets a little help from her mom on school books and supplies.  When she graduates I'll shift those costs back to her. Might keep her on my health insurance til 26, if the Obamacare mandate is still around.

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20 minutes ago, Nate said:

when I was 19 I was living on my own and I worked a 60 week across 3 jobs with a broken ankle. I had no money for a doctor, so I wrapped it up and stuffed it in a combat boot, laced it up tight and went to my shift at the diner at 5am. by mid morning it hurt so much it was numb and I was good for the rest of the day

and 23 isn't a kid

23 is an adult that should be taking care of a kid of their own

One of the few things my wife and I disagree on. She doesn't "live" with us but her room is her closet.  She hasn't slept in her bed in over a year.  We cover her cell phone as it's been on our plan since she was like 12. We also cover her medical as she's still a student.  She has a job and pays her car note and insurance.  But I tell my wife we need to stop paying for her phone, she needs to reimburse us for medical and tell her to get her stuff out of her room if she's not living here. 

I didn't want to rub it in but in the Army I blew out my ankle on a road march to the NBC range.  It was still dark and I fell into a freaking hole about 4' deep.    I hobbled on the ankle all day and for the march back (probably 5-7 miles) I told my Drill Sergeant I didn't think I could make the march back due to hurting my ankle.  He called me a fucking pussy and told me to get back in formation.  My buddies knew what happened so they emptied my pack and carried my gear. I just had an empty ruck and rifle and marched back on that bad ankle.  Fortunately we went on Christmas break the next day so I could rest up my ankle and not have to be recycled as I jacked it up but good.  Anyway I wanted to tell my kid to quit being a sissy girl and hobble her ass to the clinic but mommy took her instead. 

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3 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

One of the few things my wife and I disagree on. She doesn't "live" with us but her room is her closet.  She hasn't slept in her bed in over a year.  We cover her cell phone as it's been on our plan since she was like 12. We also cover her medical as she's still a student.  She has a job and pays her car note and insurance.  But I tell my wife we need to stop paying for her phone, she needs to reimburse us for medical and tell her to get her stuff out of her room if she's not living here. 

I didn't want to rub it in but in the Army I blew out my ankle on a road march to the NBC range.  It was still dark and I fell into a freaking hole about 4' deep.    I hobbled on the ankle all day and for the march back (probably 5-7 miles) I told my Drill Sergeant I didn't think I could make the march back due to hurting my ankle.  He called me a fucking pussy and told me to get back in formation.  My buddies knew what happened so they emptied my pack and carried my gear. I just had an empty ruck and rifle and marched back on that bad ankle.  Fortunately we went on Christmas break the next day so I could rest up my ankle and not have to be recycled as I jacked it up but good.  Anyway I wanted to tell my kid to quit being a sissy girl and hobble her ass to the clinic but mommy took her instead. 

I know, kids today...they get a leg broke and they just start complaining :whistle:

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You (or the wife) are either an enabler or you're not.  Our 3 daughters have always been mindful of the dollars we spent on them.  All 3 of them had some type of job before they were driving.  When they started driving they knew that the auto insurance was on them - it was their choice.  In a couple of cases it was an advantage to us that they had a car to transport the others and we bought the car but they knew they were responsible for maintenance and insurance.  They never asked us to pay for a phone bill and we never offered.  They knew what the answer would be.  Daughter#1 got married many years ago and we paid for most of the wedding (as would be expected).  She spent our money on her wedding better that we would have.

2 for the daughters have continued their education.  One part time over the years the other to a trade school.  Neither one asked us to help them with the tuition or expenses.  

I can say that since they have never expected us to pay for their stuff it makes it easier for us to pay for things for them when we can.  WoKzoo did something right with these girls.

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35 minutes ago, Kzoo said:

 

2 for the daughters have continued their education.  One part time over the years the other to a trade school.  Neither one asked us to help them with the tuition or expenses.  

 

You know I also paid my own way through college and my wife and I paid her tuition.  Part of that was because my mom couldn't and her dad wouldn't....  I don't mind picking up the tuition on my kids, we covered undergrad she's paying her continued schooling, but dang our parents got off lucky... 

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Just now, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

This, the Wisdom of Kzoo.  :nodhead:

I'm not smart enough to know if you are making fun of me or not.  I'll assume yes.........

If it was from RR or Jsharr there would be no question.

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7 minutes ago, 2Far said:

I think things are proportionally more expensive today than when we were coming of age. I could make a year's tuition during the summer, not many can do that now.

cost-of-living-chart_zpsha0wpcie.jpg

 

Well..... I joined the military and paid my way through my Army College Fund.  I rented a room from my sister, ate freaking Top Ramen, rode my bike to work when I ran out of gas money....  Yeah things are more expensive now but where there is a will there is a way. Don't get me wrong, my kids are good kids, did/doing well in school, no trouble with the law, drugs etc but they are freaking getting over easy.  My wife really didn't have to struggle that hard as she always had me to support her after she left home so she see's things differently than I do. 

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6 minutes ago, Kzoo said:

I'm not smart enough to know if you are making fun of me

Absolutely not!  You were dead on with the response, 100% correct.  If it seemed like I was, then I offer my apology for badly phrasing my response.

Mrs. TK and I were in a similar situation, and we gradually learned we had to work together to solve it - we couldn't allow our daughters to play one against the other.  Today, our daughters are financially independent of us, with the exception of one daughter is still on our cell phone plan.  But it's a case where I am Mrs. TK is still wrapped around her little finger, and it's not much money so we tolerate it.

But we've been the route of the cars, the car/medical insurance, the student loans, and the whole range of all the other living expenses.  It simply took time and continued gentle persuasion to get it all worked out.

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Strange this thread should come up today.

You may remember that my youngest son got laid off by the same company I worked for.  This happened almost 2 years ago.  He has not found a job.  Actually He has not found a job that he likes.  Actually he hasn't been looking for a job.  Now he's out of money and can't pay the mortgage on his condo.  His plan is to move in here, I presume rent free, and to try to rent out his condo.  There are lots of vacancy's there already so I'm not encouraged.  Womaxx is in mom mode.  Of course he will move in here.

I am not pleased.  I had some rather strong words on the subject for womaxx and now she's not pleased.

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1 hour ago, maddmaxx said:

Strange this thread should come up today.

You may remember that my youngest son got laid off by the same company I worked for.  This happened almost 2 years ago.  He has not found a job.  Actually He has not found a job that he likes.  Actually he hasn't been looking for a job.  Now he's out of money and can't pay the mortgage on his condo.  His plan is to move in here, I presume rent free, and to try to rent out his condo.  There are lots of vacancy's there already so I'm not encouraged.  Womaxx is in mom mode.  Of course he will move in here.

I am not pleased.  I had some rather strong words on the subject for womaxx and now she's not pleased.

What's good for the gander is good for the goose. 

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1 hour ago, maddmaxx said:

His plan is to move in here, I presume rent free, and to try to rent out his condo.  There are lots of vacancy's there already so I'm not encouraged.  Womaxx is in mom mode.  Of course he will move in here.

I am not pleased.  I had some rather strong words on the subject for womaxx and now she's not pleased.

 

It seems to me the solution to this problem is to allow the son to move back in with you.

And then you move into his condo, paying him the same rent he offered to pay you.

;)

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Well...I had a good summer job so most of my cash paid for college..My mom covered my car payment and insurance during the school year..I think I covered the 3 summer months....(if I remember correctly)..I covered gas and maintenance...and if she sent me to the store for a few groceries I picked them up..and did not ask for cash.   The only time I would ask her to pay was when I was buying her cigarettes...She was a non smoker for about 18 years..but returned to smoking at about 50.

She died when I was 23...because I had done an AAS degree and then went on for a totally different BA...I had a quarter or semester of classes to finish and 1 as an internship....she died the first week of the last semester of classes...

My sister on the other hand was always hitting my mom up for food or clothing or money...and she played the guilt card (my sister is 5 years older than I am...and played all kinds of emotional games....)

Sometimes...it is the parents...sometimes it the kid...and sometimes circumstances lead the kid or parent to follow along.

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