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Thoughts on squirrels


AirwickWithCheese

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I often see squirrels saying grace before their meals. Teenage squirrels are respectful, well mannered, and do not play pinball or hang out at opium dens. 

Older squirrels are revered and loved by their family like the Japanese. Squirrels do not take siestas in the middle of the day and drink alcohol to excess. Most squirrels I know are strict constitutionalists and have a pic of Teddy Rooselvelt hanging in their parlor or music room. 

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We had a peregrine falcon hanging around our bird feeders yesterday. It found one quick meal. A squirrel was also at the bird feeder. The falcon and the squirrel didn't seem to worry about each other. I know that peregrine falcons diet is mostly birds; however, you have to give the squirrel some bad-ass points for being so close to something as fast as the falcon with such sharp claws.

One place that I lived as a child had two walnut trees in the back yard. Squirrels were very common there.

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17 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

 The squirrels can’t remember where they burry their nuts.

This is untrue. Squirrels are mostly of Anglican descent and protestant. The squirrels use complex mathematical algorithms and formulas to hide their nuts from the thieving liberal raccoons and European squirrels. 

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19 minutes ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

This is untrue. Squirrels are mostly of Anglican descent and protestant. The squirrels use complex mathematical algorithms and formulas to hide their nuts from the thieving liberal raccoons and European squirrels. 

They must have intentionally planted walnut trees all over my yard, garden, Under my pine trees and in the neighbor’s corn field. Planning for the future.

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1 minute ago, Longjohn said:

They must have intentionally planted walnut trees all over my yard, garden, Under my pine trees and in the neighbor’s corn field. Planning for the future.

American or conservative Canadian squirrels.   :nodhead:  Notice these squirrels usually have casement windows like a Disney cottage. 

The German and Italian squirrels can be identified by the drug paraphernalia and litter they leave by their bandit camps near rivers and streams. 

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4 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

They are rodents and pests.  They are not my favorite animals.  

The little bastards only recently invaded our neighborhood.  Just this morning I saw one scurrying across the driveway with a bigass walnut in his mouth, which is a neat trick because I don;t know of any walnut trees in these parts.  Won;t be long before the little bastards invade the attic and eat all our wires, dangit!

But on the plus side, this squirrelly forum is made possible by a blind squirrel :)

And as bikers, we must maintain constant guard against the terrorists from the SLA. :angry:

 

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2 minutes ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

The little bastards only recently invaded our neighborhood.  Just this morning I saw one scurrying across the driveway with a bigass walnut in his mouth, which is a neat trick because I don;t know of any walnut trees in these parts.  Won;t be long before the little bastards invade the attic and eat all our wires, dangit!

But on the plus side, this squirrelly forum is made possible by a blind squirrel :)

And as bikers, we must maintain constant guard against the terrorists from the SLA. :angry:

 

You often cut your yard on Sundays, yes Mr. Mooseworth?    :(

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Just now, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

Nope!  I have a guy.  He works during the afternoon on weekdays. :)

 

Squirrels do not work on Sundays. If you must work on Sundays you have failed in life no matter your profession. Other than doctors, nurses, and women of ill repute. 

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Just now, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

So I 'spose Alvin and the Chipmunks are in the Top 100 Greatest Singers of all time?

No. God did not create squirrels to sing, He has angels and the Bee Gees for that. However, squirrels make a joyful noise with their work ethic and study of western civilization. 

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Just now, AirwickWithCheese said:

Can't you give me more Ralph?  I am Gloria Swanson, the greatest actress that ever lived!   :nodhead:

Sure!  It is entertaining and original also.  Reminds me of the Disney Snow White cartoons with birds flitting aboot and chirping and singing.  And the best part is you are making a Prince Valiant effort and doing a great job attempting to fill the void left by Billy Crystal/Larry David. :)

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2 minutes ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

Sure!  It is entertaining and original also.  Reminds me of the Disney Snow White cartoons with birds flitting aboot and chirping and singing.  And the best part is you are making a Prince Valiant effort and doing a great job attempting to fill the void left by Billy Crystal/Larry David. :)

You are saying @Road Runner is greater than Cheese and I am unworthy to shine his shoes.   :(

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2 minutes ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

You disagree? :D 

You were best as a tag team.  Those were good forum days. :D

 

No, I do not disagree. I am unworthy to shine Road Runner's shoes or peep at his new lady friend through his double hung windows. She is a rather attractive woman and librarian with glasses. 

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Just now, AirwickWithCheese said:

No, I do not disagree. I am unworthy to shine Road Runner's shoes or peep at his new lady friend through his double hung windows. She is a rather attractive woman and librarian with glasses. 

You are yin and yang in the same person!  At times humble and at others haughty with the best of Greenville Society.

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30 minutes ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

Yay!  Squirrel Lives Matter. Thank you for your sacrifice.   

Which begs the question about why it is a bunny hop, when it is more routinely a squirrel (or snake) hop for me.  Bunnies are much less likely to zig zag in front of me. 

Tom

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6 hours ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

On my way home this morning from McDonald's, I noticed all the hard working squirrels up at daybreak scurrying about preparing for their Sunday. 

Squirrels are industrious and conservative. Family oriented, they teach the young squirrels early to be self sufficient. I've never seen my family of squirrels disrespecting Sunday by working in their little yards. Instead, you do see them gathering together in the big oak tree to worship then congregate after at the picnic tables for the Sunday meal. 

Sunday evenings are spent on the porch enjoying each other's company, listening to classical music, and visiting family members from across town. Mom squirrels usually prepare small pies while the young squirrels play tag and the teenage squirrels court each other in the gardens. 

Squirrels do not put up tents in the yard and demand free aspirin and viagra. Squirrels are early to bed, early to rise, and keep their nests clean and tidy. Father squirrels come home from work and do not keep female squirrels in condos for immoral purposes. Hippie squirrels are rare and shunned by squirrel society. 

I like squirrels. 

...without squirrels, there would be no Brunswick stew.  I don't want to live in that world. :(

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4 hours ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

Squirrels do not work on Sundays. If you must work on Sundays you have failed in life no matter your profession. Other than doctors, nurses, and women of ill repute. 

 

....I used to work on Sundays as a fire person.  This is proof that you are correct in your assertion of failure. :(

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