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What do you think happens when you die?


Randomguy

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Coworkers wife is near death from cancer, severe sepsis, kidney failure, lungs filling with fluid, white blood cells not coming back from organ failure, all the good stuff.  Has family flying in, 12 year old son, etc. at the bedside, so it is a matter of hours or days.

It isn't unexpected, she is young at less than 40 years old, and it sucks, and I am chatting with him over Teams and I have no idea what to tell him to comfort him, so I am thinking I will tell him "you're next" as a distraction/diversion.

Ok, just kidding on that last little bit, What I will say will be appropriate for the situation.  You can still laugh at my comment though, it is funny as hell (if you are me). 

What do you think happens to you at death? 

I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it.  You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more.  I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it.

What do you think?

 

 

 

 
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4 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

Coworkers wife is near death from cancer, severe sepsis, kidney failure, lungs filling with fluid, white blood cells not coming back from organ failure, all the good stuff.  Has family flying in, 12 year old son, etc. at the bedside, so it is a matter of hours or days.

It isn't unexpected, she is young at less than 40 years old, and it sucks, and I am chatting with him over Teams and I have no idea what to tell him to comfort him, so I am thinking I will tell him "you're next" as a distraction/diversion.

Ok, just kidding on that last little bit, What I will say will be appropriate for the situation.  You can still laugh at my comment though, it is funny as hell (if you are me). 

What do you think happens to you at death? 

I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it.  You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more.  I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it.

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

It sucks and I'm going to be really grumpy and pissed off.

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Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers."    Those types of comments are trite and worthless.

I've had good responses by offering assistance.  Not the open ended, "If there's anything  you need..." type crap.  That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance.  Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you".

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I think our belief system dictates our end of life views.  Regardless of your views, if you know his views, your sentiments should align with his.  She will be free of pain and suffering and she will go to wherever people in his belief system go when they die.

In my case, that would be Heaven.

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Robert Frost has a practical perspective on this question.

‘Out, Out—’

The buzz saw snarled and rattled in the yard
And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood,
Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it.
And from there those that lifted eyes could count
Five mountain ranges one behind the other
Under the sunset far into Vermont.
And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled,
As it ran light, or had to bear a load.
And nothing happened: day was all but done.
Call it a day, I wish they might have said
To please the boy by giving him the half hour
That a boy counts so much when saved from work.
His sister stood beside him in her apron
To tell them ‘Supper.’ At the word, the saw,
As if to prove saws knew what supper meant,
Leaped out at the boy’s hand, or seemed to leap—
He must have given the hand. However it was, 
Neither refused the meeting. But the hand!
The boy’s first outcry was a rueful laugh,
As he swung toward them holding up the hand
Half in appeal, but half as if to keep
The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all—
Since he was old enough to know, big boy
Doing a man’s work, though a child at heart— 
He saw all spoiled. ‘Don’t let him cut my hand off—
The doctor, when he comes. Don’t let him, sister!’
So. But the hand was gone already.
The doctor put him in the dark of ether.
He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath.
And then—the watcher at his pulse took fright.
No one believed. They listened at his heart.
Little—less—nothing!—and that ended it. 
No more to build on there. And they, since they
Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.
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57 minutes ago, Mr. Silly said:

Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers."    Those types of comments are trite and worthless.

I've had good responses by offering assistance.  Not the open ended, "If there's anything  you need..." type crap.  That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance.  Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you".

Silly, groceries offer is great or some coffee and muffin when he needs to sit by her bedside.  When my father was in pallative care with his cancer, we each took turns and would each sit for hours with him...barely conscious.  It was just our presence, so he knew he wasn't alone.  At that time, you are breathing with the person....watching their breathing...before person dies.  

 

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I think my relatives will get together for a service, followed by a nice funeral lunch at our favorite restaurant in the Catskills (unless it's on the day of the week it's closed, then they'll go to the Italian place next door).  Then my relatives will spend a lot of time cleaning out the apartment because we all have too much stuff.  After they clean the house for a few hours, there will be another lunch.  Death seems to involve a lot of lunching in my family.

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4 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it.  You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more.  I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it.

What do you think?

I also think it's likely that death means the end of your mind's existence.  I hope I'm wrong but strongly doubt it.

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3 hours ago, Mr. Silly said:

Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers."    Those types of comments are trite and worthless.

I've had good responses by offering assistance.  Not the open ended, "If there's anything  you need..." type crap.  That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance.  Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you".

This is really great advice, except getting on a horse with a prostitute.  That sounds dangerous.  

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...because I was in emergency services (and prior to that worked in a Navy hospital), I've been present a number of times when people went from "pupils reactive to light" to "non-responsive to light, touch, no pulse or breathing".  It's usually pretty quiet when it happens. And of the people I've been with, I couldn't tell you whether they were relieved at the moment or terrified.  But they didn't act terrified.

Most people pee and/or poop themselves because the muscles controlling those functions relax.  Otherwise, I couldn't really tell you.

 

Anyway, all that stuff your mom told you about making sure you wear clean underwear every day in case you end up in the hospital was obviously bogus. :angry:

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2 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

ohh, I forgot...what to say

do not say "She's in a better place" or God's will. Sorry for your loss gets tiresome but people really don't know what to say so that's OK with me

Some nice things are I wish you strength. Peace be with you. Sometimes even I'm sorry. 

After the death and the Funeral or Celebration is when it gets real. I tell you it sucks then. The enormity of total loss. If you can find it in your heart to take him out for a meal that helps a lot. Check in on him. Phone, e mail, text  whatever. The house is so very quiet I bought a Sonos speaker to stream some music

*not drunk now. But still 3:00 am

I would make you cookies! Sending you hugs..cos some moments make it feel like it just happened...and the pain is so real.

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A while back, scientists showed there was a release of energy by the body that the time of death. What that means is conjecture. Is our infinity that burst of energy?

Richard Thompson one shared - in heaven, the British greet you, the Germans do the organization, the French do the cooking and the Italians provide the entertainment.
In Hell, the French greet you, the Italians do the organization, the British cook and the Germans provide the entertainment. 

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4 hours ago, roadsue said:

Totally what @Kirby said. 

Lots of prayers and lunching. 


 

BuffCarla‘s favorite Aunt died this week. We’ll be doing that Later this week. Funerals in the African American churches feature very loud and passionate solos of the deceased favorite spirituals.  Different from what I’m used to, but very meaningful.  Also going to visit the remaining family tonight. 

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I can only hope that my niece and nephew are reminded how much their deceased mother loves them ..if she appears in their dreams. Suicide of a parent is enormously devastating to the children.

People at work do not know I lost a sister via suicide.  One colleague thought I was a fearless at work in my group presentations....  Believe me, a lot of problems at work, any misconceptions /insults (if any) at me, ARE incredibly pale and minor to me, in wake of such tragedy.  I don't want colleagues view me as "weaker" on the job. But there is a real reason I'm not interested in work-related political games, gossip  based on insecurities,etc. 

I would rather my friends share with me their good times with siblings.  That they know as aunt the importance of inclusion of these now adult  childern  in family functions, the importance of passing down family history stories  since they have lost the parental link to their Chinese biracial side.  I try to explain large historical events in Canada and China that have directly affected our extended family.  Yea, even family recipes (of which some appears in my blog).  

It helps the next generation to pass down the best stories from family...that there has been legacy before them and now bestowed to them, so that they aren't so dismissive of history, that it's boring, that THEY are making history now.

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