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Giving up on a good friend


shootingstar

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There's a good friend I've tried to reach out casually  in past 4 months to do something together. I value her friendship which is over 7 yrs. long. She lives in same city where I am. Right now I'm not sure what happened or what led to what I perceive as a friendship breakdown.

She doesn't respond which is unlike all the previous years. 

Dearie thinks it has nothing to with me but maybe to do with more her job situation, etc. (We work for same employer but in totally different depts. Our friendship is not based on that.) I also think by now, she is kibbutzing with her other friends who have been her chums for past 30 years or so. That's ok. We have friends that serve different needs and who come into our lives at different times in life.

The thing, for me, good friendship takes time to naturally evolve. It's ok...I have others...but they live in another province. The others are popping back naturally into my life but it will be episodic visits. 1-2 times annually or a lot less. It's just reality of my mobile life.

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I am experiencing something similar with a friend in Sioux Falls..called her several times and left messages..but no call back.

I find I tend to be the person who reaches out...gets tiring sometimes...a couple of introverted friends one who lives drama to drama...

Would love to have a couple of active friends who don't thrive on drama.

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16 minutes ago, petitepedal said:

I am experiencing something similar with a friend in Sioux Falls..called her several times and left messages..but no call back.

I find I tend to be the person who reaches out...gets tiring sometimes...a couple of introverted friends one who lives drama to drama...

Would love to have a couple of active friends who don't thrive on drama.

The last time I gave up on another friend was over 35 yrs. ago because it was difficult for me to accept changes she made in her life...long story. She tried to reach out when my sister died. I could not accept a lost friendship that suddenly reappeared only because I lost a loved one. It nearly made me angry. It was exhausting time in life.

Sure I have superficial acquaintances with other women...a lot of them at work which I'm careful because of some internal politics.  I don't consider those friendships. I don't mind light friendships but to me, I'd rather be alone if I very little in common with the other woman to talk in much depth.  It sucks too much to be constantly superficial outside of work. I guess I'm a socialable introvert  

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Is she opting to do stuff with other people and just not responding to you or has she shut out a large group of people?  If it the latter, have you considered there is something wrong?  Those who suffer from mental health issues or are going through times of depression, stress or anxiety often find the thought of seeing other people almost unbearable, even though it may be what she needs.  

Having experienced a great deal of mental illness between both my professional and personal life, one repeating factor is the feeling of isolation, which leads to keeping to themselves in a vicious feedback loop.  

Keep reaching out to her, a call or message or very little effort from you may be very important to her, even if she does not reply or agree to meet.

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5 hours ago, Zephyr said:

Is she opting to do stuff with other people and just not responding to you or has she shut out a large group of people?  If it the latter, have you considered there is something wrong?  Those who suffer from mental health issues or are going through times of depression, stress or anxiety often find the thought of seeing other people almost unbearable, even though it may be what she needs.  

Having experienced a great deal of mental illness between both my professional and personal life, one repeating factor is the feeling of isolation, which leads to keeping to themselves in a vicious feedback loop.  

Keep reaching out to her, a call or message or very little effort from you may be very important to her, even if she does not reply or agree to meet.

Hard to know. I wanted to let her know that my job became permanent.  However she might be worried about her own right now.  I am waiting for another month to wait for the dust to settle in our organization about budget cuts, etc.

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