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Christmas stories


Parsnip Totin Jack

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There was the one year I sang Midnight Mass with the old people's choir, the young people's band had the early Mass in the morning.  By the time I got all the stuff out of the way then set up sound and instruments, I just gave up on the idea of any traveling and just slept in the choir loft until everyone showed up in the morning.  No food there, either.

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I got really good at hitting up a McDonald's on the way to family events growing up.. no one ever did a dinner, but just had hors d'oeuvres laying across the counter to snack on the whole night... Ya I'm not that fancy of a person. I brought my bag of burgers and fries in and start in their kitchen eating. 

After a few years of this my aunt asked why I did this every year. I looked at her counter and told her it's because it is tradition, and we can't stop a family tradition. She was a bit confused at first and then laughed that I didn't want her fancy crap she paid to ha e brought in from a catering place.. 

I might be simple, but I know what I like.

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Christmas of 1985 was memorable for me.  Worked the PM shift, not a sole about except us MP's  and it's snowing, my first white Christmas.  I'm sitting in my little guard house watching the snow fall enjoying the peace & quiet. 

Christmas in my house was a free for all with wrapping paper flying, gifts everywhere and kids shouting with delight.  My first Christmas with the inlaws was a total bore.  Each person opened a gift, said their thank yous, next person opened a gift etc.  After we got married I got so bored with their stuffy Christmas I started chucking wadded up wrapping paper at people and started a paper fight.   MIL was mortified and shouted at me to stop and got bombarded by her sons and DIL.  Probably the first time anyone in her family laughed on Christmas....

 

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2 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Christmas of 1985 was memorable for me.  Worked the PM shift, not a sole about except us MP's  and it's snowing, my first white Christmas.  I'm sitting in my little guard house watching the snow fall enjoying the peace & quiet. 

Christmas in my house was a free for all with wrapping paper flying, gifts everywhere and kids shouting with delight.  My first Christmas with the inlaws was a total bore.  Each person opened a gift, said their thank yous, next person opened a gift etc.  After we got married I got so bored with their stuffy Christmas I started chucking wadded up wrapping paper at people and started a paper fight.   MIL was mortified and shouted at me to stop and got bombarded by her sons and DIL.  Probably the first time anyone in her family laughed on Christmas....

 

Love it! I'll drink to that. 

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After this Christmas my wife and kids (along with me) will start a just for us Christmas. Every year we travel somewhere to be with family, and it is hard on us do this every time. From now on we will either be home or on vacation somewhere by ourselves. IF the rest of the people want to, they can visit us another time in the year. 

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5 hours ago, Old#7 said:

Got any? Here's an old one: 

One year that I will never forget was an early year in our marriage. I resolved to take the back seat and let the in-laws holiday traditions play out. This is their home, I am a guest and will abide by their traditions. It is Christmas Eve. The day is cold and overcast with snow on the ground. To pass the time, I read books, play cards and go for a walk in the snow. The daylight is fading and I notice that, in the kitchen, not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. By 6 pm, there is no sign of a planned dinner. My thought is, What are they doing? This is Christmas Eve! Don’t they eat here? I check the fridge and cabinets and it seems that they have turned into the Hubbard’s. The cupboard is bare. More than a little concerned, I find my wife and ask, in a whisper, "What are they planning for dinner?" I envision a trip to the local grocery store and discover empty shelves with a stray grape or two on the floor of the produce department. Or worse, the store is dark, closed early for the holiday and nothing at home but an old box of Ritz crackers and a half-empty jar of peanut butter. My wife is talking with her Mother and I hear my MIL say,

“Oh honey, we didn’t give that any thought. We were just going to eat what we have laying around. I’ll have Joe (my FIL), go get some chicken. Can Jack drive? Joe doesn’t see so good in the dark.”

Oh great, it’s Christmas Eve and I’m driving my FIL to a fast food restaurant for a bucket of chicken for dinner. Hoo-ray. Once we’re in the van, I get instructions on where we’re going. Lee’s Fried Chicken. What? We’re driving past a KFC, why don’t we stop there? Nope, we’re going to Lees, a cheaper version of fried chicken. Now they’re just rubbing salt in my wound. We pull up to the drive thru. "Ok FIL, what are we getting?" "I’m not sure, he says, what do they have?" What do they have? They have fried chicken. They have biscuits and mashed potatoes and green beans. I thought we came here because you’ve been here before. He hands me a $20 and says just order something under this. I place the order and pull forward. At the window, the lady takes my money and gives me the change; I hand this to FIL. The lady tells me it will take a few minutes. Could you pull over there and wait? We’ll be right out. 'Right out' turns into 10 minutes. In the side mirror, I see an employee come out with nothing in her hands. The restaurant is now dark. She isn’t quite empty handed; she has a $20 and is asking for the change back. They’re out of chicken and closed now. Merry Christmas. My mood is dark at this point. One does not simply screw up dinner on Christmas Eve. I vow to myself that this will never happen again.

By the way, on the way back to the house we stopped at a McDonalds, the only place left open in town.

Well, the LAJ acorn didn't fall far from the tree. 

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When I was a kid, I really wanted a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas.  I planned and schemed to get my parents to buy one for me.  I even wrote a letter to Santa (just in case).  

But everyone, including the mall Santa Claus, kept telling me I would shoot my eye out.  :(

Then Christmas day came and no sight of the gift I had so longed for.  But then after everything else had been opened, my dad surprised me and brought out a box that had been hidden in the corner.  I tore into the wrapping paper!  It was the Red Ryder BB gun that I had so desperately wanted!  I loaded it up, took it outside, and I'll be damned if I didn't nearly shoot my eye out!

Later we went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant, the only restaurant in town that was open,  We had Chinese turkey. 

Later that night in bed, next to me in the blackness, lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive.   :)

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26 minutes ago, RalphWaldoMooseworth said:

I think rr and long John may have borrowed from classic movies. :D

They might have borrowed from me. Oh the stories I have of adventures with beater cars. I had a period of time when I never bought a car with less than 100,000 already o the odometer. Once when driving from Warren County to Johnstown for Christmas with the in-laws in 1978 it was snowing so hard we got caught in a white out. I slowed down but I didn't want to hit my brakes because I knew anyone behind me wouldn't be able to see me until they heard the crunch. I ended up in three feet of powdery snow off the road. I had my three foster kids and our newborn baby boy in the Chevy station wagon and we were stuck. The engine still ran so we had heat, after about a half hour someone with 4WD and a tow chain stopped and pulled us out and we continued on our way again. 

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20 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Christmas of 1985 was memorable for me.  Worked the PM shift, not a sole about except us MP's  and it's snowing, my first white Christmas.  I'm sitting in my little guard house watching the snow fall enjoying the peace & quiet. 

Christmas in my house was a free for all with wrapping paper flying, gifts everywhere and kids shouting with delight.  My first Christmas with the inlaws was a total bore.  Each person opened a gift, said their thank yous, next person opened a gift etc.  After we got married I got so bored with their stuffy Christmas I started chucking wadded up wrapping paper at people and started a paper fight.   MIL was mortified and shouted at me to stop and got bombarded by her sons and DIL.  Probably the first time anyone in her family laughed on Christmas....

 

This sounds just like us.

My family is a free for all no organization what so ever. Wo46's family complete opposite. Everybody sits in the living room with no tv, no music, nothing and eventually the conversation is about work. 

When it came time to open gifts it went by age, one gift at a time and everyone had to look at it and take pictures. 

You get to the point where you want to stick a fork in your eye just for some excitement. 

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18 minutes ago, BR46 said:

This sounds just like us.

My family is a free for all no organization what so ever. Wo46's family complete opposite. Everybody sits in the living room with no tv, no music, nothing and eventually the conversation is about work. 

When it came time to open gifts it went by age, one gift at a time and everyone had to look at it and take pictures. 

You get to the point where you want to stick a fork in your eye just for some excitement. 

so you've been to my house

I'll loan you a pickle fork

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Then there was the year I was working sheet metal - morning of the company Christmas party, about 3 days before Christmas.  I got careless and put a finger in the business end of a punch press.  doc got it sewed back on (really poorly) in time to still get to the end of the party.  But it became obvious that night at practice for Christmas Mass that I could not pick a banjo in that condition.  That's when I took up guitar.

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