Razors Edge ★ Posted April 13, 2018 Share #51 Posted April 13, 2018 11 hours ago, Redfacedwalrus said: My fiance/boyfriend of four years broke up with me. Not that it actually makes things easier, but there is a definite distinction between "fiance" and "boyfriend". Are/were you actually engaged - ie a marriage proposal, acceptance, ring on finger, date set in the near future sort of thing - or are you, like many of us did, "trying out the whole committed couple" thing? My general feeling on relationships is to not be in one if both sides don't choose to be there. It is better to find a clean way to break up rather than spend a huge chunk of time and emotional energy getting to the same place (apart) many years later. It sucks, but it also means you get a chance to meet new people, grow in your wisdom, and bring more to the next relationship. Tom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted April 13, 2018 Share #52 Posted April 13, 2018 3 hours ago, Lydia Cheesewaithe said: ^ Naturally I thought of it but exercised common sense and restraint. ...naturally. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted April 13, 2018 Share #53 Posted April 13, 2018 You need to move out. Do what you can. Otherwise your heart will not heal completely and your life will be on hold. Are you working now? Make it work for yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted April 13, 2018 Share #54 Posted April 13, 2018 ...since this thread has naturally evolved into thoughts on love and relationships, here is the one love poem I wish I had written. It is by Hayden Carruth and was published in his book, From Snow and Rock, from Chaos: Poems 1965-1972. I could take two leaves and give you one. Would that not be a kind of perfection? But I prefer one leaf torn to give you half showing (after these years, simply) love’s complexity in an act, the tearing and the unique edges — one leaf (one word) from the two imperfections that match. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted April 13, 2018 Share #55 Posted April 13, 2018 I am sorry you are hurting. Things like this are never easy. It hurts now, but in the long run it's for the best. Better to find out any issues now than years from now (especially if kids will be involved later). You deserve someone who is thrilled to be with you and wants to be with you forever. As long as you're sort of hanging around this guy and emotionally invested in him, you'll never start and continue a relationship with a new person. Change is never easy, and change in these circumstances is unusually hard, but hanging onto something that isn't working for one of the parties is even worse. Never be with someone who thinks they're doing you a favor - you're too special and valuable for that. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Road Runner Posted April 13, 2018 Popular Post Share #56 Posted April 13, 2018 What an idiot. You are the cutest red-faced walrus that I have ever seen! 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TrentonMakes Posted April 13, 2018 Popular Post Share #57 Posted April 13, 2018 I wasn't sure whether to post this but I decided I would. I sincerely hope there is something helpful in here. I saw this same situation - but from the other side. All the time invested (6 years) and all the memories weren't enough, once I realized she simply was not the one for me. Deep down I know I was not the one for her either, but that was no solace to her at the time. I bet all her friends called me an idiot too. Probably worse. We continued to live together for a month, and that month was nothing short of hellish - completely emotional, awkward, crying, yelling.... it was nothing short of brutal and I do not recommend it, even if it's for practicality/convenience (as it was for us). Unfortunately some of my most vivid memories of her are from that time. I truly broke her heart - but it really was heartbreaking for me too. It has been over 20 years and I still think of her with some frequency. She did not want to be friends, which made it harder for me, but I think it was for the best. She found love, and not terribly long afterward either (she was engaged within 11 months, to someone we had both met at a party). She is married with a family and a successful career. And she is happy, which is really all I have wanted for her since then. I know things are rough right now, but I do think the sooner you can get away the sooner you will start to feel better. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 13, 2018 Share #58 Posted April 13, 2018 There is a line in a song that goes “battles of the human heart are really quite the same”. There are a few variants, and some twists within the variants, but it is correct. Wash, rinse, repeat. You will be over it the minute you go on a few dates with someone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted April 13, 2018 Share #59 Posted April 13, 2018 Major change is always difficult. I'm not good at it. You should take the advice of @Kirby. How much longer on your lease? You will find out if you can really be friends only if you put some distance between you to figure it out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital_photog ★ Posted April 13, 2018 Share #60 Posted April 13, 2018 11 minutes ago, Airehead said: Major change is always difficult. I'm not good at it. You should take the advice of @Kirby. How much longer on your lease? You will find out if you can really be friends only if you put some distance between you to figure it out. @Airehead and @Kirby are always good at giving advice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 13, 2018 Share #61 Posted April 13, 2018 Ok, real advice. Somebody moves out by the end of the month, definitely better that way. Staying together would only make sense if you weren’t going to have kids. Best to cut things off early, since he wants to raise the kids in the traditional Amish way and you don’t. It is true what I said earlier, after you go on a few dates, you will at least get your footing. Don’t stress if you can help it, this just has to play out over time. Go get a steak and a beer (wine is horrendous for misery-abatement) and just realize that this is just a flash in time and it will seem alright as the months go by. You should go live with Cheese, too. You have already lived in SW’s basement anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted April 13, 2018 Share #62 Posted April 13, 2018 10 minutes ago, Randomguy said: . Go get a steak and a beer (wine is horrendous for misery-abatement) and just realize that this is just a flash in time and it will seem alright as the months go by. You should go live with Cheese, too. You have already lived in SW’s basement anyway. If you aren't laughing at RG's suggestions, then you need to seriously consider your life priorities. Look after yourself first. Your ex-bf doesn't care at the heart of all this. RG, I would go for lovely salmon steak and white wine.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zephyr Posted April 13, 2018 Popular Post Share #63 Posted April 13, 2018 Sorry RFW, if this us not what you want to hear, but you need to get out. My son went through this a little while ago, and they were still "friends" and we're still living together. They had a lease, all the same reasons you stated. To make a long story short, it got worse and worse, things were expected, expectations were disappointed, things were said and it ended up being much worse than if they had of just walked away. Also, remember that while you are toiling along with someone you have no future with, you might be out and seated beside some "random guy" (see what I did there?) and miss a Mr Right because you were too busy hanging on to Mr. Not as Right. Move on. It'll hurt for a while, but in the long run you will be better off with a clean break. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted April 13, 2018 Share #64 Posted April 13, 2018 You know a power off/on master clear is called for here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 13, 2018 Share #65 Posted April 13, 2018 48 minutes ago, Zephyr said: Sorry RFW, if this us not what you want to hear, but you need to get out. My son went through this a little while ago, and they were still "friends" and we're still living together. They had a lease, all the same reasons you stated. To make a long story short, it got worse and worse, things were expected, expectations were disappointed, things were said and it ended up being much worse than if they had of just walked away. Also, remember that while you are toiling along with someone you have no future with, you might be out and seated beside some "random guy" (see what I did there?) and miss a Mr Right because you were too busy hanging on to Mr. Not as Right. Move on. It'll hurt for a while, but in the long run you will be better off with a clean break. What he is saying is that he thinks I am right for you, but I am promised to Chris’s daughter. One of them, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted April 13, 2018 Share #66 Posted April 13, 2018 17 minutes ago, Randomguy said: What he is saying is that he thinks I am right for you, but I am promised to Chris’s daughter. One of them, anyway. ...the one who can't resist cruffins looks like the easiest one to catch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Grass Posted April 13, 2018 Share #67 Posted April 13, 2018 Well I agree with all who said that moving out is the right thing to do. Also, I don't really believe much in friendships between men and women and especially if it follows a romantic relationship. Having said that, if I were the dude in this relationship, and I wanted to break it off 4 or 5 months before the apartment lease expired, I'd certainly expect to pick up the full payment from this day forward. If he isn't on terms with that, then he is a douche bag. At least in my book. Good luck, lady. It'll get better. The worst part is that it'll harden your heart. Or maybe that's good. What do I know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 14, 2018 Share #68 Posted April 14, 2018 3 hours ago, Goat Geddah said: If he isn't on terms with that, then he is a douche bag. We certainly don't know enough to say that at all. Maybe she was pressuring him or keeps dropping 'hints' or somesuch, and the breakup was the resulting pushback that she forced. Maybe they live in a hyperexpensive city or neighborhood and cannot afford the place on one income. Maybe he is a student, or paying crippling debt, or owes money to the mob or drug dealer. Tidy timelines don't often happen when emotions collide. We can't say who is a douchebag here, maybe both are, maybe neither of them are. I don't see anywhere near enough detail here to assign any kind of responsibility for things. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 14, 2018 Share #69 Posted April 14, 2018 3 hours ago, Page Turner said: ...the one who can't resist cruffins looks like the easiest one to catch. Of course, she has red hair and is therefore the most likely to be crazy enough to do such a thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 14, 2018 Share #70 Posted April 14, 2018 4 hours ago, shootingstar said: RG, I would go for lovely salmon steak and white wine.. No, wine is bad for this, as is salmon. Wine only reinforces the notion that she is unable to understand the unfathomable nature of men, when beer would add clarity and reveal that, like all women, she is overanalyzing things when the simplest path is the correct one. Chicks always add complexity and pretense where none is needed, and men are simple creatures if you listen to direct answers we give. And salmon? Geez. Steak is the ultimate reset food, nothing says 'fuck it' like having a good steak and a beer. And maybe onion rings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted April 14, 2018 Share #71 Posted April 14, 2018 27 minutes ago, Randomguy said: No, wine is bad for this, as is salmon. Wine only reinforces the notion that she is unable to understand the unfathomable nature of men, when beer would add clarity and reveal that, like all women, she is overanalyzing things when the simplest path is the correct one. Chicks always add complexity and pretense where none is needed, and men are simple creatures if you listen to direct answers we give. And salmon? Geez. Steak is the ultimate reset food, nothing says 'fuck it' like having a good steak and a beer. And maybe onion rings. A lot of steak gives me slight indigestion. Hence, sockeye salmon is best. My partner doesn't even like beer....and he has German roots! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted April 14, 2018 Share #72 Posted April 14, 2018 23 minutes ago, Randomguy said: ...nothing says 'fuck it' like having a good steak and a beer. And maybe onion rings. ...I had the onion rings with my hot pastrami sandwich for lunch day before yesterday on the wildflower excursion up to Jackson. It was a good day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted April 14, 2018 Share #73 Posted April 14, 2018 Maybe you should give the Amish lifestyle a try. They seem really happy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 14, 2018 Share #74 Posted April 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Longjohn said: Maybe you should give the Amish lifestyle a try. They seem really happy. Yeah, plus...horses and buggies! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris... Posted April 14, 2018 Share #75 Posted April 14, 2018 13 hours ago, Page Turner said: ...the one who can't resist cruffins looks like the easiest one to catch. Good luck with that. She’s a crazy redhead 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted April 14, 2018 Share #76 Posted April 14, 2018 9 hours ago, shootingstar said: My partner doesn't even like beer....and he has German roots! Unpossible! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted April 14, 2018 Share #77 Posted April 14, 2018 Good luck RFW. You will get through this as a stronger person. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted April 14, 2018 Share #78 Posted April 14, 2018 On 04/13/2018 at 1:23 AM, Page Turner said: Free Bird just does not cut it in this situation. Or maybe it does! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 20, 2018 Share #79 Posted April 20, 2018 On 4/14/2018 at 9:07 AM, Chris... said: Good luck with that. She’s a crazy redhead Eh, I have had nothing but crazy of one kind or another from women for most of the past 9 years or so. I am used to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted April 20, 2018 Share #80 Posted April 20, 2018 So what ever happened with this? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted April 20, 2018 Share #81 Posted April 20, 2018 Troll or person is figuring out life. Pretty strange that's all the person came here for if they are really in dumps over partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted April 20, 2018 Share #82 Posted April 20, 2018 30 minutes ago, shootingstar said: Troll or person is figuring out life. Pretty strange that's all the person came here for if they are really in dumps over partner. RFW is cool, she is just having a tough time dealing with this. She will be back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted April 20, 2018 Share #83 Posted April 20, 2018 6 hours ago, Randomguy said: So what ever happened with this? She is too young for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted April 20, 2018 Share #84 Posted April 20, 2018 1 hour ago, shootingstar said: Troll or person is figuring out life. Pretty strange that's all the person came here for if they are really in dumps over partner. She was a fun and active albeit short term technical administrator here. Fun kid and I wish her well with this. Relationships can cause problems and maybe some that can't really be discussed on a discussion board. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkpow Posted April 20, 2018 Share #85 Posted April 20, 2018 I'm just not feeling the coo-coo-ka-choo in this thread. I expected more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted April 20, 2018 Share #86 Posted April 20, 2018 I believe that RFW thinks of us as adults she can get advice from. She is a computer geek after all and may not be able to boil water without building a laser. <quickly shuts down computer to prevent fire from spreading> 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted April 21, 2018 Share #87 Posted April 21, 2018 I like pie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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