Separation

[Airehead]

Have you ever seen a couple separate work out their differences and get happily back together?

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

Once in a while. Usually, it’s just a “pre-divorce”.

[maddmaxx ★]

1 minute ago, Airehead said:

Have you ever seen a couple separate work out their differences and get happily back together?

Over and over.

[Airehead]

1 minute ago, maddmaxx said:

Over and over.

Lots of people doing it over and over or one set over and over. 

[2Far ★]

The couple in the house next to us in B'ham were married, divorced and remarried. Dunno, they seemed to be mutually unhappy.

[UglyBob]

Never seen one that worked long term. Whatever broke them up the first time usually rears its ugly head again.

 

[petitepedal ★]

@Airehead I know you and Mr are looking at buying/building and it is chaos...but it isn't worth your marriage...please work it out

[The_Karen_Cooper_Incident]

I would like to seperate from Ylva. 

I will drop her off tomorrow morning while you are at work. 

Couch 

[Kzoo]

21 minutes ago, Couch_Incident said:

I will drop her off tomorrow morning while you are at work. 

In this case it works best without telling them.  Just leave a note.

[Kirby]

Yes.  The one I'm thinking of got back together and it's lasted for 20 years and counting.  I also know a couple that didn't separate but was awfully close to it,  and they're in a really good place in their marriage now.

[Page Turner]

...in college, I actually went to a therapy group for couples who were not separated, but experiencing "issues".  

IIRC, 100% of those couples later either got divorced or terminated their relationships after the group had ended.

 

 

I also recall that a couple of the other women besides my wife struck me as pretty hot. 

[Airehead]

9 hours ago, Couch_Incident said:

I would like to seperate from Ylva. 

I will drop her off tomorrow morning while you are at work. 

Couch 

You know the door code.  ??

[Longjohn ★]

My wife’s brother was separated from his wife for quite awhile. They got back together about ten years ago and seem to be doing ok. They always were somewhat of an odd couple.

[shotgun]

12 hours ago, Airehead said:

Have you ever seen a couple separate work out their differences and get happily back together?

There's a little glitch once in a while, but it's been working for 15 years.

[Green Grass]

Every couple I've known to separate have divorced.  The separation was just a step along the way.  Always a third party involved, as it turned out. 

[Razors Edge ★]

52 minutes ago, Goat Geddah said:

Every couple I've known to separate have divorced.  The separation was just a step along the way.  Always a third party involved, as it turned out. 

I think that is the key distinction.  Generally, by the time you are ready to "share" with the world (family, friends, coworkers, the Cafe) that you are having marital issues and separating, you are fairly far down the path towards divorce.  I tend to believe many (most? all?) folks have to "work" on their marriages over the years, and sometimes it is a little preventative maintenance but sometimes it requires a major overhaul.  So, with the exception of a my closest friends or family (and even that may not be true), I doubt I get a full or even almost full view of other people's marriages/relationships.

Tom

[Zephyr]

I know a lot of couples who stayed together and sought help and fixed their problems.  I cannot recall any instance where one of the two actually moved out and then they got back together and had it last long term.

[ChrisL]

17 hours ago, Airehead said:

Have you ever seen a couple separate work out their differences and get happily back together?

Early in our relationship my wife and I split for a little over a year.   It had more to do with logistics, me getting out of the Army & coming back to CA while she remained in VA going to school.  

It got to a point where we had to decide if we wanted to stay together or not as having a relationship over the phone wasn't working so she came out for good and we've been together since.

[onbike1939]

Boys...you ain't seen nothing yet.

After over fifty-six years of marriage I separated from my wife and now live alone. Not something I anticipated would happen when I was approaching eighty but I was left with little choice. It's not as bad as it seems as I have all my ailments to keep me company.

I'm now haunted by the idea that perhaps if we could have held on for another twenty or so years we could have worked it out. 

[Page Turner]

2 hours ago, onbike1939 said:

Boys...you ain't seen nothing yet.

After over fifty-six years of marriage I separated from my wife and now live alone. Not something I anticipated would happen when I was approaching eighty but I was left with little choice. It's not as bad as it seems as I have all my ailments to keep me company.

I'm now haunted by the idea that perhaps if we could have held on for another twenty or so years we could have worked it out. 

...you mustn't beat yourself up over this.  56 years is an honest attempt.

Were it not for the two divorces and a number of other pleasant dalliances, I'd be coming up on 46 years of connubial bliss. 

[MickinMD ★]

My parents did it several times. If my parents weren't Catholic I think they'd have split permanently, though their most enjoyable time together was from their early 50's-on when they were financially secure for the first time in their lives after paying off the mortgage on a home that was nearly foreclosed - and saved by relatives - a few times.  Financial problems caused tension in the home you could almost cut with a knife when I was a kid. The silver-lining in that cloud is that it's probably the reason my sister, my brother, and I have been so good throughout our lives with our getting and holding good jobs, our finances and our retirement preparations!

[2Far ★]

Can't resist.

We've been married 19 happy years.

 

 

 

Well, we've been married for 39 years, but only 19 of 'em have been happy. ?

[sheep_herder ★]

1 hour ago, 2Far said:

Can't resist.

We've been married 19 happy years.

 

 

 

Well, we've been married for 39 years, but only 19 of 'em have been happy. ?

On the front end or on the back end? I couldn't resist a lead-in like that.

[The_Karen_Cooper_Incident]

13 hours ago, Airehead said:

You know the door code.  ??

Don't tempt me. 

She's been crazier than unusual. 

Couch 

[shootingstar]

We know of a couple who separated and then she came back after a few months.

I have a hunch it is primarily for accommodation-financial reasons:  she needed all the comfort of a home/shelter, etc.  They own and live in a condo in a mountain ski resort area....difficult and kinda closed in.  

[shootingstar]

7 hours ago, onbike1939 said:

Boys...you ain't seen nothing yet.

After over fifty-six years of marriage I separated from my wife and now live alone. Not something I anticipated would happen when I was approaching eighty but I was left with little choice. It's not as bad as it seems as I have all my ailments to keep me company.

I'm now haunted by the idea that perhaps if we could have held on for another twenty or so years we could have worked it out. 

How unfortunate, onbike.  

[2Far ★]

2 hours ago, sheep_herder said:

On the front end or on the back end? I couldn't resist a lead-in like that.

Semi-equally spaced through the years.

[onbike1939]

8 hours ago, shootingstar said:

How unfortunate, onbike.  

Indeed it is....but at least now I have peace of mind, a degree of security, and my own wee place.

[Randomguy]

I think that while it seems appropriate that separation should lead to divorce, every situation is slightly different (but probably similar in many ways), and personality and perception quirks might allow some to work things out, kind of.  That said, some get back together based more on hope or loneliness or the pragmatic reality that no one else will picture either of them as attractive partners ever again, and will stupidly take bad over none.

Most who get back together are deluding themselves, I feel.  Unless major issues have a very real resolution and mutual understanding, then any real happiness from reconciliation will be short-lived.  It does take two to actively work out issues, and that can't take place unless both have an actual awareness to them that might allow this.

Anyway, something has to change if a separation is to have a positive affect, and some people won't or can't change.  I admire the people who can do it, though, it sure isn't easy to restructure a failing relationship.

[Dottleshead ★]

On 5/31/2018 at 10:13 AM, onbike1939 said:

Boys...you ain't seen nothing yet.

After over fifty-six years of marriage I separated from my wife and now live alone. Not something I anticipated would happen when I was approaching eighty but I was left with little choice. It's not as bad as it seems as I have all my ailments to keep me company.

I'm now haunted by the idea that perhaps if we could have held on for another twenty or so years we could have worked it out. 

 

On 5/31/2018 at 5:34 PM, shootingstar said:

How unfortunate, onbike.  

 

On 6/1/2018 at 2:01 AM, onbike1939 said:

Indeed it is....but at least now I have peace of mind, a degree of security, and my own wee place.

 

I too am saddened to read this,  But I do find it a stretch to say this was something that happened out of the blue.  Surely, you saw this coming some 30 years ago.

[donkpow]

[onbike1939]

15 hours ago, Dottie said:

 

 

 

I too am saddened to read this,  But I do find it a stretch to say this was something that happened out of the blue.  Surely, you saw this coming some 30 years ago.

Sometimes....being an eternal optimist can be a burden.

[The_Karen_Cooper_Incident]

7 hours ago, onbike1939 said:

Sometimes....being an eternal optimist can be a burden.

I have found your posts enjoyable and I always thought you were a upbeat person (I still feel that way). So, your personal life never really reflected negatively here.  This shows admirable character. 

From what I have gleamed from your post above, it sounds like you were in a pretty destructive relationship.  I'm happy to hear you have broken away.   You are free. 

Couch 

[Randomguy]

3 minutes ago, Couch_Incident said:

I'm happy to hear you have broken away.   You are free. 

I like this, it sounds good!

[onbike1939]

15 hours ago, Couch_Incident said:

I have found your posts enjoyable and I always thought you were a upbeat person (I still feel that way). So, your personal life never really reflected negatively here.  This shows admirable character. 

From what I have gleamed from your post above, it sounds like you were in a pretty destructive relationship.  I'm happy to hear you have broken away.   You are free. 

Couch 

2

You are correct and the break should have happened many, many years ago but I always managed to find some reason not to do so......my daughter for instance. I have a revulsion about causing hurt, and shrink from doing so.......in other words a lack of moral courage on my part.

As Willie Shakespeare remarked....."Conscience does make cowards of us all".......

[groupw]

I know a few who separated and got back together. Only one worked long term. One of my oldest friends. They married before graduating from high school. (He got her pregnant. Very religious parents who insisted if he was a father, he had to get married so they drove the kids to Kansas where, at the time, 16 was the age of consent for the boys and 14 for girls.) They were married a couple years and then separated.  I can’t remember what caused it, but I do remember it was immaturity on his part. I sided with her on the matter. They go together after a couple months  apart. That was almost 40 years ago! They have been together ever since. They are very happy now.