Square Wheels Posted April 19, 2019 Share #1 Posted April 19, 2019 Not looking for sympathy or suggestions, sometimes I just need to vent. When I was with my ex and complained of an ailment it would drive me nuts when she'd say "try having a baby if you want to talk about pain". That may be true, but I still had my ailment. Then I think of the pain scrapr is going through, and LJ, and I'm sure many others. That is unimaginable to me. My pain cannot compare to that. Yet still, I have no idea how I make it through each day. Over the past 17 years I've had bladder pain that has gotten progressively worse. It used to be I'd need to pee urgently every few hours. Now it can be as bad as every few minutes. Sometimes it's just urgency, sometimes it's just pain, others it's both. I skip out on so much in life because of it. I won't fly in a helicopter or small plain because there is no bathroom. I won't commute by public transportation, same reason. I was going to go with a friend to the Bruins tonight (she even bought tickets), but they are not end seats, so I can't go. Rarely it's debilitating. Lately it has been debilitating more frequently. It's not impossible I have a kidney stone now, that really hurts. I see a urologist tomorrow. I've done everything I've been asked. I have tried at least 20 different drugs, probably a lot more. I've seen at least 5 urologists, I've lost count. I had (unneeded) prostate surgery. I've had Botox injections in my bladder - twice. I've been to a chiropractor, acupuncturist, physical therapist that specializes in pelvic floor pain. I have tried diet restriction. Almost no citrus, ever. No alcohol. Limited spicy food. I'm even vegan because I heard that animal products may cause inflammation Still feel free to give me crap about being a vegan. So many days are just filled with pain or anticipation of pain. I can't do anything sustained for more than an hour at most. When I ride a century I stop at least 20 times to pee in the woods. A friend ran a marathon. She said she worked really hard on balancing what she drank with how much she was sweating and didn't pee once for the whole run. That is so foreign to me. I have not slept through the night, not once, in almost 17 years. I get up at least 3 or 4 times, some nights it's 15 or 20. I'm having a hard time believing that life is good and worth living. Last night the pain was insane. The wife and I went out to an event. There were friends there. I had to be rude and say, nice seeing you, I gotta go. Home was only 10 minutes away, I thought I was going to die. If I was handed a gun last night, I would have used it to end the pain. I hate life sometimes. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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