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this is a challenge


SuzieQ
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I know I haven't been around much, Seems like I have had so much going on for a long time.  I do however, still remember to be grateful!  

It's been one thing after another since early spring and just as I began to feel that I could catch my breath a student of mine is murdered.  Challenging  to wrap my thoughts around this, and can't stop thinking about how she must have felt, being alone and scared.  Just a week before she had told me how her ex bf would not go away, take no for an answer, would show up at her place of work etc.  Both of them used to come to my classes, until the last week when she came with a female friend and we chatted and commiserated about the unsettling feeling of being stalked.  

Sunday I'm teaching a Yin/Restorative Yoga workshop with Reiki healing in her honor and memory.  It's by donation with proceeds going to a local women's shelter.  I always have feelings of guilt around the fact that people who have gone are eventually forgotten, and have to in some way do my part in making sure their life and death have value.  hmmm maybe I should be in therapy :mellow:  

I do also have good things in my life, but had to get this out of the way.  Thanks for listening/reading.  

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6 hours ago, SuzieQ said:

I always have feelings of guilt around the fact that people who have gone are eventually forgotten

If it's any help, I don't think you should bear any feeling of guilt because it seems to me you have not  forgotten those people.  You have remembered and are remembering them.  And more, you are taking action in recognition of what their lives meant.

I can understand a feeling of sadness that other people don't remember, but you don't control other peoples' actions.  And I would suggest you assume no responsibility (and hence, take on no guilt) for what other people choose not  to do.  If any guilt should be borne, it should burden those who choose not to remember and not become a weight transferred onto those who do remember.

Life presents many challenges; often some are unfair and some challenges such as yours are even cruel.  In such times emotions can swirl, making it difficult to sort out feelings rationally.  Some even think that rational thought at such times is cold hearted and uncaring.

The benefit, though, is a step back and some moments of clear reflection on what your burdens and challenges truly are: which are the ones you truly own, which are the ones you make the choice to own, and which are not and should not be yours.  After such a sorting, one might find himself free of burdens that were merely self-imposed, free of ones that rightly belong to others. 

After releasing these one has more time and energy to devote to one's true challenges.  Others will see a stronger, more focused person who makes more of a difference. 

There are times when it is not easy to let the head rule the heart, especially when feelings wring a person into exhaustion.  This, though, may be a time when the head might gently guide a good heart to embracing the feelings that matter - which in turn will help that person be an example and inspiration to others who may be facing the same challenges.

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Thank you @Thaddeus Kosciuszko you are always so logical and rational - must the engineer in you :)

My father grew up in Kenya and as a boy was initiated into the Akumba tribe.  My whole life I heard stories that were passed down from the elders. Stories about the animals, stories about their beliefs.  One thing I always remember clearly was that their belief that a person's spirit will live on as long as they are thought of, and if they are forgotten their spirit will fade away.  I think taking this so seriously as a child is probably what fuels my need to keep thinking about and remember those who have died.

In Jill's case - she was quiet, she is not originally from the area, and not a lot of people knew her - her bf who murdered her grew up in this area and I have met so many people who know him or of him in some way.  And I feel like this story in this community has become all about him and she is just the faceless woman whose life he ended.

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Suzie, 

Condolences to you on your loss.  Murder and suicide have both been a part of my family so I know some of the pain and confusion and grief and loss that you are going through.

 I lost one uncle to suicide and another to murder.  My father had to watch both his younger brothers die before him.  I will never forget the site or smell of the house that my Uncle Don was murdered in.  My brother and I had to go inside and cover the floor with blankets so my father could come in to get things he needed to settle the estate.  He sold the house the next day and I am not sure that he will ever go to San Antonio,Texas again in his life.  Don's murderer was never caught and to this day I wonder why he had to die and hope that he died quickly.

I often wonder what life had in store for my Uncle Phil, who was a high school teacher and who took his own life. 

Both of their deaths were senseless and tragic.  

You are doing a good thing by keeping your friends memory alive and helping to make things better for others.

Peace and Strength to you.

Jeff

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I am sorry you're dealing with such a senseless loss, Suzie.  I'm also glad that you're planning something that will not only help the women's shelter, but will give other people who knew Jill a chance to feel like they're "doing something" as a way to deal with their own emotions.

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Today a friend and I are offering a Yin/Restorative with Reiki healing class in Jill's memory. It is by donation and all proceeds will go to Grace Smith House which is a local women's shelter.  

I know all of you would love this class!  

A Healing Journey (2).jpg

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