BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Share #1 Posted January 14, 2020 I have been going over to mom's house to shovel snow the last few snow falls and mom invited over for lunch today. When Wo46 is not with me mom likes to pry into my financial situation and I always change the subject. Mom always hints on how they can't afford this or that and it must be nice to be able to afford early retirement. I don't mind helping her out from time to time but every time she has a extra 10 bucks she runs to the casino. Mom is 83 and my stepfather is 85 and both get around quite well and dad still shoots on two different trap leagues. The problem is they both love going to the casino and it puts me in a awkward position when she starts hinting for money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #2 Posted January 14, 2020 Addictions are hard to understand 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share #3 Posted January 14, 2020 What would you do? Pretend you didn't hear her Change the subject to something else Tell them to stop going to the casino Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share #4 Posted January 14, 2020 5 minutes ago, Longjohn said: Addictions are hard to understand They only go after the bills are paid but have zero in savings. One day she called and asked me for some test strips so I got her 100 test strips. Two days later she was in the casino. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #5 Posted January 14, 2020 I would talk to them about the gambling. Probably wouldn’t do much good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #6 Posted January 14, 2020 It sounds like they at least are not living off credit. I know a guy that ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars in gambling debts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Silly Posted January 14, 2020 Share #7 Posted January 14, 2020 14 minutes ago, BR46 said: What would you do? If it were me, I'd start talking about how money is tight when she asks about finances. 8 minutes ago, BR46 said: One day she called and asked me for some test strips so I got her 100 test strips. Two days later she was in the casino. If it were me, I think I would have done the same. Yeah, it frees up $20 that she can piss away at the casino. On the other hand, there a chance she wouldn't have purchased the strips and use the savings to go to the casino anyway. Not testing is probably worse than pissing away $20. I only know addiction from the days when I smoked cigarettes. It is hard to understand if you haven't been there. I agree with Longjohn about talking to them about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share #8 Posted January 14, 2020 5 minutes ago, Longjohn said: I would talk to them about the gambling. Probably wouldn’t do much good. I have and it didn't go very far. 3 minutes ago, Longjohn said: It sounds like they at least are not living off credit. I know a guy that ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars in gambling debts. They are good at not running up any debts. But living from social security check to social security check because they paid the casino's light bill. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheep_herder ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #9 Posted January 14, 2020 Sorry to hear this, but I don't think you will have much luck changing these habits at their age. Having been a 'cheeky bastard' when I was younger, I probably would have asked "How's that casino thing working for your?" at least once or twice after she raised the question about finances. I am a bit better now in my old age. Good Luck with your problem. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkpow Posted January 14, 2020 Share #10 Posted January 14, 2020 What can you do? Cooperate or not. Cooperate sometimes, sometimes not. Rig the game and fix the odds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #11 Posted January 14, 2020 Talking to parents about stuff like this is hard. I think I would mention to mom that you live on a VERY STRICT budget to be able to afford to retire early and every penny counts, or something along those lines. I would also try to find a way to discuss the gambling. Tough situation to be in. Mom and Dad ready to make the transition into assisted living but there will be some battles. Dad is now pushing back because in assisted living you do not have assigned parking. He has always had a garage to park the car in. He can't even drive. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razors Edge ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #12 Posted January 14, 2020 2 hours ago, BR46 said: I don't mind helping her out from time to time but every time she has a extra 10 bucks she runs to the casino. Mom is 83 and my stepfather is 85 and both get around quite well and dad still shoots on two different trap leagues. The problem is they both love going to the casino and it puts me in a awkward position when she starts hinting for money. My mom does the same thing - not for money but for things. Years ago I just added her to my credit card, so I just say, "Go buy/order it" and don't have to deal with the nonsense of dancing around the issue for days, BUT it is a push - not pull - situation where I "approve" things. Same with how one of my brother deals with her. It is amazing how her requests & wants evolve over a few days, until you finally suss out what she really wants/needs. Recently, she was going on and on about her rarely used dining room table (really a table with two leaves that flip up into place) and how she just couldn't work it anymore since it required getting on the ground and yada yada to lock everything in place. Anyway, my one brother just let her pick a better table and my other brother will swing by her place to help set up the new one and take away the old one. Honestly, I'd pay MUCH MUCH more money a year to keep her happy and living in her own home. A thousand bucks here and there is really not that much when compared to the 20 years she and my dad supported us all as kids. I wouldn't support much of a gambling habit, but would consider taking her occasionally to AC or Vegas to spend a few hundred bucks on games, meals, and/or shows. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Popular Post Share #13 Posted January 14, 2020 24 minutes ago, sheep_herder said: "How's that casino thing working for your? One day my mom called saying that she needed some dental work and could not afford it. Me...well I heard that you were at the casino yesterday. Mom...but I won. Me...then you can afford the dental work. 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted January 14, 2020 Share #14 Posted January 14, 2020 The gambling addiction and the temptation to not live beneath her means is a shame, but enjoy the time with your mother while you can. I wish I could do the same! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BR46 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Popular Post Share #15 Posted January 14, 2020 Mom did not bring up the subject of money so our lunch was quite enjoyable. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 15, 2020 Share #16 Posted January 15, 2020 9 hours ago, BR46 said: One day my mom called saying that she needed some dental work and could not afford it. Me...well I heard that you were at the casino yesterday. Mom...but I won. Me...then you can afford the dental work. This is tough. We were aware when my father was alive, my parents probably spent $20.00 or so on lottery tickets each month. But they lived frugally otherwise. They never played mah jong, poker, etc. nor went to casinos. We saw it no more different than spending total money per month on daily coffee. And they never went out for a coffee. It just wasn't them. So we saw it as a cheap "treat" to themselves. My parents were low income. Meaning no company pension. Father just restaurant cook all his life. Mom still alive but she hasn't asked to be taken to buy lottery ticket. Would we buy her lottery ticket as a lark gift? Yea, because we know she is not addicted/wouldn't take it seriously (unless she won). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 15, 2020 Share #17 Posted January 15, 2020 9 hours ago, Razors Edge said: My mom does the same thing - not for money but for things. Years ago I just added her to my credit card, so I just say, "Go buy/order it" and don't have to deal with the nonsense of dancing around the issue for days, BUT it is a push - not pull - situation where I "approve" things. Same with how one of my brother deals with her. It is amazing how her requests & wants evolve over a few days, until you finally suss out what she really wants/needs. Recently, she was going on and on about her rarely used dining room table (really a table with two leaves that flip up into place) and how she just couldn't work it anymore since it required getting on the ground and yada yada to lock everything in place. Anyway, my one brother just let her pick a better table and my other brother will swing by her place to help set up the new one and take away the old one. Honestly, I'd pay MUCH MUCH more money a year to keep her happy and living in her own home. A thousand bucks here and there is really not that much when compared to the 20 years she and my dad supported us all as kids. I wouldn't support much of a gambling habit, but would consider taking her occasionally to AC or Vegas to spend a few hundred bucks on games, meals, and/or shows. I'm not certain giving my mother credit card access to one of our accounts would do any good: she has never used a credit card. I kid you not. My parents have been genuinely frugal all their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted January 15, 2020 Share #18 Posted January 15, 2020 I would also casually mention that living frugally to afford an early retirement is worth it when you get time in your garage. Mention that you and the wife plan out monthly spending together and stick to it together. Also- one thing I did not see mentioned-- are they bored? My in-laws did not live near a casino but they did live near a mall. They went and window shopped frequently and then bought stuff they never opened. Finances were not an issue but it was wasteful spending. They did it because they were board. It is the same reason hey went to town daily to read the newspaper at a dinner. One cup of coffee, no breakfast-- that was had at home. And heck they got to read the paper for free. Real reason hey went was boredom. Would you parents be open to other leisure tasks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share #19 Posted January 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Airehead said: are they bored? I think that's part of it. 1 hour ago, Airehead said: Would you parents be open to other leisure tasks? They use to do a lot of hiking togather but they slowly stopped hiking and started going to the casino more and more. When I bring the idea of doing other things mom always says we enjoy going to the casino. They never saved a dime because they always thought that they would be able to live on social security. For the most part they do but any money left over from paying the bills gets deposited in a slot machine. 35 years ago I mentioned about investments mom said....it's too late for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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