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How many good friends do you have (outside of the forum)?


Randomguy
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I was talking with RO yesterday and asked who her friends at school were, and she said one name.  I thought this was weird because whenever I see her at school, she is talking and playing with other kids, and when we are out and about, she readily makes friends with kids at playgrounds and in whatever situation we come across.   We both do that, I always make an effort to be social so RO sees that talking to others is the normal state of affairs in the outside world.

This got me thinking about myself at her age, and I don't really remember having good friends at the time, just people that I played with through happenstance or proximity, and certainly no one that I ever kept up with.  I struggle to come up with even half a dozen names of kids I played with when really young, so I am thinking that this is not so unusual.

Even through grade school and high school, there were just a few people I really liked.  I made a bunch of friends in college that were really cool, but that was before the internet and it was easy to lose track of people as you or they moved and had to get different phone numbers, and they became different people as they coupled and such and your friendship contexts morph a bit.

I had some friends in NYC, but they have moved away for the most part (I tried to do that, too, if you remember).  I just kind of hang with RO for the most part, and the occasional acquaintance here or there.  I am realizing that in my whole life, I have two really good friends that I have spent lots of time with in the outside world and still do, and a couple more that I used to stay in better contact with that I wish I could see more of.  At a certain point, it seems you make fewer friends or at least make less of an effort to.

How many good friends do you have or stay in contact with?  

 

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I have two really close friends that I do things with, keep in touch with, and generally hang out with.  The parents on Em's softball team (especially the ones we camp with) have become really good friends of mine.  We often do things together that don't involve softballs. 

I would say that I have 5-6 really close guy friends that I could count on at any hour for anything. 

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I have a really good friend from college and we still hang out regularly (try to) and keep in touch. Our personalities are similar. I have another really good friend from about 9 years old. He grew up around the corner. As RG pointed out it was happenstance but we're still friends and I was in his wedding. He moved to IL, then to FL so sadly we don't see each other. These two guys I'd trust w/ anything. I have several other friends from riding, who I ride and socialize with. I'm content w/ who I'm friends w/ now.

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My one really good friend died young of a heart attack.  I have an Army buddy I've kept in touch with over the years and one baseball coach my wife and I have become close with.  I have a lot of industry contacts I keep good relationships with but wouldn't call them friends.

However my two cousins (one of whom I gave the mtn bike to) are my closest friends. We've been together since we were in diapers and although work and families makes it hard to get together often we try to get a boys fishing trip in every year, a real fishing adventure in every decade and we get together for rides & lunch several times a year.

We are actually over due for a fishing adventure...

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Approximately 1!  A couple others that I barely see.  We worked together for decades and now we don't anymore and live aboot an hour apart.  Having dinner with him and another guy who I guess qualifies, but he is very remote-nominally lives in Cleveburg but works overseas.  We see him every year or two lately since he does a philly fly by around thanksgiving once in a while. 

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When I was a kid, I lived in the new suburbia that sprang up after WW2, in a neighborhood where the homes were built in 1948, where most kids were born close to my birth year or 1950, and where there were at least 30 kids close to my age on the block.  I would call 5 of them close friends - I'm still close to 2 of them now even though we're in our 60's.  In elementary school there were only a few friends and in high school there were 2 close friends on sports teams and 3 close friends in everyday life that weren't from my neighborhood.  One of the three committed suicide, one moved to California and became a life-long backup musician for the Beach Boys, and one moved out of state and became an aerospace engineer.  We stay in touch but only occasionally through Facebook these days.

In college, I had two very close friends I fell out of touch with.

Today, outside of family, I have several friends but I would say only two that are close enough that I could count on them for help if I ended up in trouble.

I hate to say it, but when you are not rich but financially comfortable in retirement, you tend to migrate to friends who are in the same condition and I find myself doing that. There are occasions where I'm in a restaurant with friends or relatives that are in poor financial shape and I always pick up the check.  I don't avoid them and I've even done things like send a $500 check to help with an uninsured dental procedure, etc.  But I don't seek them out as much as I do better-off friends.  It's a lot less stressful when, for example, I talk to my nephew's grandfather (my brother's father-in-law), about taking the kid to the National Aquarium, Medieval Times, pro sports, or other relatively expensive place and know it's no financial problem for him with a fine pension from AT&T - he paid for 7 of the people who went on our Caribbean Cruise in 2017 and when one of us picks up the expenses - like booking airline flights and hotel rooms to Ft. Lauderdale for our cruise from Miami. that will be charged to one of us and settled later, I know he's good for it and will settle-up promptly and vice-versa.

 

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I have a bunch. Some I ski with, some I ride with, some I climb with. I'm on a trivia team. I do a lot of things with my co-workers. Four of us went bowling a couple of weeks ago. We help each other move when needed. I have some from previous places I lived who come to visit. 

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3 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Surprising nobody said their spouse yet.. I hang out with my wife more than anyone else.  She's really my bestest friend.

I think that it is presumed, so I guess other than your spouse.  

I can see why it would be difficult to lose a spouse, I do think as many get older, they only spend time with their spouse with the rare exception here and there.

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I am not sure..I am still in contact with 1 elementary school friend..but we are not close..I am also connected to 3 college folks..2 of them would rescue me the 3rd..not so much..A couple of friends from my church..they would probably also rescue me but they have families so we don't socialize as much.

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I grew up on a country block with about 6 kids, I considered one of them a good friend but later in age we grew apart (believe it was about 12 years old or something like that). In school I knew a lot of people but didn't become  "lets go hang out" friends, but more of.."hey ya going to a party" friends.

after high school I met a few people and we became friends.. a few of us talk regulay over the computer, but never see each other since the late 90's. 
Well honestly since I was 21 I never had a true friend that I could just hang with for the day doing whatever.. I have always felt like the third wheel at most gatherings, and events where people I know are at. I would not mind having a friend, but somehow never found myself in a position to have one.. 
My wife is not cool either , but she truly is my only friend I have. (she has a few friends though)
In general, my life sucks, I am boring I guess, but at least I can count on my imaginary friend Billy to still blame shit on and go to the gun range with.. best part is I do not have to pay for him since no one can see him :) 

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11 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I was talking with RO yesterday and asked who her friends at school were, and she said one name.  I thought this was weird because whenever I see her at school, she is talking and playing with other kids, and when we are out and about, she readily makes friends with kids at playgrounds and in whatever situation we come across.   We both do that, I always make an effort to be social so RO sees that talking to others is the normal state of affairs in the outside world.

This got me thinking about myself at her age, and I don't really remember having good friends at the time, just people that I played with through happenstance or proximity, and certainly no one that I ever kept up with.  I struggle to come up with even half a dozen names of kids I played with when really young, so I am thinking that this is not so unusual.

Even through grade school and high school, there were just a few people I really liked.  I made a bunch of friends in college that were really cool, but that was before the internet and it was easy to lose track of people as you or they moved and had to get different phone numbers, and they became different people as they coupled and such and your friendship contexts morph a bit.

I had some friends in NYC, but they have moved away for the most part (I tried to do that, too, if you remember).  I just kind of hang with RO for the most part, and the occasional acquaintance here or there.  I am realizing that in my whole life, I have two really good friends that I have spent lots of time with in the outside world and still do, and a couple more that I used to stay in better contact with that I wish I could see more of.  At a certain point, it seems you make fewer friends or at least make less of an effort to.

How many good friends do you have or stay in contact with?  

 

How old is RO?

When I was in elementary school (I also transferred to another school during that time), I had at least one good friend. c. 

I have 4 close friends and each came into my life for different situations, they are each quite different and wouldn't know each other.  5th and 6th have become distant simply because of time but I would visit them if got to their city/home province.  Several of these friends I've known for past 35 years.  Others last 20 years.  Latest last 8 yrs.

I only have 1 of those friends currently in same city as I.  Rest are in 2 other provinces.

Of course dearie is my best friend..as a male.  All these other close friends are female.

It takes time / my personal history/interests that I don't relate well/deeply with some women at all.  So things end up very superficial.  I 've also moved geographically across  3 provinces, so this is also another factor.

I haven't gone to any group chick friends  gathering at all in ..probably last 35 years. This probably will never happen because blending my  friends in 1 group, wouldn't work, because each woman has very different interests.  It's just easier to catch up with friends on individual, face to face  basis ...because I saw rarely see most of my close friends in person, who live elsewhere in Canada.

 

 

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Dearie for instance, has had no close male friend since he and I have met. I've encouraged him. Last 28 yrs.  But he's a happy hermit.  He doesn't go riding with a bunch of guys nor does he want to go out drinking just for the sake of drinking.  He cycles solo or with me.  Even in his peak cycling years, he was motivating himself.   In cycling advocacy world, there's a few guys he meets....primarily on cycling matters, but it's quite distant. Some of them didn't know he had 2 adult children until knowing him 5 years later!  I really think some friendships for men are different than women's.

He has a younger brother who he in contact occasionally.

He did socialize with 1-2 guys from workplace....long before he met me. 

Except for 1 friend, none of my friends are from former workplaces.  The 1 friend who works for same current organization, works in an entirely different dept. than I.

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While it would be nice to go to an all chick-night out and be laughing uproariously, I am simply content to do stuff together and chat lots with each good friend.

I grew up with several sisters...so already I know the warmth of being with a bunch of trustworthy women.  

I could trust at least 2 friends if something drastically happened to me. I trust all my siblings who are alive:  they are like me, managing finances well. I'm not sure how this happened.  But for sure my mother is always pleased to see her own adult children hang out with one another, go on trips together, etc.  After all, isn't that why parents often have several children?  Give a child a built-in friend-sibling ...for life.  We (siblings) are grateful but very sad  lost one to suicide.  (Probably another reason why it's not that simple for me make friends easily in recent years.  Actually 1 close, long-time friend lost her father to suicide which she didn't disclose until she found out about my sister.  

 

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Like Chris said my spouse is my best friend. Aside from her I have one close male friend that I do things with. I am also still very close with a girl I dated in high school. We’ve stayed in touch for the 37 years since we graduated even though she lives in God foresaken Texas.

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1 minute ago, Zackny said:

Like Chris said my spouse is my best friend. Aside from her I have one close male friend that I do things with. I am also still very close with a girl I dated in high school. We’ve stayed in touch for the 37 years since we graduated even though she lives in God foresaken Texas.

That's more or less my story minus the chick in Texas thing.

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6 minutes ago, Dottles said:

Because your statement has more weight in my eyes. I make friends easily. But very few deep relationships. 

Thanks. To me friends are more important than money. I joined a bike club to meet people. I can ride alone and do often, but riding with friends is fun. 

Joining a club or organization is a good way to make friends. 

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I probably do the most stuff with my sisters.  Most of my life I've had 1-3 people I'd consider good friends, but as I've moved around I keep up with them in varying degrees, but it's hard to maintain a close friendship.  But if I'm in their town and see them, we slip back into our friendship very easily.

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I had to ponder this question for a while.  I have two very close friends, though I do not do anything social with either one, but we respect each other and would help out each other in a heart beat.  We visit via telephone but really do not socialize with each other. One is a former graduate student from Texas A&M that lives in Texas and another is local (The one that calls me Dr. DeepPockets.). Another close friend is a lady that I graduated high school with that lives in Texas, and we see each other at reunions and visit via telephone. Anther is a lady that was a graduate student with me when I was in Oregon, and we still keep in touch via email, but seldom see each other. There are two folks I sometimes drink coffee with, and each has bought some of my photos.  That is about it other than folks I do business with on a regular basis, and many of these would definitely help out in times of need, and some have already done so.  I seldom made close friends at work, but still stay in contact with folks from different eras.

Though chatty, I am more of a loner than a joiner. Hard to join in many outside activities when one never knows what is going to happen with the livestock, etc. from day to day. 

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I have two close friends that I’ve cycled with for years, toured Europe with to watch races, gone to  Japan as a trio of couples. One close friend from college, although my attempts to keep up with him haven’t been fruitful since he didn’t come to town last fall as anticipated, and I haven’t heard back from him since. 

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