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Razors Edge

Let Me Introduce Rocket!

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19 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

The pictures are nice, but we need a bio.

My brother had two cats - a girl and a boy.  Sadly, the older cat got sick and had to be put down :(  about a month ago. He was a rockstar of a cat - smart, fun, friendly, feisty.  Anyway, the girl cat now needed a new companion for the daytime when no one is home, so my brother went to the local shelter.  He spotted Rocket, and said "I'll take him!"  My brother was going to take almost any cat, so he was not leaving the shelter empty handed, and for whatever reason, Rocket won the lottery that day.

At home, big sis is not fully accepting of the new kid.  She wandered in to check Rocket out, gave a serious hiss to show who was boss and left the room.  A week in, and she still isn't too won over yet, but does tolerate sharing the bed as long as my brother is between them. 

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1 hour ago, maddmaxx said:

That's not going to work for kzoo.  It said for appropriate audiences.

Just as i was starting to like you...

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4 hours ago, Razors Edge said:

My brother had two cats - a girl and a boy.  Sadly, the older cat got sick and had to be put down :(  about a month ago. He was a rockstar of a cat - smart, fun, friendly, feisty.  Anyway, the girl cat now needed a new companion for the daytime when no one is home, so my brother went to the local shelter.  He spotted Rocket, and said "I'll take him!"  My brother was going to take almost any cat, so he was not leaving the shelter empty handed, and for whatever reason, Rocket won the lottery that day.

At home, big sis is not fully accepting of the new kid.  She wandered in to check Rocket out, gave a serious hiss to show who was boss and left the room.  A week in, and she still isn't too won over yet, but does tolerate sharing the bed as long as my brother is between them. 

We need Rocket’s bio, we don’t know anything about his history, likes/dislikes, and proclivities.  Jsharrt can you you some pointers in the pet bio area. 

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2 hours ago, Randomguy said:

We need Rocket’s bio, we don’t know anything about his history, likes/dislikes, and proclivities.  Jsharrt can you you some pointers in the pet bio area. 

He is an intelligent, anthropomorphic raccoon, who is an expert marksman, weapon specialist and master tactician. His name and aspects of his character are a nod to The Beatles' 1968 song "RockyRaccoon". Rocket Raccoon appeared as a prominent member in the 2008 relaunch of the superhero team Guardians of the Galaxy.

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7 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Damn it, I want that bio!  I cannot give a crap about that animal until we all know about it.

Rocket was born in a bar in Phuket.  Her real name is Phuket, but it sounded like Fuckit, so it was changed to Rocket once she got to America, which is a story in and of itself.

A Colombian Drug Lord was on vacation in Phuket and was rounding up cats to use to smuggle coke over the border into the US.  He had a village of old women who sewed little cat saddle bags and once he had a herd of a few thousand cats, he would load them up with 8 or 10 ounces of coke, make then snort a line and then point then north.

Once the cats got to America, they were rounded up by out of work Texas cowboys, the saddle bags were stripped off and the cats were left to roam the mean streets of Laredo.

while in Laredo Rocket got hooked on cough syrup and made a living a boosting hub caps by night an  and shooting pool by day.

Rocket likes to spend her spare time looking online kitty porn, and prank dialing people and using her Indian accent to pull the old IRS scam, using the name Geraldine Vanlandingham.

Luckily, Rocket was picked up by a cat rescue and foisted off on some gullible fool as an innocent  9 month old kitten.

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7 minutes ago, jsharr said:

Rocket was born in a bar in Phuket.  Her real name is Phuket, but it sounded like Fuckit, so it was changed to Rocket once she got to America, which is a story in and of itself.

A Colombian Drug Lord was on vacation in Phuket and was rounding up cats to use to smuggle coke over the border into the US.  He had a village of old women who sewed little cat saddle bags and once he had a herd of a few thousand cats, he would load them up with 8 or 10 ounces of coke, make then snort a line and then point then north.

Once the cats got to America, they were rounded up by out of work Texas cowboys, the saddle bags were stripped off and the cats were left to roam the mean streets of Laredo.

while in Laredo Rocket got hooked on cough syrup and made a living a boosting hub caps by night an  and shooting pool by day.

Rocket likes to spend her spare time looking online kitty porn, and prank dialing people and using her Indian accent to pull the old IRS scam, using the name Geraldine Vanlandingham.

Luckily, Rocket was picked up by a cat rescue and foisted off on some gullible fool as an innocent  9 month old kitten.

Yes, I now feel somewhat better, as this is a properly executed pet bio.  That said, you can't write this for the OP, who must have a long conversation and Q&A with the cat and its family and ex-coworkers, as well as law enforcement and possibly Interpol.  

It was very well-crafted, though!

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