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How often do your grown children call you?


Road Runner

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14 minutes ago, Road Runner said:

What is the norm?  Since my son got married and had a son of his own, I almost never hear from him.  

I used to call or go by and see my mother several times a week.  

I guess it is what it is.  :(

He'll be back RR.   :) 

I used to call my parents once or twice a week.   Since my father's passing, I call my mon every day.  

 

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My wife calls her mom 2X a week and has done this since she moved to CA in 89.  She talks to her dad on average once a week.

I lived near my mom when she was alive so saw her maybe once a month before kids, weekly after kids.  My daughter lives nearby so I see hire 2-3 X a week. My son lives at home but pretty much the same, 2-3x a week as he’s home when I’m at work, at work & doing dude stuff when I’m home.

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With our children and grandchildren we skype/facetime weekly. It is almost a hassle/chore...can't do anything waiting for the text message that about to call.  With daughter and 6 hour time difference, there is a more compressed window of time.

With my mother, every couple of weeks or so. She is having some medical tests followed by other medical test so I don't know and don't want to be too intrusive. Also when younger, she couldn't figure out time zones. When stationed in England, we would get a call at 2AM. MOMMMMM!

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When I didn't live near my parents, I'd call once a week (before cell phones so long distance was a 'big thing").  When I lived nearby, I'd visit once a week.  My sister's kids probably text more than they call.  Sometimes just to send a pic of a cute animal or funny cartoon strip.

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2 hours ago, maddmaxx said:

One son lives here.

One son lives in China.  We use facebook to communicate with him almost every day.  It's difficult though a he's 12 hours ahead by time zone so our day is when he sleeps and when womaxx gets home he's off to work.  They usually get in a chat at about 6am our time.

That' great son in China communicates often with you.  How is he finding life/work there ?

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12 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

That' great son in China communicates often with you.  How is he finding life/work there ?

It was great.  Now less great.  I had mentioned the extended work hours.  They have a new worker who was forced on them who is spending more time trying to look good by tearing others down than working harder.  IMO his dream job has become a more normal job.  As usual he loves the students but hates the employment politics.  I suspect he will hang on to this job for the value it adds to his resume but I could see him leaving in 2021 for greener pastures.

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I forget who said this to me, but I think it was someone either here or in the old forum.  I was complaining that my parents expect me to call at least once a week.  If I do not call them on the weekend, they will call me on Monday to make sure everything is OK. Whoever it was replied with something short and simple like, "I wish I could talk to my dad once a week."  That hit me like the cliche ton of bricks. I quit complaining that day.

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7 minutes ago, Forum Administrator said:

I forget who said this to me, but I think it was someone either here or in the old forum.  I was complaining that my parents expect me to call at least once a week.  If I do not call them on the weekend, they will call me on Monday to make sure everything is OK. Whoever it was replied with something short and simple like, "I wish I could talk to my dad once a week."  That hit me like the cliche ton of bricks. I quit complaining that day.

I think that was Velobro and as I remember his parents died in a car wreck when he was still fairly young.

My mom used to annoy the shit outta me but after a while I stopped letting the little shit piss me off and just enjoy the fact she was still around.

It made her last few years much easier.

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My mom and aunt took turns calling each other (just land lines in those days)..every other Sunday...around noon. After my mom died..I called my aunt probably twice a month..til she had a serious hospitalization..then I called her weekly about 8 or 9AM on Saturdays...if she didn't answer...I called the neighbors.

I have no kids..no one checks on me.

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5 minutes ago, wilbur said:

When I am on the road, mine never call.  They text multiple times per day though. 

My son only text me multiple times a day is when he is at a major motorcycle race without me or on a really cool job for work. 

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When I was younger usually just when I needed something or advice. When I realized how selfish that was we did the long distance on Sunday evening every week. When I moved back to the farm after hubby 1 passed, I saw them constantly. When I moved away, we kept the weekly phone calls and added texts.  When my mom got ill 5 years ago, once a day to her and at least that often to my dad. Since she has passed I text or call my dad every day.   It definitely changes S life progresses. 

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I call the folks at least once a week, more if Dad is not feeling well. 

My two boys don’t call very often. When I do speak with them I always let them know I’d love to see them and they should stop by. Usually when they call it’s because they need something. 

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20 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

Because like everyone else in my life, I know you're just looking for something from me, not offering some for me.

I feel guilty Square for not calling my mother more often. It's very tough to have a conversation 'cause:

  • there's a real linguistic barrier...I've (and siblings) have lost alot of our Chinese speaking fluency, so we can barely speak with much subtlety.  She barely understands English.
  •  she directs me what to do …like a 10-yr. old child.  I live in another province... 

I wouldn't mind it she talked a little more about her health, what she saw on tv., etc.  But we do have to ask her...which is fine.

Dearie's daughter texts him occasionally. She rarely calls him voluntarily. Only in the past 2 yrs., does offer more often something she has invented for her home, etc.  Dearie is generally a very good listener as a person... so that's not the thing.  For the lst time...in eons....SHE prepared him a dinner at her home, instead of him buying her a meal or making meal for her.  She is 40+ yrs. old.

Change takes a long time.

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1 hour ago, Road Runner said:

Finally.  Someone with an inconsiderate kid like me!  Thanks for your honesty, SW. 

Sometimes, I wish I had had a girl.  They are more caring than boys.    

I have two boys, the oldest hated me enough to move to Texas.  My middle child, also a boy used to adore me.  Now he prefers I don't exist.  My daughter, now 19, had witnessed this happening over the years, and said she'd always talk to me.  I guess in a way she kept her word.  At least once a week she texts me for money.

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I call my mom at least once a week. More if she calls asking for help on something. She seems to be enjoying her new home in South Dakota. She is having fun with her sisters and meeting new people. Several of her friends from here have also traveled up and met her for dinner or coffee. 

My son calls about once a month. He texts more often. We talk cycling and F1 among other things. Our oldest daughter and I text a lot. Her job, and ours, involve a  lot of phone time so we are all fine with that. 

Our youngest is a landscape photographer. She is frequently out of data range. Communication with her is very random. 

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My wife hardly ever talks to her mother anymore.  Dementia has gotten fairly bad and my wife just can't handle it, as she says, she can't talk to her mom anymore because her mom is already gone.  Out of her and her two sisters, she was the closest with her mother, so it really hits her the hardest, and then you add in we are the only ones with young kids and we absolutely can not take the kids around her anymore, so it's a huge strain.

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My eldest calls the least often, not sure why.  My son, more often, being far away does that, I suppose.  The youngest doesn't call just to chat, but she finds reasons.  Saturday she called to see if we were headed over to the Oktoberfest, she met us there to hang out with us old folks.  We had a neighbor kid who pretty much grew up in our house, she calls and visits more often than our biological kids.

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On 9/22/2019 at 6:38 PM, Square Wheels said:

Because like everyone else in my life, I know you're just looking for something from me, not offering some for me.

That is the 80/20 rule in action, I think.  

People offer more than you perceive at the moment, the kindness of people who would like to help if they just knew how or were able to is an incredible thing.  

However, since you are a wealthy landholder and own many slaves, others perceive that they cannot help you financially.  Instead they offer good wishes and conversation and are friends regardless of your circumstance or problems and are forgiving when you have a bad day or ten.   Your perception will eventually guide you to the good in people anyway, just realize that people you interact with on a daily basis interact with you because they like you.  In the case of work, though, they really just want your labor, but we won't dwell on that.

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On 9/22/2019 at 8:55 PM, Square Wheels said:

I have two boys, the oldest hated me enough to move to Texas.  My middle child, also a boy used to adore me.  Now he prefers I don't exist.  My daughter, now 19, had witnessed this happening over the years, and said she'd always talk to me.  I guess in a way she kept her word.  At least once a week she texts me for money.

Ok, that is some serious hate, moving to Texas, that kid is lost.  At least he didn't move to NJ, though, so you can hold your head high there.

Kids need money, and don't have the ability to get the needed chunks of it that they need (or sometimes want).  I don't know of parents that don't help their kids or offer to them unless it is egregious or for constantly stupid uses.

Anyway, kids don't appreciate much in youth.  I appreciated my parents in a peripheral way, but that appreciation really started growing when I was thirty or so.  I guess I felt they would always be around and no need to pay much attention.  Your kids will probably come around, and you will find common ground with your chicklet eventually.  They are young, give them time.

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