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Just now, Nate said:

so what's going on these days RG? where are you? what happening? how's everything?

Things have been going weirdly and badly, but a recent blowup with feRW seems to have created a nice breakthrough.  

Every time (and I mean EVERY time) I am over at the old apartment or am out and about with RO, feRW makes sure she is there and is a complete pain in the ass, trying to control every aspect of our interactions and what we are doing, just trying to control literally everything.  You can't say or do anything without hearing something negative or dripping with judgement come out of her.  Other friends have said the same thing, that they haven't enjoyed spending time with her for a couple of years because feRW kind of ruins their time.   Much of what comes out of her is a criticism, lots of negativity, and not nice to be around at all.  We have things that we disagree about, and if I bring anything up, she always escalates this into a full-blown argument.  Believe me, I try to avoid arguments with people whose arguments go nowhere, and she can't hear anything counter to what she thinks and not interpret what you say as something other than completely negative and starts a war.

Saturday, she started a war, and I had had enough of it. I said that when I have RO, I definitively want her (feRW) nowhere near me, as she is just a killjoy and alters and ruins the experience of being with RO.  I said that I want no texts or calls when I have her, just leave us the hell alone during our time together, be anywhere but with us.  I said it in a nicer and more tactful way, but only slightly.

Well, it seems she may have taken to heart what I said.  I had RO last night, and it was too cold to go outside with her and do anything, so I had to stay inside the apartment with RO after I picked her up from daycare.  feRW left as soon as I got there, which was a super nice change!  RO and I had a wonderful time together doing all the things that we always do, but it was as though a lingering malevolence was removed and RO and I could just have fun without have to deal with feRW's black cloud.  Yay!!!

Let's see if she can do it again, I am going over there in an hour or so tonight.  I am guardedly optimistic, but you never know what can happen.  RO was perfectly behaved for me, and was fun, calm, and relaxed the entire time, btw.

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Just now, Nate said:

sounds like some tough times

where are you living now? NYC?

Yup, in Manhattan.  I am staying with married friends in a one bedroom place, and trying to stay out of their hair as much as I can.  They are great friends, of course, my buddy has been a roommate of mine several times starting in college, and we always get along really well.  His wife was our nanny for RO's first year, so she knows exactly what I am dealing with in feRW.

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1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

I am guardedly optimistic,

So am I.  Reconciliation is in the air.  She has taken a step in the right direction now it's your turn to reciprocate.

That will be $0.25 please.

 

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15 hours ago, Kzoo said:

So am I.  Reconciliation is in the air.  She has taken a step in the right direction now it's your turn to reciprocate.

That will be $0.25 please.

 

 

14 hours ago, Goat Geddah said:

Yeah that's what I was thinking.  You can just see him moving in that direction... 

I love all the good sarcasm!

Last night was not the same, feRW stuck around the whole time.  She wasn't being the black cloud feRW, though, so at least that was a step up from the usual.  

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27 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

Do it, do it to me.

:o

 

No, I really don't want to bang her, that kind of flies against the whole 'disengagement' aspect of divorce.  I do appreciate your use of the word "bang", though, some less thoughtful person might have used a less colorful term unnecessarily.

 

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14 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

One for the road?

No, I have gotten out of that habit with the last NYC gf/wife.  Used to be that there was always the last bang after the breakup, but I really didn't want to with the quarrelsome ex, and that seemed like a good trend to continue.  I did bang the previous gf after breaking up with the quarrelsome ex, though, and know I could bang the quarrelsome ex if I really wanted to.  That, however, would come with a whole host of attendant bullcrappery that I don't want to deal with, necessarily.  It would be fun during, but not so much after that.

 Anyway, I recently told feRW, among other things, not to touch me in any way.  She had still been doing that in an incidental way if a particularly funny joke was made that she didn't immediately perceive as a negative remark directed at her (rare) or if RO did or said something inordinately cute, and was still calling me hon and sweetheart and such out of habit.  I had to emphasize that she had lost the right to do that long ago, and to just stop.   

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56 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Anyway, I recently told feRW, among other things, not to touch me in any way.  She had still been doing that in an incidental way if a particularly funny joke was made that she didn't immediately perceive as a negative remark directed at her (rare) or if RO did or said something inordinately cute, and was still calling me hon and sweetheart and such out of habit.  I had to emphasize that she had lost the right to do that long ago, and to just stop.  

:(:(:(:(

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On 1/10/2017 at 3:40 PM, Kzoo said:

Reconciliation is in the air.

Here is your reconciliation story of the day, and there are generally one or more of these each time I see her.

I mention I am hungry while RO is eating.  feRW says "Do you want to order some food for your dinner?"  It is a good time, so I phone up and order veggie rolls and a pork bun from the chinese place across the street.  

Now, in order for you to understand what happens next, you need some backstory.  The apartment is on a busy avenue block, and there is (was) a retail store below the apartment.  There is a common gate that was open during the day when the now-vacant store was open, and there is about 4 feet of common space and two doors.  One that goes into the store and the other is an inner door that goes only to the two residences upstairs.  Streetside, it is a metal gate and it deadbolts from the inside and you need a key to get in from the outside when the gate is closed, and you need a key to lock it from the outside.  There is also a buzzer, and if the gate is open, you can buzz open the inner door and let people up. 

I don't have keys, because feRW has lost hers multiple times, and I gave her the set I had in August to replace the ones she lost (which she has lost again, btw).  She knows I don't have keys.  She knows I ordered the chinese food.  She watches me leave, and I am keyless.  I exit the building without deadbolting the metal gate, because the whole no-key thing prevents this.

I pick up the food and come back and open the unlocked gated door after I rang the bell.  feRW hears the bell and I can see her up the stairs putting boots on unnecessarily to come down and let me through the two doors to get in.  I knock on the inner door to get her attention to just buzz me in, which she does, then starts bitching at me for not locking the outer gate.  With no keys.

RG:  "I don't have keys."

feRW:  "It doesn't matter, you have to lock the gate!"   <this is said in a very frustrated manner, as the landlord catches her forgetting to lock the gate all the time and she doesn't want to get talked to about that again>

RG:  "You do realize that I don't have keys, right?"  "You knew I ordered food, and you watched me go!"  I am incredulous, btw.

feRW:  "I know you don't have keys, but you have to lock the gate"  <increasingly frustrated and hostile>

RG:  "Ok, you can't lock the gate without keys"

feRW:  "YOU HAVE TO LOCK THE GATE, HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?"

RG:  "How do you not understand that without keys, you can't lock the gate?  I can explain it to you several different ways if you like, but they all lead to the fact that it isn't possible to lock the gate without keys.  I want you to show me how to lock the gate without keys, right now."

At this point she went on several sentences in a hostile way and took a few steps down the stairs to make her point until she actually thought for a second and realized that you can't lock the gate without keys.

Like I said, at least once (and usually several times) per visit, something like this happens.  

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43 minutes ago, Ralph T. Mooseknuckle said:

To the casual observer it sounds like she is angry with you.

Well, I am divorcing her, I am sure she is a bit angry about that even if it is for the best.  

Beyond that, though, it is exasperating when someone doesn't seem able to see the obvious on a continual basis, just thinking they are right without examining any evidence until forced to.

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