Jump to content

Pardon me, miss.


donkpow

Recommended Posts

Hot day forecast for today. I needed to ride (for medicinal purposes ;)) and I wanted to get some little climbing in. Sort of like interval training with a better view. The route selected was a paved trail through green space and park land along the river. So I'm doing my thing and I come up on some doings ahead of me on the trail. It looks like a coyote has something down and is eating it. I was still a distance away and under the canopy with dark glasses on. The scene is not real clear but it looks like a coyote or dog is eating on a pretty big creature. Maybe a deer, I don't know. I slow down. As I get about 20-30 yards away, the canine pulls the entrails out of the creature and its looking like the creature is a small person. Trust me, this is an 'OH SHIT' moment. So I steel myself and speak in a commanding voice, "You had better get the hell out of here." The dog looks up, the woman who had been laying on the pavement doing exercises jumps up, I started repeating "I thought a coyote had a person down, I thought a coyote had a person down", the dog starts barking like crazy, the women  restrains the dog by the leash trying calm him by voice. I rode on.

Damn runners.

Damn dogs.

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, jsharr said:

I am confused.  I am not sure I understand what happened.  Was the dog eating an animal and the lady was doing push ups or somesuch while he snacked?  Or was the lady just doing exercises and you confused what you saw?  

The young lady was laying on the trail with her head pointed to me doing exercises with her dog by her side. She was restraining the dog with a leash while she was doing the exercises. The leash looked to be a black nylon strap about 1" wide. The dog was tugging at the strap while she was exercising. She was holding the strap at her waist and the dog managed to get some leash away from her.  It looked like the dog had opened her up and was pulling her guts out.

I couldn't see clearly in the low light and I was confused over what I saw. I thought I saw a wild coyote feasting on a dead carcass of significant size. I figured it out in the end though.?

  • Heart 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, I'll probably never be able to ride this trail again. Out of embarrassment, mostly. 

"So I'm doing leg lifts on the running trail and suddenly I hear a voice of thunder say, "You need to get the hell out of here." I jump up with my can of mace, the dog starts going ape shit, and some old man in his underwear rides by on a bike."

  • Heart 3
  • Awesome 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, UglyBob said:

You're welcome. B)

 

Startled by the perceived threat, the woman rolled to her left as she drew her Glock 30s from her concealed carry holster.   Her CIA training and her PTSD both kicked in and she broke the trigger twice in rapid succession.  The cyclist looked down in disbelief as two red blossoms sprouted and  grew in the middle of his jersey.  "I was just trying to help" was his last thought as he tumbled off his bike and into eternity.

 

This is much more believable than your version of Don Kapow's demise @UglyBob, don't you think.  Then it can turn out that Don was acutally  a member of a sleeper cell and the woman can spend the rest of the novel hunting them down and eliminating them as they seek their revenge on her.

  • Heart 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

35 minutes ago, jsharr said:

Startled by the perceived threat, the woman rolled to her left as she drew her Glock 30s from her concealed carry holster.   Her CIA training and her PTSD both kicked in and she broke the trigger twice in rapid succession.  The cyclist looked down in disbelief as two red blossoms sprouted and  grew in the middle of his jersey.  "I was just trying to help" was his last thought as he tumbled off his bike and into eternity.

 

This is much more believable than your version of Don Kapow's demise @UglyBob, don't you think.  Then it can turn out that Don was acutally  a member of a sleeper cell and the woman can spend the rest of the novel hunting them down and eliminating them as they seek their revenge on her.

It really depends on what audience you're shooting for (pun intended). If you're going for the spy/adventure/intrigue thing, then fine, your opening works. My mind is in a much darker place right now, so I was going for the terror/horror/blood-n-guts crowd. 

Remember, Halloween is less than three months away.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, UglyBob said:

It really depends on what audience you're shooting for (pun intended). If you're going for the spy/adventure/intrigue thing, then fine, your opening works. My mind is in a much darker place right now, so I was going for the terror/horror/blood-n-guts crowd. 

Ex wife type dark?  

I like spy/techno thriller genre.  Reading lots of Brad Taylor, Baldacci lately.   At lunch will get through a bit more of Brad Thor's Hidden Order.

I do not like blood and guts / horror / terror overly much, so that would explain my opening.

Maybe we could collaborate sort of like Alien vs Predator.  Spy vs Slasher

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, jsharr said:

Ex wife type dark?  

I like spy/techno thriller genre.  Reading lots of Brad Taylor, Baldacci lately.   At lunch will get through a bit more of Brad Thor's Hidden Order.

I do not like blood and guts / horror / terror overly much, so that would explain my opening.

Maybe we could collaborate sort of like Alien vs Predator.  Spy vs Slasher

There you go. We make the animal a human instead and your agent could come around the corner a few moments later, discovering the body and sendimg her on a quest to catch the killer.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, jsharr said:

I would prefer to call it an intricate plot twist, but you are the professional here, so I will defer to you of course.

So you will defer to him but you will not defer to me?  Is that how it's going to be going forward?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, pedalphile said:

WTH looked like the entrails then?

Edit to add, oh, I see, now I read a bit further. Funny stuff.

Yeah, pretty sure it was the leash. Some playful tugging from the dog using a natural carnivorous posture.

Oh sure, now it's funny. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...