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Fathers.............yours may have been awesome...mine was a azz!!!


petitepedal
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My dad had ups and downs.

 

My mom had me out of wed lock and he 'stepped in' and became a dad since my father (henceforth referred to as sperm donor) never did (in fact, I've never met my birth father). So I have to give my dad props for that. He even adopted me, officially, to get his last name when I was 9. He was pretty good about coming home beat after a hard day of work (painting/construction) and still pulling out the glove to play catch or catch while I practiced my pitching (Little League).

 

He had his moments though....got angry easily, flew off the handle a little too quickly. One time he got so angry my mom had to step in or he would have probably put me in the hospital. Those incidents (other than that 'one') were just sort of par for the course. Probably hard not to be on edge all the time when you are working tons of hours a week (sometimes 2 or 3 jobs) and your kids are being loud and annoying when you are trying to sleep in at the ONLY time during the week you have to do so.

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I sucked as a dad for many years. I think I'm better at it now. My biologic dad is just some guy who wanted to bang my mom 50 years ago. Every now and then he pretends he cares. My stepfather wasn't much better. To absorbed in his own problems. Never ever took an interest in me or did anything with me. That hurts. Neither care about my three wonderful kids. My biological dad hasn't met his 13 year old granddaughter.

Happy Father's day.

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My dad was a very good father (still is).  We grew apart because of distance.  They moved close about 4 years ago.  It wasn't really until I was an adult that I realized all he used to do for and with my brother and I

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My real dad is a was good guy. Died from cancer when I was 12.

Mom remarried when I was 17 and though I did not have a lot in common with my step dad he was a awesome guy and still is.

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My father was a very well liked, good father. He was always calm and patient with me and taught me things, rather than chewing me out for some of the stupid things I did. My siblings and I also consider him a saint for putting up with our mother for over 40 years. I wish he was still with us!

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Meh. Some good, some bad. Not very patient. especially with kids around. Has missed most of his Grand boys moments. including his HS graduation last week. While doting on the two Grand girls.

 

Now he is moving into dementia and getting angrier. He fell a couple weeks ago. Dr says vertigo...no driving. He's still driving. Claims Dr did not say no driving. Going to be interesting next few years

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My dad was a good guy. :)  Sadly he checked out a little early, at 82 last year at aboot this time.  He was very good to us kids - took us on big vacations out west and was always a very reasonable and fair father.  He supported my brother and I in our kart racing hobby - we even took over running a failing race track out in the country to save it, for a few more years, anyway.  That was a fun family project. :).  Quiet and unassuming, sort of like Clark Kent and Superman. :D

 

Oh, and back to the OP - I am sorry you had such bad luck in the parent department, petite.  You turned out very well in spite of it. :)

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My dad is great. Unfortunately I didn't always feel that way about him. I was the typical rebellious teen, so we bumped heads quite often. By the time I was in my 20's I started to realize that the stuff he tried to teach me as a teen was correct. By the time I was in my 30's we had a great relationship and still do til this day. 

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I'm sorry to hear that, Petite.

 

My father didn't always relate emotionally on the surface.  Not because he wasn't a good man (he is), but because he wasn't raised in a way that promoted it.  The part of him that has learned to do so has taken a long time to grow, and taken a lot of work.

 

However, as life has gotten harder for me, I'm reminded of the Dad that loved reading to me and my sister when we were little.  I've seen support that was always there, just not always recognized.  It has brought my father closer to me --and in the process, drawn me closer to him.  And some of the same thing has happened with my father-in-law; I've seen a side that isn't always on the surface.

 

I'm very grateful to have both of these men in my life.  They have made it clear they don't value me based on what I do, or the money I make --they value who I am as a person.  And for all of you Dads --I cannot stress enough what a big deal this is.

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Petite, sorry to hear that.

 

 

I am much like KT....man I call dad is not my real dad but married my mom when I was 2 and adopted me complete with his last name. in the fifties it was so much easier to get a kid into school if all the last names matched.

 

so the man I call dad was always there for me when I really needed him, problem was we were poor and dad worked his azz off to provide for us and was always at work when I was a kid....later when I was a teenager dad was retired due to a bad back and I got much closer to him...and got to see even more of who he was when he was around his first grandson.....sadly he never knew his second one.

 

he was a caring man and strict but had a wry sense of humor and was as honest as a man could get.

 

he has been gone over 30 years and I miss him every day.

 

as for myself, at first I was a horrid dad but like anything else I learned and all I can say is my sons survived and so have I....and my wife still talks to all of us.

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A good man all the way around. Not perfect, mind you, but true to his kids and mom. A great teacher too. I wish that as a kid, I hadn't have butted heads so much with him. But, you know....as a teen we all have a degree of rebellion or at least stubborn streak that causes conflict. Then you grow out of it.

 

Dad passed 22 years ago from kidney cancer. Not a day goes by where I don't think of him.

 

Petite...I'm sorry to hear your dad was an azz.

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My real father passed away about a year ago, I believe. I found out because someone left a FB message for my wife to let me know. I wonder what it could have been like; to have one of those relationships?

I guess I hope that in the future when I'm gone that my children look back a remember our walk on this earth together with great memories and love. Maybe that's the best we can do, right? To leave this world somehow better than it was when we entered it.

Peace.

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  • 1 year later...

I always thought my dad was great (still is) and he's a really good grandfather too.  It sucks seeing him getting old - a thyroid cancer scare a few years ago, and lots of joint problems.  He's about to turn 66 and he can barely throw a football anymore. :(

When I was growing up though, he did have a temper and he used to sometimes fly off the handle for what seemed to me to be stupid reasons.  I am like my dad in a lot of ways, but he (passively?) taught me not to go yelling and screaming about things that aren't worth getting worked up about.

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I always thought my dad was great (still is) and he's a really good grandfather too.  It sucks seeing him getting old - a thyroid cancer scare a few years ago, and lots of joint problems.  He's about to turn 66 and he can barely throw a football anymore. :(

When I was growing up though, he did have a temper and he used to sometimes fly off the handle for what seemed to me to be stupid reasons.  I am like my dad in a lot of ways, but he (passively?) taught me not to go yelling and screaming about things that aren't worth getting worked up about.

​Don't miss the opportunity to talk to him one on one and to find out more about him and about his past and about your ancestors (if you haven't done so already).  There are so many things I would like to talk to my Dad about now, but I let it all slip away.

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My Dad was a good guy.  Wise-ass sense of humor and he could smell bullshit at 100 yards.  Most of his career was anti-submarine warfare.  He studied Sonar and acoustical engineering at Boston College,  His first job was at Electric Boat in Groton CT.  Later they moved to Baltimore where he worked for Martin Marietta where most of us were born.  My Dad's difficulty raising us was that he didn't have a father growing up.  His Dad died from a stroke when my Dad was 6.  My Grandmother never remarried and raised three kids on her own.  Things I learned from my Dad were: never complain, don't ask for help and how to cook.  Learning to cook was a good thing.  The other two not so much.

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​I felt the same way.  You don't have to explain to anyone but yourself and you probalby already understand.  At least that's how it is for me.

​The problem is I do not know how to explain it... He is a good man, but extremely hard on me throughout my life... it was more of a tough love type of deal both parents gave me that I try to stay away from with my kids for the most part. 

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Not much to say. We learned about the same time that he wasn't my biological father. Things really changed after that. Not for the better.

In a strange coincidence, he passed last night. At least the shell did, his mind had been gone for awhile.

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Simple, but deep. Quiet and calm - the antithesis of my mercurial mother. He could discipline me far more effectively with a few well-chosen words than my mother ever could with the belt. (Or no words at all - one time me and two of my genius buddies got caught bombing cars with snowballs. He had to come down to the cop shop and get me. He didn't say a word all the way home. Longest four blocks of my life).

Wicked sense of humor. One of my girlfriends had never had calamari, but wanted to try it. He gave her a bowl of calamari, pasta and sauce....and hung the tentacles all around the side of the bowl.

He taught me to skate, ski and ride a bike. He also taught me that you judge someone not by what they have or what they say, but what they do. He taught me the value of honor and being able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing - even if no one else noticed. He taught me that your word means something.

We were a little distant, but could fish for hours and never say more than "pass the worms" and it was OK.

He got to see me make it out of my asshole teen years and into vaguely responsible adulthood , but not much more. A pack a day caught up with him at 53. I was 23.

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I'm sorry Petite.  Your Dad missed out on being close to an exceptional daughter.

My Dad was a really wonderful man - brilliant, hard working, funny, kind and devoted to his family. I could count on one hand the number of times I saw him get mad or complain.  He died last summer, and even though I know I was lucky to have him for so long, this Father's Day will be hard.

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Petite, I believe it must be quite difficult to not let azz parents continue to impact your life, but you are better than your father.  You are a wonderful, funny, down to earth, kind, empathetic person - so despite your dad (who probably, if he had the opportunity would change the way he fathered) you are not an as :)  _/\_

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Someone dug this up...I was 5 days old before my dad saw me...My mom left him about 6 months later..their divorce wasn't final before his last daughter was born. He never paid a dime of child support..He never reached out...I got one birthday card from him when I was about 16...by that time I had no interest in someone who had ignored me for years...He died when I was 18.....  Lets face it everyone has challenges in life and some people work to do a good job...and some people don't give a damn...my father fell in that second category.

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  • 4 years later...

Next week will be 1 year since my dad passed. He was a good man. I definitely got his off-beat sense of humor. He was a tough love dad. I often heard from others that he was proud of us, but I never heard those words from him. Example - we were at my nephews high school graduation near Chicago. My brother introduced me to one of his friends who was getting ready to train for her first marathon. She wanted to visit with me because like me, she had picked up running in middle age. We talked about the marathon I had run. I shared with her the struggles I faced that day. What I didn’t know was my parents were on the other side of the tent wall. They heard everything. Dad never said a word to me about it, but Mom later told me his eyes welled up with tears of pride as he listened. That was pretty much our relationship in a nutshell. 

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