The Story of the Watermelon

[AirwickWithCheese]

Two weeks ago, I was in the Bi-Lo and stumbled across one of those big boxes of watermelon bins. This made me feel intrigued having not bought a watermelon so late into the season. 

I carefully checked to make sure there was a seedless placard. It was somewhat hidden, but sure enough the 100 watermelon bin were seedless watermelons! Caring enough to ensure they were seedless made me feel sagacious and proud that I had learned from mistakes of my past. 

I methodically and carefully studied the watermelons in the bin. This made me feel apprehensive and somewhat paralyzed when it dawned on me I wouldn't know a good watermelon from a bad watermelon unless they were colored coded as such. I finally just picked up a handsome looking watermelon and placed it in the shopping cart. I had mixed emotions at this point feeling optimistic on the one hand and afraid on the other. 

"How much is this watermelon?" thought I as an afterthought. You see, my debit card was midplaced weeks earlier and I had brought only enough cash for pet food, 2 liter Dr. Pepper, and some sweets of my fancy. 

I studied the big cardboard bin again looking for a price. There, in a tucked away corner, was a price of $5.00 per watermelon. This made me feel angry at being robbed, annoyed at possibly having wasted so much time, then sad for Sam as this meant there would be no extra treats along with his Pedigree. I decided to keep the watermelon. 

We arrived home and I placed the watermelon in the refrigerator. It would be another full day before the watermelon would be cold and ready. I comforted myself with 3 strawberry fruit rollups and this did make me feel somewhat satisfied. Later, the Dr. Pepper combined with the ice cream gave me enough sugar that I no longer cared about the watermelon. 

The next day came and went. The watermelon took up a lot of room in the refrigerator but not in my heart. There was always something more delicious available and with considerably less effort. This made me feel sad for the watermelon. 

The days turned into a week, and then we were approaching two weeks. The site of the watermelon filled me with annoyance, resentment, possibly hatred. I opened the freezer to find I had already eaten the last of 4 gallons of ice cream purchased since the day I bought Wallace the watermelon. 

I went into a sugar rage, grabbed a knife, and split Wallace completely open from side to side. Wallace looked like you'd expect a 2 week old watermelon to look and tasted even worse. I placed the rest of Wallace back in the refrigerator not even bothering to wrap him in Reynolds wrap he was so God-awful looking and tasting. The plan was to cut Wallace into cubes for my Carolina wrens and squirrels. This made me feel somewhat philanthropic and calmed my nerves. 

Work kept me busy and I forgot to give Wallace to the animals. I opened the refrigerator last night to get some Dr. Pepper only to find an empty 2 liter bottle. This made me outraged again but somewhat relieved no one was there to witness my insanity. This is when I noticed Wallace sitting naked in the vegetable bin. 

Wallace looked deep red, and better than the day I split him open. How can this be, thought I and I was curious and surprisingly optimistic all wrapped into one. 

2 weeks in a refrigerator leaves a watermelon perfectly chilled. I can't say it was the best watermelon I can remember but it was delicious. I ate 3 wedges last night and finished off the rest for breakfast this morning. This made me feel like I got good value for my money but very confused on how Wallace grew into a very good watermelon in the refrigerator. 

The End

[Wilbur]

More words than the watermelon has seeds!  I will read it anyways.   

[Ralphie]

tl;dr, but I will maybe attack it in small chunks, and leave this topical reference here for now.

 

[Kirby]

That was an O. Henry worthy surprise ending!  Although I feel a little bad that the Carolina wrens and squirrels won't get any watermelon.  However, I'm glad you got to enjoy the watermelon as a reward for your efforts.

[Ralphie]

Just now, Kirby said:

That was an O. Henry worthy surprise ending!  Although I feel a little bad that the Carolina wrens and squirrels won't get any watermelon.  However, I'm glad you got to enjoy the watermelon as a reward for your efforts.

You are a fast reader, Kirby!

[Randomguy]

Your trysts with Kirby are rubbing off on you.  She was guiding your hand. 

[AirwickWithCheese]

You guys gave me no love for my story. I hate each of you but definitely Kirby somewhat less.  

Still, it hurts.    

[Ralphie]

1 minute ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

You guys gave me no love for my story. I hate each of you but definitely Kirby somewhat less.  

Still, it hurts.    

Kirby was nice to you, and Wilbur and I expressed commitment to your story, which was a welcome post in the summer doldrums of the forum.  Cool your jets, please.

 

[Wilbur]

1 minute ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

You guys gave me no love for my story. I hate each of you but definitely Kirby somewhat less.  

Still, it hurts.    

Shaddap and eat your watermelon!

[AirwickWithCheese]

1 minute ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

Kirby was nice to you, and Wilbur and I expressed commitment to your story, which was a welcome post in the summer doldrums of the forum.  Cool your jets, please.

 

No, sometimes I need love like I need sugar. Instantly. 

[Ralphie]

1 minute ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

No, sometimes I need love like I need sugar. Instantly. 

Sometimes?   Alright, like registered. 

 

[AirwickWithCheese]

Here, I need 7 likes immediately.   

@jsharr

[Ralphie]

4 minutes ago, Wilbur said:

Shaddap and eat your watermelon!

Or smash it!  So who cleans up after Gallagher's act?  The janitors might kill him I would suspect!

[Ralphie]

2 minutes ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

Here, I need 7 likes immediately.   

@jsharr

I gave you one for the dawgz, too bad petite and Airehead can;t give you two, one for the dawgz and flooring.

Full frontal pics of the dawgz would very likely garner many more likes. :)

 

 

[AirwickWithCheese]

Just now, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

I gave you one for the dawgz, too bad petite and Airehead can;t give you two, one for the dawgz and flooring.

 

The flooring is somewhat below average. 

[Ralphie]

Just now, AirwickWithCheese said:

The flooring is somewhat below average. 

Its snot carpet, that seems to be a plus for most sick pups. :D

 

[Randomguy]

4 minutes ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

Here, I need 7 likes immediately.   

You think you feel bad?  If you wrote my plant post, there would be 17 likes now, and forum women would be mailing you panties and the like. 

[AirwickWithCheese]

Wait!!!#!    I think there might be 1 more watermelon wedge in the vegetable crisper thingy. There wasn't enough room for all of Wallace in the fruit bin. 

This has me excited but scared again because my memory has been suspect this week.  

[AirwickWithCheese]

14 minutes ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

 

Full frontal pics of the dawgz would very likely garner many more likes.

 

 

[Road Runner]

I haven't eaten any watermelon in at least twenty years.  I eat apples.  Much easier and a lot less messy.  

[Randomguy]

Watermelons are better than apples. 

[Road Runner]

Don't start the whatever crap.  That's a two way street, y'know.  

[Page Turner]

1 hour ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

You guys gave me no love for my story. I hate each of you but definitely Kirby somewhat less.  

Still, it hurts.    

 

1 hour ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

You've chosen to ignore content by AirwickWithCheese

...duh.

[Page Turner]

39 minutes ago, Road Runner said:

Don't start the whatever crap.  That's a two way street, y'know.  

...

ad·dic·tion

əˈdikSH(ə)n/

noun

 

1. the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

   "he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction"

   synonyms:

   dependency, dependence, habit, problem More

[MickinMD]

I may have posted this "How to pick a good watermelon" article recently:

https://www.mnn.com/food/healthy-eating/blogs/how-pick-good-watermelon

Look for the field spot. That's the spot on a watermelon that touched the ground while it grew. This spot will be a different color than the rest of the watermelon because it didn't get any sun. Its color is a good indication of whether the watermelon is ripe or not. If it's white or pale green, the fruit was picked before it was ripe. If it's a golden, creamy yellow or orange-yellow, the fruit stayed on the vine long enough to get ripe.

[petitepedal]

I cut into mine yesterday...yummy...first one I have purchased in years..we had watermelon every day on the Katy.

[Mr. Silly]

I am glad you and Wallace were able to patch your differences and become good friends in the end.  My only experience with leaving watermelon for an extended period of time was when I was in high school.  I had some cut up watermelon in a plastic sandwich bag.  I think we went to Burger Chef for lunch that day so I didn't eat the lunch I brought from home.  It was also in the spring of my senior year so we cut school early and I left my lunch in my locker.  I was also the Friday before spring break so we were off a week.  

Needless to say, when I got to school a week later my lunch just wasn't the same.  My locker smelled really terrible and there were fruit flies all over the place.  

[jsharr]

23 hours ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

Here, I need 7 likes immediately.   

@jsharr

Sir, you are in direct violation of the Airwick Jsharr Forum Foto Accord.  You will be hearing from my solicitor