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You all should go back in time and not get married


Randomguy

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5 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

I ask uncle google for help. I couldn’t think of anything witty to say. I thought that sounded better than “I’m happier than a dead pig in the sunshine” or “I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park”

Hmmmm... I'm gonna go with the "Is what it is" answer.

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2 minutes ago, pedalphile said:

Well, I never married, did I do something right?

According to RG you did. Some people seem to not want to commit to a marriage and for them it is probably better not to marry. For me my life has been so much fuller and richer having married and raised kids. Now the bonus is the grandkids that are just the best thing ever.

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1 hour ago, Slow_Guy_On_Bike said:

I'd love to go back in time and NOT marry my first wife. That was 2 1/2 years of pure misery. If anything, I'd marry my second wife (who would then become my first wife) sooner so we'd have more time together before her passing.

:)

I'd love to go back and not marry my first wife either!

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2 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

A colleague went to a retirement planning session a few days ago.

Somehow the speaker dug up a statistic, where a bunch of people were surveyed and asked if they wanted to retire to spend more time with their spouse.  Men=65%.  Women=40%  

 

Over a whole bunch of years there are going to be some things that change and not much we can do about it. In her twenties and thirties my wife was the athlete, softball, cross country skiing, hiking, and she loved camping in a tent. As her health changed, surgeries, etc. she just wasn't able to do what she used to love to do. Sure spend more time with my spouse but I still want to keep doing the things that she is not able to do anymore. With retirement I can have both. We have always enjoyed spending time together but we also have our own time.

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7 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

With retirement I can have both. We have always enjoyed spending time together but we also have our own time.

My partner would agree with you since he took early retirement over 10 yrs. ago.

I see myself also with same attitude:  I can have both.  He feels I'm not fully exploring the artistic side of myself.

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My wife and I met by pure chance 31 years ago and I often wonder, if just one thing was different we wouldnt have met. 

I never once regretted my life with my wife but did often wonder what it would have been like if one of those stars didn't align and we never met.

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6 hours ago, Randomguy said:

It is true, you would live a less complicated life.  Do this, and report back here how different it is for you.

Yeah but then you'll have folks whinging about how they're so lonely and have no one with whom to cuddle on cold nights. 

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In some ways life would be definitely be less complicated, but also much more lonelier as there is no way I'd want any part of today's dating seen at my age.  Usually if women are single in their 40's, there is most certainly a reason.

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6 minutes ago, Indy said:

In some ways life would be definitely be less complicated, but also much more lonelier as there is no way I'd want any part of today's dating seen at my age.  Usually if women are single in their 40's, there is most certainly a reason.

Ed Zachary

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12 hours ago, dotman17 said:

It's one of those crap shoots.  If you find the (a) right person, then it can be bliss.,  If you tangle with the not-so-right person, it can be misery.

I think half of all married people live in some form of misery or other.  I also think way more than half of the rest are in the 'take it or leave it' camp.  A small percentage think it is the best thing ever, they chose well, they have a sane partner who lives in the same world.  And this isn't counting the divorces, just those who are currently married.

 

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8 hours ago, Longjohn said:

According to RG you did. Some people seem to not want to commit to a marriage and for them it is probably better not to marry. For me my life has been so much fuller and richer having married and raised kids. Now the bonus is the grandkids that are just the best thing ever.

Yes, you did something sensible, Peds.  I don't think it is a matter of lack of commitment at all that it the problem, but committing to the wrong partner.  People seldom choose well, or are able to grow with someone as life goes on.  People are lazy, and stop trying, or just don't care, lots of things out of your control.

Chicks are often insane or not rational or are completely unaware, and I say this with great certainty, and with no backing down.  That said, I bet you chicks out there will accurately say the same thing about some of the dudes you end up saddled with for the wrong reasons, like a giant schlong or lots of money or somesuch.

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7 hours ago, roadiejorge said:

Yeah but then you'll have folks whinging about how they're so lonely and have no one with whom to cuddle on cold nights. 

Who gives a flying hoot about being lonely?  Lonely is way better than being miserable, I have no respect for people that can't deal with alone time.

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5 hours ago, Indy said:

In some ways life would be definitely be less complicated, but also much more lonelier as there is no way I'd want any part of today's dating seen at my age.  Usually if women are single in their 40's, there is most certainly a reason.

Yeah, that reason is that their ex could have been the difficult one, or things just didn't work out, or she killed him, or just never found somebody who was worth keeping.  I think divorced chicks would be more likely to be more careful the second time around.

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Been married for 22 years and it's still going well.  We have fun talking to each other and still look forward to any time we get together. Guess I chose correctly. 

What I am thankful for is not having kids.  They seem to really complicate life.  I like to pick up at the drop of a hat and camp, bike, whatever.  Plus, they require large amounts of money, and time.  Seeing my friends taking them to all kinds of sports meets seems exhausting. Your life is on the back burner and they take center stage.  Yuck.

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12 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

Your life is on the back burner and they take center stage.  Yuck.

Yeah your life becomes about the kids. It can be frustrating at times but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

I'm glad we had our kids young so I had the energy to be an active participant in their lives, especially play time and still have the ability to do what I want now that they are grown.

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Nothing would convince me to change my life with the wife and kids.  Those "complications"  were well rewarded, the money spent is just money.  

I think it's kind of sad to hear the pessimism.  Most of the people around me have been happily married for a long time, it reinforces my faith in love.

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16 minutes ago, 12string said:

Nothing would convince me to change my life with the wife and kids.  Those "complications"  were well rewarded, the money spent is just money.  

I think it's kind of sad to hear the pessimism.  Most of the people around me have been happily married for a long time, it reinforces my faith in love.

Pessimism?  

Kids are just not a thing that everyone should do.  It's great that you love your choices.  I am thankful for mine as well.  

Actually, I am a very optimistic person.  I just didn't want to accessorize myself with children. That has nothing to do with pessimism.  

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42 minutes ago, 12string said:

Nothing would convince me to change my life with the wife and kids.  Those "complications"  were well rewarded, the money spent is just money.  

I think it's kind of sad to hear the pessimism.  Most of the people around me have been happily married for a long time, it reinforces my faith in love.

Well, it sounds like you chose well and got lucky on top of it, as a number of people here have.

Most parents suck at parenting, and most people suck at being good spouses.  Misery is misery, and half of all marriages end in divorce and a great many that don't divorce just live a life of quiet desperation.  I would be willing to bet that a fair percentage of people you think have happy marriages, simply don't.  The ones that don't have happy marriages probably put up a good front, and have just resigned themselves to riding it out until they die.  So in other words, it ain't pessimism, it is reality.   I think it takes a thinking, aware person to know what is and what isn't for them, as so many people do things for the wrong reasons.

If 10% of marriages are truly happy, then I would be surprised, knowing what I know about people and what is observable.  You don't have to be pessimistic about your own marriage, but you should realize that the odds are long for most others.  

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2 hours ago, Randomguy said:

Well, it sounds like you chose well and got lucky on top of it, as a number of people here have.

Most parents suck at parenting, and most people suck at being good spouses.  Misery is misery, and half of all marriages end in divorce and a great many that don't divorce just live a life of quiet desperation.  I would be willing to bet that a fair percentage of people you think have happy marriages, simply don't.  The ones that don't have happy marriages probably put up a good front, and have just resigned themselves to riding it out until they die.  So in other words, it ain't pessimism, it is reality.   I think it takes a thinking, aware person to know what is and what isn't for them, as so many people do things for the wrong reasons.

If 10% of marriages are truly happy, then I would be surprised, knowing what I know about people and what is observable.  You don't have to be pessimistic about your own marriage, but you should realize that the odds are long for most others.  

My partner has 2 adult children from his ex.  He did say to me a long time ago if I wanted to have children, he wouldn't want to deprive me.

I thought he was crazy ...'cause his enthusiasm was muted. His heart wasn't there to have a 2nd set of children. I chose not to have children in my early 20's...10 years before I met him.  No regrets.  I am eldest in family and served as babysitter to 5 other siblings.  I guess I saw way too much in terms of parenthood stress. 

It is quite important the woman is clear in her heart and head that she truly wants to have children. 

For awhile I thought I was abnormal for not dreaming about children and wanting them, when other women around me were getting excited about having babies. I just couldn't spark the maternal instinct love.  On the rare occasion I joke:  Let's make a baby. So we can see what the baby would look like between you and I. My guess based on my half Chinese nieces and nephews, the child would have brown hair, most likely dark brown or less likely, hazel eyes.  The skin would be fairer than mine.  Like all babies, baby would be cute.  Dearie just laughs too.

Instead I'm proud to be aunt of 7 nieces and nephews from 3 sisters. I am also a great-aunt now.  The good thing about young kids, it brings out the inner child in a person.  For about 10 years I had forgotten how to do baby talk with babies and young children.  Until a sister had her lst child. 

My partner says this of parenthood:  He loves his children. None of his children have been into drugs, etc. However he says the enormous effort parents put out for quarter century and often child's lack of awareness for a long time or worse, insensitivity, can sometimes be crushing temporarily in a big way.

Sometimes I think it's better not to know every angle, every pothole in life's sometimes, difficult journey ahead or we would never get started on the path at all.

 

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3 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I think half of all married people live in some form of misery or other.  I also think way more than half of the rest are in the 'take it or leave it' camp.  A small percentage think it is the best thing ever, they chose well, they have a sane partner who lives in the same world.  And this isn't counting the divorces, just those who are currently married.

 

I waited until I was 38 the first time and 46 the second time. I got the right gal this time. My plan is to grow old(er) with her.

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