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Christmas mourning


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4 minutes ago, groupw said:

 Dad passed away in February. I have yet to cry. His illness went on for so long, we are glad he isn’t suffering. I am sad he is gone, but I am glad he is not alive the way he was at the end of his life. 
Mom moves out of state to be near her sisters. I am happy for her new adventures. She deserves it after being primary caregiver for so long. We got to be with her at Thanksgiving. We knew she wouldn’t feel comfortable driving alone for Christmas and we need to spend this holiday with MIL. My brother will be with her this week. 
Our daughters are in AZ. They have been up here for the funeral and met with most of the family for a wedding this fall. Our son will be with us, though. 
I don’t feel sad, but I feel numb. I have watched some Christmas movies I like. I actually listened to Christmas music earlier this year than most because I wanted to. I have enjoyed them, but I haven’t felt the emotion I often feel for them. It finally dawned on me I must be mourning in my own way. A good friend is a counselor. I’m going to set up an appointment and visit with her. She lost both her parents the last couple years. She will be able to relate. 

I just got news from a former cycling local advocate and former cycling tourer.....she cycled across Canada solo most of the time when she retired, a grandmother of 2 children and 2 grandchildren.  She has cancer in her lungs. She is a former nurse and thinks she doesn't want to go through chemo.  She canceled on walk & meet-up for lunch today since she's probably tired and overwhelmed.  She just found out about her condition 2 wks. ago. She is 80 yrs.

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Grief was hitting me pretty hard today. I went to the LGS to find some cards for Lil Scrapr & MIL. Saw a old neighbor there in the card section and chatted. Looked down and it's right in front of the Christmas cards for your wife. I excused myself and skedaddled. Also had a breakfast with the crew. They always want me to say a few words. So i sincerely thank them for their hard work. Then I broke down as i told them to hug their wife & kids tonight. They were very quiet after that. I tried to lighten the mood a bit but to not much effect. Couple guys came up after & hugged me. 

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