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Do you ride with your spouse?


ChrisL

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This topic keeps popping up in the ebike thread.  Do you guys ride with your spouse and is it an issue if one of you can’t keep up?

I ride with my wife several times a month and no she can’t climb with me but she’s no slouch on the flats. She doesn’t want me slowing to ride with her on hills so I usually wait at strategic points or double back and do the hill twice.  This sometimes pisses her off though so I usually wait.  

Right now she’s riding 25-30 miles but has done metric centuries before. I tend to get hard efforts on my rides and keep our rides more chill.  Oh and my wife ain’t riding the dirt no how no way.

I don’t think she’d ever want an ebike to keep up. She rides for her own fitness so keeping up with me isn’t her goal. Cresting the hill on her own is.

 

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No.  I tried twice.  She got upset when I rode behind her because she thought I was pushing her (I was just following).  She got upset when I rode beside her because she was scared that I would run into her (she was the one not holding a line).  She got upset when I rode in front of her because she thought she was slowing me down.  So I rode off to the next intersection and waited.  Then did it again to the next intersection.  When we got home I vowed (to myself) to never ride with her again.  That was about 8 years ago.

2 years ago when I went over the bars and smacked the asphalt and broke my collarbone, her and another daughter came to get us to take me to the hospital.  As I was laying on the shoulder of the road in pain she stood over me, looking down, and proclaimed, "this is why I won't ride with you."  And here I thought it was me that wouldn't ride with her.

WoKzoo is somewhat of a control freak.  I know how to deal with that and can handle it.

 

 

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11 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

Do you ride with your spouse?

My wife will ride her bike to/from work which is about 8 miles down the bike trail.  I will sometimes ride out to meet her for the ride home, and if I properly time it, I can ride somewhere before hand, and meet her after having 20 or 30 miles of "regular" riding done, and then just cruise it on home with her at ~12mph.  That works well and it also prevents her feeling guilty that she is holding me back, since I tell her I already did the faster stuff and this is just time with her.

Likewise, we will take the bikes to the C&O for a ride, or camping, or various other places (I usually bring my commuter in those situations), and we often rent bikes when away on vacation. So, we ride together, but a totally different riding than I do by myself.

All things considered, though, when I ride with others - besides my wife - it is also a song and dance to figure out what speed works and how to make folks feel included without being insulted.  I rode with my MTB-rider friend the other day on my normal road bike route, and I basically just chatted away for a 2.5hours, since our pace was so relaxed. I didn't want to make him feel pressured to keep up, but he also isn't really ready to sit in my draft for a couple hours.  It was a "social" ride.

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4 minutes ago, Kzoo said:

She got upset when I rode behind her because she thought I was pushing her (I was just following).  She got upset when I rode beside her because she was scared that I would run into her (she was the one not holding a line).  She got upset when I rode in front of her because she thought she was slowing me down.

Pretty similar to my wife when she feels a bit tired on the ride.  On the plus side, she is fine with me occasionally shooting off to climb a hill or chase someone down, but it is interesting that your wife also used the "pushing" phrase when you are just idling along behind.  I definitely am not "pushing", so I wonder what triggers that in them?

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1 minute ago, Razors Edge said:

Pretty similar to my wife when she feels a bit tired on the ride.  On the plus side, she is fine with me occasionally shooting off to climb a hill or chase someone down, but it is interesting that your wife also used the "pushing" phrase when you are just idling along behind.  I definitely am not "pushing", so I wonder what triggers that in them?

I sometimes ride up behind my wife and grab hold of her tool bag... That gets her goat!

 

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99thOf course. We have fun riding together. I am slower and it's not a big deal. He will wait or double back and get more ele. 

Sometimes a slows way down and he rides at a pace closer to mine and leads me. Some of my learned rock garden passages were perfected following his line. He goes right over the big stuff. Momentum.

He doesn't love those moments when I have shredded myself and o am broken or bloody. There have been a few.

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After I hurt my other knee and can no longer do half marathons with WoJSTL, I bought us a cheap tandem a few months ago. We have about 300 miles on it together and she wants to do my annual Katy Trail Ride in 2020 (assuming that it's recovered from this year's flood damage).

WoJSTL has balance issues and can't ride a bike solo. Also the tandem fixes any speed difference issues.

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Just now, ChrisL said:

I also find she won’t ride on her own much anymore.  I think she gets so frustrated with flats & crashes that she prefers I tag along. Basically she does her ride with me in the periphery to bail her out if something happens.

Standard fare and mostly I am honored to be that guy. 

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Just now, ChrisL said:

I also find she won’t ride on her own much anymore.  I think she gets so frustrated with flats & crashes that she prefers I tag along. Basically she does her ride with me in the periphery to bail her out if something happens.

Teach your spouses how to repair a flat. 

Once we learn that, we don't need you so much. Empower.

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1 minute ago, Dirtyhip said:

Teach your spouses how to repair a flat. 

Once we learn that, we don't need you so much. Empower.

Yeah we have had this discussion before...  

She’s not very mechanically inclined and has gone to flat clinics (by women for women) and I have gone over it with her numerous times.  I have had my floor pump for years and it still gives her fits....   

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1 minute ago, Dirtyhip said:

Ok... If they can mow the lawn...they can change a flat.

Daughters #2 and #3 have taken up riding the last couple years.  They have had a rash of flats the last couple weeks.  They know how to call dad...

 

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1 minute ago, 12string said:

Pretty regularly.  I am fine with riding a bit slower, she put a lot of effort in spin classes to increase her pace.  When it comes to beating a hill, I just go on ahead, wait over the crest.  I hate backing off when I need to just get in a  groove and go.

I have been riding a lot lately with my 2 youngest daughters.  Both fairly new to cycling but are marathoners and have done spin classes that last few years.  I slow them down...

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Just now, Kzoo said:

I have been riding a lot lately with my 2 youngest daughters.  Both fairly new to cycling but are marathoners and have done spin classes that last few years.  I slow them down...

My oldest daughter rides about my wife's pace, she's not into riding any faster.  My youngest, however, has my competitive gene.  And she is ridiculously strong, especially considering her size.  She finally moved from her crappy flat bar to a nice Specialized, so now I have no chance at all.  Not even technique and experience can save me now.

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1 minute ago, dennis said:

I taught a basic maintenance course at work for a bunch of my co-workers who recently bought bikes. 

We might do a follow up soon.

Admirable. 

Give the gals tips on staying clean while fixing the flat. Tactics this trivial are no big deal to me but many ladies that is the deal breaker. Filth.

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We started a casual group ride several years ago. For a while when we started, it was often just the 2 of us. It was nice! We would ride the route and grab a gelato on the way home. She was riding well and excited about it. She would even go for rides on her own if I pumped up the tires for her. I was happy to!

Two years back, when our daughter had cancer, she just stopped everything - not just cycling. She got way out of shape. She still comes to the casual rides. We were successful in eventually creating a fun group. But now she struggles to keep up with even the casual pace. Getting her to ride has become so conditional. Is it hot? Is it windy? You're not going to go too fast are you? She still comes out. Seems to have fun, but has no interest in riding on her own anymore or with me even when I try to ride slow....

 

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Yes we do.  I ride more than her so I get my hard rides in solo.  Where I will average 29km/hr, she'll average 22.  When I ride with her I just chill and sit behind her.  I will blast up hills and then wait or come back to her.  She laughs and says I am like a border collie keeping her out of traffic.  She does not like me leading because she is not that comfortable on someones wheel.

She has done metric centuries  but her normal ride is in the 20 mile range.  Often (like last weekend) I will head out alone and do 80km, when I get back I will do another 14km with her.  We have a nice balance.  I like riding with her because it is 20% of my rides.  If it was all of them I would not be getting the exercise I get now.

We have talked about e-bikes for her, especially with some of her issues she is fighting now.  She just got a Specialized Ruby two years ago so is not yet ready to trade it in.  She says her next one will be a 'pedal assist' type bike to flatten out the hills and then she tells me she'll crush me on the climbs.   Which she will 

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Unfortunately, no. Since her near fatal concussion, she won’t get near a bike and she still has balance issue 4 years later. All excited that wanted to do a neighborhood ride, put air in her Walmart bike (and had been talking to a nearby Giant dealer with female fitter that specialized with older adults (retirement communities 55+). Didn’t realize she put a knee brace on, and as she mounted the bike, I stepped into the garage to get the opener out of the car. Women’s frame but lost balance stepping through...and of course no helmet on yet. Head hit the driveway and sounded like a watermelon.  In hospital 3 days and couldn’t sit up without passing out. Read in the newspaper while she was in the hospital hat there was a fatal accident across town with the identical scenario - mounting a bike.

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59 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

Ok...whatever she does do that takes instructions...if she can do that, a flat repair is possible.

This line made me LOL.. My wife has many wonderful qualities but she ain’t “taking instructions” from nobody!

I get what you are saying though... She can read an income statement and forecast trends like nobody’s business.  I’m sure she learned that stuff easily.  

To witness her do math & algebra in her head is amazing.  Bikes.... Well not so much.

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3 hours ago, Zealot said:

We do.  It’s all about expectations.

Same here.  If it weren't for dearie showing me about proper gearing, etc. over 25 yrs. ago and showing me bike routes in Metro Toronto, Metro Vancouver and Calgary so that.....I could enjoy riding with him PLUS ride solo when he wasn't available, the cycling world would still be mysterious to me.

At this time, he has slowed down due to age....whereas I'm still slower (to a lot of these guys in this forum) but I am faster now up the hills.  So now the tables have turned, where before of course, he rode ahead for a number of years.  What helps is his willingness to stop ahead at strategic corners so that I don't take the wrong turn or at least I can see him ….if it's half km. ahead of me.

Our cycling lifestyle is genuinely in synch as a couple. We've been together ..I guess now last  29 yrs....and car-free that long as a couple. (I've been car-free even longer before him.)  This is my dedication to him and his patience:

https://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/sharing-love-cycling-passion-and-idiosyncrasies/

I always wanted him to go charging up the hill way ahead of me or cycle to take advantage of green traffic lights, etc.  Then in a way, I trusted him to wait at logical point ahead ...especially if it was a route/area that was foreign to me.

WE bike tour together with our packed panniers in several different countries.  Longest trip together was 1,000 km. in Canadian Maritime provinces.

Sure he's gotten pissed off when I was paying attention to the traffic instead of where he turned off.  It happens maybe 10 times annually or less.  It's not that often.

What is important is for the "weaker" partner to tackle distances, weather conditions and know different routes.....solo also. It makes me a stronger cycling partner when I am with him...so that we enjoy our trips.  And neither of us worry about flattening each other's ego. 

 

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4 hours ago, ChrisL said:

I also find she won’t ride on her own much anymore.  I think she gets so frustrated with flats & crashes that she prefers I tag along. Basically she does her ride with me in the periphery to bail her out if something happens.

Sorry to hear.  

I've been shown 3-4 times over the years how to change a flat.  I haven't actually done it. Do I carry a small hand pump? I just have a floor pump at home.  Most of the time no. Sure I've had slow leak flats over the years.  I should get a new set of wheel rims and will look to replacing my Schwable tires (that are over 5 yrs. old) since a mechanic warned I could get a sudden breakage on a wheel rim....

I guess...I ride on familiar routes locally which can be with very little people around over long distances.... I recognize I would have to walk to a train transit station if a very sudden flat happened. Some of our buses have bike racks, but can't figure out which bus route has them regularily.

Metro vancovuer has bike racks on ALL their transit buses.  Not sure of  Metro Toronto...but some routes probably have them.

I have fallen..usually in slow-mo on ice/snow.  Several times by myself on path without him or anyone else around.

I'm just saying all this...because not all women are the same. Because they aren't....especially when I know face-to-face a grandmother who cycled from Vancovuer to Newfoundland after she retired@65.  She also camped along the way.  (She was a dedicated cycling advocate in Metro Vancouver for 20 yrs.)

Yesterday I went cycling with a long time close friend who is experienced bike tourer with pannier weight, cyclist and cycling advocate.  She is approx. 62 yrs.  old and car-free for past 3 decades. In Toronto and was visiting me here in prairie city.  She is a stronger cyclist than I.  We talked about folding bikes since she bought a Bike Friday several years ago.  Sure, she does change her own flats (and does simple home renovations). She is single. She loves going to Home Depot and carts home building supplies and tools in carshare.

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We ride together most of the time. With her school schedule, summers off, she gets more miles than I do. This has helped raise her average speed which is nice as it makes it easier to ride together. I still get a solo Saturday morning ride which allows me to go as far and fast as I want to.

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33 minutes ago, BR46 said:

Then why does Wo46 make me fix her flats? 

Cause, maybe you are a sucker, or possibly you are standing there,  It is polite to offer to help, if you are all stranded. 

My husband does it when he is around,  he is too impatient to wait for me to do it.  I am too slow at it. I can repair one though, and get home.  I have.

He also helps me when beads are too tough, like these certain brand of studded tires.  They are tough to work with.

 

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