Last of seeing her in best health today?

[shootingstar]

Just returned from spending nearly 6 hrs. with a good friend. After bistro lovely lunch, we enjoyed going through a major art gallery and then, later we chilled out at gourmet pastry place for dessert and coffee. I treated her there while she generously gave me a one-day guest art gallery pass.  I'm a real art gallery and museum enthusiast....anywhere where I've lived and when I travel as a tourist.  She enjoyed giving this freebie to me with my natural enjoyment.

She has some spots in her lung....which increasingly look cancerous. It will be confirmed or not in 2 wks. She is 80. A former long-time randonneur, local Vancovuer cycling advocate (she is one of the people responsible for past few decades to advocate for cycling infrastructure in Metro Vancouver...)

So it's just one of these days, where I feel in my heart,  this could be last time I will see her at her healthiest.  The next time, I will be back in the same province/city will be around Easter.

Did you ever experience this lovely time of ambuiguity with someone, but sensed something major negative will happen soon?

[petitepedal ★]

Glad you had this time together...sometimes the end comes swiftly..sometimes not.  I still think of the woman who fell and broke her hip...recovered then diagnosed with cancer...sold her apartment and went into hospice care...kicked out of hospice...died in her 90's about 3 years after the diagnosis.  Enjoy life...and enjoy your time with folks...death has no time line. 

A friend with kidney issues said the doctor told her she has a 30% mortality rate with this issue...I said tell him you have a 100% mortality rate...none of use get out of this alive!!

[smudge ★]

I'm glad you had some time together. Who knows; she could be around for a good long time yet. (Fingers crossed)

[groupw]

One of my best friends just turned 70. He is the only child, never married, no kids. His dad died of Alzheimer's. I worry for him should he get it. He is down in Scottsdale. Luckily, he has a good group of neighbors who watch out for each other, but a long term disease like dementia would be beyond their scope. 

[jsharr ★]

My father is in a slow decline to the great beyond.  My mother is still in good health, but taking care of her husband is taking a toll on her.  Each time I visit my dad, I wonder if it is the last time I see him on this side of life.

Yesterday was bitter sweet.  Great time with mom and dad but my brother and I met with the staff at the facility where they live to begin the process of transitioning to assisted living.   It was soul crushing to see the tiny rooms they would live in versus the wonderful homes they have both lived in and provided to us over the past 5 decades.

Hopefully we can arrange for in home care for dad to take the burden off of mom so that she can enjoy her golden years more fully.

[Wilbur ★]

A friend of mines father has spots on his lungs and has had for over 15 years now.  There are no secondary indications although his doctor still claims it is cancer.  So, I hope a similar outcome for your friend.  Even at 80, she has had a great run.  Many don't cross that line. 

[shootingstar]

3 hours ago, Wilbur said:

A friend of mines father has spots on his lungs and has had for over 15 years now.  There are no secondary indications although his doctor still claims it is cancer.  So, I hope a similar outcome for your friend.  Even at 80, she has had a great run.  Many don't cross that line. 

Over 40 people, primarily from the Metro Vancouver cycling community, threw a surprise 80th birthday party for her earlier this year.  As a cycling advocate, she has formed close friendships (which include people 20+ yrs. younger than she),  with a few folks in same group...very different from my dearie (who was at this party) since he chooses not to get together on personal basis outside of cycling advocacy activities.  He's more a friendly hermit.

Yes, she's had a good run so far. Contrast to 3 days ago, she had a biopsy in her lung (sticking a needle to take a sample), where she bled abit from her lung via her mouth.  Even herself as a former nurse, it shocked her...her own vulnerability. 

 

[groupw]

3 hours ago, jsharr said:

My father is in a slow decline to the great beyond.  My mother is still in good health, but taking care of her husband is taking a toll on her.  Each time I visit my dad, I wonder if it is the last time I see him on this side of life.

Yesterday was bitter sweet.  Great time with mom and dad but my brother and I met with the staff at the facility where they live to begin the process of transitioning to assisted living.   It was soul crushing to see the tiny rooms they would live in versus the wonderful homes they have both lived in and provided to us over the past 5 decades.

Hopefully we can arrange for in home care for dad to take the burden off of mom so that she can enjoy her golden years more fully.

This mirrors so much of what was going on with our parents. Mom insisted she could take care of him, but we could see the toll it was taking on her. 
When Dad passed, Mom often feels guilty because of how liberated she feels without having to worry about how to take care of Dad. 

[MickinMD ★]

17 hours ago, shootingstar said:

Just returned from spending nearly 6 hrs. with a good friend. After bistro lovely lunch, we enjoyed going through a major art gallery and then, later we chilled out at gourmet pastry place for dessert and coffee. I treated her there while she generously gave me a one-day guest art gallery pass.  I'm a real art gallery and museum enthusiast....anywhere where I've lived and when I travel as a tourist.  She enjoyed giving this freebie to me with my natural enjoyment.

She has some spots in her lung....which increasingly look cancerous. It will be confirmed or not in 2 wks. She is 80. A former long-time randonneur, local Vancovuer cycling advocate (she is one of the people responsible for past few decades to advocate for cycling infrastructure in Metro Vancouver...)

So it's just one of these days, where I feel in my heart,  this could be last time I will see her at her healthiest.  The next time, I will be back in the same province/city will be around Easter.

Did you ever experience this lovely time of ambuiguity with someone, but sensed something major negative will happen soon?

Yes.  Shortly after taking my mother with us on an Alaska Cruise - where she was sometimes moody and tired - she was diagnosed with stage-3 lung cancer and given 9 months to live.  She had weeks here-and-there where she felt good and even baby-sat her 2 year-old grandson 8 or more hours/day.

But, when I drove her from Baltimore to her nephew's/my cousin's wedding in Williamsburg, VA, she presented me with a Do Not Resuscitate Order: her cancer had begun spreading throughout her body and she had little time left.  So we saw the sights in Williamsburg for a couple days, danced at our relative's wedding reception and enjoyed a few hours of conversation, drinks, etc., and had an excellent three days.  But I knew that was going to be the last of the summer wine!  That was the first weekend in June. She passed away June 29th.

The only thing that eased our grief of knowing the end was coming soon was that we had done all we could and we had been expecting the end for 9 months. Johns Hopkins Hospital, the nations #1 rated hospital where my sister is a cancer research master nurse, told us she was incurable and when to expect the end.  She was slipped-into new drug trials thanks to my sister's contacts, but the 9 month estimate of death proved very accurate.  We were told her life could be shortened if, like most lung cancer victims, she died of a lack of nutrition before the cancer killed her.  We were especially careful to make sure she ate regularly. Often, I'd get off work, drive to Panera's, get a bowl of each soup they had, drive to my mother's house and tell her I wasn't leaving until I saw her eat one of them. When diagnosed, she weighed 142 lbs compared to 136 lbs at her death, so we felt we had done our best.