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Yes, I am a horrible person with no filter


Dirtyhip

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Went to a clothing swap party last night.

Most of the ladies that came were largish.  When you draw your number, you hold up each item and them toss them in separate piles like, purses, pants, shirts, sports tanks, etc.  

Anyway, I had a pair of pants from when I gained a bunch of weight wile my husband was in college.  I felt fat, when I wore them.  

I am so stupid.  I said, "Here are a pair of cords.  Yeah, I guess I got fat for a while."    SSSHIIIIT!  The moment the words left my mouth, I realized that I was a major asshole.  ?  I literally used to call these pants, my fat pants.

They blew it off.  A couple of them that had smaller clothes from years back said "These are skinny bitch size."  Yeah, I deserved that.

It ended up being cool and all was ok, but shiiiit!  You have to watch what you say.  Even if people are overweight, they never want to hear the word fat. Even if you are talking about yourself.

Honestly, I thought one gal was pregnant, but I didn't ask.  They might have chased me out with torches. 

I did get a lot of nice clothes.  My best finds were, metal wonder woman cuffs, a tutu, a 200$ pair of jeans that fit me perfect, several yoga tops, a pair of capris, a bikini top, and two bras.

Mos of the food was unhealthy, cookies, candy, cheese, bread, crackers. I brought a salad, and a jar of Kalamata olives.  

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5 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

I'll bet they really liked the salad.

I had about half of it left.  Had to toss the rest, as the house filled with cats.  One of them jumped on the counter.

Yeah, I'm done. 

Double washing the clothes now.  Kind of shocking how some people live.  I was in that house about 10 years ago, I think I forgot about it's "condition."

Damn, I either sound horribly judgy about filth and fat, or these are just solid facts. 

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DH, would you be telling this story with a lot of women forumites?  

Last night I just came across a website on chemical dangers in cosmetics.  It was about the whole cosmetic industry and use of unregulated chemicals of which some over prolonged use for many years cause endocrine disruption...in a person's body...  there's a lot of stuff in the environment and what we use, which may cause in some people unknown disruptions to their...metabolism, thyroid, etc.  I think some people have tried hard to lose weight and they do lose it...but in media standards may look "fat".  I'm thinking of a manager I reported to, who lost 70 lbs.  and still she looked chubby.  But she looked a whole lot healthier, is happier, etc.

I've never gone to these clothing swaps. Probably never will because there won't be much for me to fit unless I was doing with 2 sisters.  I live in a part of CAnada where a lot of women tend to wear bigger sizes.  It's noticeable to  me, compared to living for several years in Vancouver and Toronto.

Sounded like there was a combination of food at the swap.  People are there also for a good time which includes some less healthier food...there's nothing wrong with latter.

And for weight control/maintenance for women I especially credit women who have been pregnant:  it's even harder.  There is no way I could ever blame my mother for being overweight...she had 6 children. It's hard on the body. (Mother has on her own after hearing doctor's advice, has lost weight.  But note:  she cooked and ate healthy. She still struggled for several decades.)

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56 minutes ago, roadsue said:

I’ve not been to a clothing swap. It sounds horrific. 

My  sisters who have children have gone to clothing and toy swaps specifically to swap for children's clothing...which are fantastic money-savers for families.  Sisters have been so successful that they've managed to outfit their 2 children without any gifts....from aunts.

Clothing swap is probably best handled between 2-3 women who are similar size and style taste.  I personally rarely go even clothes shopping with another woman or even with my dearie.  I'm a solo clothes evaluator/shopper because I take soooooooo long to decide. I'm not an impulse clothes buyer ….probably due to my good sewing/tailoring skills which makes me highly critical in colour, quality..

I'm at age that I'm donating some clothing or I'm wearing favourite/good pieces for um..past decade. :)  That's my version of cheapo.

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1 hour ago, roadsue said:

I’ve not been to a clothing swap. It sounds horrific. 

It is usually very fun.  Different parties, different group of people.  I still had fun and got some really cool things.  

2 hours ago, shootingstar said:

DH, would you be telling this story with a lot of women forumites?  

Why wouldn't I?  Don't both men and women struggle with weight?  I have.  My husband has.   I am hypothyroid, and entering menopause, yeah, I struggle. 

Don't we all struggle with saying the wrong thing?  I am not perfect.  I struggle.  Maybe you are perfect and you  can't relate to these instances.

We all got some good stuff from this party.  I am wearing a yoga tank, and sports bra that I got there.  Two of the ladies that went are athletes.  Something for everyone.  

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10 minutes ago, Dirtyhip said:

It is usually very fun.  Different parties, different group of people.  I still had fun and got some really cool things.  

Why wouldn't I?  Don't both men and women struggle with weight?  I have.  My husband has.   I am hypothyroid, and entering menopause, yeah, I struggle. 

Don't we all struggle with saying the wrong thing?  I am not perfect.  I struggle.  Maybe you are perfect and you  can't relate to these instances.

We all got some good stuff from this party.  I am wearing a yoga tank, and sports bra that I got there.  Two of the ladies that went are athletes.  Something for everyone.  

Glad you got some "deals"/stuff, DH.

I don't think men are different from women re weight struggles but some causes might be different because of how women's bodies are biologically/physiologically different due to pregnancy, menopause which are additional factors/wildcards.  

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I'm getting tired of fat people inconveniencing me.  One of the talks I just went to, I got there 10 minutes early.   there were only a few seats left in the front.  I put my bag on a chair and ran to the bathroom.   When I got back, I only had 3/4 of a chair because the person next to me didn't fit in hers.

Why is this becoming my problem?  I've been overweight.   I never did this to other people. 

It's almost as if being fat is a disability.   I'm really getting tired of it. 

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2 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

Glad you got some "deals"/stuff, DH.

I don't think men are different from women re weight struggles but some causes might be different because of how women's are biologically/physiologically due to pregnancy, menopause which are additional factors/wildcards.  

I think we both struggle.  Men don't have babies, but I assume they have their own stress and issues.  

The thread was about me feeling silly for putting my foot in my mouth.  The words were out, before I even realized.

Are you saying that I should not have posted this thread, because there are a lot of men here.  I don't understand your point, but that is not unusual. 

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4 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

I'm getting tired of fat people inconveniencing me.  One of the talks I just went to, I got there 10 minutes early.   there were only a few seats left in the front.  I put my bag on a chair and ran to the bathroom.   When I got back, I only had 3/4 of a chair because the person next to me didn't fit in hers.

Why is this becoming my problem?  I've been overweight.   I never did this to other people. 

It's almost as if being fat is a disability.   I'm really getting tired of it. 

I kinda agree here.  It is exhausting. I've tried to promote health locally until I am blue in the face.  Some have made changes, but mostly people don't want to change.  This is one of our goals, with creating the grant for the pump track.  <fingers crossed>  We find out soon, if we have the award to get Velo out to quote.  

Fat is NOT a disability.  Neither is smoking or alcoholism.  It's choices.  Some make good choices, and some do not.  I get that some meds make people gain weight.  When I was on high doses of solumedrol, I was beginning to get a sausage face and my ass was unrecognizable.  It happened so fast.    I own a mirror and a scale.  I made modifications.  It was hard.  It made me angry.  I remember being on the ellilpitcal machine, when I could not feel me feet.  I had to move.  The other alternative was to lie down and slowly die.  I focused my anger about the MS into the exercise.  It saved me.  Some days, I would cry on the machine.  I think people thought I was crazy.  WHo cares?  I got better.

Our lives have gotten too easy.  People sit all day.  Add the modern grocery store dilemma and we have a weight gain crisis.  The only answer is to shop better, eat better, slow down and try to move.  

There it is.  No sugar coat.  

Bring out the torches, bitches.  I guess I am a witch. Burn!

My only thought about true disability is that some people can not move.  People in wheelchairs are really at a disadvantage.  People using walking aids, etc.  BUT, we have kids that are obese already and the numbers a growing.  They will be fully disabled if they don;t wake up.

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31 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

I'm getting tired of fat people inconveniencing me.  One of the talks I just went to, I got there 10 minutes early.   there were only a few seats left in the front.  I put my bag on a chair and ran to the bathroom.   When I got back, I only had 3/4 of a chair because the person next to me didn't fit in hers.

Why is this becoming my problem?  I've been overweight.   I never did this to other people. 

It's almost as if being fat is a disability.   I'm really getting tired of it. 

For sure, dearie who has gained over 15 lbs., he would never see it as disability.  and this is someone who was slim and cycle toured across North America, clocking in at 200,000 kms on bike over past 30 yrs. 

He continues to bike (less) only because he is getting slower due to age.  He sees the flab over his tummy, just stretched skin and hard to get rid of...ever now.   He's abit resigned but not depressed over this.  He continues to bike 30-40 km. daily. He's 76.  So I have to give him slack, Square Wheels.  So he eats dessert when he used not to do it for first 15 yrs. I met him.  I sorta think he misses his mother's wonderful baking. Ok.  Let him. What's the point of me, critiquing him about that?  

It may happen to me too, less ability to control/maintain weight.... I'll be the nursing home resident who refuses to eat 3 meals....because I WILL gain weight because my metabolism is a lot slower now.  I will reach a point in my life, I won't be able to exercise hard an long...it's just aging/natural winding down of body.   Sure I'll do what I can to be active daily.   For past 15 years, I eat 2 mini breakfasts, hardly an lunch and an ordinary supper.  Or I will reverse, if I eat large full on lunch.

All I'm trying to say that our personal powers to control weight can easily diminish unless we spend money on surgery and especially when we become bedridden/wheelchair bound.

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31 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

Glad you got some "deals"/stuff, DH.

I don't think men are different from women re weight struggles but some causes might be different because of how women's bodies are biologically/physiologically different due to pregnancy, menopause which are additional factors/wildcards.  

Metabolic issues specific to females do not have to result in excess weight, but we often embrace them as insurmountable barriers to fitness. 

I’m inspired by people regardless of gender who have taken their fitness in hand, changed their way of eating, and maintain a healthy weight.

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I think there is a difference between being overweight and being moderately fat and being obese to the point that you inconvenience people sitting next to you.  I struggle keeping my weight in the mid 190's at 6' tall, but I'm still active enough to fit just fine in a single seat and the 73 year old aero belly doesn't spread out to the sides.   Like wheels I do feel a bit inconvenienced by the double chin 260 pounder sitting next to me though.

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26 minutes ago, wilbur said:

Not knowing what led people to their current size, I tend not to judge nor preach.   It can't be much fun for them.  

I felt horrible about it last night.  It was something that I worried about.  

It was not my best moment.  You can't use the word fat, even about yourself, around heavy people.  

Maybe all of them had a medical condition.  Although, I think that is unlikely.

Went to a wedding recently, and every single bridesmaid was well over 250.  They were mostly in their twenties. They were easily over capacity limits of bicycles.  We have a full blown crisis going on with humans and our health.  Many just want to silence the ones speaking the truth about it.  It's real and it will eventually cost all of us.

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I am overweight. I have a significant  medical condition and I eat too much. Do I like being fat?  No I do not, but what I like even less is the fat shaming that happens everywhere, even in this thread. I am pretty sure I know it and live with it daily.  Sorry my being fat offends so many. Wish you would see your own comments as equally offensive as my presence. 

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25 minutes ago, Airehead said:

I am overweight. I have a significant  medical condition and I eat too much. Do I like being fat?  No I do not, but what I like even less is the fat shaming that happens everywhere, even in this thread. I am pretty sure I know it and live with it daily.  Sorry my being fat offends so many. Wish you would see your own comments as equally offensive as my presence. 

I am very sorry that this thread offended you.  It went off the rails.  As do many of my threads.  Can't talk about yoga, and I clearly should not talk about a poor choice of word that I used at the party.  Really, I felt bad about it.  That was what this is about.  

Community health is very important to me.  I am trying to help people at the local level.  I took two people to yoga today, and paid for it.  That is how serious I am about America's obesity epidemic. 

Things I say offend and I think I should take a step back and evaluate myself, and stop posting for a while.

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The point is, it isn't always choice.  It isn't a conscious decision or even an acceptance.  It isn't always a metabolic issue.  There are many issues that cause weight gain and loss that are out of individual control.  If calories in vs calories out were an accurate account of how bodies worked, the critics would have a point.  It isn't that simple.  Fat shaming is as disgusting as criticizing an ugly face or other deformity. 

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2 hours ago, wilbur said:

Not knowing what led people to their current size, I tend not to judge nor preach.   It can't be much fun for them.  

This is true, but I am overweight,  no longer obese.   It's still my problem when obese people end up in my seat.

1 hour ago, Airehead said:

I am overweight. I have a significant  medical condition and I eat too much. Do I like being fat?  No I do not, but what I like even less is the fat shaming that happens everywhere, even in this thread. I am pretty sure I know it and live with it daily.  Sorry my being fat offends so many. Wish you would see your own comments as equally offensive as my presence. 

I meant no offense.  I eat too much also and am fortunate to be healthy. 

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6 minutes ago, Square Wheels said:

This is true, but I am overweight,  no longer obese.   It's still my problem when obese people end up in my seat.

I meant no offense.  I eat too much also and am fortunate to be healthy. 

You know, I often times find your biased BS much more offensive than discussions of politics or religion.  Might add, that you were the one that derailed this thread.  Yes, I've thought this for sometime, but kept quite.  Do as you will!!

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I am so so so sooooo  sorry that this thread was started.  I felt like a jerk last night, and I feel like an even bigger jerk now. 

My intention was to vent about my horrible behavior, with a shitty choice of words.  It was my mistake.  I should have just talked to my therapist about it.  I am so so so so sorry, everyone. 

Need to carefully choose my words better and my choices on thread topics. 

Please forgive.

 

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Wheels was very correct in his limited comment.  While I'm sympathetic toward the situation (and I'll bet he is as well) it is still a major imposition to not get all of your seat, whether on a plane or in a theater or at a conference.  That's just an unjudgemental fact.

I went back and read wheels comments and I don't really see any fat shaming.  I see a complaint on the effect it has on other peoples rights.  Dislike what I say if you wish but I'm standing with the original comment.

There is little difference when a baby screams for the entire flight.  It may not be the baby's fault or even moms, but others have their space invaded all the same.

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Please go easy on Cliff, everyone.  I am certain that he is tortured by inner demons, as many of us are.  Our actions are often a representation of these assinine demons.

He has had a rough go of life in recent recent years.  I don't think he can handle the sticks and stones, and we were both insensitive.  Our wrong.  'i don't think he should take all this, as this was my fault.  My thread.  

Please be angry at me.  I will take it.  I will take it for both of us.  

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The point you are missing is the people made fun of or judged harshly, also suffer inner demons, physical and/or psychological, often because of their tormentors. 

Walk a mile in their shoes.   At the end of the day, being on a crowded transportation system is an inconvenience and that is all it is.  

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I never made a judgement of anyone based on size.  Perhaps in the long ago past, I did.  The guy on the plane sat with his legs widely splayed so that the near leg was halfway across my spot.  His leg was about 1/4 of the way on my seat.  I had to lean over into the aisle, getting bumped by every person coming by, so that he could be comfortable.

He was obese.  It's a fact.  It's not my fault, I am not shaming him or anyone else.  There was no bias, there was no BS.

If you don't like my opinion of me getting inconvenienced by other people, don't read anything I type.

I really don't care what people do or what there their preferences in life are, unless they are forced upon me.

The lady at the conference was equally rude.  Again, I placed my bag on a seat in the front, no one ever sits in the front.  There were other charis available.  She chose the one right next to mine and again, was too large for hers, and sat part way on mine.  Again, I leaned over for 1.5 hours so she could be comfortable.  There were very few seats left by the time I returned, I felt too embarrassed to move my seat - I guess that's on me.

I am a brutally honest person, I don't fluff things up, I don't hide behind words or deception.

If you don't like what I say, tough.  I really don't care.  I've been more than kind to everyone here, I've even sent money to some of you and donated to many of your causes.  If you don't like me, put me on ignore.  I don't give a shit.  It used to be admins could not be ignored.  I turned it on just for those that want to.

Mods, don't feel you need to hide this post, it's just one more example of me getting frustrated with this site.  Or maybe it's my meds, my wife claims I'm not a happy person anymore - anymore is kinda a joke to me as I can't ever remember being happy.  This site used to bring relief, now it's just a pain in my ass.

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18 minutes ago, wilbur said:

The point you are missing is the people made fun of or judged harshly, also suffer inner demons, physical and/or psychological, often because of their tormentors. 

Walk a mile in their shoes.   At the end of the day, being on a crowded transportation system is an inconvenience and that is all it is.  

Sorry.  You pay for your seat and you should get your seat.  That has nothing to do with why the person next to you is the person next to you.  You know I've been on the no fat shaming bus when pictures of people are posted here and fun is made of them.  I've done that for the very reasons you've stated as it's true that we don't know anything about them.  This situation wheels was posting about is not that.

His comment about a disability rings true as well.  Just look at this thread and see the condemnation received for asking for a whole seat.  It's as if you are expected to gracefully give up half of yours because..............and you're an asshole for asking for it.  This is not about them.  It's about you and your seat, as small and uncomfortable as it already is, but yours, bought and paid for.

Will you be happy with sitting next to someone who is coughing and sneezing for a 14 hour flight.  After all it's not their fault that they are sick.

I've said my piece and I won't add any more to this thread.

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17 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

Sorry.  You pay for your seat and you should get your seat.  That has nothing to do with why the person next to you is the person next to you.  You know I've been on the no fat shaming bus when pictures of people are posted here and fun is made of them.  I've done that for the very reasons you've stated as it's true that we don't know anything about them.  This situation wheels was posting about is not that.

His comment about a disability rings true as well.  Just look at this thread and see the condemnation received for asking for a whole seat.  It's as if you are expected to gracefully give up half of yours because..............and you're an asshole for asking for it.  This is not about them.  It's about you and your seat, as small and uncomfortable as it already is, but yours, bought and paid for.

Will you be happy with sitting next to someone who is coughing and sneezing for a 14 hour flight.  After all it's not their fault that they are sick.

I've said my piece and I won't add any more to this thread.

Well, the airlines don't guarantee full seat utilization nor access.  This is why they offer seat belt extenders and raising armrests.   Some long legged people don't fit todays seat pitch and sitting sideways or man spread into your perceived area is a must. Not all people are one size, not all people breathe quietly, not all practice perfuming or sanitary standards, not all have fresh breath and not all are in good health.  People are offensive in a variety of ways and it takes tolerance to sit in tight quarters with a broad spectrum of the public.  Very large people need to be accommodated as well.  I have sat in the back of airline flights at least as much as the front and have beed exposed to everything from drool to barf to urination and coughing sneezing and attempted fornication and god knows what.  It is a public transportation system. 

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1 hour ago, wilbur said:

Well, the airlines don't guarantee full seat utilization nor access.  This is why they offer seat belt extenders and raising armrests.   Some long legged people don't fit todays seat pitch and sitting sideways or man spread into your perceived area is a must. Not all people are one size, not all people breathe quietly, not all practice perfuming or sanitary standards, not all have fresh breath and not all are in good health.  People are offensive in a variety of ways and it takes tolerance to sit in tight quarters with a broad spectrum of the public.  Very large people need to be accommodated as well.  I have sat in the back of airline flights at least as much as the front and have beed exposed to everything from drool to barf to urination and coughing sneezing and attempted fornication and god knows what.  It is a public transportation system. 

True. I have met some vehement car drivers who don't want to use transit because of what they perceive as unruly, smelly /disruptive people. That's only a small percentage of people. It's a sort of snottiness, I feel sorry for them.  One day, they will find out..... when they are less capable.

As for attempted fornication....you know people do stuff in corners of libraries among the bookcases... 

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