Airehead Posted April 21, 2018 Share #51 Posted April 21, 2018 Both of my marriages have been very special. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if the cancer didn't steal away the first one. That was love young and a bit reckless. Mr. Aire is a more mature relationship full of friendship. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 21, 2018 Share #52 Posted April 21, 2018 If I didn’t get married, who would correct me?? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted April 21, 2018 Share #53 Posted April 21, 2018 i don't think there is one right choice. People are different and what they want out of life is going to be different as well. At least as far as I could tell, my parents had 62 years of a wonderful marriage. I still recall once when I was flying in for a visit and my flights were delayed. I finally landed past midnight, over 4 hours late. This was before the days of instant information, and my parents had only found out my flight was delayed once they got to the airport. So after they'd both been working all day, they spent hours sitting at the airport waiting for me. I was very apologetic when the flight finally landed, and I still recall my Dad smiling and saying happily that it was no problem because they always had a good time just being together. That story always stuck with me because it wasn't about anything grand or dramatic, just joy in their every day life. A good marriage can be wonderful, but a marriage to the wrong person or for the wrong reasons can be awful. My one sister is a really good Mom and having kids has really enriched her life, but I can't imagine my other sister ever having kids. I think they each found their right path. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted April 21, 2018 Share #54 Posted April 21, 2018 1 hour ago, Zackny said: If I didn’t get married, who would correct me?? We could do it here, but not full time like you need. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted April 21, 2018 Share #55 Posted April 21, 2018 4 hours ago, Randomguy said: Well, it sounds like you chose well and got lucky on top of it, as a number of people here have. Most parents suck at parenting, and most people suck at being good spouses. Misery is misery, and half of all marriages end in divorce and a great many that don't divorce just live a life of quiet desperation. I would be willing to bet that a fair percentage of people you think have happy marriages, simply don't. The ones that don't have happy marriages probably put up a good front, and have just resigned themselves to riding it out until they die. So in other words, it ain't pessimism, it is reality. I think it takes a thinking, aware person to know what is and what isn't for them, as so many people do things for the wrong reasons. If 10% of marriages are truly happy, then I would be surprised, knowing what I know about people and what is observable. You don't have to be pessimistic about your own marriage, but you should realize that the odds are long for most others. Jeeze dude, sorry you have such a dim view of marriage. Any relationship has its up and downs, some make it and some don't. Some people fake happiness in their marriage and some dont. I think you have a pretty fair representation of this in these here forums. But to suggest we all fucked up by getting married and if we could have a do over we should not have done so is just plain stupid talk. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Karen_Cooper_Incident Posted April 21, 2018 Share #56 Posted April 21, 2018 1 hour ago, ChrisL said: Jeeze dude, sorry you have such a dim view of marriage. Any relationship has its up and downs, some make it and some don't. Some people fake happiness in their marriage and some dont. I think you have a pretty fair representation of this in these here forums. But to suggest we all fucked up by getting married and if we could have a do over we should not have done so is just plain stupid talk. Well, we ARE all fucked up. Even AWWC. Couch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted April 21, 2018 Share #57 Posted April 21, 2018 7 hours ago, Kirby said: A good marriage can be wonderful, but a marriage to the wrong person or for the wrong reasons can be awful. My words almost exactly earlier in this thread. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted April 21, 2018 Share #58 Posted April 21, 2018 5 hours ago, Couch_Incident said: Well, we ARE all fucked up. Even AWWC. Couch Hey, now, I consider myself as fuckered up -- and happily married. Please get it straight next time. Thanks, Dottie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Grass Posted April 22, 2018 Share #59 Posted April 22, 2018 I wouldn't change it. Marriage was good. Did my part in creating 5 new human beings. Pretty sure they all think my marriage was a good idea, too. While we were young, we were mature about it. I remember a couple of conversations in particular where we talked about how we viewed living life. In hindsight, without really consciously realizing it, we were sizing each other up for compatibility in marriage. I have a feeling that a lot of failed or miserable marriages began without each other knowing how the other truly felt about important things like raising kids, number of kids, religion, politics, careers,... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted April 22, 2018 Share #60 Posted April 22, 2018 17 minutes ago, Goat Geddah said: I wouldn't change it. Marriage was good. Did my part in creating 5 new human beings. Pretty sure they all think my marriage was a good idea, too. While we were young, we were mature about it. I remember a couple of conversations in particular where we talked about how we viewed living life. In hindsight, without really consciously realizing it, we were sizing each other up for compatibility in marriage. I have a feeling that a lot of failed or miserable marriages began without each other knowing how the other truly felt about important things like raising kids, number of kids, religion, politics, careers,... OR not finding a way to deal with change, when spouse has taken a different radical change...go back to school, embark on a different career which affects home life and how children should be raised/sharing that responsibility daily. Dealing with serious difficulties may take several years of work in a couple. My partner and I have lived in 2 separate provinces plus also living together in same city for several years at different times. The foundation of any marriage, intimate relationship is fidelity, respect, trust, reliability for each other, genuine delight and desire to share thoughts, experiences daily where couple is learning from one another. No doubt, some marriages just couldn't survive long distance even if there aren't any children. I actually think this is happening more often than we realize because both men and women have careers/jobs to maintain the family budget. Once on a flight from Vancouver to Calgary, a guy who worked as a large truck vehicle driver related to oil industry sat beside me. HIs wife and 2 kids lived in Newfoundland...over 5,000 km. east. He told me his wife wanted a divorce by phone. I was amazed he told me but he just found out earlier that wk. I was probably the lst person he told. Not surprisingly he was in minor shock since his salary provided them a lovely new home, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted April 22, 2018 Share #61 Posted April 22, 2018 6 hours ago, shootingstar said: Not surprisingly he was in minor shock since his salary provided her a lovely new home Fify Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted April 23, 2018 Share #62 Posted April 23, 2018 On 4/20/2018 at 5:56 PM, Randomguy said: Most parents suck at parenting, and most people suck at being good spouses. Misery is misery, This is the kind of pessimism I'm referring to, not people making choices to not marry or not have kids. I have some very close friends and family who have also made that decision and are quite happy - because it was right for them. If anyone read it that way and took offense, I heartily apologize! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrAzY Posted April 23, 2018 Share #63 Posted April 23, 2018 If I didn't get married I would be poor and not have kids and dogs. I'll keep it the way it is 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BR46 Posted April 23, 2018 Popular Post Share #64 Posted April 23, 2018 For 36 years this lady has put up with my crap and it's to late to change now. Today is our anniversary so I'm going to take her out to eat and there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to get lucky tonight. 6 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted April 23, 2018 Share #65 Posted April 23, 2018 RG, good luck to you sir. Getting divorced sucks and is tumultuous whether it's for the better or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a bunch of numbers Posted April 23, 2018 Share #66 Posted April 23, 2018 I'm with RG on this one. I chose wrong a while back and paid for it dearly. Of course, at the time I thought I was making the right choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted April 24, 2018 Share #67 Posted April 24, 2018 I personally don't understand why people choose to get married. The whole thing is a big lie. They are all standing up there saying "Til death due us part" when what they really mean is "Til I don't feel like it anymore." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted April 24, 2018 Share #68 Posted April 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: I personally don't understand why people choose to get married. The whole thing is a big lie. They are all standing up there saying "Til death due us part" when what they really mean is "Til I don't feel like it anymore." It's only the liars and the cheaters that don't take their marriage vows seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted April 24, 2018 Share #69 Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Longjohn said: It's only the liars and the cheaters that don't take their marriage vows seriously. I don't think so. I think most see divorce as being as acceptable as marriage, and as a normal part of someone's expected life experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted April 24, 2018 Share #70 Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Reverend_Maynard said: I don't think so. I think most see divorce as being as acceptable as marriage, and as a normal part of someone's expected life experience. If they feel that way why don't they write their own vows instead of promising one thing and then backing out? You don't have to agree to "till death do us part" but anyone that does should stand behind it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted April 24, 2018 Share #71 Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Longjohn said: If they feel that way why don't they write their own vows instead of promising one thing and then backing out? You don't have to agree to "till death do us part" but anyone that does should stand behind it. You're asking me? I already said I don't understand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted April 24, 2018 Share #72 Posted April 24, 2018 24 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: I don't think so. I think most see divorce as being as acceptable as marriage, and as a normal part of someone's expected life experience. Most? I think a lot of people who get divorced really do mean til death when they say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted April 24, 2018 Share #73 Posted April 24, 2018 3 minutes ago, 12string said: Most? I think a lot of people who get divorced really do mean til death when they say it. Even the second, third, fourth time? C'mon man! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted April 24, 2018 Share #74 Posted April 24, 2018 32 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: Even the second, third, fourth time? C'mon man! That situation is SOME people, not most. And plenty realize one mistake and mean it the 2nd time. After that........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Grass Posted April 24, 2018 Share #75 Posted April 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Reverend_Maynard said: Even the second, third, fourth time? C'mon man! LOL...I've known to comment "how many times can someone say 'till death do us part' with a straight face". Having said that, you're being too cynical. While there are plenty of people who view divorce as just another option (obviously..given the %ages) so too there are a lot of people who view marriage with the appropriate seriousness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted April 24, 2018 Share #76 Posted April 24, 2018 23 hours ago, BR46 said: For 36 years this lady has put up with my crap and it's to late to change now. Today is our anniversary so I'm going to take her out to eat and there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to get lucky tonight. I do not know why, but your last line made me think of a female comedian I saw years ago. She said "Guys, you know when you are getting ready for a big date, showering, shaving, getting dressed and you wonder "Am I gonna get laid tonight?", well, we already know.!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted April 24, 2018 Share #77 Posted April 24, 2018 45 minutes ago, Goat Geddah said: LOL...I've known to comment "how many times can someone say 'till death do us part' with a straight face". Having said that, you're being too cynical. While there are plenty of people who view divorce as just another option (obviously..given the %ages) so too there are a lot of people who view marriage with the appropriate seriousness. I believe most means more than half, no? If half of marriages end in divorce, and there are many multi-time participants, than more than half of people who get married will get divorced at least once. It wouldn't be fair to say that everyone who gets divorced never meant "til death" in the first place, but there are surely plenty who didn't really mean it when they said it and still managed to keep it. Maybe I'm being too cynical, but if there's any empirical evidence, it looks like it's on my side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted April 24, 2018 Share #78 Posted April 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: If half of marriages end in divorce, and there are many multi-time participants, than more than half of people who get married will get divorced at least once That math is wrong. Half of all marriages end in divorce There are many people getting more than one divorce. = more than half the people getting, married do NOT divorce. Empirical evidence says that most people stay married. I understand the cynicism and pessimism, I just feel bad that things happen to people that make them get cynical. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted April 24, 2018 Share #79 Posted April 24, 2018 1 hour ago, 12string said: I understand the cynicism and pessimism, I just feel bad that things happen to people that make them get cynical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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